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ili

Member
What is the name of your state? TN Why is it that some parents don't want
the grandparents to see the children they have loved and nurtured since birth? True, some grandparents are bad influences and some parents also.
If you have been trusted to baby sit with them and love and nurture them
why if there is a divorce do these grandparents seem like a threat? We would
love to continue loving and supporting these children. In fact, we will love them even if you won't allow us in their lives. We just go on with a broken heart or trying through the legal system to be a part of their lives. This is not
addressed to you good parents who continue in a loving relationship with former in-laws, etc.
 


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adonahee

Guest
There's a complicated answer to that, Ili.

Maybe the Ex-DIL/SIL didn't consider the grandparent to be as good a caretaker as he/she interpreted themselves to be...Maybe letting them babysit was a convenience, and not a 'right'...Maybe the grandparent got nasty during the divorce, or said one-too-many words that got back to the Ex...Maybe the grandparent made demands or gave unsolicited advice, or wanted to be the 'parent' figure to their children's children...Maybe the grandparents love raised jealousy issues...Maybe the Ex is really just a control freak...Maybe moved out of state or city, and the drive seems a little too long...Maybe the kids are growing up, and don't "feel like it"...Maybe the Ex works the PM shift...Maybe they left the family for a reason, and they just don't want a reminder of WHY they left. Should I continue, or did you have a specific situation in mind? It could be any combination of things - And yes, I happen to be one of those that see my Ex-mother in law on a daily basis, so I'm not biased against grandparents.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
As adonahee said - there are a myriad of reasons that could apply. But at the end of the day, a parent is not required to allow anyone to see the kid unless it is by court order.
 

ili

Member
Sometimes parents must let the children visit...

In TN we have grandparent's rights. It just seems a shame to have to go to
court for the rights. Why can't everyone who loves the child be given a
square deal? I know this is a legal site but some days a sob story just gets
out. Sorry if it bothers you but I really want to know. We can help with
food, medical, transportation and in many ways if we are allowed. We can enrich our grandchildren's lives. We don't talk badly about either parent when we do see the grandson but the parents go against the custody agreement and trash each other. :confused:
 
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BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
ili said:
In TN we have grandparent's rights. It just seems a shame to have to go to
court for the rights. QUOTE]

Not exactly true. In Tennessee grandparents have the right to petition for visitation only. There is no inherent right to such. And there are a myriad of conditions.

T.C.A. § 36-6-306. Grandparent visitation rights; deceased, divorced or missing parents

(a) Any of the following circumstances, when presented in a petition for grandparent visitation to a court of competent jurisdiction, necessitates a hearing if such grandparent visitation is opposed by the custodial parent or parents:
(1) The father or mother of an unmarried minor child is deceased;
(2) The child's father or mother are divorced, legally separated, or were never married to each other;
(3) The child's father or mother has been missing for not less than six (6) months;
(4) The court of another state has ordered grandparent visitation; or
(5) The child resided in the home of the grandparent for a period of twelve (12) months or more and was subsequently removed from the home by the parent or parents (this grandparent-grandchild relationship establishes a rebuttable presumption that denial of visitation may result in irreparable harm to the child).
(b)(1) In considering a petition for grandparent visitation, the court shall first determine the presence of a danger of substantial harm to the child. Such finding of substantial harm may be based upon cessation of the relationship between an unmarried minor child and the child's grandparent if the court determines, upon proper proof, that:
(A) The child had such a significant existing relationship with the grandparent that loss of the relationship is likely to occasion severe emotional harm to the child;
(B) The grandparent functioned as a primary caregiver such that cessation of the relationship could interrupt provision of the daily needs of the child and thus occasion physical or emotional harm; or
(C) The child had a significant existing relationship with the grandparent and loss of the relationship presents the danger of other direct and substantial harm to the child.
(2) For purposes of this section, a grandparent shall be deemed to have a significant existing relationship with a grandchild if:
(A) The child resided with the grandparent for at least six (6) consecutive months;
(B) The grandparent was a full-time caretaker of the child for a period of not less than six (6) consecutive months; or
(C) The grandparent had frequent visitation with the child who is the subject of the suit for a period of not less than one (1) year.
(c) Upon an initial finding of danger of substantial harm to the child, the court shall then determine whether grandparent visitation would be in the best interests of the child based upon the factors in § 36-6-307. Upon such determination, reasonable visitation may be ordered.
(d)(1) Notwithstanding the provisions of § 36-1-121, if a relative or stepparent adopts a child, the provisions of this section apply.
(2) If a person other than a relative or a stepparent adopts a child, any visitation rights granted pursuant to this section before the adoption of the child shall automatically end upon such adoption.
1997 Pub.Acts, c. 503, § 2, eff. June 1, 1997; 2000 Pub.Acts, c. 891, § 1, eff. June 14, 2000; 2001 Pub.Acts, c. 440, § 1, eff. July 18, 2001.
T.C.A. § 36-6-307. Grandparent visitation; best interests of the child.

