Opinions Needed

[bononos]

What is the name of your state?
OH
Just asking opinions on this situation.
Child was enrolled in day care 7.5 months ago, in November.
Mom filed for support mod. 6.5 months ago, in December, hearing was scheduled for May.
Dad and his attorney file a contempt motion at the end of April, 6 months after child was enrolled and 5 days prior to the support hearing.
The motion for contempt was stating the childcare was a unilateral decision.
To the wise folks of this forum, do you see this as an obvious attempt to not be held accountable for support towards child care?
Should I make this an issue for the support appeal hearing?
I think I definately should, but want to make sure others read the situation the same way I do.

 

[ohdadofive]

It definitely looks suspicious but that's about it.

What type of custody arrangement is in place? Sole? Joint?
Namely, does Dad have any say in how the child is to be brought up?

 

[bononos]

It's 50/50 legal and physical.

 

[mywholeworld]

CO-
Same issue here, child is to start daycare..but my lawyer strongly advised that I get a favorable decision from father before putting him in daycare. We too have joint. I do believe father has a say, and was prepared to take action if he did not want child in daycare. But suprisingly I talked to him, last night in fact, and he was very reasonable.
You might find out what his concerns are with the daycare, provide him with phamplets, info, your opinions, etc. Keep documentation that you are keeping him in the loop and your judge might consider how thoughtful you are.

 

[tigger22472]

It's 50/50 legal and physical.

As nice as 50/50 sounds and as nice as it can be, that might just work against either party.

This is really going to boil down to how the judge feels. Some will say that mom can do what she wants on her time, including doing what it takes to care for the child and some will say that she had an obligation to see about dad watching the child.

More then likely however, as in my husband's case where I didn't see it warranted but do here I see the judge suggesting someone file for full custody. Then it's going to boil down to who can care for the child better and turn into a full blown custody case. In my husband's case there is not an order for CS as they agreed that with 50/50 they would each be responsible for the child on their time. Since that time my husband has become disabled and no longer making $50,000 a year but mom remains making her $80,000. Judge informed husband he has the 'right' to file for support and told him he would be granted the support, however, it's not in his mind (or mine) the right thing to do.

In his case he was upset that mom had gotten a babysitter, not necessarily because she got one for short periods of time, but argued that he didn't know the person and he was available. He was told by the judge that as long as it wasn't for overnights or long periods of time he had no say what she did. In this case the subject of money will come into play and that could hurt mom. She's (and this might be you OP) obtained a sitter without dad's approval or input and then wants more money to help pay for that sitter.

As with everything it's up to the judge and your lawyer will be best to give you advice on how the judge that will be ruling reacts to these things.

 

[bononos]

The custody is also in modification already. Actually, ex has a hearing scheduled for show cause as to why he shouldn't be held in contempt for non-payment of his portion of the evaluation fee.
50/50 isn't working for us.
The child care is so I can work. Ex also works during the times the child was there, but now wants a handful of family members to watch the child instead of attending the day care. He himself cannot watch child during these times.
It just sucks that I know he agreed to it initially and only decided to lie and say he didn't when faced with paying a portion to it.
I am hoping the judge will see this game he is playing.
If it was contempt on my part, why didn't he file when the child was enrolled, why wait all those months and until 5 days before a support hearing to say there is contempt.
I think it's shady and I hope a judge will see that also.
Also to add, the child has attended all this time and loves it, at his young of of 3 he already states he doesn't want to go with dad, or grandmother, or aunt, when I have to drop him off for his times.
Ex is all about the money, not our child.
His car payment is 4 times the amount he would have to contribute for day care.

 

[bononos]

CO-
Same issue here, child is to start daycare..but my lawyer strongly advised that I get a favorable decision from father before putting him in daycare. We too have joint. I do believe father has a say, and was prepared to take action if he did not want child in daycare. But suprisingly I talked to him, last night in fact, and he was very reasonable.
You might find out what his concerns are with the daycare, provide him with phamplets, info, your opinions, etc. Keep documentation that you are keeping him in the loop and your judge might consider how thoughtful you are.

