CJane
Senior Member
Or why Gamegrid shouldn't have deleted his Missouri relocation thread.
gamegrid:
I'm fixing to get screwed.
I was given a notice with the intent to move out of state from my former spouse (MISSOURI jurisdiction).
I filed a timely motion to prevent relocation. I went to the court date and was given a date for a hearing. I figured, I best get an attorney. Then I called a bunch and was able to secure one before the rapidly approaching date. If I was made of money, I'd hire one from 3 hours away (6 hours in fees every visit to the court house!)... but all the others in hickville failed me with one offering a flat fee of WAY too much.
Anyway, the hearing is approaching and I have no attorney. She is a major mental abuser (parental alienation) and our child exhibits mental problems (cutting, primarily, and possibly depression). She already moved out of state and is returning for the court date. SHE has an attorney.
I'd love nothing more than to file a motion for contempt for her moving prior to the court's ruling and possibly a motion to appoint a GAL for my daughter in a modification of custody attempt.
I do not live in Missouri. I planned on moving there, but the more attempts I tried to spend more time with the children, the more problems were given by my alienating spouse. I do have some proof of her nasty behavior from a family access motion in which she lost her argument that she was justified in denying visitation. My recorded phone calls, mean spirited comments online, etc.
I think the case warranted more time for an attorney to conduct the proper research and few were willing to do so in such short order.
Is there a way I can delay action on this case? Anything from her moving already, taking the required-by-law co-parenting class (which we haven't done), to mediation?
I want an attorney... and I'm afraid I will be screwed in this matter and have to file a motion to modify custody as quickly as possible after this court date has passed.
It is always possible she can change jurisdiction to the new state she will be moving to, which benefits me in some ways though it is further.
She is absolutely uncooperative in visitation matters and is trying to limit my visitation to a mere month in the summer and maybe a week or so here and there for a holiday.
Proserpina
Quick question -
You already live out of state? Is that correct?
TheGeekess:
Dude, how on EARTH do you expect a judge to order children to remain in MO when they don't have a parent living there?
single317dad:
- Is Mom moving further from you or closer to you?
- What does your current court order say?
- Someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think NOW is the time for you to file your custody modification. Opposing the relocation on its own is not sufficient (even though that's what the statutes say to do). You can't stop Mom from relocating. You can only petition the court for remedy for Mom's decision to relocate, which MAY include change of custody or new visitation schedule.
gamegrid:
Yes, I live out of state. I made attempts to move to Missouri, but every time I encountered hassles from the ex. First time, I was flat-out denied visitation until I filed a family access motion.
The next time, the press was put on my daughter so she was punished severely for anything we did that the ex didn't like. Eventually, my daughter bought into the believe my moving there was the "worst possible thing in the world" so I decided to pull back... Clearly there was something going on behind the scene.
She is nearly completely alienated from me and her gripes w/me are not one a child would have but rather my ex. She is involved with cutting, etc. My spouse doesn't inform me of anything with her schooling, they are partners against me and she is the "spy" child who reports back everything we do upon being debriefed by her mother.
I do have proof of attempts to move to Missouri from both my ex and daughter admitting I was moving there and both did not like it. How is my relationship a bad thing? I don't know. I am not an abuser, have no criminal history, and try to do the best I can given this ridiculous scenario where I'm pretty much under the thumb of the former spouse's authority with all visitation matters.
Proserpina:
Given this information, I highly doubt the court can stop the relocation. The court can't order the child to remain in Missouri if Mom has moved - and obviously, you're not there either.
gamegrid:
SHE HAS MOVED ALREADY. In Missouri this could be viewed as a reason to modify custody.
Her absolute uncooperative attitude in regards to my visitation is a matter of record. Her move will compound the problems and leave Missouri completely out of it.
Like I said, I planned on moving there and was interfered with by my ex and this move is being made in bad faith. (You are moving here? Oh well. I'm moving away."
If she was moving closer, I wouldn't have a problem with it but she is moving further away.
I am not kidding when I say that if the courts don't write up that she is to take them to the airport for visitation with me, she would insist on me flying there to pick up the children at her address.
She doesn't refer to me as their father but rather "sperm donor".
I can't afford to buy plane tickets, drive further away for visitation, and be told "beat it" which I have had happen in Missouri (9 hours in the car one way = wasted)
stealth2:
You already live in a different state. The court is unlikely to disallow Mom from relocating with the child. Sorry. If you'd lived in MO, then you may have had a shot.
stealth2:
Do you HAVE a visitation order?
And what did you do when she refused you visitation?
Oh, and... if you moved out of MO, and transportation wasn't addressed in an order, Mom wasn't wrong in requiring you to provide transportation. Really.
CJane:
Ok. First of all, you CHOSE not to move to Missouri. It's a fairly large state, so I find it a little hard to believe Mom prevented you from moving here at all.
You have absolutely NO chance of preventing Mom/the child from relocating out of the state. None. You're basically suggesting that the child be prevented from moving with Mom and instead be forced to live with YOU which also requires a move out of state.
