Over Protective Mom - What Do I Do?

[kidoday]

What is the name of your state? MI

I posted earlier with the question of "Do I Make Her Stay", asking if I should leave my youngest daughter with her hs that she does not want to stay with. My decision was not to maker her stay, but stbx strong armed me into making her stay saying he would contact the FOC for denial of visitation. I let them go as I have previously stated the FOC investigator does not like me, and I want to be cautious for future orders.

Background Info: We live in the middle of corn country. No we are not hicks, but Michigan is either corn country, or fruit country. (No I am not a fruit) Our daughter is working in the corn fields for $6.50 hr. However he his making her walk to work in the dark. Has he not paid attention to the latest kidnappings? I plan on picking her up for the rest of the week and taking her to work. Should I just insist she come home since there is no court order for specific visitation?

BTW, my youngest just called crying that she wants to come home. I spoke to Dad and he still refuses. Claims she is tired. How do you handle your child crying on the phone wanting to come home? I am afraid that if I go and get her, since there is no actual court order yet, he will contact the police for domestic disturbance.

Any advice is truly appreciated.

 

[Grace_Adler]

I'm sorry... I forgot whether you said there were any visitation or custody orders right now.

 

[kidoday]

No specific order for now. Just Shared Parenting Time without acutal time alotment. I verbally offered eow. What a Moron I was! I just do not want to not not allow them to be with their dad; they need him. But it breaks my heart to hear my daughter cry for me.

 

[Grace_Adler]

What a sticky situation. Well I don't see why you can't go get her. It's not right that he's making her walk to work in the dark. Isn't that neglect or child endangerment?

 

[kidoday]

Grace that was my question. Those who know me know that I am truly over protectivive of my girls. I say no to everything. I don't even let them sit alone in the Jeep while I push the shopping cart back to the shopping cart coral, I still make them go with me.

It does not help that our oldests' bof stated for years he would end up with her one day, even if he had to take her from me. My husband, and her father legally knows this. I WILL PICK HER UP IN THE MORNING AND DRIVE HER THE 5 BLOCKS TO WORK.!!!

Grace - How do you handle your youngest crying for you on the phone, and not go and get her?

 

[Grace_Adler]

I honestly don't know..I'm soo sorry, I mean it. I don't know what I would do. I would fight really dirty when it comes to my kids. Their feelings and needs come first and I think it's pathetic and immature of your stbx not to do what's best for her. Obviously control and manipulation are more important to him.

I'm trying to think, if there is some way you can find out from CPS or someone..maybe the police.. if that would be child endangerment or neglect. If so that would definately work towards you benefit and hers, so she can be with you and not have to walk to work in the dark...sheeesh.. of all things! (That's really crappy.. do you know shcool starts here next week.. the reason being is so the kids won't spend as much time during the year waiting for the school bus in the dark? At least that's the reason I was told.)

If there aren't any specific court orders, I don't know why you can't go get her.

Is this his visitation time or something?

There's got to be a way. There's an answer to everything..the problem is finding it.

 

[kidoday]

Dag nabit Grace I am so emotional, (and that is not like me), you have me weeping. No not you, just my situation. I want to help my baby!

No there is not set parenting time. I just do not want to make waves as he as filed for shared parenting, and I have responded that I want joint legal custody, with me having actual physical custodyl

I hope someone comes up with the answer.

 

[Grace_Adler]

Me too. I wish I knew more. I really do. They (courts) say they want what's best for the child but it doesn't always seem that way does it? Especially when your child wants you but you can't interfere because of all this legal stuff.

If he won't be reasonable, I wonder if you could turn the tables and say he is denying you contact or say he could get in trouble for what he's doing (about her work and all).

 

[cjmom]

My boyfriend has a 6yo son. Every now and again he likes to call the opposite parent that he is with and cry for them to pick him up. I know how difficult and emotional it is. I don't understand why he does it, sometimes it is becuase he is upset that he didn't get his way, other times it is just late and he is tiered. He decided that the best thing is just to stay on the line with him until he has calmed down, remind him that he is loved and reminds him of the next time he will pick him up. My boyfriend decided that it is not a good idea to just run out and get him, he has to understand that just because he is upset with one parent doesn't mean he can run to the other. Plus, we think he might be trying to see how he can work his parents. They have only been divorced for a short time. Hope this helps.

 

[pthalo]

kidoday...

How old is the oldest, the one walking to work in the dark.. Sounds like a teenager to me that should not be restricted.. Let her walk to work or drive her yourself.. Other than that I don't think there is much to complain about.. I know it sounds like I am hasty, but slow down and look at the situation.. Both you and dad have different parenting styles.. Don't try to tell him what his should be... Its not your place to do that and never will be...

cjmom

You're right.. I have done research and watched a couple documentaries on childhood development in the field of lying and manipulation.. Children learn at a very young age how to manipulate parents to get their way.. When parents are separated, it makes this practice so much easier.. Children know which parent to go to for specific things... Its not a bad thing and almost all children do it... The trick is to head them off at the pass the first several times and eventually they will stop doing it.. Of course both parents have to do it or it doesn't work...

 

[kidoday]

PT, I know I need to let loose of the parenting strings with my oldest and I am trying. But my oldest may be a young teenager, but looks 17!. I do not want her ever walking by herself down a street in the dark, even when she is 30! The drive for me was a 30 mile round trip and I picked her up this morning. Nothing I would not have done if she were with me this week anyway. No harm, no foul.

cjmom, I try to remember that this is all new to my youngest and try to read between the lines when she calls for me. So I called my oldest and she said that youngest was fine until she called. I decided not to run and pick her up. Unfortunately, when talking to stbx he is not as willing to read between the lines.

Thanks for all your support and advice.

 

[cjmom]

kidoday - I assume she doesn't mind the walk? Why not try some things that will increase her safety and give you a little piece of mind, like having her walk with friend or a fellow co-worker if that is possible. How about having her carry a flashlight, whistle, alarm or mace? I guess it also depends on what kind of road she is walking, a dark country road as opposed to a lighted city one. Yet, I live in Saginaw/Bay City area and I would rather have the dark country road over these city streets anyday! I'm sure you already pounded the "don't talk to strangers, don't go up to someone in a car" messages into her head when she was younger, but it can't hurt to remind her.

Pthalo - my name plus the words "your right" together. Gee, I don't hear that too often! Thanks.

 

[pthalo]

cjmom, you're right again (ain't I nice) I used to live in corn country.. REAL corn country.. Indiana, where no there is nothing more than corn in Indiana.... I would feel safe walking on the roads next to fields completely naked with a blind fold on (LOL)...

Take precautions that aren't restrictive.. The flashlight and tear-gas is a good idea (I think its illegal for a regular citizen to carry mace)..

 

[cjmom]

Opps, sorry, not mace.....Pepper Spray? I don't know...I guess I am not right any more........


*LMAO*.... naked and blindfolded......thats pretty brave!

 

[kidoday]

Update

Since Brittney Beers was kidnapped in the town I grew up in I have been even more paranoid about leaving my children by themselves.

I think since she only has one day left to work I will take her like I did this morning.

AND - my attorney states that since there is not a court order for specific parenting time I can pick up my daughter at anytime she wants to come home. I am going to "play it by ear" today. If she calls, I'm there.

PT, hopefully the blindfold has reflectors on it - just so we could see you in the dark.


Thanks again for the advice.