Not your typical name change ?

[escape2paradise]

Update to the chaos and new questions

What is the name of your state? WA

My daughter has always had my last name. I am in the middle of a parentage/custody case. X was never legally established as Dad, but will be soon. X wants to change DD name to his. She is 13 yrs. Is this likely to be granted?

 

[nextwife]

It is possible the court may compromise and add dad's name.

My hubby's last name WAS changed at age 14. So, kids do still have their names changed at that age.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? WA

My daughter has always had my last name. I am in the middle of a parentage/custody case. X was never legally established as Dad, but will be soon. X wants to change DD name to his. She is 13 yrs. Is this likely to be granted?

I'm going to Respectfully disagree...You are in WA. Child is 13...therefore, child has 'established' their maiden name. Unless this child has carried her surname is in legal records of any sort....Dad is more than a day late, and more than a dollar short. Unlikely to happen.

Care to share the facts surrounding this case?

 

[escape2paradise]

I'm going to Respectfully disagree...You are in WA. Child is 13...therefore, child has 'established' their maiden name. Unless this child has carried her surname is in legal records of any sort....Dad is more than a day late, and more than a dollar short. Unlikely to happen.

Care to share the facts surrounding this case?

I was young and dumb. Married to X, then he became addicted to cocaine. We divorced. A year later we fooled around, got pregnant. X went to treatment stayed sober for a bit. I gave it until DD was one year. He started partying again and we went our separate ways. I didn't put X on birth cert. as I knew things were less than likely to work out and given the troubles he had I didn't want to make it any easier for him to have his "parental rights". His parents had money and I didn't.

I remained friends w/ he and his family. They have always been involved, we've just never had any legal agreements. His involvement has been visitation, attending her events etc...As he was prone to partying, his involvement has been flaky, he has disappeared for months and months etc...I have done all the care, doctors, school extra curriculars etc...He got remarried a little over a year ago and guess what? All of a sudden after 12 yrs. we couldn't get along anymore. His wife tried to collect money for an auto accident on behalf of my daughter. She committed fraud and signed as her legal guardian. The insurance company settled the claim with her. I found out and was furious, didn't press charges or anything, but she was humiliated as she tries to play Ms. Goody and is probably more than a little jealous of my relationships to the X's family, especially his mom. Anyway, that's when the you know what hit the fan.

X decided he wanted his parental rights. They started planning to obtain custody in July/Aug 06. Started working on DD about coming to live with them. Started "sympathizing" w/ her about how she had to do chores here and how annoying her little brothers were. How we treat her like a child when she is really a little adult. Literally convincing her that she is abused here. How she is the only child at their place, taking her on a regular basis, buying her expensive things. He started showing her more attention than he ever has and boy was she eating it up. She finally was getting the "relationship" she always wanted with her dad. February after he has sufficiently had her where he wanted her, he filed a parentage and custody action against me claiming abuse. This after 13 yrs of he and his family raving about what a wonderful job I've done with her. Anyway, DD is in counseling, we've done family counseling, we have a GAL involved. X's accusations of abuse have been unfounded, DD is coming around and realizes what her dad has been up to with her. She has caught him in multiple lies and continues to figure things out.

Meanwhile X is screwing up big time. GAL's preliminary report calls him on most of his bull. His alienation, lying, instability (hasn't worked in yrs and yrs.) X was supposed to have DD for half of summer, but conveniently shaved his head 3 days after GAL asked for a hair follicle test. Now summer is coming to an end and we are still waiting to see what is going to happen.

 

[stealth2]

While a court *might* hyphenate her name, I personally think it's unlikely given the circumstances. Unless your daughter really wants it.

 

[escape2paradise]

While a court *might* hyphenate her name, I personally think it's unlikely given the circumstances. Unless your daughter really wants it.

I'm not sure what she wants at this point. When all this started she was insisting on dad's name. Not even 6 months prior she was asking to legally change her name to my current last name. I personally think we should wait until the dust settles from all of this and see what she really wants, but I realize this will be up to the court.

 

[casa]

I was young and dumb. Married to X, then he became addicted to cocaine. We divorced. A year later we fooled around, got pregnant. X went to treatment stayed sober for a bit. I gave it until DD was one year. He started partying again and we went our separate ways. I didn't put X on birth cert. as I knew things were less than likely to work out and given the troubles he had I didn't want to make it any easier for him to have his "parental rights". His parents had money and I didn't.

I remained friends w/ he and his family. They have always been involved, we've just never had any legal agreements. His involvement has been visitation, attending her events etc...As he was prone to partying, his involvement has been flaky, he has disappeared for months and months etc...I have done all the care, doctors, school extra curriculars etc...He got remarried a little over a year ago and guess what? All of a sudden after 12 yrs. we couldn't get along anymore. His wife tried to collect money for an auto accident on behalf of my daughter. She committed fraud and signed as her legal guardian. The insurance company settled the claim with her. I found out and was furious, didn't press charges or anything, but she was humiliated as she tries to play Ms. Goody and is probably more than a little jealous of my relationships to the X's family, especially his mom. Anyway, that's when the you know what hit the fan.

