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Oh, no, Mom had a stroke

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What is the name of your state?CA

My mom had a massive stroke on the right side on Tuesday morning. I've been at the hospital 24 hrs. til today. The nurses said it would be better to have family to watch her rather than restrain her as she can become quite agitated at times (no doubt, I would too, if all of a sudden my body wouldn't respond as it should).

I have AHCD and have had relatively few probs so far. My next step is to find a SNF (with room) that can handle her rehab and therapy needs. I have researched numerous sites, including calnhs.org and canhr.org. What bothered me is the fact that I know, from news articles to actually being in the facilities due to our business that some are deplorable, i.e 120 complaints per avg of 8.5 avg, but yet some of these sites will give them a 2 1/2 rating (out of 3), so I don't know that I believe their "rating system".

I called the DHS office in our local region and they could not really offer much help. Does anyone know of a "relatively" reliable site or number or agency I can get some data from. This is an important decision I have to make in a very short period of time in an unexplored territory and any insight would be appreciated. I have obviously asked the patient advocate and case worker but all they can do is give a list and not make any recommendation.

I've been her long enough to know this is not a legal question but more of a hey, I know where to check! question that perhaps Doc or Toddy or someone can shed some light on.

Thanks.
 


Veronica1228

Senior Member
tryingtoplease said:
What is the name of your state?CA

My mom had a massive stroke on the right side on Tuesday morning. I've been at the hospital 24 hrs. til today. The nurses said it would be better to have family to watch her rather than restrain her as she can become quite agitated at times (no doubt, I would too, if all of a sudden my body wouldn't respond as it should).

I have AHCD and have had relatively few probs so far. My next step is to find a SNF (with room) that can handle her rehab and therapy needs. I have researched numerous sites, including calnhs.org and canhr.org. What bothered me is the fact that I know, from news articles to actually being in the facilities due to our business that some are deplorable, i.e 120 complaints per avg of 8.5 avg, but yet some of these sites will give them a 2 1/2 rating (out of 3), so I don't know that I believe their "rating system".

I called the DHS office in our local region and they could not really offer much help. Does anyone know of a "relatively" reliable site or number or agency I can get some data from. This is an important decision I have to make in a very short period of time in an unexplored territory and any insight would be appreciated. I have obviously asked the patient advocate and case worker but all they can do is give a list and not make any recommendation.

I've been her long enough to know this is not a legal question but more of a hey, I know where to check! question that perhaps Doc or Toddy or someone can shed some light on.

Thanks.
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through right now. I know how tough it must be. In January, my Mother had to be admitted to a Rehab Center because she had to have both of her legs amputated due to complications with her diabetes. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. From my own experience, I highly recommend touring any facilities you are thinking about. When touring take a good look around at the other residents and use all of your senses. Your eyes, ears, nose, etc., because when I went I looked at about a dozen and I could tell which ones where basically stink holes that people just dump their family into and then don't think about them again. You can also sometimes tell by the neighborhood the facility is located in. This will give you some indication as to the quality of care. Also, ask if you can talk to some of the residents and any visitors that are there. They will give you the brutal truth of what the facility is like. The most important thing to remember, regardless of which facility you choose, is to make sure you visit as often as possible. The more visitors a resident gets, the better they are treated because the staff then knows that someone cares about that person and will make a fuss if they are not treated right.

I hope some of this helps you. It gets easier after the first month, believe me. I am lucky in that I have a very large family that helped me out. If you have any other questions about my experiences, please let me know. You are in my prayers.
 
Veronica1228 said:
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through right now. I know how tough it must be. In January, my Mother had to be admitted to a Rehab Center because she had to have both of her legs amputated due to complications with her diabetes. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. From my own experience, I highly recommend touring any facilities you are thinking about. When touring take a good look around at the other residents and use all of your senses. Your eyes, ears, nose, etc., because when I went I looked at about a dozen and I could tell which ones where basically stink holes that people just dump their family into and then don't think about them again. You can also sometimes tell by the neighborhood the facility is located in. This will give you some indication as to the quality of care. Also, ask if you can talk to some of the residents and any visitors that are there. They will give you the brutal truth of what the facility is like. The most important thing to remember, regardless of which facility you choose, is to make sure you visit as often as possible. The more visitors a resident gets, the better they are treated because the staff then knows that someone cares about that person and will make a fuss if they are not treated right.

