What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI
I apologize in advance as I know this will be long. I'm probably gonna ramble a bit, but I don't know exactly what is and what isn't relevant...so here goes...
My Son is 2.5. My Son's father takes him every other weekend (court order pending, papers have been signed).
Dad works from his home. There are weekends he skips because he is so busy with work, and he nearly always wants to meet up early to bring him back to me. When I get our Son back, he's usually got a full, wet diaper, and is still in his pajamas. I would pack an overnight bag with clothes for the next day and a sippy cup (we meet half way, it's over an hours drive). I now have to buy more pants and cups because I don't get them all back. I told him I was going to stop packing the bag because he wasn't sending things back...problem with that is then he had a place to go right after picking up our Son and didn't bring a bag either. I felt bad for my Son because his Dad didn't pack a bag with diapers or snacks, and Dad got on me for refusing to bring it. He blamed me saying "You know I'm no good at remembering this stuff, I don't have time to run home, now our Son will have to deal with a dirty diaper and no snacks, thanks a lot..." So I'm back to packing bags, I just stopped packing pants. Figure he has enough.
When Dad and I were together, he did not provide care for our child, I was a stay at home Mom and that was "my job". He loves him and all, I don't doubt that, loved seeing him around the house, and hugged and would toss him about for a minute or two here and there. But he never changed diapers, bathed him, fed him, read books, tucked him in...none of that. Recently I stayed and visited at Dad's house because his Dad wanted me to watch a certain movie...we're still relatively "friends". Anyway, I took that night as an opportunity to hang out and see what goes on there now. He had his handgun up on a shelf. Far from our two year olds grasp, but still. I recommended a safe, he said he'd keep it in his bedroom closet from now on. It is loaded. That didn't sit well with me at all.
He was on the computer in his office most of the time while I was there, just as he always was back in the day, maybe because he felt since I was there I'd care for our Son, or maybe that's just what he always does anyway. When it came time for bed I didn't intervene, because I was really curious as to what the routine was there.
At my home I have our Son in bed asleep by 10pm no later. We read books and this calms him, and I've shared our nightly routine with Dad. Well, by 11:30pm at Dad's house our Son was still walking around over tired to the point of bouts of crying, he was so obviously ready for bed. I went ahead then and asked when he planned on tucking him in. Dad said "Oh, I just let him stay up until he passes out." I started to tell him that really is no good for our Son, but he told me to not butt in to what he does on his time, let him do what works for him. So I just went ahead and tucked him in myself. Dad had no problem with that.
That explained a lot, because for at least three days after I get our Son back he's terribly difficult at bedtime, and my Daycare provider even notices the difference in his naps and behavior in the days after Daddy's weekends. He is fine again eventually, after I reset the routine, until Daddy's weekend arrives again. Explaining this to Dad has done me no good, he says that routines aren't as necessary as people think. "He'll survive" Is what I generally get.
He works online from home, and he's a work addict...he'll work all day, only stopping to sleep. He tells me this himself, like he's proud of it. He works odd hours, sometimes all night and sleeps a good part of the day, so he has a hard time adjusting to his weekends with our Son. I suggested to him to schedule his work hours so that he'd have time for his Son at least...but he finds his work too important to stop. He's invested a ton of money into it and isn't making enough of a profit from it yet. His site has a chat board on it and I can see when he's online. On his weekends with our Son I can't help but peek on his site throughout the day to see if he is on it. 9 times out of 10 he is actively on his site, sometimes even commenting about how our Son is bothering him to get off the computer.
I know he gets to parent as he wants to on his time...but I feel terrible for our Son because I really feel he is being neglected when there. When we lived together my eleven year old daughter would be there to care for our Son if I had to leave the house without them. My daughter is from a previous relationship. She told me he'd never leave the office and wouldn't do anything until our Son was finally having to demand attention for a diaper change or food. That was before he had his online business even...he is addicted to being online and watching tv. Now that it's just Daddy and our Son, I'm concerned.
He says he wants to possibly move out of State soon, back to where he's from, about 1000 miles away, and if I say no he'll take me back to court to try and change the order to be able to have our Son for chunks of the year. He wants 50% custody eventually he says.
