No phone calls allowed

[10954]

California

I have been informed by the stepmother that I am not allowed to call my child when over there for visitation nor is child allowed to call me. Calls were attempted and I was hung up on.

Can anything be done about this?

Thanks.

 

[dawnybird]

what does the dad say? how old is your daughter? get her a cell phone maybe??

 

[dorenephilpot]

Sounds like a contempt hearing in the making....

 

[twosidesofeverystory]

I have been reading the posts on this board for awhile now, but have never posted until now. When I read this, I just knew I had to say something:

Do you fear that the child is in any kind of danger? What are the circumstances that surround this happening? How long has this been going on? What have you done about it? Have you asked the child or father about this?

First talk to the father and ask, then express your concern to him. Maybe that will help. You never know for sure until you ask.

After that, try to remember that this is the child's time to spend with the NCP and extended family. Don't over do it, by calling all the time as that is not fair to the NCP, his family or the child. Most of all, respect the wishes of the other parent because this is a relatively small issue when dealing with a divided family.

 

[early]

I think you should ask yourself if you are calling for the child's reassurance or your own. My exwife has the right to know of our child's whereabouts and condition at all times, but I doubt the judge meant that she could take too much of my very limited time with my child. If he only gets a weekend every two weeks, I can see the frustration if you are calling too frequently. Of course, no one should simply hang up on you. Your ex should address it and try to work something out. Of course, if your child is upset and needs to talk to you and cannot be appeased by anyone there, you should be angry...

 

[hound dog]

how often do you and the ncp get into fights when you call?Also do you allow calls when the child is with you and what is your motive when you call? Sorry to ask that but if you and the ncp fights then quit calling it is not good for the child.......now if you are callin the child questioning him about what is daddy doing and such quit callin.......it is obvious to me that you and the ncp do not get along b/c his wife is calling you instead of him.Now if you are callin once a day should at night right before the child goes to sleep just to say i love you and good night then i see nothing wrong with that but you can ask the child later when its is at home about what fun things they did .........Remember this is their time and they only get twice a month together ....that is not alot of time so it is not fair of you to intervene in their short time togehter......so do not make it a big deal........remember you get the child 25days out of the month verses his five so give him a break ok...............

 

[HumorMe!]

Whoa! Slow down there!

OK, back to the top before everyone assumed the worst of this person. Yes, it is possible, but there was one key thing she said that makes me think this ISN'T an act of protection on the part of the NCP. (Also, most people with every other weekend also have longer visits as well.)

"nor is child allowed to call me"

Children should ALWAYS be allowed to call their parents. There are very few exceptions to that rule.

HM

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a beautiful,independent, self-assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the Princess's lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, while dining on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought:

"I don't freakin' think so!"

 

[early]

I don't think anyone assumed anything of this parent. In each reply I read, it was "if this, then...". I don't know that I agree that the child should always be allowed to call the other parent. As when a child is at school or camp, the parent with visitation needs the chance to ease fears or frustrations before bringing in the other person. If this cannot be done, then and only then, do I believe the other parent should be contacted. Our children have to be slowly introduced to the coping skills they will need for the rest of their lives. Of course, this is simply my opinion, and you know what they say about opinions...~

 

[BugHogan]

I'm of the mind that children should be allowed to call their parent, in the vast majority of cases. This has been the policy in our house and I believe it's the RIGHT thing to do. My husband's son can call his mother whenever he wishes, being mindful of long distance charges etc. perhaps. The same for the girls now that they live with us, if they want to call Mom, they can. I'm wondering why the stepmother is interfering in this. Basically she has no legal rights and should not be interfering in the parent/child relationship this way. It actually infuriates me to think that she has the gall to do that. The other parent at the home "should" be handling this.

