online drama

[footprints77]

What is the name of your state? Iowa
I live in Iowa. Recently my husband had been having a so called online affair.
When I found out I emailed the woman and very nicely asked her in several ways to respect my marriage and let us works out the problems. To please back off and leave my husband alone.
So after weeks my husband says he is going to try and shortly after I found emails from her. Several (like 20 maybe) emails and flirting. Found out she had been texting him. Yes he was talking to her voluntarily.So in the heat of my rage I got on his messenger and said I was him in the beginning. After nothing came of it I told her who I was and that I hoped she was happy she could have my husband and yes used a lot of profanity.
So in all this I guess I ended up emailing her at her place of work. The email she had told my husband to use at a certain time in which I read in one of the emails. It turns out she works at a University in California.
So she emails my husband after all this says the University had red flagged our conversation. She almost got fired and she is suing me for Defamation of Character. How does this work???
Can anyone tell me what I am to do?
Is this true of is she blowing smoke trying to scare me????What is the name of your state?

 

[Zigner]

She IS suing you, or she is THREATENING to sue you?

 

[footprints77]

I guess I am asking if she can because she is threatening it!! Thanks

 

[quincy]

She can sue you, but she would have a hard time winning any defamation action, based on the context in which your emails were sent to her.

She should have had no expectation of privacy, either, on a university computer. If the university chooses to terminate her employment based on her inappropriate use of their computers, that is their right - regardless of the content of any of the emails sent.

Some defenses to defamation actions are truth, opinion, and consent. If she was having an online affair with your husband and you mentioned that in your emails, that is truth. If you told her what you thought of her for continuing an online affair with your husband after you told her to stop, that is opinion. And the fact that she gave out her university email account for personal correspondence, that is consent (even if she had no intention of having you use this email address).

If you are concerned about what she might do, you could contact an attorney in Iowa. You could even have this attorney draft a cease and desist letter to her, forbidding her to contact either you or your husband again. As for any defamation action on her part, she can, certainly, sue - as anyone can sue for any reason whatsoever - but she would have very little chance of winning such a suit, based on what you have posted here.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

I guess I am asking if she can because she is threatening it!! Thanks

tell her you are going to sue her for alienation of affection

 

[Silverplum]

tell her you are going to sue her for alienation of affection

Is that available in IA?

Personally, I'd be mad at the person who actually betrayed ME.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

i dont know if its available anywhere anymore, and i too would be more mad at the person who made vows to me, but my point was if the other woman is going to "threaten" suit, she could "threaten" suit right back, might be enough to scare her off. notice i said "tell her" not "sue her"

 

[Silverplum]

i dont know if its available anywhere anymore, and i too would be more mad at the person who made vows to me, but my point was if the other woman is going to "threaten" suit, she could "threaten" suit right back, might be enough to scare her off. notice i said "tell her" not "sue her"

I can agree with the threatening part.

I just don't know if IA allows such suits -- and don't want the poster to think she actually could sue for that. I DO note that you said to "tell her," and not to "sue her."

 

[fairisfair]

nope, alienation of affection suits were abolished in Iowa.

solly.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

and im glad cuz i think AI suits are ridiculous! but so is the woman trying to sue her for defamation!

good luck OP! and kick this loser to the curb.

 

[footprints77]

Thanks so much for the replies.
It makes me feel so much better. My thought was how the hell can someone sue me when she has been talking to my husband, emailing, texting chatting for a couple of months now. I will keep my nice letters from the beginning of all this just in case.
Yes, I am mad at my husband it takes 2. He has agreed to cut off all ties, deleted several email accounts my space in front of me. Once again thanks for the replies.

 

[quincy]

You're welcome, footprints. Good luck.

 

[xylene]

I think the idea of counter threatening the Cali online lover could really go over poorly.

It is always fun to engage in revenge fantasy, but the best bet is to walk away.

The reality is if this woman wanted to push it, she would never win, but it would be REALLY annoying for you and might even involve some significant expense.

People who are crazy do crazy things like file frivolous lawsuits just to cost the target time and money.

I also must take issues with your conduct. You were really out of line by contacting this woman at all, and impersonating your husband is just whack.

What did you think would happen?

You know darn well you were trying to start a war, or at least a good old peeing match.

 

[quincy]

I agree, Xylene, that a "revenge suit" would be a mistake, however a cease and desist letter would not be a mistake, especially if this woman continues to contact footprints and her husband.

I doubt if a defamation action against footprints will ever materialize. For one thing, the cost is prohibitive for most people. And the odds of the California woman winning any suit are slim to none. An online Iowa "lover" would just not be worth the time, effort and expense involved.

 

[footprints77]

As far as contacting her like I said I did it in the heat of the moment. I was not trying to start a war I was trying to tell the woman off because of what she did. She also had lied about pursuing him the whole time. I finally got him to admit that she wanted him.
I guess plain and simple it felt very good at the time to tell her what I though and needless to say I was not thinking of anything else. Not the consequences of my action I had not a care in the world I felt like she just participated in ruining my marriage.
I wish she would have gotten fired after all she had been emailing and everything from her work. She is a nurse and works at a university!!
Why would I not have any right to contact a woman that had been talking to my husband for months at all hours of the night?
As far as now I am going to let it go. I just needed answers about her threat and it feels better knowing she can't do to much to me. From the way I take it I would almost like to see her try. She would be wasting a lot of her money from the sounds of it.
What goes around comes around and she has ruined her reputation in her work place which already makes me feel better.
Thanks for all the replies I really appreciate it!!
Maybe I was a little of my rocker when I contacted her but I assure you I am a very normal loving mother and person peiod!!!!
Put yourself in my shoes that is what I have told my husband!!