X decided he wanted his parental rights. They started planning to obtain custody in July/Aug 06. Started working on DD about coming to live with them. Started "sympathizing" w/ her about how she had to do chores here and how annoying her little brothers were. How we treat her like a child when she is really a little adult. Literally convincing her that she is abused here. How she is the only child at their place, taking her on a regular basis, buying her expensive things. He started showing her more attention than he ever has and boy was she eating it up. She finally was getting the "relationship" she always wanted with her dad. February after he has sufficiently had her where he wanted her, he filed a parentage and custody action against me claiming abuse. This after 13 yrs of he and his family raving about what a wonderful job I've done with her. Anyway, DD is in counseling, we've done family counseling, we have a GAL involved. X's accusations of abuse have been unfounded, DD is coming around and realizes what her dad has been up to with her. She has caught him in multiple lies and continues to figure things out.

Meanwhile X is screwing up big time. GAL's preliminary report calls him on most of his bull. His alienation, lying, instability (hasn't worked in yrs and yrs.) X was supposed to have DD for half of summer, but conveniently shaved his head 3 days after GAL asked for a hair follicle test. Now summer is coming to an end and we are still waiting to see what is going to happen.

Offer hyphenation. Just cut to the chase before the court has to. Later when her head clears again, she can just drop it off the end.

Hmmmm WA let him get out of a follicle test just bc he shaved his head? Wow, in CA we have alternate methods of hair follicle testing which can be so humiliating, people rarely want to try that stunt twice.

Having a sharp GAL really makes or breaks a case...I hope your daughter is strongly represented by her. Let us know what happens.

 

[escape2paradise]

Offer hyphenation. Just cut to the chase before the court has to. Later when her head clears again, she can just drop it off the end.

Hmmmm WA let him get out of a follicle test just bc he shaved his head? Wow, in CA we have alternate methods of hair follicle testing which can be so humiliating, people rarely want to try that stunt twice.

Having a sharp GAL really makes or breaks a case...I hope your daughter is strongly represented by her. Let us know what happens.

We don't know if he is going to get out of it or not. We haven't been back to court. Right now he has no visitation. The temp order we had, listed dates of visitation as we expected to be back in court before the dates ran out. Then, we were waiting on GAL report and she said I get first half of summer, dad gets second with follicle test and then he pulls a Britney Spears on us. He is still angling to get time, but it is running out. I imagine we will be back in court this week.

I am losing faith in the GAL involved in our case. She is wishy washy. Knows X is trying his best to alienate her, knows X has been involved in her running away 2 times, know X is a complete liar, yet doesn't place restrictions on him as per the codes of WA. For instance with the test, she says get follicle, X agrees and wants temp order for summer signed saying he will get test within 72 hrs. but wants a week longer visitation than GAL says. I say no, a week later we get letter from his attorney saying he can no longer do follicle test as he has donated his hair for cancer, but will do a UA instead. GAL says sorry, then dad comes back w/ a UA, from a doctors office no less, and she says "well okay". GAL seems more interested in giving DD exactly what she says she wants than in protecting her best interests. However, DD was saying exactly what X told her to. I say "was" as DD is wising up and I believe has finally figured out what X is really about. A sad reality for her. It's been extremely hard letting her figure this out for herself, my tongue is extremely sore for the many times I have had to bite it lately.

 

[CourtClerk]

We don't know if he is going to get out of it or not. We haven't been back to court. Right now he has no visitation. The temp order we had, listed dates of visitation as we expected to be back in court before the dates ran out. Then, we were waiting on GAL report and she said I get first half of summer, dad gets second with follicle test and then he pulls a Britney Spears on us. He is still angling to get time, but it is running out. I imagine we will be back in court this week.

I too am suprised he got out of the hair follicle test. Donated his hair for cancer??? Ok...but there is more than one way to skin the hair follicle test cat. Think pubic hair... this is what happens here in CA.

I am losing faith in the GAL involved in our case. She is wishy washy. Knows X is trying his best to alienate her, knows X has been involved in her running away 2 times, know X is a complete liar, yet doesn't place restrictions on him as per the codes of WA. For instance with the test, she says get follicle, X agrees and wants temp order for summer signed saying he will get test within 72 hrs. but wants a week longer visitation than GAL says. I say no, a week later we get letter from his attorney saying he can no longer do follicle test as he has donated his hair for cancer, but will do a UA instead. GAL says sorry, then dad comes back w/ a UA, from a doctors office no less, and she says "well okay". GAL seems more interested in giving DD exactly what she says she wants than in protecting her best interests. However, DD was saying exactly what X told her to. I say "was" as DD is wising up and I believe has finally figured out what X is really about. A sad reality for her. It's been extremely hard letting her figure this out for herself, my tongue is extremely sore for the many times I have had to bite it lately.

Stay the course. It's frustrating I'm sure... and get some ice for that tongue. If you try a jello shot every once in a while, it may make it better....

