Not sure of correct forum....

[buttonzzz]

What is the name of your state? Ohio.
I'm not sure if I have the right forum for this, but this is as close as I could find to what my situation is.
My fiance' had an affair. This girl has been calling me since before I knew about her, telling me that he was going out on me, etc. The thing is, she hasn't horassed me per say. She has caused me a lot of distress, but everything she has told me was the truth. He has ended things with her, but has met up with her a couple of times, when she called him telling him that she needed to discuss something important with him, and when he meets up with her, it's her asking him to go back with her. The thing is, she called me and told me they're having lunches together, etc. My question isn't really about that though. I'm just wondering if my fiance' is lying to me, because he doesn't trust that she's really been calling me. There's no way I could know everything I know, if she hadn't been calling me, but I think he still wants to believe her that she's not calling. He told me that the phone company told him to call his attorney, and that she could get the phone records for him to look at, to prove whether she's calling or not. I don't care if he can get the records or not, because it will only prove me right, but what I do care about is that I think he's lying to me, and if he is, I am done. I gave him a second chance, and it's working out well, but if there isn't trust, then I just can't keep fighting for us, because without trust, there is no relationship. I called an attorney this morning, and he said that an attorney cannot get phone records. He said that we would have to go through the police to do that. That he didn't see any way that any attorney could get them. Is this true? If it's true, and my fiance' was just lying to me, trying to see my reaction, to see if I was lying, then I'm going to leave. I apologize, because I do feel I'm asking this for my own reasons, and not for a legal reason. I just need to know, because I need to know what I'm dealing with here. I would appreciate any help that anyone could give me in answering my question. Thank you so much, in advance. Debbie

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Debbie,
You know who is telling the truth, you and this other woman, he is the liar, you are both victims. Stop the cycle, cut your losses and make a clean break with him. If there was harassment and there is not and if appropriate reports had been made to the police, then an attorney, usually the DA could subponea the phone records, that is not the case here, just a manipulative narcissistic immature little boy playing games with you.

Go out and do something good for your self.

 

[BlondiePB]

What is the name of your state? Ohio.
I'm not sure if I have the right forum for this, but this is as close as I could find to what my situation is.
My fiance' had an affair. This girl has been calling me since before I knew about her, telling me that he was going out on me, etc. The thing is, she hasn't horassed me per say. She has caused me a lot of distress, but everything she has told me was the truth. He has ended things with her, but has met up with her a couple of times, when she called him telling him that she needed to discuss something important with him, and when he meets up with her, it's her asking him to go back with her. The thing is, she called me and told me they're having lunches together, etc. My question isn't really about that though. I'm just wondering if my fiance' is lying to me, because he doesn't trust that she's really been calling me. There's no way I could know everything I know, if she hadn't been calling me, but I think he still wants to believe her that she's not calling. He told me that the phone company told him to call his attorney, and that she could get the phone records for him to look at, to prove whether she's calling or not. I don't care if he can get the records or not, because it will only prove me right, but what I do care about is that I think he's lying to me, and if he is, I am done. I gave him a second chance, and it's working out well, but if there isn't trust, then I just can't keep fighting for us, because without trust, there is no relationship. I called an attorney this morning, and he said that an attorney cannot get phone records. He said that we would have to go through the police to do that. That he didn't see any way that any attorney could get them. Is this true? If it's true, and my fiance' was just lying to me, trying to see my reaction, to see if I was lying, then I'm going to leave. I apologize, because I do feel I'm asking this for my own reasons, and not for a legal reason. I just need to know, because I need to know what I'm dealing with here. I would appreciate any help that anyone could give me in answering my question. Thank you so much, in advance. Debbie

Give him back the engagement ring, kick him to the curb, and find someone who is trustworthy.

 

[buttonzzz]

What can I say. You're right! Thanks so much for getting back with me so quickly, and for your words of strength. The way he has done me was cruel, to put it lightly. I lost 56 pounds in 3 months, laying in bed, mourning myself half to death. It's not as easy as that to leave him though. I'm disabled. I live on $550 a month. I could go to my parnents house, but they've got their hands so full right now, and I don't want to put any more stress on them. They are old, and not in the best of health, and are dealing with my brother, who lives next to them, and his 3 children.

