neidabrane
Junior Member
I will apologize in advance for this lengthy post, but I am a long winded type of story teller.
To start: I was divorced in the state of Georgia back in 1997. Due to a few reasons, I had/still have sole physical custody of our three children, with joint legal custody. At first, of course it was a very bitter relationship between my ex and me, gradually we became friends. We discussed almost EVERYTHING in regards to the children. They called him whenever they chose to, and visitation was very lenient. Granted, court ordered visitation was stricter than was possible since my ex is military.
Since 2000 (I believe), my ex and I have exchanged the children many times over. Neither one of us believing either was a better parent. The children did well in both households, and neither of us believed the other parent hurt the children. When they decided that they wanted to go back to the other parent (for a decent reason), that is exactly what they did.
In 2003, we both remarried. He moved to Hawaii, and I live in Pennsylvania. The court order still stands in the state of Georgia. My current situation barely allows me the ability to send them gifts, let alone any sort of support. Granted, my ex hasn't asked. But again, I still have sole physical custody of the children, albeit they live with him. Like I said, we had a great relationship that allowed for either of us to take care of the children without the concern that they may be harmed.
Now, today I found out that my youngest child has been medicated for the last two years for ADHD. I was never informed about a doctor's appt, never asked how I felt (although, he was tested when he lived with me, and at the time they did not recommend medication), only NOW after two years I was informed. I've never been given the opportunity to speak with a teacher, anyone in the school (even the name and address of the school), nor the psychiatrists they are seeing. I'm sure that the school does not have a copy of the divorce decree since it states I am the parent they live with. Last I knew, their step mom was the one that signed to have their records released from their last school. I do know that my youngest child calls her mom, and my daughter admitted that when she speaks about her to the teachers, she says mom. I assume that the school, and the doctors are unaware of me, as much as I was unaware of them.
So, if I should speak with my children and they tell me that they want to live with me, what options do I have? I'm not willing to just rip them out of the house, since they haven't just blurted out that they don't want to stay. My daughter had wanted to live with me, but she now says she has more options there. Understandable, but I'm not sure that is her opinion as much as her father's and stepmother's.
Since he is military I am considering calling the main Chaplain's office in Honolulu, and discussing with them the fact that I am slowly being alienated from my children. All the things that I used to discuss with my ex, he choses not to discuss with me.
As a matter of fact, when I asked him about what meds the youngest one was on, his exact response was: "It is of no concern to you!" And he accused me of asking the kids 20 questions rather than ask them how their day was. Which, if he discussed with me the things I asked him to, then I wouldn't feel the need to ask the kids anything other than, "How was your day". But the youngest was telling me about his teacher from 4th grade, and said he was his special ed teacher. I knew nothing of that, and asked about it. He said he had a spec ed teacher because of his behaviorial problems. It was at that point I asked him if he was on medication.
I'm not against him being on meds, per se... just the fact that I was uninformed, for TWO years. That is a major decision that should be made by all parties involved. By the way, he also has a supravalvular aortic stenosis. A condition that requires him to see a pediatric cardiologist. And my ex still can't tell me what the meds are that he is on.
So, before I chose to take any steps in this, I'm asking for advice. There are other factors involved in this, not that I want to openly discuss them at this time. Only because my oldest made a comment, but chose not to go into detail. I will have to ask him at a later time about the comment, and find out if it is true or false. Please, any help with this would be outstanding!!! I assume that since I have sole physical custody, I can actually just fly down there and take them, but that isn't something I am going to do unless I truly feel it's in their best interest.
Thank you, and again... sorry.What is the name of your state?
To start: I was divorced in the state of Georgia back in 1997. Due to a few reasons, I had/still have sole physical custody of our three children, with joint legal custody. At first, of course it was a very bitter relationship between my ex and me, gradually we became friends. We discussed almost EVERYTHING in regards to the children. They called him whenever they chose to, and visitation was very lenient. Granted, court ordered visitation was stricter than was possible since my ex is military.
Since 2000 (I believe), my ex and I have exchanged the children many times over. Neither one of us believing either was a better parent. The children did well in both households, and neither of us believed the other parent hurt the children. When they decided that they wanted to go back to the other parent (for a decent reason), that is exactly what they did.
In 2003, we both remarried. He moved to Hawaii, and I live in Pennsylvania. The court order still stands in the state of Georgia. My current situation barely allows me the ability to send them gifts, let alone any sort of support. Granted, my ex hasn't asked. But again, I still have sole physical custody of the children, albeit they live with him. Like I said, we had a great relationship that allowed for either of us to take care of the children without the concern that they may be harmed.
Now, today I found out that my youngest child has been medicated for the last two years for ADHD. I was never informed about a doctor's appt, never asked how I felt (although, he was tested when he lived with me, and at the time they did not recommend medication), only NOW after two years I was informed. I've never been given the opportunity to speak with a teacher, anyone in the school (even the name and address of the school), nor the psychiatrists they are seeing. I'm sure that the school does not have a copy of the divorce decree since it states I am the parent they live with. Last I knew, their step mom was the one that signed to have their records released from their last school. I do know that my youngest child calls her mom, and my daughter admitted that when she speaks about her to the teachers, she says mom. I assume that the school, and the doctors are unaware of me, as much as I was unaware of them.
So, if I should speak with my children and they tell me that they want to live with me, what options do I have? I'm not willing to just rip them out of the house, since they haven't just blurted out that they don't want to stay. My daughter had wanted to live with me, but she now says she has more options there. Understandable, but I'm not sure that is her opinion as much as her father's and stepmother's.
Since he is military I am considering calling the main Chaplain's office in Honolulu, and discussing with them the fact that I am slowly being alienated from my children. All the things that I used to discuss with my ex, he choses not to discuss with me.
As a matter of fact, when I asked him about what meds the youngest one was on, his exact response was: "It is of no concern to you!" And he accused me of asking the kids 20 questions rather than ask them how their day was. Which, if he discussed with me the things I asked him to, then I wouldn't feel the need to ask the kids anything other than, "How was your day". But the youngest was telling me about his teacher from 4th grade, and said he was his special ed teacher. I knew nothing of that, and asked about it. He said he had a spec ed teacher because of his behaviorial problems. It was at that point I asked him if he was on medication.
I'm not against him being on meds, per se... just the fact that I was uninformed, for TWO years. That is a major decision that should be made by all parties involved. By the way, he also has a supravalvular aortic stenosis. A condition that requires him to see a pediatric cardiologist. And my ex still can't tell me what the meds are that he is on.
So, before I chose to take any steps in this, I'm asking for advice. There are other factors involved in this, not that I want to openly discuss them at this time. Only because my oldest made a comment, but chose not to go into detail. I will have to ask him at a later time about the comment, and find out if it is true or false. Please, any help with this would be outstanding!!! I assume that since I have sole physical custody, I can actually just fly down there and take them, but that isn't something I am going to do unless I truly feel it's in their best interest.
Thank you, and again... sorry.What is the name of your state?