Noob round two, child custody

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Since my noob approach yesterday got me nowhere, I am starting a new thread on a seperate topic.

My brother in law and his ex have a 3 year old child together. (hope I am not breaking any of OhioGal's sticky note rules already simply by being this child's aunt. But I am hoping OhioGal can throw in her two cents here. she can't hurt my feelings, I will probably agree with her.)

They broke up and Mom who was living with my brother-in-law and my in-laws left. Leaving her son behind. She is living with her mom, commuting back and forth to school, drops by any old time she feels like it to visit, and as much as I can see how it negatively affects my nephew's behavior, she comes to visit so a judge would think that's a good thing? right? (GRRR)

Here's where my question comes in. Surprise! It's a tad complicated. There are no legal custody descisions in place it just is what it is. She has my nephew on medicaid and receives subsidized daycare for him meaning, welfare thinks he lives with her.

I hear my brother in law say "I will never let her take him." But I do not see him taking the financial responsibility to make that happen. She could just walk right in, take him out for McDonald's and not bring him back couldn't she?

If I had the damn money for a lawyer I would take him myself! He is suffering from a mom who drops by or doesn't whenever she feels like it unannounced to wisk him away, a dad who is never home for important things like band practice and hockey practices and games, and two grandparents who let him run wild. But obviously a judge would never let me take him anyway. And if a judge did, I am not willing to tear my husband's family apart.

Shouldn't my brother-in-law in fact take the financial responsibilty of healthcare and daycare (he may even qualify for welfare for them, who knows?) if he in fact has ANY rights? Or is the fact that my nephew physically lives there enough? I do not want to see his mom just come grab him, I do not want to see my brother-in-law wait for that to happen to do anything about it. The poor little guy does not need one more shake up, the kid is SCREAMING for some stability.

Would taking financial responsibilty for those things be enough? Would it at least hold sway? Or does he need to go through a whole custody thing? We do have a free custody clinic nearby in exchange for parenting classes (which THEY BOTH NEED!) and I keep telling him, but he just doesn't seem up for something so complicated, or maybe he is not up for losing his son's free healthcare and daycare.

But my husband and I are not very interested in losing our nephew, nor my kids their cousin. And I don't see the in-laws willing to take any action here either, which they should.

Thanks for any advice anyone could give me to convince my brother-in-law that he can not wait to do something about this.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Since my noob approach yesterday got me nowhere, I am starting a new thread on a seperate topic.

My brother in law and his ex have a 3 year old child together. (hope I am not breaking any of OhioGal's sticky note rules already simply by being this child's aunt. But I am hoping OhioGal can throw in her two cents here. she can't hurt my feelings, I will probably agree with her.)

I never try to hurt anyone's feelings.

They broke up and Mom who was living with my brother-in-law and my in-laws left. Leaving her son behind. She is living with her mom, commuting back and forth to school, drops by any old time she feels like it to visit, and as much as I can see how it negatively affects my nephew's behavior, she comes to visit so a judge would think that's a good thing? right? (GRRR)

Okay. Not necessarily.

Here's where my question comes in. Surprise! It's a tad complicated. There are no legal custody descisions in place it just is what it is. She has my nephew on medicaid and receives subsidized daycare for him meaning, welfare thinks he lives with her.

Has your BIL established paternity? IF not, he immediately needs to do that. He also needs to establish custody and support. He is also participating in fraud by the way since he KNOWS that his ex has the child on daycare and medicaid and the child does NOT live with him. That is a crime. Oh and if YOU know about it then you should also report it.

I hear my brother in law say "I will never let her take him." But I do not see him taking the financial responsibility to make that happen. She could just walk right in, take him out for McDonald's and not bring him back couldn't she?

Yep.

If I had the damn money for a lawyer I would take him myself! He is suffering from a mom who drops by or doesn't whenever she feels like it unannounced to wisk him away, a dad who is never home for important things like band practice and hockey practices and games, and two grandparents who let him run wild. But obviously a judge would never let me take him anyway. And if a judge did, I am not willing to tear my husband's family apart.

The child is three. How many band practices and hockey practices and games does the child have? Seriously.

Shouldn't my brother-in-law in fact take the financial responsibilty of healthcare and daycare (he may even qualify for welfare for them, who knows?) if he in fact has ANY rights?

He has no rights without a court order if he was not married to mom at the time of the child's birth.

Or is the fact that my nephew physically lives there enough?

Nope.

I do not want to see his mom just come grab him, I do not want to see my brother-in-law wait for that to happen to do anything about it. The poor little guy does not need one more shake up, the kid is SCREAMING for some stability.

Then tell your BIL it is time for him to man up.

Would taking financial responsibilty for those things be enough? Would it at least hold sway? Or does he need to go through a whole custody thing?

He needs to do the whole custody clinic.

We do have a free custody clinic nearby in exchange for parenting classes (which THEY BOTH NEED!) and I keep telling him, but he just doesn't seem up for something so complicated, or maybe he is not up for losing his son's free healthcare and daycare.

Then tell him he may be looking at spending time in jail for welfare fraud.

But my husband and I are not very interested in losing our nephew, nor my kids their cousin. And I don't see the in-laws willing to take any action here either, which they should.

Thanks for any advice anyone could give me to convince my brother-in-law that he can not wait to do something about this.

If being a man is not a good enough reason, tell him to do so to keep his butt out of prison for committing welfare fraud. Because you have a LEGAL duty to turn him in since you knwo that welfare fraud is happening.

 

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I never try to hurt anyone's feelings.

I realize that but from what I have seen around here alot of people think they are special and when they find out you don't think so it makes them sad.

Has your BIL established paternity? IF not, he immediately needs to do that. He also needs to establish custody and support. He is also participating in fraud by the way since he KNOWS that his ex has the child on daycare and medicaid and the child does NOT live with him. That is a crime. Oh and if YOU know about it then you should also report it.

No established paternity. Another thing that has kinda gotten my goat from the beginning. They were not even "together" when she got pregnant. Report it?! Can I do so anonymously? The lil one's maternal gramma is absolutely INSANE, he would totally think it was her if I can do it anonymously.

The child is three. How many band practices and hockey practices and games does the child have? Seriously.

ahaha! Exactly! You would think it was the child we were talking about here but it is indeed my 25 year old brother-in-law. Oh gawd you just made me laugh.

He has no rights without a court order if he was not married to mom at the time of the child's birth.

Then he needs to start taking the proper steps. Like 3 years ago.

If being a man is not a good enough reason, tell him to do so to keep his butt out of prison for committing welfare fraud. Because you have a LEGAL duty to turn him in since you knwo that welfare fraud is happening.

This will give me the perfect excuse to get him to clean this mess up. I feel as if it's not my business to be butting in to his affairs, but we do love our nephew and my kids love their cousin and the situation is just very sad. You are the best and I really do appreciate the time you took with my post.

Now lets see if I multi quoted correctly