We just lost my sister in law 2 months ago, and everyone is just out of sorts there. I can't just dump my problems on top of them, with everything else they're trying to deal with. On top of my disability, I was in a car accident 17 months ago, and am permenantly injured in my shoulder from that, and am in the middle of a lawsuit, and am just waiting for that to happen, and depending on how he's changed.... He begged me to stay. He does love me, but we went through a tough time with my injury after the car accident, and were arguing constantly. I was laid up in bed for 8 months, and everything was on him. He was working his regular full time job, plus taking care of the business by himself, and having to take care of me, and the house on top of it, and I was frustrated, and stressed over not being able to do anything. It was just a real mess around here. He just got sick of it all, and walked out one night. He met up with her, and the rest was history.

I'm definately not taking up for him. What he did was disgusting, and in my opinion, the worst thing one partner could do to the other. I just figure that right now I can't go anywhere anyway, so I'm going to watch, and see how he does between now and the end of the lawsuit. If everything is straightened out, I'll stay and see if we can work it out. If not, then I'm going to build a home on some land that my parents own, and move back home. If we do stay together after the lawsuit, I'm going to put the money in a safety deposit box, and give my son a key to it. That way, if anything happens to me, then he can go get it. My fiance' isn't going to touch it. I told him that the money is my insurance fund, in case he tries to pull something like this again. He's proven to me that he's capable of cheating, so I've got to have something to fall back on, if he does it again. As of now, I'm just not making a decision, one way or the other. I'm just watching, and waiting.

He hasn't had any contact with her in 2 weeks. I hadn't received any calls from her since he broke up with her (2 months ago) until 3 weeks ago. He called her, and confronted her about the first call 2 weeks ago, and he had a talk with her about doing that to me, and she hasn't called him since then. She called me a week later after that, but I haven't received any calls since then. It seems that it's over, but time will tell. He had been trying to tell her nicely that it was over, but she just wouldn't let it go. She was calling him at work constantly. He told her not to call him at work, because he was too busy, but she kept calling until he agreed to meet her at lunch. She was about to cost him his job. He's concerned about making her mad, because she has this obsession with me, and he is concerned about her coming after me.

I told him this is what happens when a man messes with a woman he finds in a bar. You just never know what you're going to find there. He brought the dirt into my life, and he has to get it out. I've held my dignity throughout this entire affair, but seems that is something she lacks in a big way. He said with her pulling this high school mess, he is worried about her state of mind, and about what else she might do. When he was with her, she did things to try to get me to leave. She left panties in his car, the prank calls of course, and messed with our door. When he was at her house, she had her daughter go get a copy of his house key, and the daughter, and her boyfriend would come and unlock my door, and leave it unlocked overnight. This happened a few times. This is why he's afraid to make her mad at me. She blames me for them not being together now.

He said he's learned his lesson, and realizes now that all women out there aren't like me, and knows now that they are capable of not so nice things, so he says if I will just stick with him through the healing process, that I won't regret it, and I'll be glad I stayed, and gave him another chance. I'm not making a decision either way yet. I'm just waiting, and letting fate take me where I feel I'm meant to be. As I said, if I still can't trust him when my money comes through, I'm on to a peaceful, happy life with my best friend (my dog). What ever way it all turns out, I'm going to be happy, and do the right thing for myself.

 

[stephenk]

you will never really trust him again, no matter how nice he is from now to the end of time. there will always be that voice in the back of your head reminding you whenever he is late coming home, or making calls that end when you enter the room, or you receiving hang up phone calls when you answer, smelling perfume on his shirt that isn't your brand, etc.

start fresh. your disability is no excuse to choose a loser.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

As you see, all this doesn't change the advice. Not only is he lying to you, he is taking advantage of you. Don't count on a windfall in your lawsuit, that may be what he is counting upon, you are not married, he has no valid claim to your settlement.