NJ: threshold for sole legal custody?

[MiseryInNJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? - New Jersey

Ok, I have no real idea of what the true answer is. I'm told that, in general, judges are reluctant to grant sole legal custody unless there's a danger to the child.

Currently I have joint legal custody. There have been arguments between my ex and myself, and she continues to insist that I am not living up to my responsibilities for joint custody.

I am scheduled to see my son Monday and Tuesday evenings, and all day Saturday, which I do.

My spare time is EXTREMELY limited, and my ex is aware of this. However, when her needs mean that I miss time with my son, I try to be reasonable - she then expects me to make up the time at her convenience.

There have also been issues with overnights. She believes I am supposed to have him Fri-Sun, I believe Fri-Sat - while I would like the former, the latter is what's feasibile due to his sleep pattern of waking up every few hours, and my insomnia - I don't think it's a good idea for me to have him and go 48 hours without sleep - he will often wake up again in 3 hour intervals, and I usually won't fall asleep in that time. In any case, we're waiting for a transcript from the court.

But, the debate still exists. She does have a tendency to also expect me to change plans on a moment's notice if she decides she wants to do something different - but fortunately that's relatively rare.

However, any time I don't accede to her requests she keeps throwing around the phrase "you're neglecting your responsibilities as a joint custodial parent" and keeps threatening to try and get legal custody. I suspect that part of the problem is adjustment on her part - until the final court decree (our divorce dragged out for 25 months), she acted unilaterally in everything regarding our son.

I have NO criminal record whatsoever, never touched illegal drugs, and the number of alcoholic drinks I've had in my life is less than half my age in years.

I have never missed a visitation unless she changed the schedule, took him on vacation, etc.


I don't know the threshold, though. What would be the chances, or what situational factors, if any, apply that would cause her to be able to actually get sole legal custody?

 

[penelope10]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? - New Jersey

Ok, I have no real idea of what the true answer is. I'm told that, in general, judges are reluctant to grant sole legal custody unless there's a danger to the child.

Currently I have joint legal custody. There have been arguments between my ex and myself, and she continues to insist that I am not living up to my responsibilities for joint custody.

I am scheduled to see my son Monday and Tuesday evenings, and all day Saturday, which I do.

My spare time is EXTREMELY limited, and my ex is aware of this. However, when her needs mean that I miss time with my son, I try to be reasonable - she then expects me to make up the time at her convenience.

There have also been issues with overnights. She believes I am supposed to have him Fri-Sun, I believe Fri-Sat - while I would like the former, the latter is what's feasibile due to his sleep pattern of waking up every few hours, and my insomnia - I don't think it's a good idea for me to have him and go 48 hours without sleep - he will often wake up again in 3 hour intervals, and I usually won't fall asleep in that time. In any case, we're waiting for a transcript from the court.

But, the debate still exists. She does have a tendency to also expect me to change plans on a moment's notice if she decides she wants to do something different - but fortunately that's relatively rare.

However, any time I don't accede to her requests she keeps throwing around the phrase "you're neglecting your responsibilities as a joint custodial parent" and keeps threatening to try and get legal custody. I suspect that part of the problem is adjustment on her part - until the final court decree (our divorce dragged out for 25 months), she acted unilaterally in everything regarding our son.

I have NO criminal record whatsoever, never touched illegal drugs, and the number of alcoholic drinks I've had in my life is less than half my age in years.

I have never missed a visitation unless she changed the schedule, took him on vacation, etc.


I don't know the threshold, though. What would be the chances, or what situational factors, if any, apply that would cause her to be able to actually get sole legal custody?

What do your orders say in regards to visitation. If the orders state you are to have him Fri-Sunday then that's the time you are to spend with him. In so far as trading, you and your ex are under no obligation, unless spelled out in the order to do trades. It would be nice for all concerned if the adults in the situation could be civil and work out arrangements that meet the best interests of the child. Sometimes, however, one parent is more cooperative in this area than the other.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? - New Jersey

Ok, I have no real idea of what the true answer is. I'm told that, in general, judges are reluctant to grant sole legal custody unless there's a danger to the child.