I hope some of this helps you. It gets easier after the first month, believe me. I am lucky in that I have a very large family that helped me out. If you have any other questions about my experiences, please let me know. You are in my prayers.
Veronica, thank you for your insight and kind words. I know you're 100% right as far as visiting all the time. There are what I believe to be 2 (out of 10) capable facilites I'm scheduled to visit tomorrow. I think they are supposed to show me their annual report from DHS if I request it. I'll glean as much as I can from them. There is only myself and my brother in this area but we have now worked out "spelling" periods so I can do some legwork. Love my bro, but he's not the brightest yule log on the fire, if ya know what I mean. I'm not putting him down, he fiercely loves our mom just doesn't quite understand how a stroke affects the brain.

A quick question. Brochures, info sheets, etc from the hospital suggest I visit a prospective SNF 2-3 times. I find that unfeasable due to the limited amount of time I have to make a very important decision. Did your first visit pretty much tell you "no way" or "pretty good" on your first impression. I'm going in tomorrow, so your help is most appreciated.

I think this post makes sense, but then again I've had about 4 hours of interrupted sleep since Tues, so who knows?

I appreciate your advice, V, and thank you for your response, and especially, your prayers.

Bonnie

P.S. I know it's after the fact but I hope your mom is doing okay now, or at least coping a bit better. My mom is 76, I don't know your mom's age but all this can not be all that fun for the person it is happening to, much less their loving kids. Bless you.
 
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tigger22472

Senior Member
I would not rely on the DHS report they show you or their 'survey's' too much. They have ways of manipulating things... whether it be knowing that there was someone coming into check them out and upping their staffing numbers to accomodate to passing something off as being 'fixed' since the survey report.

Rely on what Veronica said about using all your instincts, however, also remember to keep in mind that the care the residents get there will likely never meet your complete perfect standard. No one will take care of your mother the way you would completely like and you have to remember no matter how many facilities you search staffing is lacking all over this country. That's not to mean that incompetent people are there but staffing is generally very low and nurses and aides have several residents assigned to them.

Good luck and go with your senses.
 

Veronica1228

Senior Member
tryingtoplease said:
Veronica, thank you for your insight and kind words. I know you're 100% right as far as visiting all the time. There are what I believe to be 2 (out of 10) capable facilites I'm scheduled to visit tomorrow. I think they are supposed to show me their annual report from DHS if I request it. I'll glean as much as I can from them. There is only myself and my brother in this area but we have now worked out "spelling" periods so I can do some legwork. Love my bro, but he's not the brightest yule log on the fire, if ya know what I mean. I'm not putting him down, he fiercely loves our mom just doesn't quite understand how a stroke affects the brain.

A quick question. Brochures, info sheets, etc from the hospital suggest I visit a prospective SNF 2-3 times. I find that unfeasable due to the limited amount of time I have to make a very important decision. Did your first visit pretty much tell you "no way" or "pretty good" on your first impression. I'm going in tomorrow, so your help is most appreciated.

I think this post makes sense, but then again I've had about 4 hours of interrupted sleep since Tues, so who knows?

I appreciate your advice, V, and thank you for your response, and especially, your prayers.

Bonnie

P.S. I know it's after the fact but I hope your mom is doing okay now, or at least coping a bit better. My mom is 76, I don't know your mom's age but all this can not be all that fun for the person it is happening to, much less their loving kids. Bless you.
I basically toured all of them one time each and I was able to sense which ones were just awful. The first one I went to was the one my mother wanted because she had a friend there. I have to tell you that when I left the facility I cried. I thought that if all of the other facilities were like that one there was no way in hell I was going to be able to put my mother into one. It smelled, residents were just sitting around in wheelchairs just staring off into space not being attended to or even noticed by the staff, it looked dirty, it was just terrible. I'm actually glad I saw that one first because the next one was like night and day. It was bright, clean, all the residents looked happy and they were NOT being ignored, it even smelled pretty good. I saw other facilities, but I ended up going with the second one I toured and it has turned out great. They have so many nice people there and activities and it's a really nice place. Believe me, it your experience is anything like mine, you will just have a gut feeling.