To be honest, I don't even want him to have his overnights every other weekend anymore at this point, but I don't see how I could convince the judge of otherwise now that I've already agreed to it. I know he has every right to time with our Son, and should have it by all means, but he's not changing his ways it seems at all to adapt to his new single parenting lifestyle. Dummy me actually thought he would.
I got to move out of our County to be closer to my Mother for help...so for that I didn't want to rock the boat too much on the order...he originally wanted me to stay living closer to him and my attorney said he could likely win on that if he fought hard enough. So I just went with it and hoped for the best.
When our Son is older I think it'll be fine, even if Dad just sits on the computer all day. But now, so young, and knowing how his Dad is...I worry about our Son's safety in his house. He could be putting whatever in his mouth, around his neck, playing with whatever...Dad's not paying attention. Plus, since I was also the Maid when I lived there, his house is so nasty now it's unbelieveable. The things he'll let lay around...tools, scissors...I'm constantly putting things away when I stop in. (Though I only have to meet him halfway, I make it a point to visit a friend in the area some weekends so to have a reason to drop our Son off directly. This way I can see whats up at Dad's house but not seem like I'm checking up on him. Yes, I'm nosey and untrusting, I know.)
We do have in the order that the other parent can't move out of state without the others permission. I plan to say no to his moving out of state until our Son is older. I am letting my lawyer go as I can no longer afford him. I paid for all of our legal processes so far, my savings has run dry. I haven't kept a journal, all I have is my word. What do you recommend? If Dad does go ahead and move away, do you think it's likely a judge would allow him to take our Son out there for any amount of time? When our Son is older I could understand that, but now, so young, would a judge really consider that?
I'm scared of representing myself...but I cannot afford to do this any other way. If I thought I had a good chance to win this, I honestly would consider going back and trying to change our current order to daytime visitations only, every weekend...though we live over an hour from eachother I would be willing to do the driving to have him spend 5-8 hours a day Saturday and Sunday with him. I am not trying to be a jerk to Dad, I'm concerned for our Son is all. Is that worth pursuing though? After reading most of what I've read on this site, I fear I may just come off as a controlling Mom trying to get Dad out of the picture...I really am not. The every other weekend sleepover is nothing compared to the thought of him taking him for weeks alone 1000 miles away anyways...that is my main concern.
I apologize in advance as I know this will be long. I'm probably gonna ramble a bit, but I don't know exactly what is and what isn't relevant...so here goes...
My Son is 2.5. My Son's father takes him every other weekend (court order pending, papers have been signed).
Dad works from his home. There are weekends he skips because he is so busy with work, and he nearly always wants to meet up early to bring him back to me. When I get our Son back, he's usually got a full, wet diaper, and is still in his pajamas. I would pack an overnight bag with clothes for the next day and a sippy cup (we meet half way, it's over an hours drive). I now have to buy more pants and cups because I don't get them all back. I told him I was going to stop packing the bag because he wasn't sending things back...problem with that is then he had a place to go right after picking up our Son and didn't bring a bag either. I felt bad for my Son because his Dad didn't pack a bag with diapers or snacks, and Dad got on me for refusing to bring it. He blamed me saying "You know I'm no good at remembering this stuff, I don't have time to run home, now our Son will have to deal with a dirty diaper and no snacks, thanks a lot..." So I'm back to packing bags, I just stopped packing pants. Figure he has enough.
When Dad and I were together, he did not provide care for our child, I was a stay at home Mom and that was "my job". He loves him and all, I don't doubt that, loved seeing him around the house, and hugged and would toss him about for a minute or two here and there. But he never changed diapers, bathed him, fed him, read books, tucked him in...none of that. Recently I stayed and visited at Dad's house because his Dad wanted me to watch a certain movie...we're still relatively "friends". Anyway, I took that night as an opportunity to hang out and see what goes on there now. He had his handgun up on a shelf. Far from our two year olds grasp, but still. I recommended a safe, he said he'd keep it in his bedroom closet from now on. It is loaded. That didn't sit well with me at all.
He was on the computer in his office most of the time while I was there, just as he always was back in the day, maybe because he felt since I was there I'd care for our Son, or maybe that's just what he always does anyway. When it came time for bed I didn't intervene, because I was really curious as to what the routine was there.
