Non custodial mother...needs advice

[Gingermom]

Mother fear of father moving...

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Vt

Thanks for peeking at this one... Sorry this might be on the long side, but please stick with me..I would appreciate it, thank you. I am the non custodial mother. Currently residing in another state, but any court decision will be applied to Ohio. Alittle over a year ago my ex (resides in Ohio) and I switched custody on the understanding that it would be temporary. My mistake (big) was that we did not get that down in writing. The decision was done throughly and I thought wisely. My child and I have a very close relationship. The father, myself and our child (10 years of age) all knew this to be temporary - but now he refuses for her to come back and also refuses to egknowledge that it was ever to be temporary. She wants to come back. I would never uproot her if it wasn't in her best interest, if she was happy, if the situation with her father and his wife were working out. But time and time again I see problems - not that I want to see problems, but they are there. For example: 2 months into the move it starts off with SM slapping her in the face 3 times and then telling me I don't have a say in my daughters life (reported), SM telling her she needs to stop saying she misses me, because she cries, or she will be punished and told it's for her own good, Father tells her the reason she will not be going back is that I might change my mind again - which then she asks me is this true - my own child questioning this...I of course I said no I would never do that, SM tells child that the reason mom and dad divorced is that I did not love dad...and I can go on but I'll stop. When all this started happening, I was told I gave up my rights so I started on the road to moving to Ohio. I feel very guilty, I love my daughter and provided with unconditional love and nurturing for the 6 years after our divorce ...but I made a mistake in trusting my ex - this decision was to better life for my child and myself - I wanted to complete my degree in a year - year and 1/2...I know to some it sounds selfish...but please understand it wasn't .... But after I told ex I was planning on moving due to that he refused for her to come back and she needs me, he said he didn't want me to move - it would be difficult (difficult for who? difficult for him). Then I told him later on I was planning to move in March - a month later he said he was resigning from his position and moving back to NH to SM house at the end of March/April....to make a long story short, he's a Pastor the church refused his resignation..he has not left yet. I wrote and spoke to him several times there after to let me know of his plans - if he plans to move before the next in school, never heard back from him - frankly never do.. I now have a lawyer...I am going for changes - for my child's sake (daughter). I want her to have a relationship with dad and wife but not at the expense of my daughter or our relationship. So the question is due to the above circumstances and myself moving and having a job and settling in the area - in the county she is in - can he pick up & move and take her, I know he has to file a change of residence with the court giving 30 days notice, but will the excuse of moving for a job allow him to move with my daughter? Plus any advice on the situation with the SM?? A BIG THANKS for hanging in at least

 

[SMURFEELAW]

I take you you switched custody in the Court but it did not say temporary. B/C the only way that the switch was legal is if it was signed by the judge. If not then what do your papers say before the switch b/c that would be the legal custody order. Have you seen your child at all since the switch? It seems to me that this is going to have to be decided by the Court either way but get there (ohio) permanantly quick as you can! B/C with you living there it is less likely the judge will allow a move but if you are not there then the judge may say oh they are already far apart and in seperate states so what's the difference. Good Luck. As for SM, I don't know but I do know she should not have laid a hand on your child. Maybe the child should try for some counseling if dad won't sign her up maybe get her to see her guidance counselor at school. Good Luck again

 

[Gingermom]

Thanks...anwsers and a question

Smurfeelaw...thanks...answers to your questions. Yes the it was signed off by the judge that the switch was that of it not being temporary. In regards to counseling for my daughter, I had her going to a play therapist - which was wonderful for her when she was here, I will be requesting that our daughter go to a play therapist again...I asked that of him way in the beginning - but he did not follow-through. My move will be asap - yes . My involvement since the switch...I fly her - last time I drove out there, for holidays and vacations, I either write to her - send her things & stationary every week and call her everyweek and I keep in contact with her teachers. I am just concerned and I guess you can tell, anxious, that they will pull the "job" issue and move to NH where SM has a house and plus her parents live near by, etc...Q: I wonder what a judge would deem "best for the child" in this case? Again Thanks