New to child support

[navdoc]

What is the name of your state? Maryland Father lives in Indiana.
We have a beautiful 12 year old son together. His father and I were never married and I have done the best I can to take care of our son for 12 years without his fathers help. I can't do it anymore. I never took him to court for CS as I could not afford to hire a lawyer. I got a token amount every once in a while (about $50 every month or so about 10 years ago that lasted about 6 months. He moved out of state at that time as well with his parents. He also has another child (about 3 years old) with a woman in Virginia who has a CS order against him (she is the CP) and he is hiding from her so he does not have to pay.
I am also a single mom serving in the military on active duty. I have never moved from the state but he has and has not even talked to our son since December.
He has acknowledged this child as his verbally, in letters to our son and on his birth certificate.
My questions are
1. Can I even sue him for CS after all this time?
2. As far as the money he sent me so long ago who has the burden of proof that he made those payments?
3. Is my military service going to affect my being able to collect as I am up for orders next June?
4. How much back CS would I be entitled to?
5. Is his other CS order going to be a problem with me getting mine and if say they get $100 from him how much would I be able to get for my child?
6. If he is hiding from the other CP and can't be located then how would that effect my case as from what I understand that the father's paternity has to be established before I can get anything from him.
7. I have medical insurance though the military that I feel is far better than any his father could provide but if the court orders him to provide insurance would I have to use his for our son?
8. What if I get a court date who's state would it be in and what happens if he does not show up?
9. I had to sign over temp. custody to my mother so I could go to boot camp and follow on training (about 6 months and I paid her support) how will that come into play?
Sorry for all the questions but I am new to all of this and quite worried about everything. But thanks in advance for any advice

 

[stealth2]

1. Can I even sue him for CS after all this time?

A: Yes.

2. As far as the money he sent me so long ago who has the burden of proof that he made those payments?

A: It doesn't matter.

3. Is my military service going to affect my being able to collect as I am up for orders next June?

A: No. Unless he request custody during the time you're away.

4. How much back CS would I be entitled to?

A: From the date of filing, most likely.

5. Is his other CS order going to be a problem with me getting mine and if say they get $100 from him how much would I be able to get for my child?

A: Depends entirely on your respective incomes. The amount he's ordered to pay already will be deducted from his income before your CS is calculated.

6. If he is hiding from the other CP and can't be located then how would that effect my case as from what I understand that the father's paternity has to be established before I can get anything from him.

A: You'll have to find him so that he can be served.

7. I have medical insurance though the military that I feel is far better than any his father could provide but if the court orders him to provide insurance would I have to use his for our son?

A: No, you'll be able to use yours.

8. What if I get a court date who's state would it be in and what happens if he does not show up?

A: You'd get orders by default.

9. I had to sign over temp. custody to my mother so I could go to boot camp and follow on training (about 6 months and I paid her support) how will that come into play?

A: edit - sorry, I didn't realize that this was in the past. It will likely have no effect.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

As a military member you have options insofar as your state of residence. It can be your primary state of residence, or where you are stationed and moving away doesn't count against you per se.

You should also become familiar with the SSCRA in case you are deployed.

If you have lived in MD and are stationed in MD area, now and the child resided in MD, this would be your state of residence if you petitioned for paternity, custody, child support, not the father's state of residence, therefore it is unlikely that your expected military orders would keep you from being able to move the child with you since you could keep your residence in MD and or move since dad has already moved to another state.

Your big problem is going to be serving him with the papers if he is in hiding from another child support case and your amount of child support may be greatly diminished since he is already responsible for another child even though your child is older. Don't expect any windfall of back child support payments to help you out at this point because unless he acknowledged paternity by affidivit your informal agreement insofar as child support is moot and any child support will most likely be awarded based on your date of filing then you have to collect. If and or when you have these orders, it is best to go through the child support enforcement agency who will attach his paycheck/income tax refunds.

You don't have to file for visitation, that is up to dad. If and or when you have family court orders, visitaition and transportation issues may come up for modification if you also move. You may be required to amend your family plan insofar as guardian of your child if you are deployed after paternity and custody are established.

Did you live together at any time during your relaitonship even though you didn't marry, if so where?

 

[navdoc]

We never lived together and never married thank god. My only worry is that I am up for orders in Guam next year and am afraid that this case may drag on after that. This would require me to spend lots of money that I could spend on my son (I say my son as his father does not want to fill his role)
My son has mild autism and I have to pay for day care for him before and after school now and it's draining me financially. I have never gone on welfare or SSI nor am I eligible because I make too much. I am only an E4 in the Navy and they are helping me as much as they can. The Navy it seems is the most family friendly service in the military but they can only do so much. All I want is about $250 a month right now to cover child care. I have a wonderful lady who is going to make sure he gets out to school in the mornings ans be here when he gets home.
Thanks for listening to my rants. It is just hard making excuses for his father as to why he just does not call, write or anything anymore. My son is 12 and is of an age that he really needs a father and it is really heartbreaking. I have not badmouthed his father in front of him I have done nothing but encouraged his father to come for visitation.
For all you trolls and second wives out there. This person took the responsibility to possibly create a child, said he wanted a child and is now running from the responsibility. I have done what I could for 12 years now and I want some help so any comments you may have they are not welcome (sorry I encountered Some rather unwelcome and unnecessary abuse on another message board) as for everyone else I welcome any advice and encouragement as I know we are all in the same boat.