 

[escape2paradise]

Stay the course. It's frustrating I'm sure... and get some ice for that tongue. If you try a jello shot every once in a while, it may make it better....

We are asking for alternate follicle testing methods, underarm, pubic etc... Evidently it is hard to find a place to collect the pubic hair for testing. I guess I'll just wait and see. I wouldn't be surprised if X now claims he accidently used Nair instead of body soap and is completely hairless. I don't know if I'll be able to keep a straight face in court when he shows up bald and if he claims hairlessness I guess I'll just be LMAO on the inside!

 

[escape2paradise]

Okay, so we went into court 8/16. X didn't get the rest of the summer as he was hoping. What he got were daytime only visits for the rest of the summer, starting the next day. He only took advantage of 4 of the days as supposedly after upteen years of being unemployed he suddenly had to work. Wonder if he'll still have that job when it comes time to go into court for CS?

X has not had visitation since 9/3. His attorney sends my attorney a proposed visitation schedule. He proposes EOW until our trial date in March. I respond with a NO! Nothing has changed. X still has not done hair follice, still not gone to counseling, taken the required parenting class, filled out the GAL questionaire, provided references, signed a release so GAL can access his records. Still talking the talk to DD etc....GAL agrees that visitation should still be limited to daytime EOW now or supervised weekends at X's mom's house.

The day my attorney responded I saw X at DD softball game. He created a huge scene directed at my mom, until he saw me walking in then he went to rant at me. He was dropping the F bomb left and right, stating that he has nothing to lose at this point and that I and my entire family were going to be sorry and we're gonna pay. He was furious to say the least, flailing his arms all around etc...I was scared he was going to hit me. Anyway, DD game was completely disrupted, students and parents were all standing with mouths open. To say the least it was embarassing for me and DD was mortified.

Now as for the questions. Given that X has done nothing to comply, it is looking like the court will continue to order limited visits. What I'm wondering is, if he still hasn't complied by the time we go to trial, what is the point? Will the court postpone the trial? Will it carry on? If it does carry on, is the court likely to make a permanent plan that has such limited visitations?

 

[casa]

Okay, so we went into court 8/16. X didn't get the rest of the summer as he was hoping. What he got were daytime only visits for the rest of the summer, starting the next day. He only took advantage of 4 of the days as supposedly after upteen years of being unemployed he suddenly had to work. Wonder if he'll still have that job when it comes time to go into court for CS?

X has not had visitation since 9/3. His attorney sends my attorney a proposed visitation schedule. He proposes EOW until our trial date in March. I respond with a NO! Nothing has changed. X still has not done hair follice, still not gone to counseling, taken the required parenting class, filled out the GAL questionaire, provided references, signed a release so GAL can access his records. Still talking the talk to DD etc....GAL agrees that visitation should still be limited to daytime EOW now or supervised weekends at X's mom's house.

The day my attorney responded I saw X at DD softball game. He created a huge scene directed at my mom, until he saw me walking in then he went to rant at me. He was dropping the F bomb left and right, stating that he has nothing to lose at this point and that I and my entire family were going to be sorry and we're gonna pay. He was furious to say the least, flailing his arms all around etc...I was scared he was going to hit me. Anyway, DD game was completely disrupted, students and parents were all standing with mouths open. To say the least it was embarassing for me and DD was mortified.

Now as for the questions. Given that X has done nothing to comply, it is looking like the court will continue to order limited visits. What I'm wondering is, if he still hasn't complied by the time we go to trial, what is the point? Will the court postpone the trial? Will it carry on? If it does carry on, is the court likely to make a permanent plan that has such limited visitations?

I would gather affidavits/declarations from parents/coaches, etc. that witnessed that event. It does only reinforce the need for Supervised visitation.

If X doesn't comply....when you go to trial he'll lose all credibility. The trial won't be postponed unless there is a legitimate legal reason- not just because your X didn't get it together in time. The court IS likely to make a permanent plan with those restrictions....because he can't even handle them or compliance on a temporary basis ~ which just speaks to his inability to constructively co-parent in any real way in the future.

 

[escape2paradise]

I would gather affidavits/declarations from parents/coaches, etc. that witnessed that event. It does only reinforce the need for Supervised visitation.

If X doesn't comply....when you go to trial he'll lose all credibility. The trial won't be postponed unless there is a legitimate legal reason- not just because your X didn't get it together in time. The court IS likely to make a permanent plan with those restrictions....because he can't even handle them or compliance on a temporary basis ~ which just speaks to his inability to constructively co-parent in any real way in the future.

I am getting an affidavit from the coach. I just don't know how much everybody else heard. I was embarassed and didn't go around talking to anyone about it after the fact. When he confronted me I was just walking onto school grounds. We were across the ball field, but he was loud and up in my face flailing his arms so that everybody was watching.

I may sound crazy, but I hope he gets his act together before the trial. I don't care about him, but my DD does deserve a relationship with her dad. I am sad for her.