one of my bad habits

[faithnlve]

What is the name of your state? Vermont. Ok, ok, I smoke. Bad habit. I dont have custody. I have visitation every thursday night and every other fri thru sunday. I just received a message on my phone from my ex that I can no longer take my children. He hates smoking, and they come home smelling like smoke. I don't smoke around them, but do smoke over the stove with the vent on. Guess it still goes through my apt.

Anyways, he claims the court told him he could do this, since I am harming the children. I left a message on his phone, that I would smoke outside from now on. He called back and said "too bad". "No kids until I humuliate you in court on your smoking habit". He actually said this. He always enjoyed degrading me, that is why he is my ex. I told him he could not do this, he said, too bad call the cops. He plans on getting me into court in December to get a restraining order against me from the kids. I dont want to go that long without my children. How do I handle this without all the chaos????? Please help...Faith

 

[Zephyr]

he said, too bad call the cops. He plans on getting me into court in December to get a restraining order against me from the kids. I dont want to go that long without my children. How do I handle this without all the chaos????? Please help...Faith

then do exactly that, try to exchange the children as usual, when he refuses, call the police, if they won't enforce your court order (what does it say by the way?) then ask them to file a report, send a crr letter to your ex demanding he abide by the court order or you will take him back to court, when he calls let it go to the machine, hopefully he will say "too bad" on there, if he refuses visitation more than once then haul his butt into court for contempt, DO NOT WAIT FOR HIM TO TAKE YOU TO COURT IN DEC.


he is so wrong about the smoking issue, he just can't add issues and rules to the co at his whim

 

[NotSoNew]

sure smoking is bad, but no judge is going to say you can't see your children because you smoke. you said you would smoke outside (which is gooood) if he doesnt let you see your children, call the cops like previous poster said. he will look like the ass trying to tell you that you cant see your children because you SMOKE.

 

[thetsgtswife]

The only legal way he can stop visitation is if your children have a proven medical condition and your smoking anywhere near them will cause complications. IE: All three of our children have asthma, we asked mom and dad on thier visitation to please not smoke around the kids step son came home smelling horrible and all of his clothes reeked too. My husband asked her not to smoke around him or allow anyone to smoke around him again or he will ask the court to modify visitation. Doesnt mean he would get it but he would try and I have a feeling that it wouldnt look good in court either.

I would definalty follow the others advice and stop smoking in your house and around your kids. Its really not worth it.

TSGTSWIFE

 

[betterthanher]

What is the name of your state? Vermont. Ok, ok, I smoke. Bad habit. I dont have custody. I have visitation every thursday night and every other fri thru sunday. I just received a message on my phone from my ex that I can no longer take my children. He hates smoking, and they come home smelling like smoke. I don't smoke around them, but do smoke over the stove with the vent on. Guess it still goes through my apt.

Anyways, he claims the court told him he could do this, since I am harming the children. I left a message on his phone, that I would smoke outside from now on. He called back and said "too bad". "No kids until I humuliate you in court on your smoking habit". He actually said this. He always enjoyed degrading me, that is why he is my ex. I told him he could not do this, he said, too bad call the cops. He plans on getting me into court in December to get a restraining order against me from the kids. I dont want to go that long without my children. How do I handle this without all the chaos????? Please help...Faith

I'd also hold on to that recorded message as well. That would be fair game in case you ever needed to take him to court for violating your visitation orders.

Another suggestion: maybe invest in one of those air purifiers for your home? They can be a little costly (depending on your income), but they really do a good job. In case he ever did try this to use this, you can simply show proof of purchasing this (have reciepts), in addition to you smoking outside.

I would send him a letter, certified with return reciept, "reminding" him of the language contained in the order regarding visitation (even cite it). Tell him you will be at (location) at (this time/day) to pick up the children. He will be in contempt of a court order for violating my visitation, in addition to interfering with my parental rights and you will file contempt charges against him in court. Enough of those and he'll lose custody. In this letter, you should also mention the phone call he made (time and date) and basically what happened during this call. Paper trail him. Just be to the point and direct in this letter.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

This has nothing whatsoever to do with smoking. The ONLY issue here is the visitation order and it's validity. The COURT is the only entity that can change, modify or amend the order. Neither the CP or NCP have that authority.

