Offered a child - cost of attorney?

[Prima5]

We were recently offered a child. The offer came through my cousin, who has a friend of a friend who is pregnant with her 5th child. She and her husband are on welfare and do not want this child. As I understand it, she has already given one child to a family member and does not want to do that again because it's too painfull to watch her child being raised by them. She doesn't want to see or know this child. It's due in 3 months so we have to make a decision quick! Since there is no agency involved or anything, how much will it cost to use an attorney to make it all legal? Can we do this ourselves? Please advise!! We are a childless couple who have just purchased our first home so funds are limited.

Thanks!

 

[CMSC]

This letter struck a nerve with me and I am sorry if I seem cold, you are trying to do a wonderful thing and obviously a person with 5 children who is on wellfare is definitley doing the right thing by placing a child up for adoption BUT listen to my story before you get it in your head that you should be able to not use an attorney.
I place my son up for adoption to a couple who convinced me that we could do it without a lawyer, they were very wrong! They too had just bought a house and couldn't afford an attorney, I should have questioned them right then and there! I signed papers she found off the internet (dumb thing to do), I was not certain where the father was so we did not search, a homesrudy was supposed to be done (I found this out after they took my son home) but it wasn't! To make a really long story short, I ended up getting my son back, I could not stand to live without him but I didn't want to do that to these people however, I hired an attorney after my son was born and found out the adoption process was illegal and not done at all like it should have been done, so these peoples choice was to either place my son with me or go to court and admit they didn't do things right because they couldn't afford it and face penalties! I suggest that if you are so broke you can't afford a lawyer to do things right, you need to help these people find someone else to care for their child. You need to have a homestudy done which is not a quick thing, you need to prove financial wellness, and most of all you need to hire an attorney! I commend you for what you are doing and sorry to seem so bitter. The people who had my son had him for a month when I found out they didn't do a homestudy, they were filing for bankruptsy and they lied to the hospital and said that the adoptive father was the reall dad and the hospital allowed him to put his name on the bc without my knowledge. What I am trying to say is that you have a limited amount of time to do all of this just as the people in my case did and when you are pressed for time you may find yourself cutting corners where you shouldn't. I feel for you, my parents could not conceive and they adopted me but they did it with an attorney and it was done correctly. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you reconsider the lawyer thing, it is too complicated for you to do on your own. one other suggestion is that you could have the mother who is already on welfare tell HHS that she has found a family to adopt and HHS will get things going for you, just please don't do it on your own, it will cause great pain in the end...thank you for listening and once again I hope I don't sound cold...good luck Also what state are you in?

 

[Prima5]

Well, let me just clarify one thing: we are not poor! I never said we were so broke that we couldn't afford an attorney, I said that funds were limited. I'm thinking in terms of a new nursery, clothes, diapers, etc... I could have family and friends give me a baby shower and we could buy a nursery in a garage sale to save on money but if at all possible, I want the best for the child. We have a savings and all, but I had heard that it costs around $10,000 to use an attorney so I'm trying to see if that's true. We have that, we would just need more to turn one of our bedrooms into a nursery. The reason I asked about doing it ourselves is because I saw a posting about that and wondered how complicated it was and if it was a wise thing to do. Sorry if I left the door open for speculation and I do appreciate your story.

 

[Prima5]

Oh, I forgot. I'm in Texas. Also, what is HHS and what can they do?

 

[CMSC]

I am sorry that I implied you couldn't afford the child, I was just telling you about my situation.
HHS is Health and Human Services (Social Services) I really think that you and the mother could contact them and ask about adopting the child and what option you might have. Adopting can be very expensive especially if you plan on paying for the mother and childs care during pregnancy and birth, some states require that you pay, especially when the mother is on welfare you may be required to atleast pay for the childs part of the delivery bill. The filing part of adoption is not that expensive. I would suggest that you help this family by offering to pay for counseling after the child is born. Make sure the mother is taking care of herself, take her to the doctor, invite her and her family to see where the baby will live, this is of course if you decide to do an open adoption. Most importantly take things at the mothers pace, don't rush and don't forget her when your child is born (I am speaking from experience) make sure she takes care of herself after the birth as well.
In your state the adoption may be revoked by the mother any time until the final decree is entered.
Here are some helpful sites:
http://www.adoption-assist.com/
http://www.adopting.org/start.html (this page has independant adoption procedures on it)
http://www.calib.com/naic/pubs/l_expens.htm