Currently I have joint legal custody. There have been arguments between my ex and myself, and she continues to insist that I am not living up to my responsibilities for joint custody.

I am scheduled to see my son Monday and Tuesday evenings, and all day Saturday, which I do.

My spare time is EXTREMELY limited, and my ex is aware of this. However, when her needs mean that I miss time with my son, I try to be reasonable - she then expects me to make up the time at her convenience.

There have also been issues with overnights. She believes I am supposed to have him Fri-Sun, I believe Fri-Sat - while I would like the former, the latter is what's feasibile due to his sleep pattern of waking up every few hours, and my insomnia - I don't think it's a good idea for me to have him and go 48 hours without sleep - he will often wake up again in 3 hour intervals, and I usually won't fall asleep in that time. In any case, we're waiting for a transcript from the court.

But, the debate still exists. She does have a tendency to also expect me to change plans on a moment's notice if she decides she wants to do something different - but fortunately that's relatively rare.

However, any time I don't accede to her requests she keeps throwing around the phrase "you're neglecting your responsibilities as a joint custodial parent" and keeps threatening to try and get legal custody. I suspect that part of the problem is adjustment on her part - until the final court decree (our divorce dragged out for 25 months), she acted unilaterally in everything regarding our son.

I have NO criminal record whatsoever, never touched illegal drugs, and the number of alcoholic drinks I've had in my life is less than half my age in years.

I have never missed a visitation unless she changed the schedule, took him on vacation, etc.


I don't know the threshold, though. What would be the chances, or what situational factors, if any, apply that would cause her to be able to actually get sole legal custody?

You stated that your divorce took 25 months, but you also state that you don't feel that you having full weekends is feasible because your son awakens every few hours...and you deal with insomnia.

How old is your son?

I don't mean to be harsh, but it almost sounds as if you want the benefits of joint custody without having to take on the responsibility of truly shared parenting. You do complain that she feels that she can re-arrange your parenting time, but you also admit that its rare that she does that.

Parenting is not easy. When you are dealing with an infant or toddler it means that you basically devote your life to them and yes, that you often do without sleep.

You are stating that you feel that mom has had it her way up until now and just wants to keep it her way, yet what you describe sounds more like mom wants you to step up the plate and be a real parent, not just a visitor.

 

[MiseryInNJ]

That's the thing - she and her lawyer believe it says one thing, and I and my lawyer believe it says something else. I know that if I'd heard Fri-Sun in court, I would've objected immediately since I know that, from a safety point of view, that's just a bad idea.

However, that's not the only thing that she uses as the negotiating bludgeon for the sole-legal-custody threat. For example, she's threatened to do so when I wouldn't leave work early to pick our son up from the doctor (to which she brought him, and she was not returning to work after the appointment), threatens it now that I've just been laid off and says "well, you don't look for work all day, you should pick him up from daycare now and have him longer, etc.

(aside - daycare used to be down the street from me - she then moved him, before the divorce was finalized, and despite knowing my objections 5 months in advance, to a facility that was less than 2 miles from her place of employment, and 40 minutes, farther than her residence, from me - my workday ended at 5:30 and hers at 4, and yet she said "Well, log out early. Everybody does it.")

Ugh, I don't want to ramble too much as it may not be entirely relevant. In any case, what sorts of circumstances would cause a judge to grant sole-legal?

Also not mentioned - no history of violence, no restraining orders, etc.,.

 

[MiseryInNJ]

You stated that your divorce took 25 months, but you also state that you don't feel that you having full weekends is feasible because your son awakens every few hours...and you deal with insomnia.

How old is your son?

Turns 3 in 2 weeks.

I don't mean to be harsh, but it almost sounds as if you want the benefits of joint custody without having to take on the responsibility of truly shared parenting. You do complain that she feels that she can re-arrange your parenting time, but you also admit that its rare that she does that.

I should say relatively rare. Typically twice a month, which is less than used to happen before the court order.

Parenting is not easy. When you are dealing with an infant or toddler it means that you basically devote your life to them and yes, that you often do without sleep.

