Oh, no, Mom had a stroke

[Veronica1228]

Alrighty then, all. Today was a wonderful day. Dr. Death (as Blondie so affectionately nicknamed him) is outta there! My family physician is now hers so YAY! Just about 1/2 hour ago they transported her to a very good nursing facility and she is happy and resting comfortably. I just ran home to pack some stuff up to make it a little more homey for her but wanted to check in here (funny where my priorities sometimes lie) because each and every one of you has been sooo helpful. Couldn't have made it this far without the help of a bunch of anonymous people spread out around the country that I now consider dear friends. If any of you find yourself headed for a central CA coastal beach town, PM me and I'm buying lunch.

I know this is not the end, but it's a fine beginning. Thanks again all. I'm sure I'll be back asking more questions.

Peace!

I am so glad that you are getting things worked out. It sounds like you have everything well in hand now. The next part is that you might get just a bit depressed because you had to admit your mother into the facility. At least that's what happened to me. Hopefully, you won't go through that, but if you do it's normal, I think. It will get easier as time goes by and many facilities have so many activities and residents who are a lot of fun that I think my Mom has a better time there than she did at home.

Thanks for keeping us updated and let me know if you have questions about my experiences. It has been quite a journey, which you now know, but it does settle down eventually.

 

[tryingtoplease]

Hey all.

Just thought I'd drop a line thanking you all again for your help with Mom. Unfortunately, she passed away yesterday. She was making such good progress then did a backslide over the last few days. She went peacefully and I was able to be at her side. BTW, Blondie I STILL haven't received those iron on labels that I ordered on the 12th. Oh well, don't need them now.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Hey all.

Just thought I'd drop a line thanking you all again for your help with Mom. Unfortunately, she passed away yesterday. She was making such good progress then did a backslide over the last few days. She went peacefully and I was able to be at her side. BTW, Blondie I STILL haven't received those iron on labels that I ordered on the 12th. Oh well, don't need them now.

I'm sorry for your loss and know how difficult this can be for you but at least you have the peace of mind that you did what you could do for her while she was alive and that she knew she was loved and went peacefully with you by her side. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in the comming days.

 

[Veronica1228]

Hey all.

Just thought I'd drop a line thanking you all again for your help with Mom. Unfortunately, she passed away yesterday. She was making such good progress then did a backslide over the last few days. She went peacefully and I was able to be at her side. BTW, Blondie I STILL haven't received those iron on labels that I ordered on the 12th. Oh well, don't need them now.

I am so sorry for your loss, hon. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I'll be thinking about you and praying for you and your family. Take care of yourself and remember that you have friends who love you here.

 

[BlondiePB]

Hey all.

Just thought I'd drop a line thanking you all again for your help with Mom. Unfortunately, she passed away yesterday. She was making such good progress then did a backslide over the last few days. She went peacefully and I was able to be at her side. BTW, Blondie I STILL haven't received those iron on labels that I ordered on the 12th. Oh well, don't need them now.

I'm so very sorry about your mom. My prayers and blessings to all of you.

I get those labels in a week. Californians must be on the slow mailing list.

 

[tryingtoplease]

I'm so very sorry about your mom. My prayers and blessings to all of you.

I get those labels in a week. Californians must be on the slow mailing list.

Hey Blondie - I finally got those labels yesterday!

Whew, that was an experience. Planned the funeral, bought the casket and plot, ordered flowers, wrote obit and entertained alot of out of town relatives. All without the help of my brothers, the dysfunctional lot they are.

Oh wait, I did have the one arsehole brother call the funeral home demanding her cause of death because he was sure I murdered her, amongst other kinks he's tried to throw in the works along the way. I'm sure next he'll have a forensic CPA going over her finances to prove I was stealing from her.

All while he lives 2 hours away and visited her once since her stroke on 9/03. Oy vay, good thing I've a made alot of friends during this ordeal. They just listen to him, hang up, laugh and call me to warn me of what he's up to. I think I've decided to use any proceeds from mom's estate to pay off someone to do a soap opera DNA switcheroo and I can proclaim that the hospital gave us the wrong baby (it WAS Kaiser, after all, so it COULD fly).