At my home I have our Son in bed asleep by 10pm no later. We read books and this calms him, and I've shared our nightly routine with Dad. Well, by 11:30pm at Dad's house our Son was still walking around over tired to the point of bouts of crying, he was so obviously ready for bed. I went ahead then and asked when he planned on tucking him in. Dad said "Oh, I just let him stay up until he passes out." I started to tell him that really is no good for our Son, but he told me to not butt in to what he does on his time, let him do what works for him. So I just went ahead and tucked him in myself. Dad had no problem with that.
That explained a lot, because for at least three days after I get our Son back he's terribly difficult at bedtime, and my Daycare provider even notices the difference in his naps and behavior in the days after Daddy's weekends. He is fine again eventually, after I reset the routine, until Daddy's weekend arrives again. Explaining this to Dad has done me no good, he says that routines aren't as necessary as people think. "He'll survive" Is what I generally get.
He works online from home, and he's a work addict...he'll work all day, only stopping to sleep. He tells me this himself, like he's proud of it. He works odd hours, sometimes all night and sleeps a good part of the day, so he has a hard time adjusting to his weekends with our Son. I suggested to him to schedule his work hours so that he'd have time for his Son at least...but he finds his work too important to stop. He's invested a ton of money into it and isn't making enough of a profit from it yet. His site has a chat board on it and I can see when he's online. On his weekends with our Son I can't help but peek on his site throughout the day to see if he is on it. 9 times out of 10 he is actively on his site, sometimes even commenting about how our Son is bothering him to get off the computer.
I know he gets to parent as he wants to on his time...but I feel terrible for our Son because I really feel he is being neglected when there. When we lived together my eleven year old daughter would be there to care for our Son if I had to leave the house without them. My daughter is from a previous relationship. She told me he'd never leave the office and wouldn't do anything until our Son was finally having to demand attention for a diaper change or food. That was before he had his online business even...he is addicted to being online and watching tv. Now that it's just Daddy and our Son, I'm concerned.
He says he wants to possibly move out of State soon, back to where he's from, about 1000 miles away, and if I say no he'll take me back to court to try and change the order to be able to have our Son for chunks of the year. He wants 50% custody eventually he says.
To be honest, I don't even want him to have his overnights every other weekend anymore at this point, but I don't see how I could convince the judge of otherwise now that I've already agreed to it. I know he has every right to time with our Son, and should have it by all means, but he's not changing his ways it seems at all to adapt to his new single parenting lifestyle. Dummy me actually thought he would.
I got to move out of our County to be closer to my Mother for help...so for that I didn't want to rock the boat too much on the order...he originally wanted me to stay living closer to him and my attorney said he could likely win on that if he fought hard enough. So I just went with it and hoped for the best.
When our Son is older I think it'll be fine, even if Dad just sits on the computer all day. But now, so young, and knowing how his Dad is...I worry about our Son's safety in his house. He could be putting whatever in his mouth, around his neck, playing with whatever...Dad's not paying attention. Plus, since I was also the Maid when I lived there, his house is so nasty now it's unbelieveable. The things he'll let lay around...tools, scissors...I'm constantly putting things away when I stop in. (Though I only have to meet him halfway, I make it a point to visit a friend in the area some weekends so to have a reason to drop our Son off directly. This way I can see whats up at Dad's house but not seem like I'm checking up on him. Yes, I'm nosey and untrusting, I know.)
We do have in the order that the other parent can't move out of state without the others permission. I plan to say no to his moving out of state until our Son is older. I am letting my lawyer go as I can no longer afford him. I paid for all of our legal processes so far, my savings has run dry. I haven't kept a journal, all I have is my word. What do you recommend? If Dad does go ahead and move away, do you think it's likely a judge would allow him to take our Son out there for any amount of time? When our Son is older I could understand that, but now, so young, would a judge really consider that?
I'm scared of representing myself...but I cannot afford to do this any other way. If I thought I had a good chance to win this, I honestly would consider going back and trying to change our current order to daytime visitations only, every weekend...though we live over an hour from eachother I would be willing to do the driving to have him spend 5-8 hours a day Saturday and Sunday with him. I am not trying to be a jerk to Dad, I'm concerned for our Son is all. Is that worth pursuing though? After reading most of what I've read on this site, I fear I may just come off as a controlling Mom trying to get Dad out of the picture...I really am not. The every other weekend sleepover is nothing compared to the thought of him taking him for weeks alone 1000 miles away anyways...that is my main concern.