Which is just fine if it was just a matter of tiredness. There is also the difference in that, when he wakes my ex up, once he goes back to sleep, she'll fall asleep immediately. I, on the other hand, will typically take at least 2 hours to fall back asleep.

Also, when it seems like it becomes a risk, that's when I get alarmed. Before the divorce, at one point she had changed his daycare and said she would not share the driving - her words were "If you want to see your son, you come here to get him, and you bring him back."

Prior to this, I picked him up from daycare (down the block from me). This new arrangement shaved off about a half hour from my time with him (if you count being in the car for an hour with him driving back and forth time with him), or an hour and a half (if you DON'T count the time with him in the car), for the weekdays I had him.

After an attempt at an overnight before the divorce, I made the attempt to drive him back - which I did, and vowed never to do again as it was, even through the fog of lack of sleep, terrifying.

You are stating that you feel that mom has had it her way up until now and just wants to keep it her way, yet what you describe sounds more like mom wants you to step up the plate and be a real parent, not just a visitor.

This is precisely what she thinks.


Whether you agree with her assessment or mine, though, it doesn't really tell me anything about what makes the court grant sole-custody in New Jersey.

 

[LdiJ]

That's the thing - she and her lawyer believe it says one thing, and I and my lawyer believe it says something else. I know that if I'd heard Fri-Sun in court, I would've objected immediately since I know that, from a safety point of view, that's just a bad idea.

However, that's not the only thing that she uses as the negotiating bludgeon for the sole-legal-custody threat. For example, she's threatened to do so when I wouldn't leave work early to pick our son up from the doctor (to which she brought him, and she was not returning to work after the appointment), threatens it now that I've just been laid off and says "well, you don't look for work all day, you should pick him up from daycare now and have him longer, etc.

(aside - daycare used to be down the street from me - she then moved him, before the divorce was finalized, and despite knowing my objections 5 months in advance, to a facility that was less than 2 miles from her place of employment, and 40 minutes, farther than her residence, from me - my workday ended at 5:30 and hers at 4, and yet she said "Well, log out early. Everybody does it.")

Ugh, I don't want to ramble too much as it may not be entirely relevant. In any case, what sorts of circumstances would cause a judge to grant sole-legal?

Also not mentioned - no history of violence, no restraining orders, etc.,.

You didn't answer my question and you didn't address the concerns I raised.

 

[MiseryInNJ]

Actually we cross-posted... I finished my reply to penelope seconds after you posted your response. And your post #6, a response to my post #4, must've come in immediately after my post #5 (responding to your post #3)

Timing is fun...

 

[CJane]

So, why SHOULDN'T mom have sole legal?

You state that you're not physically capable of caring for your child for more than 24 hours at a stretch, you don't attend Dr appts...

What are you contributing to the decision-making process?

Your "It's dangerous for me to be tired" line isn't going to get you sympathy or empathy from anyone at all, just so you know.

And why on earth isn't your THREE YEAR OLD sleeping through the night?

 

[LdiJ]

Turns 3 in 2 weeks.



I should say relatively rare. Typically twice a month, which is less than used to happen before the court order.




Which is just fine if it was just a matter of tiredness. There is also the difference in that, when he wakes my ex up, once he goes back to sleep, she'll fall asleep immediately. I, on the other hand, will typically take at least 2 hours to fall back asleep.

Also, when it seems like it becomes a risk, that's when I get alarmed. Before the divorce, at one point she had changed his daycare and said she would not share the driving - her words were "If you want to see your son, you come here to get him, and you bring him back."

Prior to this, I picked him up from daycare (down the block from me). This new arrangement shaved off about a half hour from my time with him (if you count being in the car for an hour with him driving back and forth time with him), or an hour and a half (if you DON'T count the time with him in the car), for the weekdays I had him.

After an attempt at an overnight before the divorce, I made the attempt to drive him back - which I did, and vowed never to do again as it was, even through the fog of lack of sleep, terrifying.



This is precisely what she thinks.


Whether you agree with her assessment or mine, though, it doesn't really tell me anything about what makes the court grant sole-custody in New Jersey.