Enough ranting. Sorry. Now, I'm on to the financial crud. I'm seeing my CPA this week, who will attempt to guide me and refer me to a lawyer if necessary. Her "estate" is small, consisting of her model year 2000 "manufactured home", a 1990 Ford Taurus, and minimal savings. The house and car are titled in Mom's name only and the checking/savings is a joint account.

I know she signed a will back in the 1970's when we were kids, but I have no idea if she did another one when she lived away from me after she divorced my dad. On such a small estate, how hard should I look for a will? I personally don't care if I get a dime, but as you can see from my family dynamic above, some people could raise a big stink about it. There are a LOT of boxes in storage and in her closets that I would have to go through (although I'll have to eventually). It's just that right now, I've injured my other knee (just had the right ACL replaced in Dec) and am a bit immobile and facing surgery. Small obstacle in the grand scheme of things, but if we're talking the state is going to get half of $50 instead of $5, I'll hire someone to look for me.

Again, Blondie, Veronica, Doc, et. al, thanks for your support and advice along the way. I'm seeing very clearly the consequences of not handling her "future needs", if you will, while she was still alive, always putting it off for another day. Thank goodness that this site exists for help. Y'all have a geat day.

 

[BlondiePB]

I Love Your Sense Of Humor

Hey Blondie - I finally got those labels yesterday!

It's so hard for me to believe that they JUST arrived. Since your brother is being such an idiot, why not send them to him as his inheritance?

Whew, that was an experience. Planned the funeral, bought the casket and plot, ordered flowers, wrote obit and entertained alot of out of town relatives. All without the help of my brothers, the dysfunctional lot they are.

I bet you did a bang up job that mom would be sooo proud of you for it.

Oh wait, I did have the one arsehole brother call the funeral home demanding her cause of death because he was sure I murdered her, amongst other kinks he's tried to throw in the works along the way. I'm sure next he'll have a forensic CPA going over her finances to prove I was stealing from her.

Oh, brother. Let me know if your idiot brother decides to have you audited and hires an attorney. Until then, do nothing about her accounts while you were mom's POA.

All while he lives 2 hours away and visited her once since her stroke on 9/03. Oy vay, good thing I've a made alot of friends during this ordeal. They just listen to him, hang up, laugh and call me to warn me of what he's up to. I think I've decided to use any proceeds from mom's estate to pay off someone to do a soap opera DNA switcheroo and I can proclaim that the hospital gave us the wrong baby (it WAS Kaiser, after all, so it COULD fly).

Too funny!

Enough ranting. Sorry. Now, I'm on to the financial crud. I'm seeing my CPA this week, who will attempt to guide me and refer me to a lawyer if necessary. Her "estate" is small, consisting of her model year 2000 "manufactured home", a 1990 Ford Taurus, and minimal savings. The house and car are titled in Mom's name only and the checking/savings is a joint account.

Since when does CA have trailers? You can look on-line and find out how much the value of an estate has to be to do a family administration/small estate probate without an attorney. It looks as though that is what you need to do here (small/family administration).

I know she signed a will back in the 1970's when we were kids, but I have no idea if she did another one when she lived away from me after she divorced my dad. On such a small estate, how hard should I look for a will? I personally don't care if I get a dime, but as you can see from my family dynamic above, some people could raise a big stink about it. There are a LOT of boxes in storage and in her closets that I would have to go through (although I'll have to eventually). It's just that right now, I've injured my other knee (just had the right ACL replaced in Dec) and am a bit immobile and facing surgery. Small obstacle in the grand scheme of things, but if we're talking the state is going to get half of $50 instead of $5, I'll hire someone to look for me.

You can always open probate as intestate for now and change it if you find mom's will. You really should open probate and have letters of testamentary/administration issued to you. This is your legal authorization to enter mom's house and do what you have to do. Yes, you can hire people to help you with your duties as executor/personal representative.

Again, Blondie, Veronica, Doc, et. al, thanks for your support and advice along the way. I'm seeing very clearly the consequences of not handling her "future needs", if you will, while she was still alive, always putting it off for another day. Thank goodness that this site exists for help. Y'all have a geat day.

You're very welcome, hun. Take care of yourself. Thanks for the update and some humor.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Since when does CA have trailers?

Blondie,
We don't have trailers in California except for tempoary use or vacations, notice it was a "manufactured home" I have actually seen some very nice multi-story "manufactured homes" stacked in place and finished so you wouldn't know, they are not trailers and the only time there are wheels under them is in transport.