Thanks for your example. I did get the go ahead from him and a verbal offer to split the cost initially, but he never bothered to pay so that's why it went into support modification. He was more than happy to accept his class picture though.
I've tried to show him the handbook, even in court, he has yet to accept it.
His concerns are based on money, plain and simple.

Also, he has never claimed any concerns about the day care or stated any problems. Only says his family will watch him for free.

 

[tigger22472]

The custody is also in modification already..

*** At 3 years old it's good to get it settled now because in our case SD has done it since she was 3 and she's almost 10 now. If 50/50 isn't working really it's best to change it early.

Actually, ex has a hearing scheduled for show cause as to why he shouldn't be held in contempt for non-payment of his portion of the evaluation fee...

***That won't look good for him

The child care is so I can work. Ex also works during the times the child was there, but now wants a handful of family members to watch the child instead of attending the day care. He himself cannot watch child during these times.

***And this is where if the 50/50 remains he will likely be told that since he can't personally watch the child either that you have the right to daycare since you aren't required on your time to allow family members to watch child. HOWEVER, what could hurt you... again assuming the 50/50 is the fact that depending on the daycare, if it requres you to pay whether the child is there or not that you pay it fully when Dad has the child as he doesn't need it because he does choose to allow family members to watch child. Once custody is settled however this won't factor in likely. With that said... again it's up to the judge but if it's the same judge hearing the case and he simply orders dad to pay the higher support with the daycare it COULD (and don't hold me to it) indicate which way he's leaning for custody.

It just sucks that I know he agreed to it initially and only decided to lie and say he didn't when faced with paying a portion to it.
I am hoping the judge will see this game he is playing.
If it was contempt on my part, why didn't he file when the child was enrolled, why wait all those months and until 5 days before a support hearing to say there is contempt.
I think it's shady and I hope a judge will see that also..

***The only problem I see with this is the fact that I know if it was us in that situation we would have to wait to file until we were able to come up with the money regardless if it was the day after it was filed or the day before the hearing. As far as to what he agreed to.. it'll come down to he said / she said. The judge could also say that it doesn't matter what he promised or said he'd do.. he can promise you the moon but he doesn't have to follow through with it. That happened in my husband's case. His ex promised a lot of things... then backed out and the judge said too bad for him.

Also to add, the child has attended all this time and loves it, at his young of of 3 he already states he doesn't want to go with dad, or grandmother, or aunt, when I have to drop him off for his times.
Ex is all about the money, not our child.
His car payment is 4 times the amount he would have to contribute for day care.

Really your 3 year old saying he would rather go to daycare then Dadl's or anywhere dad chooses has no bearing. There's not a judge around that will take that into account. The judge could hear from daycare workers that state he's thriving there and gets along well with others... etc.. but the fact the CHILD wants it has no bearing.

I'm not defending dad but some men will make a fuss like this because they know of a guy who has a real b**ch of an ex who takes them to court every chance they get to get every penny legally possible. They then get convinced that their own ex is doing that and become closed minded to things.

I guess the question really boils down to A. could you have supported your child without the extra money at this daycare and B. could you have found cheaper daycare that you could have supported your child without extra money.

What you need to consider for yourself is you are now asking for custody but you're already raising support at a 50/50 level. I don't know the judge in your case so I can't say that it WILL hurt you but when I analyze a situation I try to analyze it all, the good and bad points for both sides.... If I had to say you had a point against you this would be it. It doesn't mean it's a huge point but it is a point. Depending on the judge will depend how much he weighs in on that fact. Of course dad hasn't paid the evaluator, that doesn't look good for him either. When custody battles are involve you want to make sure you toe a line and that you have less against you then the opposing party because sometimes it simply comes down to whomever the judge likes best.

