Newbie needing advice

[Newlydivmomto4]

What is the name of your state (California)?

Hello everyone,
I am a newly divorced mom of 4, ages 4-11. My ex filed in June, kept saying he would cancel it then would do the next step in the process, so low and behold, Dec 30, I am now a single woman! Actually I'm quite thrilled with it, and he has now remarried (I know) 6 wks after the divorce was final. When doing the paperwork for the divorce, he gave me full physical and legal custody of the children.
Okay, now for the question, he has been talking to my youngest son about coming to live with him. There is no way in heck i will agree to it. What are the possiblities of him being able to get custody of 2 of the 4? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

 

[mommyof4]

What change of circumstance since custody was ordered does he have to warrant a modification?

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

There is no real change in circumstance yet. He is active duty military and I have a feeling he has orders out of state and he has just not told me yet. I guess I am just trying to be prepared.

 

[Ohiogal]

He can NEVER get custody of your son. Your son would only be yours and the child's father. However he could in the future possibly get custody of HIS child or children.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

He can NEVER get custody of your son. Your son would only be yours and the child's father. However he could in the future possibly get custody of HIS child or children.

I'm sorry, I wrote the last post wrong. It should have read, "lately he has been talking to *our* youngest son". Sorry, I am still learning the lingo of this board.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm sorry, I wrote the last post wrong. It should have read, "lately he has been talking to *our* youngest son". Sorry, I am still learning the lingo of this board.

A substantial change in circumstance is necessary to have grounds to change custody -- and then it has to be in the best interest of the child to do so.

 

[LdiJ]

A substantial change in circumstance is necessary to have grounds to change custody -- and then it has to be in the best interest of the child to do so.

...and the odds of a relocating, non custodial parent being able to change custody is extremely slim.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

Thank you so much for your replies. I slept so much better last night knowing that without a change in circumstances he would have no grounds for trying to get custody of our children. I am just thankful that he decided to originally give me full physical and legal custody.

Thanks again!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If dad will be moving long distance, come back here for ideas on a long-distance plan that is fair.

 

[StampGirl]

If dad will be moving long distance, come back here for ideas on a long-distance plan that is fair.

Bottom line is that as long as he is active military, he won't get a change in the custody agreement.

 

[owen8472]

my son lives with his mom that is active duty millatry. however she is getting deployed so she has to give up the custadail parent to deploy. if a court orders is in one state it cant leave that state so if he changes duty stations he has to goto the court to ask to have it changed to that state. most states wont let this happen unless there is endangerment to the child.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

He is on shore duty now and up for orders, most likely to a deployable unit (if they will take him with his previous injuries). I am really hoping he doesn't even bother thinking about trying to get custody, it will only cause more issues.
As it is, I am staying positive for our children and not saying anything negative about him, only to hear that he is talking ugly about me to them. I do not ask what he says, our youngest son does not understand what tact is yet and just says exactly what is going through his mind. For instance, he overheard my phone call to my bank when I was checking the balance in an account, so he told my ex that mommy has such and such in her account. Evidently my ex told him that once again mommy was ^#@&ing up their lives by wasting all the money. My response to our son was, thats fine honey, but we have more than one account, don't worry about money, thats for mommy to worry about. Did I handle that right? Like I said, I am trying very hard to stay positive and never say anything bad about my ex in front of them. I have gone as far as to go out to the garage or wait til they are at school if I have to speak with him, or if necessary to text him so I am not in a heated discussion with my ex in front of our children.

Sorry for the rambling.

 

[Silverplum]

He is on shore duty now and up for orders, most likely to a deployable unit (if they will take him with his previous injuries). I am really hoping he doesn't even bother thinking about trying to get custody, it will only cause more issues.
As it is, I am staying positive for our children and not saying anything negative about him, only to hear that he is talking ugly about me to them. I do not ask what he says, our youngest son does not understand what tact is yet and just says exactly what is going through his mind. For instance, he overheard my phone call to my bank when I was checking the balance in an account, so he told my ex that mommy has such and such in her account. Evidently my ex told him that once again mommy was ^#@&ing up their lives by wasting all the money. My response to our son was, thats fine honey, but we have more than one account, don't worry about money, thats for mommy to worry about. Did I handle that right? Like I said, I am trying very hard to stay positive and never say anything bad about my ex in front of them. I have gone as far as to go out to the garage or wait til they are at school if I have to speak with him, or if necessary to text him so I am not in a heated discussion with my ex in front of our children.

Sorry for the rambling.

Yes, you handled that perfectly.

Dad is responsible for his words and actions -- you can only control your own. And your choice of how to handle that situation was quite perfect.

You will never regret doing the right thing.