In this instance, without the court's approval, the order stands as written and the NCP is in violation each and every time that visitation is not fulfilled.

It doesn't matter if she smokes in the house, in bed, with cigarettes or cigars dangling from her nose.

THAT is not the issue.

 

[lisagr33]

OP- please look at the following links. A CP can bring up in court about smoking around the children, expecially if the children have health issues. www.tsc.state.tn.us/OPINIONS/TCA/PDF/964/smithb.pdf and www.sconet.state.oh.us/rod/newpdf/98/2002/2002-ohio-4489.pdf.

 

[Zephyr]

It doesn't matter if she smokes in the house, in bed, with cigarettes or cigars dangling from her nose.

BB you do have a way of painting a good mental picture

 

[CJane]

Doesnt mean he would get it but he would try and I have a feeling that it wouldnt look good in court either.

Wouldn't necessarily look bad in court either.

My ex tried this same crap with me (and now my BF). We both smoke. Sometimes we smoke in the house. Both kids have allergies (non specific seasonal crap). Ex threatened to file for a modification so that I could only have the kids if they were 'not exposed in anyway to tobacco smoke while in my care'. Such a modification would have also neatly kept the kids from my mom's house.

But, there wasn't a doctor in the city that he could get to say that us smoking was having an impact on the kids' allergies. Not any more of an impact than the fact that he takes them out to restaurants all the time, they live on a gravel road (at both houses), surrounded by pollinating pastures or fertilized fields, own multiple pets including cats and horses, etc. Smoking is easy to pick on, but it's hardly the only factor in health issues, and without a doctor stating with certainty that smoking would put the kids into immediate physical danger, your husband wouldn't likely get too far.

But alas, BB is right. This is about whether visitation can be denied, and in this case, it can't - legally.

 

[faithnlve]

I did this after reading all posts

I called his home and left this message....I will be sending you a copy of our order. I WILL from this day on smoke outside, always. (oh, I am trying to quit, which is the truth). I also told him I will be there to pick up the children at time specified in the order. If children are not there, I will notify police to keep record of my calls to them each and every time this happens. If I miss 3 visitations, then I WILL be filing for contempt, and if that doesnt work then for change of custody based upon parental alienation. goody bye

Was that ok?

 

[CJane]

I called his home and left this message....I will be sending you a copy of our order. I WILL from this day on smoke outside, always. (oh, I am trying to quit, which is the truth). I also told him I will be there to pick up the children at time specified in the order. If children are not there, I will notify police to keep record of my calls to them each and every time this happens. If I miss 3 visitations, then I WILL be filing for contempt, and if that doesnt work then for change of custody based upon parental alienation. goody bye

Was that ok?

I wouldn't have even said anything about the smoking, because it's NONE of his business in the least - but other than that, it's good. Follow up with a letter (CCR) so it's in writing, perhaps including a copy of the portion of the order that addresses visitation times.

 

[stealth2]

In this instance, without the court's approval, the order stands as written and the NCP is in violation each and every time that visitation is not fulfilled.

Uuuh, don't you mean the CP is in violation, Beebs?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Uuuh, don't you mean the CP is in violation, Beebs?

WHATEVER.... Only 6 cups of coffee so far. I am babysitting my daughters so cut me some slack here

 

[casa]

WHATEVER.... Only 6 cups of coffee so far. I am babysitting my daughters so cut me some slack here

LOL...don't you mean parenting your daughters? I hardly see you as someone who would equate parenting time with babysitting.

Brew a fresh pot

 

[faithnlve]

when it rains it pours...

Phone rang...picked it up...should of checked caller ID first. Dang! My ex mother in law. Screaming at me that I dont deserve those children, and that her son (getting married soon), does not want those children in an unhealthy environment that is detrimental to their health. I told her she needed to stay out of my business and to get herself a man to fill the voids in her life then hung up. I think I am in for a battle. Thanks for all the advise...time to go outside and light one up. Faith