PS I'm a stepmom

 

[meleahk1]

I agree with bug there

i am a stepparent as well, and i have no right to tell my stepson he cannot call his mother when he is here. nor would my husband tell my children they couldn't call their father.

all parents with or without custodial custody have the right to speak to their children while at camp or wherever. if that child feels he or she needs to share something with one of their parents, it is very important to encourage them to do so. i have always allowed my ex to speak to our children and they call me when they are with him or send email. the same with my stepson.

it is appalling that a stepparent would do this. if it were me i would be speaking with the bio parent here about this and fast.

when my kids are away at camp or whereever, if they want to call either one of us they are allowed to. like i said i would never dream of keeping them or my stepson from their other parent.

i have a moral as well as legal responsibility to let my ex know how the children are doing, and i choose to exercise that right. so does my husband with his ex.

we encourage our kids to make those calls. it is important to them. and isn't that what kids are all about?

 

[Rams84]

My boyfriend's son is allowed to call his mom, grandmother, brother or friends from our home. He is 9 & all he has to do is let us know he's using the phone. The only time we say no is if it's either to late or to early, otherwise we don't care. When we travel he calls to let his mom or grandmother know he has arrived safely & either my boyfriend, the child or I give the phone number where we're staying (we also provide this before we leave).

Does this openess get returned..... NO

When the child is with his mom she gives him various excuses why he can't call his dad. He is definately not allowed to call or talk to me. If he wants to call when it's the week he's coming for weekend visitation she tells him "you'll see your dad this week." During the off week he see's his son one day for 2 1/2 hours & if he asks to call, say the day before she gives him the same answer. She may let him call once a week & he asks each day. Her mother doesn't seem to have a problem when she's babysitting, the child may even call a couple times a day.

My boyfriend has asked her why she won't allow him to, especially since their custody papers say to allow the child to call & to communicate with the other parent without problems & she just says she doesn't feel like letting him call.

She used to call first to see if my boyfriend was home because she didn't want the child to speak to me. My boyfriend told her he's old enough to dial the phone & ask for who he wants to speak to. She lets him do it now, but after he's talked to his dad & asks about me or we speak about 2 seconds (how was school today or something like that) she yells at him & says he's only supposed to talk to his dad.

I know this is a long reply, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that if your paperwork says you're allowed open communication with your child when the child is with the other parent than you need to speak to your ex. We document everything. The child's mother tends to lie & so we have to document the date, time of call & the # we've called so that we have a "log" of info.

 

[10954]

Re: Not being allowed phone calls

Just wanted to clarify a few things that were mentioned in other people's responses.

I understand that the NCP deserves uninterrupted time also with child. (Child is 13). There is not much of a relationship due to a big gap where he chose not to visit.

However, I had called during an almost 3 week stay with her dad. Calls were "tolerated" a few times, but then the stepmother would not allow me to speak to my daughter/nor was daughter allowed to call me. I believe stepmother made this decision on her own. A few days later, the father "allowed" phone contact. But, daughter had to talk to me in the living room, with them sitting right there.

I have since contacted an attorney and am having phone contact written into the visitation order. So,hopefully that will ease this problem.

 

[mom_in_ga]

Hi I am a mother and a stepmother too i could not even image not letting any of my kids my own or step not keeping contact with the other parnet that just sounds crazy to me.
I believe something has been left out here!
We are not getting the whole story or something,because even if the ex's don't get along you don't hold that over the childs head it's not there fault!

 

[crystal2]

mom_in_ga,

Unfortunately, some parents dont care about what is good for the child. Some "adults" act too much like children themselves.

 

[jeanine]

I am a stepmom and I ALWAYS allow the child to call his mom when he is with us. I will not give her our number though. Whenever she's called in the past she has been rude to me and I choose not to put myself in a situation where I would be telling off my step son's mom. She has a cell number and pager number to reach the child.

It's worth noting though that when she does call, the child all of a sudden wants to go home or she will ask him things like is anyone beating you there. I think SOME bio-moms should think twice before calling and starting problems when dad has kids. But I know SOME moms call for legitimate reasons. I say SOME because I certainly don't want anyone getting offended and I want DeeFran off my case.