I think the lables for brother is a good idea. Is he too old to drop off at the "ER"?

 

[tryingtoplease]

Wow, thanks Blondie. Here I was thinking I could simply go in and start moving mom's things to storage and get the house cleaned and ready to sell. Obviously, I couldn't sell it til I got legal permission but are you saying I can't get rid of anything, i.e., old dressers, clothes, dishes, etc, until permitted? Although my brother is a jerk, I couldn't see this as being unreasonable.

I DO fully expect to be hit with something from him, as he's been quiet for the last week and that's a bit unsettling. However, one thing he's taught me in his quest to make my life miserable is to cover my behind. I have records of all her bank statements, bills paid, medical, etc. Did I mention he may be wanting to raise a stink is because he took over $14,000 from her, promised to pay it back in a police statement and never did? It just gets worse and worse, the stories I could tell. If this is your area of expertise, I would be happy to send some dollars your way for professional, personal advice I won't go into here.

And Doc, thanks for defending the "manufactured homes" vs. "trailers". Where I live, the starting price for a fixer upper is over $500,000. I realize my mom's home is worth only probably $125k for a home brought in on wheels with space rent but hey, it was actually bigger than my house. I only hope IAAL doesn't grace my post with his presence and opinion of those who live in "trailers". Go easy if you do, IAAL.

 

[BlondiePB]

Wow, thanks Blondie. Here I was thinking I could simply go in and start moving mom's things to storage and get the house cleaned and ready to sell. Obviously, I couldn't sell it til I got legal permission but are you saying I can't get rid of anything, i.e., old dressers, clothes, dishes, etc, until permitted? Although my brother is a jerk, I couldn't see this as being unreasonable.

Correct. You must be issued the letters of testamentary/administration to proceed. All mom's property must be inventorized and appraised. There are estate/auction liquidators that will come, appraise household stuff, haul them away, and sell them at auction.

Why move and store things when you don't have to? That's a lot less work to do. Things that have no monetary value for an estate liquidator (ie. clothes) can be donated. You can get a receipt and use it for a tax deduction for mom's estate. The first thing you need to do after getting the letters of administration is go through mom's papers and find her will.

Read CA's probate statutes. Also, Barnes & Noble sells good books about probate.

I DO fully expect to be hit with something from him, as he's been quiet for the last week and that's a bit unsettling. However, one thing he's taught me in his quest to make my life miserable is to cover my behind. I have records of all her bank statements, bills paid, medical, etc. Did I mention he may be wanting to raise a stink is because he took over $14,000 from her, promised to pay it back in a police statement and never did? It just gets worse and worse, the stories I could tell. If this is your area of expertise, I would be happy to send some dollars your way for professional, personal advice I won't go into here.

Don't worry about this until it happens. You have enough to do without borrowing trouble.

And Doc, thanks for defending the "manufactured homes" vs. "trailers". Where I live, the starting price for a fixer upper is over $500,000. I realize my mom's home is worth only probably $125k for a home brought in on wheels with space rent but hey, it was actually bigger than my house. I only hope IAAL doesn't grace my post with his presence and opinion of those who live in "trailers". Go easy if you do, IAAL.

I think Doc knows that I can't resist making the point about trailers in CA. When it comes to these homes being blown away from hurricanes, I find very little difference between the two.

When one of my sisters remarried, she moved from her regular home into the manufactured home of her new spouse. Twice last year, she invited my mom and I to evacuate there. I declined and went to another relative's home, a regular home. I called this sister to warn her that Jeanne was heading right for her. My sister didn't believe me because she was watching TWC and not the local news' radar. Needless to say, they had some roof damage and were scared when Jeanne, arriving as a Cat.1 where they live, went right over them.

 

[Veronica1228]

Again, Blondie, Veronica, Doc, et. al, thanks for your support and advice along the way. I'm seeing very clearly the consequences of not handling her "future needs", if you will, while she was still alive, always putting it off for another day. Thank goodness that this site exists for help. Y'all have a geat day.

You are so very welcome. I, unfortunately, can't help you with any of the current issues you are going through, but thank goodness for Blondie.

Take care, hon, and thanks for keeping us updated. Love ya!