I'll keep praying for you and please keep us posted to let us know how you and your Mom are doing. To answer your questions, my mom is 70 and as weird as it may sound, her amputations have made her healthier than she has been in years. She is pain-free now and as active and spunky as can be. In many ways, she's my hero. Thanks for asking. :)
 

violas

Member
I have worked in many nursing homes and yes they are all short-staffed. I would try to find one as close as possible to your home. Also you have the right to check on your Mom at 3am in the morning if you want to and I would advise you to do so once in awhile. Patients who have family checking on them frequently receive the best care that's for sure. Good luck.
 

BlondiePB

Senior Member
tryingtoplease said:
What is the name of your state?CA

My mom had a massive stroke on the right side on Tuesday morning. I've been at the hospital 24 hrs. til today. The nurses said it would be better to have family to watch her rather than restrain her as she can become quite agitated at times (no doubt, I would too, if all of a sudden my body wouldn't respond as it should).

I have AHCD and have had relatively few probs so far. My next step is to find a SNF (with room) that can handle her rehab and therapy needs. I have researched numerous sites, including calnhs.org and canhr.org. What bothered me is the fact that I know, from news articles to actually being in the facilities due to our business that some are deplorable, i.e 120 complaints per avg of 8.5 avg, but yet some of these sites will give them a 2 1/2 rating (out of 3), so I don't know that I believe their "rating system".

I called the DHS office in our local region and they could not really offer much help. Does anyone know of a "relatively" reliable site or number or agency I can get some data from. This is an important decision I have to make in a very short period of time in an unexplored territory and any insight would be appreciated. I have obviously asked the patient advocate and case worker but all they can do is give a list and not make any recommendation.

I've been her long enough to know this is not a legal question but more of a hey, I know where to check! question that perhaps Doc or Toddy or someone can shed some light on.

Thanks.
So sorry to hear about your mother. If your mother has Medicare, you need to find a nursing home that takes it, you must understand the coverage. Let me know if you do not and I'll explain it to you. You can also go the Medicare's website for information (violations) on nursing homes.

Get together a list of potential nursing homes and then ask your mom's primary care physician if he/she would place his/her mother in that facility. Physician's will answer that question. Then visit that facility. If the first thing you smell is urine, don't place mom there. Also ask about employee turn-over which is another sign of a bad facility. Once you choose a facility and have mom placed, be sure to set off the "call button" and time the response for someone to come. Have mom set off the "call button" to make sure she can do it.

Your mom should be classified as a "fall risk" with proper measures: low bed, pads on floor at night, bed alarm, and wheelchair alarm. Most facilities position the bed alarm sensor lengthwise when it needs to be placed across the width of the bed just under the shoulder blades (insist on this).

If you find the facility is not suitable once mom is placed, you can have her moved to another one. Keep in mind that no place is perfect, but know what is unacceptable. Do show up unannounced at different times of the day and night.

Edit - Do you or another family member have Medical and Durable POA for mom?
 
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BlondiePB said:
So sorry to hear about your mother. If your mother has Medicare, you need to find a nursing home that takes it, you must understand the coverage. Let me know if you do not and I'll explain it to you. You can also go the Medicare's website for information (violations) on nursing homes.

Get together a list of potential nursing homes and then ask your mom's primary care physician if he/she would place his/her mother in that facility. Physician's will answer that question. Then visit that facility. If the first thing you smell is urine, don't place mom there. Also ask about employee turn-over which is another sign of a bad facility. Once you choose a facility and have mom placed, be sure to set off the "call button" and time the response for someone to come. Have mom set off the "call button" to make sure she can do it.

Your mom should be classified as a "fall risk" with proper measures: low bed, pads on floor at night, bed alarm, and wheelchair alarm. Most facilities position the bed alarm sensor lengthwise when it needs to be placed across the width of the bed just under the shoulder blades (insist on this).

If you find the facility is not suitable once mom is placed, you can have her moved to another one. Keep in mind that no place is perfect, but know what is unacceptable. Do show up unannounced at different times of the day and night.

