Now what??

[cmykds]

What is the name of your state? WI

I'm going through a custody dispute with my ex regarding our 2 children. We recently went through a custody evalution, and due to the final recommendations, being vague, seemingly incomplete, and my feeling that a lot of information was overlooked I did not agree to the recommendations. Basically to sum them up, the recommendations were for each parent to have the kids everyother week, and half of thanksgiving, half of christmas, alternating the first part of the holiday every other year, and me getting fathers her getting mothers day. THAT IS IT... There was no mention of the school year, we live in different counties so obviously this schedule would not work, the GAL and custoday evaluator stated several times that my ex moved back to my county, etc. She has never and does not reside in the same county as I and lives over an hour away. So we are going to trial on October 5th.

Since this temporary visitation schedule has been in place (about 4 months) it has been a nightmare. The kids are not adjusting well at all, and when they come home every other week there are nightmares, and accidents every night for the first 3 or 4 days. This has also been observed by their teachers at school during nap times. My daughter came home last time with a black eye that we were told was caused by a swing (possible so I didn't persue it), and this time my son came home with a bruise on his bottom that was pretty obviously caused by a finger, and being spanked too hard. Things have been extremely odd, my ex's husband was arrested for DV against her the end of May, which I was told had nothing to do with my kids, and since then they have sent their 1 yo son to live with her husbands mom in Texas, that in itself is extremely odd to me that she'd let her 1 yo live over a 1000 miles away...
I called the police and made a report about the bruise my son had the police agreed that it was a finger shaped bruise, but told me that it might be hard for anything to be done about it because one of them (my ex or her husband) would have to admit to spanking him too hard, but that I did the right thing, if for nothing else to have the documentation. That the report will be handed over to the detectives and they will investigate then it will go to the DA to decided on whether or not to pursue charges.

My question is this, what will happen now? I'm really worried about sending my kids back to her this Friday, is there anything I can do, or will they still have to go back? I beleive the kids need a relationship with both of us, but I do not believe my ex's life right now is neither healthy or stable. I'm trying to do everything right and protect my kids.

 

[LdiJ]

How are your kids getting to school during mom's week?

If the distance is close enough that the kids can get back and forth to school, then it may be hard to fight the recommendation of the evaluators.

You are going to need to prove your allegations to have much hope.

 

[cmykds]

How are your kids getting to school during mom's week?

If the distance is close enough that the kids can get back and forth to school, then it may be hard to fight the recommendation of the evaluators.

You are going to need to prove your allegations to have much hope.

Currently, my kids are only 3 and 4. My son is in Day Care, and my Daughter just started pre-school. Neither of which according to the custody evaluator "really matter" right now.

Our/my (she'd fighting for the same thing the kids fill time during the school year) concern is with when our daughter starts kindergarden next fall, I at least didn't want to have to go back to court in another year...

I know i need proof of everything that is where I'm getting so frustrated, I thought I had been providing proof all along since this all began in October 2005, when she left and took off with my kids to Texas without notification, doesn't matter that she broke the law, because hey she's back now, doesn't matter that I had to have the police locate her, and had I not known the law would still not know where my kids were. But apparently what I've provided is not good enough for the GAL or evaluator, because everything I give them I'm told doesn't matter. I don't know what exactly it is that I need to show them.

I've provided police reports of all the DV in their home "doesn't matter kids weren't there" her other child was and she even stated in the police report that she had been drinking all night and was planning on taking their son and driving to her Moms at 3 am 1/2 hour away, but that "doesn't matter", court documentation showing all of her evictions, this past year (4), provided proof off all of her address changes (8) in a year. No one in her household currently holds a job. I don't know what else I need to do to show her enrivornment/lifestyle is unstable. I told them alarming things my daughter has said which I realize coming from a 4 year old, ya never know but I felt they would at the very least question these things. She has been caught in numerous lies by the evaluator, GAL, Court Commissioners.

I just hope the Judge see's throough the things everyone else seems to be ignoring/over looking. During our meeting with him (when he scheduled the trial) he seemed like he wasn't buying into what she was selling, so hopefully things will go well...

I was mainly just wondering now what happens with this police investigation. Do CPS get involved, what if they lie about doing it and don't admit it does do they just let it go?

 

[ceara19]

Have the kids told you anything about how your daughter got the bruises? The 2 year old may be too young to understand, but the 4 year old should be able to answer simple questions. If they haven't said anything yet, DO NOT question them about the matter. Wait for the police or child protective services to talk to them. If you were to talk to them first, mom could try to argue that you "coached" the kids.

You can petition the court for emergency custody while the investigation is being done. The judge may not feel the same way about the DV and other problems as the GAL does.

 

[cmykds]

Have the kids told you anything about how your daughter got the bruises? The 2 year old may be too young to understand, but the 4 year old should be able to answer simple questions. If they haven't said anything yet, DO NOT question them about the matter. Wait for the police or child protective services to talk to them. If you were to talk to them first, mom could try to argue that you "coached" the kids.

You can petition the court for emergency custody while the investigation is being done. The judge may not feel the same way about the DV and other problems as the GAL does.

I asked how he got the owie, and my daughter the 4 yo, said he was climbing on their little brothers dresser and fell (that was something that happend about 2 months ago). But that's it.

I'm supposed to hear back from the police as to the status of everything by Wednesday, once I have the report I plan on going to file for emergency custody, hopefully they will give it to me, I fear sending the kids back (Friday afternoon) ecspecially now, for retaliation. Not against me but the kids.

 

[LdiJ]

I asked how he got the owie, and my daughter the 4 yo, said he was climbing on their little brothers dresser and fell (that was something that happend about 2 months ago). But that's it.

I'm supposed to hear back from the police as to the status of everything by Wednesday, once I have the report I plan on going to file for emergency custody, hopefully they will give it to me, I fear sending the kids back (Friday afternoon) ecspecially now, for retaliation. Not against me but the kids.

I realize that mom's lifestyle is not stable. However, you really don't have any "smoking guns" at this point. One single bruise that could be the shape of a finger, isn't much to go on. He could have fallen and sat down hard on a toy or something.

I am saying this because everything else that you have was already taken into consideration by the evaluators. The bruise is the only thing new.

You may have to send them. You are at a delicate stage in the whole custody process. You have an evaluator who is recommending 50/50....and a judge who has ordered it on a temporary basis. You can't afford to violate the order at this stage.

By all means if the police investigation supports you file for emergency, temporary placement.