 

[LdiJ]

We never lived together and never married thank god. My only worry is that I am up for orders in Guam next year and am afraid that this case may drag on after that. This would require me to spend lots of money that I could spend on my son (I say my son as his father does not want to fill his role)
My son has mild autism and I have to pay for day care for him before and after school now and it's draining me financially. I have never gone on welfare or SSI nor am I eligible because I make too much. I am only an E4 in the Navy and they are helping me as much as they can. The Navy it seems is the most family friendly service in the military but they can only do so much. All I want is about $250 a month right now to cover child care. I have a wonderful lady who is going to make sure he gets out to school in the mornings ans be here when he gets home.
Thanks for listening to my rants. It is just hard making excuses for his father as to why he just does not call, write or anything anymore. My son is 12 and is of an age that he really needs a father and it is really heartbreaking. I have not badmouthed his father in front of him I have done nothing but encouraged his father to come for visitation.
For all you trolls and second wives out there. This person took the responsibility to possibly create a child, said he wanted a child and is now running from the responsibility. I have done what I could for 12 years now and I want some help so any comments you may have they are not welcome (sorry I encountered Some rather unwelcome and unnecessary abuse on another message board) as for everyone else I welcome any advice and encouragement as I know we are all in the same boat.

The fact that he is hiding and avoiding paying child support for his other child means that its likely that he will do the same to you. Therefore, even if you get a child support order it may not be possible to actually collect. Keep that in mind.

 

[migrane03]

New to the board, I am from NY, I'm collecting CS from my ex and want to remarry. Will my support decrease.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

We never lived together and never married thank god. My only worry is that I am up for orders in Guam next year and am afraid that this case may drag on after that. This would require me to spend lots of money that I could spend on my son (I say my son as his father does not want to fill his role)
My son has mild autism and I have to pay for day care for him before and after school now and it's draining me financially. I have never gone on welfare or SSI nor am I eligible because I make too much. I am only an E4 in the Navy and they are helping me as much as they can. The Navy it seems is the most family friendly service in the military but they can only do so much. All I want is about $250 a month right now to cover child care. I have a wonderful lady who is going to make sure he gets out to school in the mornings ans be here when he gets home.
Thanks for listening to my rants. It is just hard making excuses for his father as to why he just does not call, write or anything anymore. My son is 12 and is of an age that he really needs a father and it is really heartbreaking. I have not badmouthed his father in front of him I have done nothing but encouraged his father to come for visitation.
For all you trolls and second wives out there. This person took the responsibility to possibly create a child, said he wanted a child and is now running from the responsibility. I have done what I could for 12 years now and I want some help so any comments you may have they are not welcome (sorry I encountered Some rather unwelcome and unnecessary abuse on another message board) as for everyone else I welcome any advice and encouragement as I know we are all in the same boat.

YOu are going to have difficulty serving him and collecting from him, however, since your child has a developmental disability there may be some other optionsm but you should file ASAP. When you do, ask that the support go back, they may consider your informal arrangement an exception because of the child's disability, but there is no guarentee how far back support will be awarded and whether or not you can collect.

While you may not be eligible for SSI or welfare you may still have services available through Maryland Developmental Disabilities administration http://www.ddamaryland.org/ and The Kennedy Krieger Institute may be of assistance as well. http://www.kennedykrieger.org/

Family NET Works is funded by the Maryland Developmental Disabilities Council under a grant from the US Dept. of Health and Human Services
http://www.family-networks.org/

Does your child have Autism, Asperger's, PDD, HFA?
You may also want to look to other Autism Spectrum Disorder sites.

You may want to see if he military has services available in GUAM, if not you may be able to use a hardship to stay or have orders to go elsewhere, another state whith better DD services.

 

[stealth2]

New to the board, I am from NY, I'm collecting CS from my ex and want to remarry. Will my support decrease.

You'll want to start your own thread.

 

[gatorguy3]

"He has acknowledged this child as his verbally, in letters to our son and on his birth certificate."

I wonder why this is mentioned. Is there a possibility the child is not his? I figure this would not be mentioned otherwise. There will have to be a DNA test if he becomes suspicious.

 

[stealth2]

"He has acknowledged this child as his verbally, in letters to our son and on his birth certificate."

I wonder why this is mentioned. Is there a possibility the child is not his? I figure this would not be mentioned otherwise. There will have to be a DNA test if he becomes suspicious.