Edit - Do you or another family member have Medical and Durable POA for mom?
Wow! Thanks all for the insight and pointers. I love this site. I've printed out the posts and will be taking them with me to refresh my mind (not an easy thing to do :rolleyes: ) right before I visit the facilities I've selected.

Fortunately the homes I'm most interested in are within a mile of my house, so we've got the closeness factor down (if they look good). I like the idea of visiting at off hours once she is placed. I especially liked the practice run with the call button idea.

I've visited friends relatives at a couple of nursing homes and man, I know what you mean about those smells. After a few days at the hospital though, I'm afraid I may be getting immune to them, oh no!

I have a POA re: finances on mom, and have the Advanced Health Care Directive in place. Is that the same as a medical POA? Or is there something else I should get just to make sure no wrenches are thrown into the mix? And yes, the first question I asked when I called the facilites to schedule an appt was if they took Medicare. She also has MediCal. Blondie, I would really appreciate an explanation of what I can expect re: the financial side of this. I've been so busy trying to figure out all these other details that I hadn't gone down that road yet. I had heard something about first 20 days covered in full and a copay for days 21-100 or something like that. HELP!

I think the idea of trusting your gut instincts is also good advice. It's just that my stomach does flip flops when I think about the consequences if my gut is wrong. :eek:

I will utilize all the wisdom y'all have imparted on me to help make this decision. Veronica, I'm glad to hear about your Mom, and I do understand what you mean about her being healthier now. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
 

BlondiePB

Senior Member
tryingtoplease said:
Wow! Thanks all for the insight and pointers. I love this site. I've printed out the posts and will be taking them with me to refresh my mind (not an easy thing to do :rolleyes: ) right before I visit the facilities I've selected.

Fortunately the homes I'm most interested in are within a mile of my house, so we've got the closeness factor down (if they look good). I like the idea of visiting at off hours once she is placed. I especially liked the practice run with the call button idea.

I've visited friends relatives at a couple of nursing homes and man, I know what you mean about those smells. After a few days at the hospital though, I'm afraid I may be getting immune to them, oh no!

I have a POA re: finances on mom, and have the Advanced Health Care Directive in place. Is that the same as a medical POA? Or is there something else I should get just to make sure no wrenches are thrown into the mix? And yes, the first question I asked when I called the facilites to schedule an appt was if they took Medicare. She also has MediCal. Blondie, I would really appreciate an explanation of what I can expect re: the financial side of this. I've been so busy trying to figure out all these other details that I hadn't gone down that road yet. I had heard something about first 20 days covered in full and a copay for days 21-100 or something like that. HELP!

I think the idea of trusting your gut instincts is also good advice. It's just that my stomach does flip flops when I think about the consequences if my gut is wrong. :eek:

I will utilize all the wisdom y'all have imparted on me to help make this decision. Veronica, I'm glad to hear about your Mom, and I do understand what you mean about her being healthier now. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
You are very welcome. You are all set regarding legal authorization. You need to sign things correctly. Otherwise, you can unknowingly make yourself the guarantor and legally responsible for the bill.

Bring home a copy of the contracts of the facilities that you visit. I have other tips regarding these contracts.

What is exactly your mom's medical coverage?

Ask the admissions director if you can have lunch or dinner at the facility. Food is also important. Some of these places feed the residents food you wouldn't give to a dog or an enemy.

Look on the Advanced Directives document. If that document names you as the agent to make medical decisions, that is your medical POA.
 

Veronica1228

Senior Member
tryingtoplease said:
Wow! Thanks all for the insight and pointers. I love this site. I've printed out the posts and will be taking them with me to refresh my mind (not an easy thing to do :rolleyes: ) right before I visit the facilities I've selected.

Fortunately the homes I'm most interested in are within a mile of my house, so we've got the closeness factor down (if they look good). I like the idea of visiting at off hours once she is placed. I especially liked the practice run with the call button idea.

I've visited friends relatives at a couple of nursing homes and man, I know what you mean about those smells. After a few days at the hospital though, I'm afraid I may be getting immune to them, oh no!

