Overnight company of the opposite sex

[kmb1179]

What is the name of your state? Mississippi

My husband's ex has informed him that she has a boyfriend living with her. They are not married. He has a problem with them sharing a bed when the kids are with her.

The problem is that 2 of their 3 children are girls, ages 14 and 11. He feels that at these ages, the girls shouldn't be seeing mom living a man she's not married to, sleeping in bed with a man she's not married to. He doesn't want the girls to learn that this is ok.

There is nothing in their court order prohibiting this, but he would like to have the order modified to state that she can not have overnight company of the opposite sex while the kids are there.

What are the chances of the judge modifying the order to state that?

I know that 5 years ago, when I was a family law paralegal, judges looked down upon that kind of thing in the presence of children. Remember that we are in the deep south, in the Bible Belt. 5 years ago a judge here also would not grant custody to a homosexual parent because of the immorality of it.

This is also a moral issue.

Opinions?

 

[CJane]

he would like to have the order modified to state that she can not have overnight company of the opposite sex while the kids are there.

What are the chances of the judge modifying the order to state that?

It is exceedingly unlikely that a order could be modified to include that language when the man is ALREADY living with mom.

It's often allowed to stand in a new order - particularly if the parents agree... but it's difficult to have it modified in as it comes across as overly controlling and... picky.

Is this your husband's exWIFE?

 

[kmb1179]

Yes, it is his exwife. I guess it was never done in the original order. It hasn't become an issue until now.

He has never had a female spend the night when the kids were here. I didn't move in until the day after our wedding.

He's just concerned that the 2 girls will think it is ok to sleep with men that you're not married to. That is definately not something that he wants them to learn.

He's not trying to be controlling, he's just worried about what the kids will be exposed to when they are with her.

I guess he just feels that girls the age of his daughters shouldn't be exposed to that, and he has never exposed them to that, and doesn't think that his ex should, either.

 

[CJane]

Yes, it is his exwife. I guess it was never done in the original order. It hasn't become an issue until now.

He has never had a female spend the night when the kids were here. I didn't move in until the day after our wedding.

He's just concerned that the 2 girls will think it is ok to sleep with men that you're not married to. That is definately not something that he wants them to learn.

He's not trying to be controlling, he's just worried about what the kids will be exposed to when they are with her.

I guess he just feels that girls the age of his daughters shouldn't be exposed to that, and he has never exposed them to that, and doesn't think that his ex should, either.

And that's all well and good... but it's unlikely that a modification could include it unless Mom was willing to agree to it.

I can tell you that from personal experience in my own little corner of the bible belt.

Stupidhead wanted full custody because I 'lived with a man, not my husband'. The judge said "Do you really think that's the ONLY place they're exposed to the idea that people who aren't married might live together?"

Honestly... he can teach 'em his version of morals when he has them and mom can too.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

if he wanted to ensure that his girls werent exposed to that then he should have stayed married to their mother and he wouldnt have to worry about this now.

 

[Bloopy]

He has never had a female spend the night when the kids were here. I didn't move in until the day after our wedding.

Well at least he played by his own rules. You’d be surprised how many divorced parents have bed buddies until the first one heads for the altar. Then the married parent regulates morality.

He's not trying to be controlling, he's just worried about what the kids will be exposed to when they are with her.

Would have been wise to add it to the original order upon agreement of both, but at this point its controlling. Dad may prefer sleepover to be limited to when the kiddies are away, but he doesn’t get a vote for what goes on at Mom's. Mom has standards she thinks are appropriate at her home.

 

[kmb1179]

if he wanted to ensure that his girls werent exposed to that then he should have stayed married to their mother and he wouldnt have to worry about this now.

He would have stayed married to their mom had she not gotten herself a boyfriend and moved out while he was gone on a business trip, leaving the kids with his parents and not seeing or calling the kids for 3 months.

I think he is just kind of freaking out right now because he is coming to the realization that his "little girls" don't stay little girls forever. His first thought when he heard that mom has some guy living with her was that he doesn't the girls to think it's ok to do that, which I do understand.

I personally don't have a problem with it. I lived with someone I wasn't married to, with my daughter after my divorce.

But I guess it's different when you're a daddy and it's your "little girls."

 

[Bloopy]

The problem is that 2 of their 3 children are girls, ages 14 and 11. He feels that at these ages, the girls shouldn't be seeing mom living a man she's not married to, sleeping in bed with a man she's not married to. He doesn't want the girls to learn that this is ok.

So what about Trey? Child #3?

 

[kmb1179]

So what about Trey? Child #3?

"Trey" is 5 years old. As "Trey" gets older, hubby wouldn't want him to think this is ok either, but at this point, I guess because of "Trey's" young age, hubby doesn't think it would have the impact on him as it would on 2 girls, 1 a teen and 1 a pre-teen.

And I don't doubt that it has something to do with the fact that "Trey" has a penis and the girls don't.

 

[Bloopy]

He would have stayed married to their mom had she not gotten herself a boyfriend and moved out while he was gone on a business trip.

So Mom made it clear where she stood on the matter before the divorce. He should have tried to get such wording when the first order was made but I doubt he would have been successful then either.

 

[Bloopy]

It was an AWESOME typo!

 

[kmb1179]

So Mom made it clear where she stood on the matter before the divorce. He should have tried to get such wording when the first order was made but I doubt he would have been successful then either.

I guess he didn't think about it at the time, and neither did his attorney. I wasn't around then, so I don't know.

Even though she's had boyfriends since the time of the divorce, she's never had them spend the night when the kids were there.

In April 2006, she changed A LOT. That was when she signed full physical custody over to my husband and moved 14 hours away.

She's not the greatest role model or mom in the world, but she is their mom.

 

[TCool]

But I guess it's different when you're a daddy and it's your "little girls."

Maybe, I dunno if I'd think any differently than a mother about her daughter. But, she is definitely my little girl and I really hate new guys being around her. When my ex got her first boyfriend the first thing that ran through my mind was "What if this guy is a pedophile?" And then I begged and pleaded her to get to know the guy for more than a month before she starts living with him (and our daughter during weekends). But, she just took that as me trying to control her and it seemed she did everything she knew would bother me just to bother me.

 

[Bloopy]

And then I begged and pleaded her to get to know the guy for more than a month before she starts living with him (and our daughter during weekends). But, she just took that as me trying to control her.

Way different than controlling. It’s just dangerous and stupid to move in with someone you’ve known for a short time, especially around kids.

Still backing off was smarter than pushing Mom to troll the sex offender registry for her next beau.

 

[kmb1179]

I know this really doesn't matter legally, but this is just to give you an idea of the kind of woman she is.

Her new boyfriend is 67 year old. She's 32. I know that there is nothing inherently wrong with that, but I think it's kinda ooky (for lack of a better word.)

Her last boyfriend was a drug addict who was in and out of jail for drugs and car theft. We know this because she told the 14 year old all about it on the phone. But the kids weren't seeing her (by her choice), so my husband wasn't really all that concerned.

By all accounts I've heard, she was not like this when she and my husband were married.

They got married when she was 18, he was 21. They were married for 10 years.

She has told me that she got married way too young and missed out on all the partying. I guess she is making up for it now.