ProPerDoper
Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
I have 75% timeshare with my 2 young kids, joint custody. Since July of 2007 my ex and I have been unable to resolve unpaid expenses for the kids. We went wrong by offsetting each other's expenses with what is now a very long spreadsheet, instead of remitting against those costs monthly per the court order. I went along with it in an attempt to stay out of court, as after 8 yrs of contentious litigation and 22 volumes, going back before the judge was the last thing I wanted. (Seems somehow the kids always suffer from the battle)
My X became very proficient at offsetting my legitimate expenses with hers that were not. Then came the manipulation; She enrolled the kids at a well known learning center (Paid tutor) and ran up a bill of about $6k, claiming they needed the help, and began questioning me as to why I would not support the kid's needs for tutoring/why I neglect their education. It was primarily a big manipulation in an attempt to show that she's the better parent. The learning center quickly picked up on her agenda, wouldn't support it, and she pulled them out.
Now I have to determine how to handle all of the unpaid costs. My ex is offsetting my court ordered costs with hers that are not court ordered, including the $6k at the learning center. She's also bringing support issues into the disagreement, offsetting my costs with support amounts that she claims are due to her. (She's mistaken, and it's a separate issue altogether) I've drafted a motion and request for reimbursement, with copies of the appropriate orders and supporting Family Code and a spreadsheet of costs. Now I must begin the tedious work of gathering all of the evidence. (Bills, checks, statements, etc.)
Questions: When I petition the court for relief, is it appropriate to calculate expenses that she had which were legitimate and provide credit to her against my total, or should I just ask for payment of my costs and resolve her costs with her separately and at a later time?
She will undoubtedly attempt to create a huge drama over my refusal to pay for the tutoring costs. I can effectively demonstrate that she didn't consult with me or with the school personnel, and that the tutoring wasn't necessary. There is little question however, that she can gain mileage with her argument that I'm unwilling to provide adequately for the kids's education, but it ain't a strong enough argument to shift custody as she hopes. What should I know or think about in the face of this double edged sword? (Need to insure the kids are care for vs. her manipulative attempts to show she's the better parent?)
Keep in mind that she has a pattern of manipulation documented within the court record. About 3 years ago, she contacted CPS alleging medical neglect, opened a case, & petitioned the court for custody until their investigation was over. It blew up on her, as the court mediator testified at trial that CPS and he both saw her call to CPS as a manipulative attempt to force a change in custody, and they closed the case/denied her request, stating that my household is more emotionally stable place for the kids.
Bottom line here: What's the right method to resolve the ongoing dispute over expenses, and should I pay for the tutoring knowing that it as largely manipulation/agenda on her part?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I have 75% timeshare with my 2 young kids, joint custody. Since July of 2007 my ex and I have been unable to resolve unpaid expenses for the kids. We went wrong by offsetting each other's expenses with what is now a very long spreadsheet, instead of remitting against those costs monthly per the court order. I went along with it in an attempt to stay out of court, as after 8 yrs of contentious litigation and 22 volumes, going back before the judge was the last thing I wanted. (Seems somehow the kids always suffer from the battle)
My X became very proficient at offsetting my legitimate expenses with hers that were not. Then came the manipulation; She enrolled the kids at a well known learning center (Paid tutor) and ran up a bill of about $6k, claiming they needed the help, and began questioning me as to why I would not support the kid's needs for tutoring/why I neglect their education. It was primarily a big manipulation in an attempt to show that she's the better parent. The learning center quickly picked up on her agenda, wouldn't support it, and she pulled them out.
Now I have to determine how to handle all of the unpaid costs. My ex is offsetting my court ordered costs with hers that are not court ordered, including the $6k at the learning center. She's also bringing support issues into the disagreement, offsetting my costs with support amounts that she claims are due to her. (She's mistaken, and it's a separate issue altogether) I've drafted a motion and request for reimbursement, with copies of the appropriate orders and supporting Family Code and a spreadsheet of costs. Now I must begin the tedious work of gathering all of the evidence. (Bills, checks, statements, etc.)
Questions: When I petition the court for relief, is it appropriate to calculate expenses that she had which were legitimate and provide credit to her against my total, or should I just ask for payment of my costs and resolve her costs with her separately and at a later time?
She will undoubtedly attempt to create a huge drama over my refusal to pay for the tutoring costs. I can effectively demonstrate that she didn't consult with me or with the school personnel, and that the tutoring wasn't necessary. There is little question however, that she can gain mileage with her argument that I'm unwilling to provide adequately for the kids's education, but it ain't a strong enough argument to shift custody as she hopes. What should I know or think about in the face of this double edged sword? (Need to insure the kids are care for vs. her manipulative attempts to show she's the better parent?)
Keep in mind that she has a pattern of manipulation documented within the court record. About 3 years ago, she contacted CPS alleging medical neglect, opened a case, & petitioned the court for custody until their investigation was over. It blew up on her, as the court mediator testified at trial that CPS and he both saw her call to CPS as a manipulative attempt to force a change in custody, and they closed the case/denied her request, stating that my household is more emotionally stable place for the kids.
Bottom line here: What's the right method to resolve the ongoing dispute over expenses, and should I pay for the tutoring knowing that it as largely manipulation/agenda on her part?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?