Notebook

[concernedmom4ki]

Can anyone explain to me what I am supposed to be putting in these 'notebooks' - you know,. the notes you keep on the kids and custody, etc.

I don't have time to do it but I know I need to!! So, can anyone please explain to me what I need in it and what is the easiest way to do it?

THANK you for any and all input and advice!

P.S. Please be nice because I really don't want anyone mad at me!

 

[tigger22472]

They are simply to document things that happen no matter big or small. They are used as reminders for you and not admissible in court.

I don't use a notebook but a folder. Inside I have all conversations that were done through e-mail, letters from CSE, a journal of contact and visitation, receipts of things, court papers... etc.

 

[Mudhoney98]

I put the same things as Tigger--the folder is a good idea. I use a binder and have it sectioned off with dividers. I have one for receipts, one for support payments, one for communication, etc. Also, I print calendars off one of the free printing websites and write down everytime we communicate. Other posters have said this doesn't really make a difference, but it has for me. That way, if you are ever in court, you can HONESTLY say my ex only calls or visits every couple months. It has also been handy for me to say I called him on XX/XX and told him about the recital, dr. appt, etc. Unfortunately, it is not admissible in court, but at least it makes you look more prepared by having exact dates.

 

[tigger22472]

Well, legally it isn't admissable but it does help you remember and it keep you organized because the reciepts and paperwork does help. The thing that it has helped me with actually is credibility with my kids (not that I needed it necessarily). As they are older and there has been a TPR and adoption in their case I'm more open about things with them now. If they have a question 9 times out of 10 I have the answer in that folder and it's been there... long before they asked.

 

[Mudhoney98]

Wow Tigger...I never thought of that. What a great point. I often think about that since my daughter is young and I know one day she will start asking questions. I never thought about how I can answer the questions using my binder. That way I don't have to say anything... "the proof is in the pudding." Thanks for bringing that up.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

I put the same things as Tigger--the folder is a good idea. I use a binder and have it sectioned off with dividers. I have one for receipts, one for support payments, one for communication, etc. Also, I print calendars off one of the free printing websites and write down everytime we communicate. Other posters have said this doesn't really make a difference, but it has for me. That way, if you are ever in court, you can HONESTLY say my ex only calls or visits every couple months. It has also been handy for me to say I called him on XX/XX and told him about the recital, dr. appt, etc. Unfortunately, it is not admissible in court, but at least it makes you look more prepared by having exact dates.

I just feel so exhausted trying to keep everything written down - seems like it's making things 4 times longer than it has to be - I feel like I should just do it and go on....So much work, ya know?

But, I start notebooks and then misplace them too. I just found a notebook two days ago that I started 5 years ago that had a diary, I guess, started that said how my ex was treating me and what he said and who he went to another town with and partied with instead of coming home to me and the kids.. but he tells the kids he is the church-going man and he is surprised I finally starting going to church - when I was the one going to church and he griped that he wasn't going, he was tired - now he acts all saintly - and yes, I got out of church because I lost faith when my marriage the first time fell apart but it doesn't mean I was the one that was being devil-ish either!

 

[tigger22472]

Wow Tigger...I never thought of that. What a great point. I often think about that since my daughter is young and I know one day she will start asking questions. I never thought about how I can answer the questions using my binder. That way I don't have to say anything... "the proof is in the pudding." Thanks for bringing that up.

Yeah it really has been helpful. When we were going through the TPR and adoption they really asked questions that I had 'candy coated' or didn't discuss with them (i.e child support issues, comments made by bio). At that point I brought out the folder and showed them things. I was able to tell them to the DAY that something happened and how. I was able to use the folder to remind me of situations.. etc. They are now well aware of the folder and know that if there is anything they want to know I will have it there. I have promised them to keep it forever because in our case I'm sure the bio will come later in their lives and try telling them stories. They know the answers are there, and the proof is there to back me up.

 

[tigger22472]

I just feel so exhausted trying to keep everything written down - seems like it's making things 4 times longer than it has to be - I feel like I should just do it and go on....So much work, ya know?

But, I start notebooks and then misplace them too. I just found a notebook two days ago that I started 5 years ago that had a diary, I guess, started that said how my ex was treating me and what he said and who he went to another town with and partied with instead of coming home to me and the kids.. but he tells the kids he is the church-going man and he is surprised I finally starting going to church - when I was the one going to church and he griped that he wasn't going, he was tired - now he acts all saintly - and yes, I got out of church because I lost faith when my marriage the first time fell apart but it doesn't mean I was the one that was being devil-ish either!

Things like that are simply theraputic for you. The purpose of a folder is to keep general information in there with short notes.

For instance I have a chart for child support and a 'visitation and contact journal'. The journal consists very lightly of things like.... 'On April XX, 2000... X picked up kids at our home and returned them on XXX. Kids stated XXXX happened".. It's just very brief.

Going into your feelings is just simply for you.

The fastest and easiest way to do it is to do it on a word doc on your computer and keep it on disk and print it out every so often.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

Yeah it really has been helpful. When we were going through the TPR and adoption they really asked questions that I had 'candy coated' or didn't discuss with them (i.e child support issues, comments made by bio). At that point I brought out the folder and showed them things. I was able to tell them to the DAY that something happened and how. I was able to use the folder to remind me of situations.. etc. They are now well aware of the folder and know that if there is anything they want to know I will have it there. I have promised them to keep it forever because in our case I'm sure the bio will come later in their lives and try telling them stories. They know the answers are there, and the proof is there to back me up.

Yeah - my mother always told me the kids would figure out the truth and realize the games their father plays, but until this year - I never realized how true that was!

I just need to figure out how to do it - notebook and all - when I remember things, a lot of times I am at work and someone has already warned me not to be doing anything that is not work related at work because they know I opened the case back up and don't want me working on court stuff at work... which is a pain because things pop in my head I need to write down -

 

[haiku]

simpley using a calender and writing in the squares is an easy way to do it too. I keep a regular boring free calendar from the bank in my desk drawer when ever something happens of note, I write it down on the calendar, at the end of the year the whole calender gets put in the "divorce file" with the canceled support checks.