Dad, I will tell you, honestly, that based on what you have posted here it appears that what you want is the "fun" of being a parent without the downsides of being a parent.

My sympathies are with mom at this point.

As far as joint legal custody is concerned...mom wouldn't normally win on that issue. Joint legal custody is very much the "norm" these days. However, if you express yourself in court the way that you express yourself here, a judge might very well agree with mom....and I don't see how you can get what you want without a judge agreeing with mom.

 

[MiseryInNJ]

So, why SHOULDN'T mom have sole legal?

Why are you asking me? I don't know what the law states in this case. I have some idea of what it is in Pennsylvania because a friend of mine is getting divorced there, but I don't know what the rules are in NJ.

You state that you're not physically capable of caring for your child for more than 24 hours at a stretch, you don't attend Dr appts...

Ok, let me be more specific on that bit about the doctor appointments. She works 1-1/2 miles away from his daycare, I am over 30 miles away from his daycare. This is by HER arrangement.

She has 12 sick days per year, and a few personal days. She also has July and August completely off. Further, she has a shorter workday that lets out earlier. I had 3 total sick/personal days combined. She has stated in no uncertain terms that she expects me to take off as many days as she does when it comes to sick days if our son is sick.

In the particular incident that I mentioned in another post in this thread, she took him to the doctor, and had an appointment at the same time herself, then she was going to go home. She did not expect me to come to the doctor's appointment, she expected me to come to the doctor's office at the end of the appointment, 2 hours before my normal work schedule allows me to leave, and pick him up, as opposed to getting him at my normal time. Further, she argued against myself actually going to the doctor, as I had an appointment later in the evening.

Further beyond that - this was during the whole swine flu scare recently, and so I said "If the doc says it's flu symptoms and isolation is needed, I can't take him, because I'd be bringing the infection to another geographical region (I work very far from home). She didn't want to hear it, and in fact just evaded the topic rather than addressing it, repeatedly insisting that I come get him despite work and despite my own doctor's appointment, and despite the fact that she was going home anyway.

In any case, there was no actual purpose to be served by my going to get him early - thus having to both leave work early and cancel my own doctor's appointment.

Yes, she did in fact accuse me of not wanting to spend more time with my son because of that particular incident. She did in fact also say that she was "giving me the opportunity to spend more time with him" (even if it meant leaving work early and risking my job, and having to cancel my doctor's appointment - which she didn't mention, naturally)

What are you contributing to the decision-making process?

So far, not much. Remember, for my son's entire life, I was not given ANY say in ANY decision regarding him. His mother effectively ruled by decree from his birth in mid-June 2006 until the court order for the divorce in mid-March 2009. Any input I gave was pointedly ignored. So as of today, I've had input for precisely 2-1/2 months. Not a whole lot has come up that was above and beyond routine. You might as well ask my ex what she's contributed to the decision-making process between mid-March of this year and today - the answer won't be all that much different.

This lack of input includes the fact that when we initially separated (our son was 7 months old at the time) and she went to stay with her parents (1800 miles away) for a while, she took him with her - she told me it would only be for 3 to 4 weeks, then said 4 to 6 weeks.

While there she decided to make it 3-1/2 months instead. Even at the end of that point, she started saying on the phone that he might not recognize me, might be scared of me, and perhaps it's just best if she never brings him back to New Jersey. It was only with legal threats that she relented on that, and only because she didn't want her parents caught up in any legal issues.

We are also talking about the same woman who, before that separation, twice, in a fit of pique over issues unrelated to our son, pulled him away from me while I was talking to him and touching him (and he was smiling), saying "well, then, I don't want you near MY son!"

Your "It's dangerous for me to be tired" line isn't going to get you sympathy or empathy from anyone at all, just so you know.

I didn't say it's dangerous for me to be tired. I said it's dangerous for me to drive sleep deprived, and that it's probably dangerous to be the only adult there after 48 hours with no sleep at all. I'm concerned about possible inattention or poor reaction time if something happens with my son.

