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OT- Restraining Order against my "father"?PLEASE HELP, ASAP!

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I live in Iowa and my "father" lives in Nevada.

I haven't spoken with my "father" for a year now and he called me yesturday. I do not have any love or respect for him as my "father", because I do not consider him my father. I have created a beautiful life for myself without any love or support from him, and I do not plan to allow him to be any part of what I have created or what my fiance and I may create in the future, now or ever. I planned to keep the conversation simple and short, but once I told my "father" about how I felt, he began to make rude comments about my "deceased" mother, as if she were alive and here to defend herself. I told him that what he said to me and what he may continue to say to me, concerning my mother, had no effect on me, because I know that my mother always provided me with all the love and support that he was unable and unwilling to provide me with. He then proceeded to tell me that my mother was and still is a bitch that he should have never gotten involved with, because then I, "a mistake", never would have been conceived and born. I then told him that the only waste of human being on this earth is him, and that PRISON, not jail, should be his permanent residence for all the pain and suffering that he caused not only me, but many others as well. When I was a week old, my "father" went to prison for rapping a child, and when he was released, he went back to prison a month later for breaking and entering into my grandparent's home and stealing most of their personal belongings, and now, he is in and out of jail for pitty reasons. When my mother passed away, I was 12, and I began receiving Social Security checks, and I was too young to cash the checks myself, so my "father" would come visit me and tell my guardians that he was going to take me out to eat, but he actually took me to cash my checks each and every time, and when the visits were over, I would have $20 out of $150 to spend on my personal belongings. I HATE HIM! Then, he told me that once he comes back to Iowa from Nevada, which will be too soon, he is going to "kill" my fiance (of four years). So, I ended the conversation by saying that if he made any attempt to contact us or harm us in any way, he would be spending much time in jail, because I am going to issue a restraining order against him. I also told him that once Monday morning rolls around, I am going to change my last name to my mother's maiden name, because I am too ashamed to have his last name and I have never been a Frederick, I have always and will always be a Ginther! So, if any of you know the process of restraining orders or changing last names, please contact me at [email protected] or respond to this post by answering the following questions ASAP! Thank you, Shannon:)

1. How can I begin the process of issuing a restraining order against my "father"?
2. Would there be a court hearing, and will I have to convince the Judge that a restraining order is greatly needed? And, will my "father" have to appear for the hearing?
3. How do I begin the process of changing my last name?
4. Although I am now of legal age to make my own decisions, do I still need my parent's consent to change my last name to my mother's maiden name?

Any help would be much appreciated! THANK YOU ALL!
 


ktarra617

Member
i dont know about the restraining order but as far as the name change you can go to the court and ask for the proper paperwork and file it yourself, as you are an adult you don't need your father's permission to change your name. You could change to Minnie Mouse and he couldn't do a thing about it.

Good luck to you.
 
L

Lil Miss Smarty Panties

Guest
when I had to get a restraining order against ex husband I called the police and asked them where I needed to go and what I needed to do. They had me go to the sherrifs office (which is who had jurisdiction) they called it an order of protection. It costed me $35. He got served with it and told not to have any contact with me or he's off to jail.
 
ktarra617,
Thank you! How long would it take after the proper documents are filed, before I will beable to use and sign my new last name?
And, is there a fee for changing my last name? Thanks:)

frustratedwife2,
Thank you! My "father" lives in Nevada though, so how could he be served with the documents? Maybe through US Mail? And, will he be given the chance to appeal the decision?
Also, I want the order to beable to protect me and my fiance,
and since we are not married, would we need to file seperate orders or could we both have one order together? Thanks:)

Always, Shannon:)
 

tammy8

Senior Member
I hate that you are going through all this hurt! As far as the restraining order, I got one against my ex husband yrs ago and it was an act of congress because he never touched me. I had been several times to try and get one as he was stalking me but since stalking was new no one cared. Finally I was able to get one from a judge and I know only because I went to the police dept (5th time!) directly from the dentist office where I had had 4 teeth pulled so my mouth was full of guaze and bleeding.
 
I have changed my mind and since decided that I am going to change my last name to my fiance's name, instead of my mother's maiden name. We are planning to get married soon anyways, so there really is no reason to change my name to Ginther and then later to Okic when we are married. Is this a good decision?
Thanks, Shannon:)
 

ktarra617

Member
it does cost to file the forms and I beleive it usually takes up to 60 days to get all the paperwork through the courts I believe.

As to whether it is a good decision only you can decide that. Just because you are getting married soon does not necessarily mean you shouldn't change your name if you truly do not want that connection to your "Father". However it is really based on what you think is best for you.

If you don't think you will mind having to write Fredrick down on paperwork that asks for your maiden name then you don't have too. However if you intend to use your maiden name for anything after your married and the name bother's you then maybe you should reconsider. Like I said it just depends on your comfort level with the name and what you want to do in the future.

Good luck to you.
 
Shannon&Fuad said:
I have changed my mind and since decided that I am going to change my last name to my fiance's name, instead of my mother's maiden name. We are planning to get married soon anyways, so there really is no reason to change my name to Ginther and then later to Okic when we are married. Is this a good decision?
Thanks, Shannon:)
Shannon, the only thing you may want to keep in mind is that many documents will ask for your maiden name.

There is nothing legally stopping you from using your mother's last name as long as it is not on a form, or a legal document.
 

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