new man around minor child,already!

[d-day]

state of michigan. my wife and i are legally seperated and are about to enter into our second mediation. since our initial hearing in may, she has been having a man come around the house and spend nights at the house. i no longer live there, but my seven year old daughter does. she will dump my daughter off on a baby sitter to have this man spend the night. it doesn't matter to me who he is, even though i know( and have proof on video) but i believe this is not in the child's best interest. she was a good mother, and i'm not sure if i should battle for custody, but this can't be a good idea for our daughter especially since she tells my daughter that he's only a friend. yeah right, we all know the answer to that one. what can i do ?????
is she allowed to date or do this even though we're legally married?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

state of michigan. my wife and i are legally seperated and are about to enter into our second mediation. since our initial hearing in may, she has been having a man come around the house and spend nights at the house. i no longer live there, but my seven year old daughter does. she will dump my daughter off on a baby sitter to have this man spend the night. it doesn't matter to me who he is, even though i know( and have proof on video) but i believe this is not in the child's best interest. she was a good mother, and i'm not sure if i should battle for custody, but this can't be a good idea for our daughter especially since she tells my daughter that he's only a friend. yeah right, we all know the answer to that one. what can i do ?????
is she allowed to date or do this even though we're legally married?

My response:

Yours is a post of jealosy and control. Stop controlling your ex-wife. "It doesn't matter to me . . . but I have proof on video." Oh, brother. Talk about jealosy.

And, since your ex-wife is ENTITLED to a life of her own, she's doing the responsible thing to have your daughter cared for by a babysitter when her beau is in the house. How much more responsible would you like it to be ?

You just can't stand her to be seeing another man - - that's your problem. You don't have a "legal" problem, you have a "Dear Abby" problem.

Get the divorce completed, and move on with your own life.

IAAL

 

[d-day]

thanks for the advice on getting on with my own life, but you did not answer either question for me. you did not state whether or not the scenario is healthy or legal for the minor child to be in ( since the child is being deceived and doesn't know better at this time) nor did you state whether or not it is ethically or morally or legally acceptable for her to date at this time. what i meant by "it doesn't matter" is that it doesn't matter who the man is or what he is or how many. what mattered is that i now have some closure by finding out who it is. sorry, my friend, i still love my wife deeply and i care enough about my daughter to want know who is being introduced into her life. and she doesn't always take my daughter to a sitter when he's there. it's a case of jealous love yes, but not control. i fully understand that she may not love me and i will accept that when it's over, but i'm not stalking her or pestering her either. everything in this world isn't always governed by the laws of the jungle.

 

[upsetintexas]

new partner same situation

Hope this helps, I agree with you on your previous post, Why is that everyone sees that "oh it must be jealousy" What happened to "In the best interest of the child" I have the same situation, excepts my husband (not yet divorced) has allowed my 7 yr dtr to sleep w/the both of them, and tells my dtr that "they are just friends" I can see it now when she's 15, "well daddy got to sleep with his friends" anyway I am in Texas not sure what your laws are but here you can get an agreement called Temporary order stating you don't want your ex to have any overnight guest of the opposite sex while she has visitation and it's not saying she can't have a life of her own. Of course this goes for you also. But unfortunately as the divorce comes final it's alittle harder to keep that in place. I consulted with an attorney today and she stated the above is true. Ask your lawyer it's worth a try..good luck..keep fighting for what is morally right!

 

[d-day]

thanks texas

thanks very much texas
you're right. it's all too sad that the rest of the world would rather attempt to interpret other peoples feelings without ever getting to the root of the matter. on the other hand, when people's feelings matter, they are ignored. thats the kind of world we live in now though. one where people are more hung up on legalities instead of what is morally good or right. and our legal system certainly reflects that now more than ever. if it was used to protect people from harm, the way it was intended, instead of sheilding wrongdoers from their own devices, this world would be a better place. unfortunately in michigan, if she is maintaining an inoccuous(non-sexual, friendly) relationship around my daughter, than it's ok. the court only frowns on her behavior if the man spends the night when my daughter is there. and for that she will only get her hand slapped. you are exactly right about the lessons we teach our children both now and later. that's o.k. though. God is bigger than all of this or any judge and my trust is in him to handle it all. i appreciate your kind words and it is my hope that you'll be blessed by that.

[Edited by d-day on 07-23-2001 at 08:22 PM]