I have a POA re: finances on mom, and have the Advanced Health Care Directive in place. Is that the same as a medical POA? Or is there something else I should get just to make sure no wrenches are thrown into the mix? And yes, the first question I asked when I called the facilites to schedule an appt was if they took Medicare. She also has MediCal. Blondie, I would really appreciate an explanation of what I can expect re: the financial side of this. I've been so busy trying to figure out all these other details that I hadn't gone down that road yet. I had heard something about first 20 days covered in full and a copay for days 21-100 or something like that. HELP!

I think the idea of trusting your gut instincts is also good advice. It's just that my stomach does flip flops when I think about the consequences if my gut is wrong. :eek:

I will utilize all the wisdom y'all have imparted on me to help make this decision. Veronica, I'm glad to hear about your Mom, and I do understand what you mean about her being healthier now. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
No problem at all, hon. I know this is stressful, but just take a deep breath and do it one step at a time. Let me know if you have any other questions about my experiences. Everyone is correct when they say that no place is perfect, but you should be able to find one that doesn't make you feel like throwing up from the thought of leaving your mother there. Just remember that the first day is the toughest and it gets easier and easier as time goes by.

Keep us updated and take care of yourself too. You will not do your mother any good if you make yourself sick.
 
Veronica1228 said:
No problem at all, hon. I know this is stressful, but just take a deep breath and do it one step at a time. Let me know if you have any other questions about my experiences. Everyone is correct when they say that no place is perfect, but you should be able to find one that doesn't make you feel like throwing up from the thought of leaving your mother there. Just remember that the first day is the toughest and it gets easier and easier as time goes by.

Keep us updated and take care of yourself too. You will not do your mother any good if you make yourself sick.
Thanks Blondie and Veronica. I cannot tell you the frustrating situations I had today, not regarding nursing homes but other stuff. I found myself having my first mini meltdown, not in front of anyone mind you, but it felt good to let loose of a little frustration. Then I checked here and found your kind words and I'm all better now :D . Thanks.

The visits were good but I've got gut plusses and minuses about each. Too tired to articulate right now, but I'll collect my thoughts and post coherently tomorrow. I do indeed want to hear your opinions on some things. I'm off to spend a lovely night on a hospital cot. Ta ta and thanks all again.
 

Veronica1228

Senior Member
tryingtoplease said:
Thanks Blondie and Veronica. I cannot tell you the frustrating situations I had today, not regarding nursing homes but other stuff. I found myself having my first mini meltdown, not in front of anyone mind you, but it felt good to let loose of a little frustration. Then I checked here and found your kind words and I'm all better now :D . Thanks.

The visits were good but I've got gut plusses and minuses about each. Too tired to articulate right now, but I'll collect my thoughts and post coherently tomorrow. I do indeed want to hear your opinions on some things. I'm off to spend a lovely night on a hospital cot. Ta ta and thanks all again.
You needed that catharsis. Don't worry, it's normal. Get a good night's sleep and take care. We're pulling for you. :)
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
Sorry I missed this but it sounds like you have already gotten good advice, smell and food are important impressions. Also check out the OT department and recreational activities, are they all up and dressed everyday and activities, art, social? Something on Sundays? Can you take your mother out for a meal or fresh air, do they have appropriate wheelchairs, canes and walkers available?

What county/city are you in, I might have some suggestions.

How fast did your mother receive treatment?

Is she going to return to her own place or will she live with you?
 

BlondiePB

Senior Member
tryingtoplease said:
Thanks Blondie and Veronica. I cannot tell you the frustrating situations I had today, not regarding nursing homes but other stuff. I found myself having my first mini meltdown, not in front of anyone mind you, but it felt good to let loose of a little frustration. Then I checked here and found your kind words and I'm all better now :D . Thanks.

The visits were good but I've got gut plusses and minuses about each. Too tired to articulate right now, but I'll collect my thoughts and post coherently tomorrow. I do indeed want to hear your opinions on some things. I'm off to spend a lovely night on a hospital cot. Ta ta and thanks all again.
Good day, sunshine. Good day, sunshine. :D

Hon, having a meltdown is perfectly understandable. Just remember, we're here for you too.

Whatever you want to deal with first is your call.
 
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