 

[bononos]

Thank you for your very honest advice.
I guess it will be in the hands of the judge.
I'm not certain, but I believe the same judge will be hearing his contempt, support, and eventually custody.
Well, if the judge decides i am to pay the full amount, I'll be no worse than I am now.

OOPS! Edit: There is no fee from the court to file a contempt motion here.

 

[tigger22472]

OOPS! Edit: There is no fee from the court to file a contempt motion here.

Right, BUT.. he has to pay his lawyer to draw up the papers if he doesn't know how to do them himself. Not that I'm defending him but just a point.

 

[bononos]

Ah-Ha!
You get my little gerbil back up on it's wheel!
I'm sure these are things his attorney will possibly try to fight on the issue.
T.T.F.N! - you better know what that means with a name like Tigger.

 

[bononos]

It definitely looks suspicious but that's about it.

What type of custody arrangement is in place? Sole? Joint?
Namely, does Dad have any say in how the child is to be brought up?

Allow me to re-answer this please. My last answer is based on an assumption and realize my court order is so vague that it needs to definately be interpreted better.
It States:
Parents shall retain 50/50 custody.
(that's it!)
Then it goes on to list the days and times of custody and holiday breakdown.
We have an exactly 50/50 time split.
There is no refrence to legal-physical at all.
Nothing stating decision making.
Boy, my first attorney sucked.

 

[tigger22472]

Allow me to re-answer this please. My last answer is based on an assumption and realize my court order is so vague that it needs to definately be interpreted better.
It States:
Parents shall retain 50/50 custody.
(that's it!)
Then it goes on to list the days and times of custody and holiday breakdown.
We have an exactly 50/50 time split.
There is no refrence to legal-physical at all.
Nothing stating decision making.
Boy, my first attorney sucked.

Don't feel bad My husband and his ex decided on everything on their own and theirs is the same way execept it says

"Both parties are fit and proper persons to have the care and custody of said XXXXX (child's name) and shall have joint custody of said minor child" "The parties shall share the physical custody of said minro child, with each party havingg actual physical custody of the minor child for two weeks, alternating between the parties. Custody of the child shall alternate between the parties during holidays. (mother) shall have actual physical custody of minro child on Memorial Day, Labor Day, Christmas and Easter. (Father) shall have actual physical cusody of the minor child on Independence Day, Thanks giving and New Years Day. The parties shall alternate the holidays in the following year. Said minor child shall always spend Mother's day with (mom) and Father's Day with (dad)"

That's all it says on visitation, custody.. etc except a part that says "That each party owes a duty of support to the minor child, but neither parties owe a duty to pay child support to the other party"

He went into court last year for a modification to make things clearer and put things in like a 'move away clause' considering mom had moved once (although she had left him with custody) and moved back after a year. There were other things in the modification for clarification and the judge refused all of it.

 

[ohdadofive]

Boy, my first attorney sucked.

You got that right.

Good luck with your new attorney.

 

[LdiJ]

The custody is also in modification already. Actually, ex has a hearing scheduled for show cause as to why he shouldn't be held in contempt for non-payment of his portion of the evaluation fee.
50/50 isn't working for us.
The child care is so I can work. Ex also works during the times the child was there, but now wants a handful of family members to watch the child instead of attending the day care. He himself cannot watch child during these times.
It just sucks that I know he agreed to it initially and only decided to lie and say he didn't when faced with paying a portion to it.
I am hoping the judge will see this game he is playing.
If it was contempt on my part, why didn't he file when the child was enrolled, why wait all those months and until 5 days before a support hearing to say there is contempt.
I think it's shady and I hope a judge will see that also.
Also to add, the child has attended all this time and loves it, at his young of of 3 he already states he doesn't want to go with dad, or grandmother, or aunt, when I have to drop him off for his times.
Ex is all about the money, not our child.
His car payment is 4 times the amount he would have to contribute for day care.

If he isn't available to watch the child himself...then he isn't going to get anywhere with this contempt....and yes, its likely that the judge will see it for what it is.