The ex on the other hand leans on her boyfriend quite a bit for assistance, including not being there on certain nights when I am scheduled to drop him off, and including, albeit rarely, sometimes being asleep when I drop him off, with her boyfriend essentially making sure things are ok when I put him in the crib.

I suppose it's a good thing that I was asking for legal information rather than asking for sympathy or empathy, neither of the latter of which I'm seeking. That said, I only brought that up to try and give a full background on this. Remember, that's just ONE of the things she uses with her "I'm going for sole custody" arguments, not the ONLY thing.

And why on earth isn't your THREE YEAR OLD sleeping through the night?

I don't know. I didn't sleep through the night until I was 27 months. I have sleep issues. My father has sleep issues. My mother has sleep issues.... etc. Maybe it's related to that.

Maybe it's because his mother insists on still giving him a mix of formula and baby cereal when he wakes up, so he's used to being fed that time.

Earlier I'd say it was the hereditary thing, later I'd guess it's the feeding thing - but I am just speculating.

Dad, I will tell you, honestly, that based on what you have posted here it appears that what you want is the "fun" of being a parent without the downsides of being a parent.

My sympathies are with mom at this point.

You're most certainly entitled to your opinion on the matter.

As far as joint legal custody is concerned...mom wouldn't normally win on that issue. Joint legal custody is very much the "norm" these days. However, if you express yourself in court the way that you express yourself here, a judge might very well agree with mom....and I don't see how you can get what you want without a judge agreeing with mom.

Ok, I was asking what the law stipulates/requires. I also don't intend to bring up the details of insomnia unless required to do so. As mentioned earlier in this post, I was trying to fully flesh out the background of WHEN she uses the threat.


Look, I don't expect anyone to understand the sleep issue, or have any idea what it's like to go through physically. My parents do, a friend of mine who also suffers insomnia, probably to a worse degree than I do (she needs to take sleeping meds at such a high dose that most people would be hospitalized if not killed by it - but only keeps her asleep for a mere 4 hours), understands, and my ex actually has SOME idea because she's seen me go through it for years before our son was born.

I actually HAVE attempted to do something about it, as I went to the UPenn sleep center to have a sleep study done. They said I don't have apnea, I don't have restless leg syndrome, though I do tend to be a "thrasher." Their conclusion after having me hooked up to machines all night was: "You're a poor sleeper," which I knew before I got there. The only possible issue was that they said some pain was registering, which COULD have been my damaged neck vertebrae, or could have been the air tubes which ran over and behind my ears which was quite painful.


Frankly, I expect about as much understanding of my condition from 99% of people as women get from men about labor pain. I don't want anyone's sympathy her. on that point, and I'm not trying to get it. I'm just stating what is.

In any case, the weekend/overnight thing isn't the primary issue - oh, she occasionally brings it up with the custody issue, but she's also the one who suddenly insisted, unilaterally, that I do all the driving, because otherwise I'd never see my son. We're also still stuck on the issue of whether what she and her lawyer says was read into the record is really what's there, or whether what I and my lawyer say was read really is there. Until we get the transcript from the court, that issue is in limbo.




In any case, I wanted to know what the normal specifications are, for lack of a better term, with joint-legal vs sole-legal. I already know what she plans to do if she gets sole-legal. She will move to her parents' place.

 

[lks247]

Ok, let me be more specific on that bit about the doctor appointments. She works 1-1/2 miles away from his daycare, I am over 30 miles away from his daycare. This is by HER arrangement.

She has 12 sick days per year, and a few personal days. She also has July and August completely off. Further, she has a shorter workday that lets out earlier. I had 3 total sick/personal days combined. She has stated in no uncertain terms that she expects me to take off as many days as she does when it comes to sick days if our son is sick.

What does your court order say regarding this?


Maybe it's because his mother insists on still giving him a mix of formula and baby cereal when he wakes up, so he's used to being fed that time.

He's almost three and still gets formula and baby cereal? Why?