In determining the best interests of the child under § 36-6-306, the court shall consider all pertinent matters, including, but not necessarily limited to, the following:
(1) The length and quality of the prior relationship between the child and the grandparent and the role performed by the grandparent;
(2) The existing emotional ties of the child to the grandparent;
(3) The preference of the child if the child is determined to be of sufficient maturity to express a preference;
(4) The effect of hostility between the grandparent and the parent of the child manifested before the child, and the willingness of the grandparent, except in case of abuse, to encourage a close relationship between the child and the parent or parents, or guardian or guardians of the child;
(5) The good faith of the grandparent in filing the petition;
(6) If the parents are divorced or separated, the time-sharing arrangement that exists between the parents with respect to the child; and
(7) If one (1) parent is deceased or missing, the fact that the grandparents requesting visitation are the parents of the deceased or missing person.
1997 Pub.Acts, c. 503, § 2, eff. June 1, 1997; 2000 Pub.Acts, c. 891, § 2, eff. June 14, 2000.
 
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adonahee

Guest
Now THERE's a good question!

ili said:
Why can't everyone who loves the child be given a square deal?
If we had the answer to THAT, there wouldn't be any sites like this one.
So what happened? Did your son go to jail, and his Exwife get custody? Just wondering who took the grandkids away and why.....?
 

ili

Member
Here goes, it's complicated....

Actually I'm a great-grandparent and want to help the grandparents get
visitation. Our grandson married the girl of his dreams. The dream turned
into a nightmare. She wanted to go back to work as soon as possible so
the grandmother was the logical free baby sitter. She was there for the
baby whenever needed. Then the father learned his wife was involved in
an affair. He fought to keep custody twice. He would do anything for that
baby. Now he's on his 3rd marriage and his wife pretty well cut him off from
his family and his son. He first agreed reluctantly to let the grandparents
see him but now he has signed him over to his ex. For a while we were allowed to see him and now the ex has pitched one fit after another and
we are not allowed to see this boy. He doesn't deserve this treatment and
we will fight any and all for him. Hope I don't sound too crazy. We are still
in shock that this dad who seemed so good could let a woman separate him
from all that he had, including a good job, friends, relatives on both sides and
a First Born Son. We are still praying for him and all the family.
 
L

llake1195

Guest
Why is it that some grandparents choose not to see there grandchildern? The grandparents think sometimes its our (the mother) responsiblity to take the child over and visit. I'm not say all grandparents are like that. But there is some reason why this person feels the way the do. Think back, has there ever been in bad blood between you and them?
 
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adonahee

Guest
Well, there's not much you can do.

All the grandparents can do is petition the court, and present their case. If his father won't see him, I have no idea how the judge would rule.
 

ili

Member
Thanks for the input.

Our attorney says he believes we can get visitation at the least. At the
present he isn't allowed to speak to any of us if we pass them on the
street. Such a loving boy and such a cruel turn of events! My husband
is very sick and mourns his loss as well as his dad's loss from our lives.
 

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