You DO have a shot at a better visitation schedule, but a lot of that is going to depend on how often you've actually exercised the visitation you're currently awarded.
And if you can't afford an attorney? You can't afford a GAL.
TheGeekess:
And I planned on being a Broadway star.
Unless you are living in the state RIGHT NOW, you are not going to get what you want.
gamegrid:
Yeah - it sounds like I'm screwed.
Typical bad alienation case. I'm the guy who gets put through the ringer though I've done nothing. If I pick up the kids, it is only to take them away from their mother. If I do things with them, I'm "buying their affection".
That crap gets old, so then one becomes inclined to "give up".
I really don't want to do that, but if others have been through this and have given up...I really would understand and wouldn't blame them. It really is asking to get f'd over again and again at great emotional and financial cost.
I guess I just go to court and request of the court as much visitation as possible during the summer (not the ridiculous "one month" the ex is offering) and offer my proof of her interference with visitation and lost weeks to back it up.
Then I expect to get served from another state or told to go screw off next summer when I purchase plane tickets for them to come and see me. She can then change jurisdiction to the further away state. Fun future.
I guess I have to suck it up, move the hell to Missouri anyway despite her BS and then petition the court for modification of custody and utilize the evidence I have against her. In the meantime, my daughter's mental well being is compromised and she becomes a compulsive liar who has trouble in her future relationships. At least with me, I know she needs professional counseling.
Any way to get that added to any agreement to let her move away?
st-kitts:
OP, you may be venting, but referring to your daughter as the "spy" child just left me sort of ... on edge.
gamegrid:
I can afford an attorney, I can't afford the good one that is 3 hours away.
Sure, I could have moved. But then I'd have to be in a cruddy state w/o getting any visitation because my ex denied me (until we went to court and it was fixed), or have kids who somehow think my being there is terrible because they are being punished for the things we do together.
I want as much visitation as I can get, my ex doesn't want me to have 1 hour. That puts us at extreme odds, wouldn't you say? I wouldn't ever do that to her, so at least I know I'm better than she is.
stealth2:
Again - with bells:
Do you HAVE a visitation order?
And what did you do when she refused you visitation?
Oh, and... if you moved out of MO, and transportation wasn't addressed in an order, Mom wasn't wrong in requiring you to provide transportation. Really.
Please answer these questions.
Proserpina:
Nope. Not unless Mom agrees.
I will ask though - how often have you actually seen your daughter in the past year?
And for how long?
How old is your daughter (I may have missed that - if I did, apologies)?
gamegrid:
I'm fixing to get screwed.
I was given a notice with the intent to move out of state from my former spouse (MISSOURI jurisdiction).
I filed a timely motion to prevent relocation. I went to the court date and was given a date for a hearing. I figured, I best get an attorney. Then I called a bunch and was able to secure one before the rapidly approaching date. If I was made of money, I'd hire one from 3 hours away (6 hours in fees every visit to the court house!)... but all the others in hickville failed me with one offering a flat fee of WAY too much.
Anyway, the hearing is approaching and I have no attorney. She is a major mental abuser (parental alienation) and our child exhibits mental problems (cutting, primarily, and possibly depression). She already moved out of state and is returning for the court date. SHE has an attorney.
I'd love nothing more than to file a motion for contempt for her moving prior to the court's ruling and possibly a motion to appoint a GAL for my daughter in a modification of custody attempt.
I do not live in Missouri. I planned on moving there, but the more attempts I tried to spend more time with the children, the more problems were given by my alienating spouse. I do have some proof of her nasty behavior from a family access motion in which she lost her argument that she was justified in denying visitation. My recorded phone calls, mean spirited comments online, etc.
I think the case warranted more time for an attorney to conduct the proper research and few were willing to do so in such short order.
Is there a way I can delay action on this case? Anything from her moving already, taking the required-by-law co-parenting class (which we haven't done), to mediation?
I want an attorney... and I'm afraid I will be screwed in this matter and have to file a motion to modify custody as quickly as possible after this court date has passed.
It is always possible she can change jurisdiction to the new state she will be moving to, which benefits me in some ways though it is further.
She is absolutely uncooperative in visitation matters and is trying to limit my visitation to a mere month in the summer and maybe a week or so here and there for a holiday.
Proserpina
Quick question -
You already live out of state? Is that correct?
TheGeekess:
Dude, how on EARTH do you expect a judge to order children to remain in MO when they don't have a parent living there?
single317dad:
- Is Mom moving further from you or closer to you?
- What does your current court order say?
- Someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think NOW is the time for you to file your custody modification. Opposing the relocation on its own is not sufficient (even though that's what the statutes say to do). You can't stop Mom from relocating. You can only petition the court for remedy for Mom's decision to relocate, which MAY include change of custody or new visitation schedule.
gamegrid:
Yes, I live out of state. I made attempts to move to Missouri, but every time I encountered hassles from the ex. First time, I was flat-out denied visitation until I filed a family access motion.