My take on it was that Dad has accepted parentage, although not through legal means, and Mom wants to know whether a DNA test would still be required.

 

[navdoc]

YOu are going to have difficulty serving him and collecting from him, however, since your child has a developmental disability there may be some other optionsm but you should file ASAP. When you do, ask that the support go back, they may consider your informal arrangement an exception because of the child's disability, but there is no guarentee how far back support will be awarded and whether or not you can collect.

While you may not be eligible for SSI or welfare you may still have services available through Maryland Developmental Disabilities administration http://www.ddamaryland.org/ and The Kennedy Krieger Institute may be of assistance as well. http://www.kennedykrieger.org/

Family NET Works is funded by the Maryland Developmental Disabilities Council under a grant from the US Dept. of Health and Human Services
http://www.family-networks.org/

Does your child have Autism, Asperger's, PDD, HFA?
You may also want to look to other Autism Spectrum Disorder sites.

You may want to see if he military has services available in GUAM, if not you may be able to use a hardship to stay or have orders to go elsewhere, another state whith better DD services.

He has PDD and ADHD. I will check out those services as well. He is considered an Exceptional Family Member in the Navy but our coordinator is not very good. Thanks
There is no doubt that it is his child and he has acknowledged paternity but from what I understand the court will require a DNA test anyway. Who would be responsible for paying for that? His mother had her doubts (as some will always do) until he was born and she put dad's baby photo next to my son's and they looked like the same kid
I know that the likelihood of him paying up is slim but I want him to take care of his part of the responsibility for this child. I don't want to impact this other woman anymore than I have to as I am better off financially than she is. But at the same time I need help too.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

He has PDD and ADHD. I will check out those services as well. He is considered an Exceptional Family Member in the Navy but our coordinator is not very good. Thanks
There is no doubt that it is his child and he has acknowledged paternity but from what I understand the court will require a DNA test anyway. Who would be responsible for paying for that? His mother had her doubts (as some will always do) until he was born and she put dad's baby photo next to my son's and they looked like the same kid
I know that the likelihood of him paying up is slim but I want him to take care of his part of the responsibility for this child. I don't want to impact this other woman anymore than I have to as I am better off financially than she is. But at the same time I need help too.

Did he sign an acknowledgement of paternity? If so, then you might get back child support and there will be no requirement for DNA, however he could request DNA test anyway. If the test shows he is the father, he pays, if not, you pay. You child with a diagnosis of PDD/ADHD is likely to have Asperger's but funding is not as available for that diagnosis, but read up on it just the same. Do check with KKI.

 

[navdoc]

The other thing I wonder is that I am positive that I probably make more than he does (my pay is a matter of public record) How much is that taken into account when they compute CS. BTW he has a hard time holding down a job and is I am sure working under the table right now.
I think that there was a written agreement when my son was a baby for child support that he signed but in all the moves I can't seem to find it (I know it is around but it is somewhere in one of two houses ) He reneged on that agreement but could that be used as an acknowledgement of paternity? Would that hurt me in getting back support or would he still have to prove that he paid?
My son is in a research group at NIH right now to study ADD and ADHD on whether or not it is hereditary (I am sure his father has it)Asperger's has been brought up though. I have a great pediatrician but he is being deployed soon

 

[rmet4nzkx]

The other thing I wonder is that I am positive that I probably make more than he does (my pay is a matter of public record) How much is that taken into account when they compute CS. BTW he has a hard time holding down a job and is I am sure working under the table right now.
I think that there was a written agreement when my son was a baby for child support that he signed but in all the moves I can't seem to find it (I know it is around but it is somewhere in one of two houses ) He reneged on that agreement but could that be used as an acknowledgement of paternity? Would that hurt me in getting back support or would he still have to prove that he paid?
My son is in a research group at NIH right now to study ADD and ADHD on whether or not it is hereditary (I am sure his father has it)Asperger's has been brought up though. I have a great pediatrician but he is being deployed soon

There are child support calculators here http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/ so you can run the numbers, they will usually base NCP on minimum wage, however if at some point in time dad becomes disabled there would be SSDI dependent benefit. It is important to get your son qualified for SSDI before age 18. Structure and support are very important as well as having mentors and colaborators. Learning is by rote and difficulty with change, new situations and pragmatics, very defensive or oppositional, unusual use of language. If medications don't work as expected, think Asperger's.

Try to locate the written agreement, an acknowledgement of paternity is a document filed with the state. SO without that you will need a DNA test.
Asperger's runs in families and is often diagnosed as ADD/ADHD, PDD, bipolar, OCD, ODD, it could be why his dad can't hold a job.

 

[rwh]

Who has burden of proof that the payments were made?

This is a logic question. Of course it is the person who allegedly made the payments. You cannot prove a negative. What documentation can prove that someone DIDN'T pay you?