Look, I don't expect anyone to understand the sleep issue, or have any idea what it's like to go through physically. My parents do, a friend of mine who also suffers insomnia, probably to a worse degree than I do (she needs to take sleeping meds at such a high dose that most people would be hospitalized if not killed by it - but only keeps her asleep for a mere 4 hours), understands, and my ex actually has SOME idea because she's seen me go through it for years before our son was born.

I actually HAVE attempted to do something about it, as I went to the UPenn sleep center to have a sleep study done. They said I don't have apnea, I don't have restless leg syndrome, though I do tend to be a "thrasher." Their conclusion after having me hooked up to machines all night was: "You're a poor sleeper," which I knew before I got there. The only possible issue was that they said some pain was registering, which COULD have been my damaged neck vertebrae, or could have been the air tubes which ran over and behind my ears which was quite painful.


Frankly, I expect about as much understanding of my condition from 99% of people as women get from men about labor pain. I don't want anyone's sympathy her. on that point, and I'm not trying to get it. I'm just stating what is.

In any case, the weekend/overnight thing isn't the primary issue - oh, she occasionally brings it up with the custody issue, but she's also the one who suddenly insisted, unilaterally, that I do all the driving, because otherwise I'd never see my son. We're also still stuck on the issue of whether what she and her lawyer says was read into the record is really what's there, or whether what I and my lawyer say was read really is there. Until we get the transcript from the court, that issue is in limbo.

Okay, insomnia is a symptom of an underlying problem. The Mayo Clinic states that 30-50% of the population have insomnia, so I doubt that your claim that 99% of people wouldn't understand what you are talking about. Yeah, having a sleep study sucks, but it has to be done to properly diagnose sleep disorders. If one doesn't work, try having another one done. It is possible to sleep with all of the wires and electrodes attached to you.


In any case, I wanted to know what the normal specifications are, for lack of a better term, with joint-legal vs sole-legal. I already know what she plans to do if she gets sole-legal. She will move to her parents' place.

Since she's left with him before, does your court order address your ex-wife moving 1800 miles away with your son?


Furthermore, do you ever have your son overnight? Or just days and evenings?

 

[MiseryInNJ]

(regarding sick days)
What does your court order say regarding this?

It doesn't. Or at least it doesn't as far as I'm aware. However, it's almost always been a fight BEFORE the court order - the swine-flu period might've been the ONLY time when it was an issue afterward. I'll look for this specific info in the transcript when I get it.

He's almost three and still gets formula and baby cereal? Why?

Because his mother says so. Her reasoning is that he doesn't eat enough during the day, and just tends to browse/graze, so she has to compensate at night between wakings.

My opinion is that if she didn't give it to him at night, he'd eat more during the day. My mother, who has been an RN for 40 years, is of this opinion as well.

My interpretation is that my ex is doctrinaire. Oh, she'll say "Your mother is right. She's a nurse and knows what she's talking about, so listen to her" ONLY when my mother's in agreement with what my ex has already concluded. Other advice from my mother, if it violates my ex's personal ideology, is ignored and never mentioned. Once again, though, I'm speculating.

The Mayo Clinic states that 30-50% of the population have insomnia, so I doubt that your claim that 99% of people wouldn't understand what you are talking about.

I'm *guessing* though that most of the people who haven't aren't fully aware of it. I didn't realize it for several years, but, admittedly, I'm a sample size of precisely one.

Since she's left with him before, does your court order address your ex-wife moving 1800 miles away with your son?

The court order says I have joint-legal, which precludes her moving anywhere without my approval, if I understand the rules correctly.

This is one of the reasons I am wondering about what rules would permit her to get sole-legal. Again, as I understand it, and I'm not 100% confident in my understanding, sole-legal grants her the ability to make changes to school, activities, church, etc., and I have no say in the matter.

Included in that is the ability to relocate anywhere she wants. Granted, and again, this is my understanding, sole-legal does NOT terminate my rights of visitation, but if she can move an impractical distance away, how do I actually manage to have visitation?


I've been given to understand that in order for a judge to grant sole-legal, the other parent would've had to have, say, substance abuse problems, be a potential violence threat, etc., but this is based on what few bits and pieces of knowledge of PA law I have, and I know that these things can vary widely from state to state.

