Petty issues and contempt

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? MO

Ok, in my order, it states that each parent shall inform the other of medical appointments as soon as they're made so the other parent has the opportunity to attend the appointment if they choose.

It also states that each parent shall inform the other of any school programs, field trips, etc within 7 days of receiving notice from the school.

Neither of those things happen with any regularity, and yeah, it's a PITA. For instance, my kindergartner has a field trip coming up at the end of this month. I knew it was approaching and have been checking her backpack for information every night that I have the kids. I found out this weekend that the permission slip went home on one of Dad's days, and he signed it and plans to attend the field trip with her. Fine, I don't care that he's going though I would like to go as well and feel I should have been informed.

I currently have the permission slip for the 3rd grader's field trip in May and plan to call him today to see if he or his wife would like to attend (I'm attending) before I fill it out and send it back.

I realize, if he's not informing me of things, he's technically in contempt of the order. But how does one make the decision to actually file contempt as opposed to just keeping track of the info? And isn't it really a he said/she said kind of thing? I know that he'd claim he did inform me of everything and I just chose not to act.

When is it a big enough deal to worry about, and when is it something that's only going to irritate a judge?

 

[bononos]

What is the name of your state? MO

Ok, in my order, it states that each parent shall inform the other of medical appointments as soon as they're made so the other parent has the opportunity to attend the appointment if they choose.

It also states that each parent shall inform the other of any school programs, field trips, etc within 7 days of receiving notice from the school.

Neither of those things happen with any regularity, and yeah, it's a PITA. For instance, my kindergartner has a field trip coming up at the end of this month. I knew it was approaching and have been checking her backpack for information every night that I have the kids. I found out this weekend that the permission slip went home on one of Dad's days, and he signed it and plans to attend the field trip with her. Fine, I don't care that he's going though I would like to go as well and feel I should have been informed.

I currently have the permission slip for the 3rd grader's field trip in May and plan to call him today to see if he or his wife would like to attend (I'm attending) before I fill it out and send it back.

I realize, if he's not informing me of things, he's technically in contempt of the order. But how does one make the decision to actually file contempt as opposed to just keeping track of the info? And isn't it really a he said/she said kind of thing? I know that he'd claim he did inform me of everything and I just chose not to act.

When is it a big enough deal to worry about, and when is it something that's only going to irritate a judge?

Is there no way to deal with the school on these issues?
Can you not request that each parent be informed of all school trips and activities by e-mail (or USPS) at least 7 days in advance in addition to the paper sent home?

 

[CJane]

Is there no way to deal with the school on these issues?
Can you not request that each parent be informed of all school trips and activities by e-mail (or USPS) at least 7 days in advance in addition to the paper sent home?

The school is perfectly willing to provide me with copies of grade cards and stuff if I give them SASEs to use. I have no idea, honestly, if they'll do the same with permission slips and notices of programs. I usually just check the online school calendar every couple days to see if anything's coming up so that I can avoid things like this. (He never gives me copies of report cards and stuff like he's supposed to either)

I'll call the school and find out what I can do for next year since this one's over in a few weeks.

The question remains though... we all (using the term loosely) know that if the court order is violated, it's contempt. But how do the courts look on stuff like this? Is it truly just petty crap we need to learn to deal with and work around, or is this the sort of stuff that court battles are made of?

It's not like those are the only issues. There's the issue of the 9 year old's baptism of which I was not informed, lots of medical appointments, leaving town/the state without telling me or providing me with contact info, etc. Though his reasoning behind that is that I have his cell phone number, so I always have contact info and it doesn't matter where they are.

 

[bononos]

I'm at odds here.
I think that since he is compiling so many different "small" contempts, that if you be sure to document and file each seperate, then maybe a judge won't see it as petty and compel him to follow the order properly on these smaller issues.
The baptism one espically!!!!!! I'd kill!!!!!
I think trying to go after him with just this one will possibly make you look bad.
Going afetr him with all of them, makes him look bad.

 

[CJane]

I'm at odds here.
I think that since he is compiling so many different "small" contempts, that if you be sure to document and file each seperate, then maybe a judge won't see it as petty and compel him to follow the order properly on these smaller issues.
The baptism one espically!!!!!! I'd kill!!!!!
I think trying to go after him with just this one will possibly make you look bad.
Going afetr him with all of them, makes him look bad.

So, how does it work?

Compile the info via a journal or whatever over the course of ... 6 months or so... and then file contempt and include each seperate instance?

I don't want to go running back to court when we haven't even received our new order yet, and am more or less just looking to the future because I know that no court order in the world is going to pull his head out of his rectum. Though I suppose a part of me hopes that's exactly what will happen. I DO want to co-parent with him effectively and I DO try to do so... sometimes, he does too.

Guess I'm just really frustrated because I know this whole thing is workable and he's such an a$$ about everything, so I need to know what to do besides being nice all the time so that it's not me causing conflict.

 

[casa]

So, how does it work?

Compile the info via a journal or whatever over the course of ... 6 months or so... and then file contempt and include each seperate instance?

I don't want to go running back to court when we haven't even received our new order yet, and am more or less just looking to the future because I know that no court order in the world is going to pull his head out of his rectum. Though I suppose a part of me hopes that's exactly what will happen. I DO want to co-parent with him effectively and I DO try to do so... sometimes, he does too.

Guess I'm just really frustrated because I know this whole thing is workable and he's such an a$$ about everything, so I need to know what to do besides being nice all the time so that it's not me causing conflict.

Do you email/write to him re; these issues? I always drop a confirmation e-mail, ie; "There is a field trip coming up on X date & I'm attending, would you also like to attend?" And you have your parenting meetings- which is when you should be addressing smaller issues that you've documented in the meantime. A Baptism (depending on your Faith) is a legitimate complaint- BUT courts don't really like to get involved in Religious things.

First see what issues your upcoming order clarifies~ Then go from there (documentation is always good whether things are great between your X or not).