Parent Liability for 17 yr old Screw UP!

[StressedMoMom]

What is the name of your state? MO - St. Peters

Does anyone know what liability the parents have in drug charges against a 17 year old? We have had constant problems, especially since he turned 17 in April when he pretty much moved out of the house and had been living with friends and/or on the streets. The police have said there was nothing they could do since he was 17. We have been trying, to no avail, to get him help and to straighten up his life. Now he has been caught with drugs and is in jail with a very large bond being charged as an adult. He has no money. Are we required to hire a lawyer for him? Can he get a public defender? We have a hard time with the thought of paying for a lawyer to defend him on something we have been fighting with him about for over a year and have received no assistance from local authorities. Any input would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Happy Trails]

What is the name of your state? MO - St. Peters

Does anyone know what liability the parents have in drug charges against a 17 year old? We have had constant problems, especially since he turned 17 in April when he pretty much moved out of the house and had been living with friends and/or on the streets. The police have said there was nothing they could do since he was 17. We have been trying, to no avail, to get him help and to straighten up his life. Now he has been caught with drugs and is in jail with a very large bond being charged as an adult. He has no money. Are we required to hire a lawyer for him? Can he get a public defender? We have a hard time with the thought of paying for a lawyer to defend him on something we have been fighting with him about for over a year and have received no assistance from local authorities. Any input would be greatly appreciated!

http://www.dss.state.mo.us/cd/info/cwmanual/section4/sec4ch2attacha.pdf

http://ojjdp.ncjrs.org/pubs/reform/ch2_d.html

You are right about local authorities limited ability to do anything.
http://www.iir.com/nygc/Municipal Codes/municipal codes--parent responsibility.htm

 

[StressedMoMom]

Thank you for the info.

Believe it or not, we have always been very involved in his life, private schools, church, help with homework, home room parents, coached the sporting teams, knew all the parents and friends, etc. Everything your 'supposed' to do. It just seems we lost complete and total control of him when he as about 16 1/2. We know he started using drugs, we went to counseling, tried to get him help. Of course the schools still deny that they have a problem. Regardless, we are all in a very bad situation now. But, I'd rather him be there, safe and sober than on the streets doing God only knows what. For now he is safe, I just pray this is a big wake up call.

 

[smutlydog]

Thank you for the info.

Believe it or not, we have always been very involved in his life, private schools, church, help with homework, home room parents, coached the sporting teams, knew all the parents and friends, etc. Everything your 'supposed' to do. QUOTE]
You didn't mention one on one quality time with him.Maybe you tried to hard by doing things that didn't matter that much to him.If I am wrong then my theory is that he is just going through a stage and in the end everything will turn out ok with him.

If it were my son I would want him in jail for about 5-10 days but not much longer.A long jail sentence could have a negative affect on him. You don't want him to get use to jail.

As a juvenile I was arrested 7 times for petty self destructive crimes and was kicked out of high school. I was my own worst enemy.This all started when I was 14 years old.My son is 15 years old and has never been in any trouble. He is more of a home boy and never hangs out in streets.We are best friends so being at home with me doesn't make him unconfortable.I just hope it stays that way.Sixteen can be critical age for a teenager.

 

[StressedMoMom]

"You didn't mention one on one quality time with him.Maybe you tried to hard by doing things that didn't matter that much to him.If I am wrong then my theory is that he is just going through a stage and in the end everything will turn out ok with him."

Guess it depends on what 'quality' time you are talking about. Playing board/card games as a family, working on homework together, many family outings, zoo, art museum, nature walking, church activities as a family, movie night, eating dinner together, etc. If it is going out a spending lots of money all the time (which is how he would have defined quality time - ie: Dave & Busters which can run over $100 just to walk out of the place without necessarily eating) then no, we didn't do that on a regular basis. With 2 working parents and 2 children time is always limited, but, we have always put our children and our family first. I might sound somewhat defensive, but as a parent, I guilty enough and of course society always assumes the parents did something wrong. BTW, we have another child who is doing great, never in any real trouble (not perfect by any means) but in college, working and getting good grades. We can't be all that bad.

Thank you for your insight though and best of luck with your son. Sixteen can be very critical and of course drugs are so prevelant now days, it has to be very difficult to be a teenager these days with all the pressures.

 

[smutlydog]

"You didn't mention one on one quality time with him.Maybe you tried to hard by doing things that didn't matter that much to him.If I am wrong then my theory is that he is just going through a stage and in the end everything will turn out ok with him."

Guess it depends on what 'quality' time you are talking about. Playing board/card games as a family, working on homework together, many family outings, zoo, art museum, nature walking, church activities as a family, movie night, eating dinner together, etc. If it is going out a spending lots of money all the time (which is how he would have defined quality time - ie: Dave & Busters which can run over $100 just to walk out of the place without necessarily eating) then no, we didn't do that on a regular basis. With 2 working parents and 2 children time is always limited, but, we have always put our children and our family first. I might sound somewhat defensive, but as a parent, I guilty enough and of course society always assumes the parents did something wrong. BTW, we have another child who is doing great, never in any real trouble (not perfect by any means) but in college, working and getting good grades. We can't be all that bad.

Thank you for your insight though and best of luck with your son. Sixteen can be very critical and of course drugs are so prevelant now days, it has to be very difficult to be a teenager these days with all the pressures.

What ever you do don’t make any comparisons while your son is present. That can lead to feelings of self doubt which in turn will lead to drug abuse. No 2 children have the same exact needs so the comparison isn’t logical. Nobody is saying you are a bad parent. You just haven’t nailed down what his special needs are. I have seen dysfunctional parents that have raised their drug free children to be productive members of society. How could that be? Their children had no special needs.

Your son may need one on one attention. All those family things you mentioned are great but that may not be what he is missing. Dave & Busters might be a lot cheaper if just you and your son went.

 

[StressedMoMom]

What ever you do don’t make any comparisons while your son is present. That can lead to feelings of self doubt which in turn will lead to drug abuse. No 2 children have the same exact needs so the comparison isn’t logical. Nobody is saying you are a bad parent. You just haven’t nailed down what his special needs are. I have seen dysfunctional parents that have raised their drug free children to be productive members of society. How could that be? Their children had no special needs.

Your son may need one on one attention. All those family things you mentioned are great but that may not be what he is missing. Dave & Busters might be a lot cheaper if just you and your son went.

Are you just trying to be a jerk? It certainly seems you are only trying to find fault with our parenting skills... you have no idea what kind of one on one time we spend with our kids and we have enough common sense not to degrade one or the other by pointing out what the other one is better at. Neither of our children has ever lacked attention or one on one time. And we have never had any real trouble with our son until he got involved in drugs at 16 1/2. He was always happy and received excellent grades. And yes, Dave and Busters is that expensive even when just he and I went -- our daughter doesn't really like the place.

I posted a legal question, I'm not looking for parenting advice. Some kids do bad things regardless of how they are brought up.