 

[CJane]

The court order says I have joint-legal, which precludes her moving anywhere without my approval, if I understand the rules correctly.

You don't. It isn't joint-legal custody that prevents her from relocating.

This is one of the reasons I am wondering about what rules would permit her to get sole-legal. Again, as I understand it, and I'm not 100% confident in my understanding, sole-legal grants her the ability to make changes to school, activities, church, etc., and I have no say in the matter.

Sole legal custody would mean that all the big decisions - which school to attend, which church to be Baptized in, whether or not Jr gets braces, etc will fall to her. You will still be responsible for the 'routine and minor' decisions that take place on YOUR time, such as which church to attend THAT DAY, whether to take Jr to the doctor when he's schnurgly, etc.

Included in that is the ability to relocate anywhere she wants. Granted, and again, this is my understanding, sole-legal does NOT terminate my rights of visitation, but if she can move an impractical distance away, how do I actually manage to have visitation?

Well, you only want 24 hours every other week, yes? She could live pretty far away before that's unworkable. And if it IS unworkable, then you can look forward to less frequent but longer lasting visitation periods - which is apparently not safe, in your opinion.

I've been given to understand that in order for a judge to grant sole-legal, the other parent would've had to have, say, substance abuse problems, be a potential violence threat, etc., but this is based on what few bits and pieces of knowledge of PA law I have, and I know that these things can vary widely from state to state.

You understand incorrectly. It's possible for a parent to get sole legal simply because the two parents find it impossible to work together and make decisions for the best interests of their children. Which really does seem to be the case here.

 

[MiseryInNJ]

You don't. It isn't joint-legal custody that prevents her from relocating.



Sole legal custody would mean that all the big decisions - which school to attend, which church to be Baptized in, whether or not Jr gets braces, etc will fall to her. You will still be responsible for the 'routine and minor' decisions that take place on YOUR time, such as which church to attend THAT DAY, whether to take Jr to the doctor when he's schnurgly, etc.

Hrm, I'm trying to remember from when we had the "child rearing mediation" sessions - the mediator said the things that are part of my assumptions, though I might have some of the fine details off kilter.

But if joint-legal doesn't prevent her from relocating, what does?

Well, you only want 24 hours every other week, yes? She could live pretty far away before that's unworkable. And if it IS unworkable, then you can look forward to less frequent but longer lasting visitation periods - which is apparently not safe, in your opinion.



You understand incorrectly. It's possible for a parent to get sole legal simply because the two parents find it impossible to work together and make decisions for the best interests of their children. Which really does seem to be the case here.

We'd be talking roughly 1400 to 1800 miles away. And my current schedule isn't just 24 hours every other week - it's the one overnight every other week, and every Monday and Tuesday evening.

 

[CJane]

Hrm, I'm trying to remember from when we had the "child rearing mediation" sessions - the mediator said the things that are part of my assumptions, though I might have some of the fine details off kilter.

But if joint-legal doesn't prevent her from relocating, what does?

There's no ironclad thing that will keep her from relocating. She'll have to follow any provisions in the order, or statute is the order is silent. And you'll be given an opportunity to file w/the court to prevent relocation - but it may be granted anyway if she can show it's in the child's best interests.

We'd be talking roughly 1400 to 1800 miles away. And my current schedule isn't just 24 hours every other week - it's the one overnight every other week, and every Monday and Tuesday evening.

Grand scheme of things though, it's what? 8 hours every week and 32 every other? That's just over 1000 hours/year. Very often with a relocation, a judge will focus on trying to maintain the AMOUNT of time a parent has with their child, and redistribute it.

So you could likely look forward to 2 weeks in the summer, 1/2 of Xmas vacation, and one 48 hr weekend/month. THAT equals more time than you have now.

It's rare for a judge to look at a situation in which one parent wishes to relocate and the other wishes to have such extremely limited contact with the child, and then deny the move. Realistically, the judge is only going to deny a move if he/she is willing to grant primary custody to the parent that remains in the locale. You are not a realistic candidate for primary custody, going by what you've posted here.