The next time, the press was put on my daughter so she was punished severely for anything we did that the ex didn't like. Eventually, my daughter bought into the believe my moving there was the "worst possible thing in the world" so I decided to pull back... Clearly there was something going on behind the scene.
She is nearly completely alienated from me and her gripes w/me are not one a child would have but rather my ex. She is involved with cutting, etc. My spouse doesn't inform me of anything with her schooling, they are partners against me and she is the "spy" child who reports back everything we do upon being debriefed by her mother.
I do have proof of attempts to move to Missouri from both my ex and daughter admitting I was moving there and both did not like it. How is my relationship a bad thing? I don't know. I am not an abuser, have no criminal history, and try to do the best I can given this ridiculous scenario where I'm pretty much under the thumb of the former spouse's authority with all visitation matters.
Proserpina:
Given this information, I highly doubt the court can stop the relocation. The court can't order the child to remain in Missouri if Mom has moved - and obviously, you're not there either.
gamegrid:
SHE HAS MOVED ALREADY. In Missouri this could be viewed as a reason to modify custody.
Her absolute uncooperative attitude in regards to my visitation is a matter of record. Her move will compound the problems and leave Missouri completely out of it.
Like I said, I planned on moving there and was interfered with by my ex and this move is being made in bad faith. (You are moving here? Oh well. I'm moving away."
If she was moving closer, I wouldn't have a problem with it but she is moving further away.
I am not kidding when I say that if the courts don't write up that she is to take them to the airport for visitation with me, she would insist on me flying there to pick up the children at her address.
She doesn't refer to me as their father but rather "sperm donor".
I can't afford to buy plane tickets, drive further away for visitation, and be told "beat it" which I have had happen in Missouri (9 hours in the car one way = wasted)
stealth2:
You already live in a different state. The court is unlikely to disallow Mom from relocating with the child. Sorry. If you'd lived in MO, then you may have had a shot.
stealth2:
Do you HAVE a visitation order?
And what did you do when she refused you visitation?
Oh, and... if you moved out of MO, and transportation wasn't addressed in an order, Mom wasn't wrong in requiring you to provide transportation. Really.
CJane:
Ok. First of all, you CHOSE not to move to Missouri. It's a fairly large state, so I find it a little hard to believe Mom prevented you from moving here at all.
You have absolutely NO chance of preventing Mom/the child from relocating out of the state. None. You're basically suggesting that the child be prevented from moving with Mom and instead be forced to live with YOU which also requires a move out of state.
You DO have a shot at a better visitation schedule, but a lot of that is going to depend on how often you've actually exercised the visitation you're currently awarded.
And if you can't afford an attorney? You can't afford a GAL.
TheGeekess:
And I planned on being a Broadway star.
Unless you are living in the state RIGHT NOW, you are not going to get what you want.
gamegrid:
Yeah - it sounds like I'm screwed.
Typical bad alienation case. I'm the guy who gets put through the ringer though I've done nothing. If I pick up the kids, it is only to take them away from their mother. If I do things with them, I'm "buying their affection".
That crap gets old, so then one becomes inclined to "give up".
I really don't want to do that, but if others have been through this and have given up...I really would understand and wouldn't blame them. It really is asking to get f'd over again and again at great emotional and financial cost.
I guess I just go to court and request of the court as much visitation as possible during the summer (not the ridiculous "one month" the ex is offering) and offer my proof of her interference with visitation and lost weeks to back it up.
Then I expect to get served from another state or told to go screw off next summer when I purchase plane tickets for them to come and see me. She can then change jurisdiction to the further away state. Fun future.
I guess I have to suck it up, move the hell to Missouri anyway despite her BS and then petition the court for modification of custody and utilize the evidence I have against her. In the meantime, my daughter's mental well being is compromised and she becomes a compulsive liar who has trouble in her future relationships. At least with me, I know she needs professional counseling.
Any way to get that added to any agreement to let her move away?
st-kitts:
OP, you may be venting, but referring to your daughter as the "spy" child just left me sort of ... on edge.
gamegrid:
I can afford an attorney, I can't afford the good one that is 3 hours away.
Sure, I could have moved. But then I'd have to be in a cruddy state w/o getting any visitation because my ex denied me (until we went to court and it was fixed), or have kids who somehow think my being there is terrible because they are being punished for the things we do together.
I want as much visitation as I can get, my ex doesn't want me to have 1 hour. That puts us at extreme odds, wouldn't you say? I wouldn't ever do that to her, so at least I know I'm better than she is.
stealth2:
Again - with bells:
Do you HAVE a visitation order?
And what did you do when she refused you visitation?
Oh, and... if you moved out of MO, and transportation wasn't addressed in an order, Mom wasn't wrong in requiring you to provide transportation. Really.
Please answer these questions.
Proserpina:
Nope. Not unless Mom agrees.
I will ask though - how often have you actually seen your daughter in the past year?
And for how long?
How old is your daughter (I may have missed that - if I did, apologies)?
