Phone and Out of State Visitation Questions

[missbee2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

If you don't want to read the history or details, would you please skip to the bottom paragraphs to see the question that I want to ask?

The History
My 8 year old daughter's mother recently moved herself and my daughter to Alaska with only 24 hours notice to me and without allowing her to even say good-bye to her grandparents or myself.

She went there to marry a trucker or some kind of pipeline worker that she had known less than a year because he told her she wouldn't have to work.

I was never married to my daughter's mother and what little relationship we had dissolved long ago but I have stayed involved in my little girl's life. I supported her and lived nearby as did many other family members that were also active in her day to day life.

I first went to court to have her return to MS and her lawyer requested a continuance which the judge denied and ordered her back from Alaska for a hearing.

After the move, I petitioned for temporary custody until the judge could decide whether the move was in the best interest of the child.

For what it's worth, her mother has a poor record of getting her to school and making sure she's doing her schoolwork; both sets of grandparents and I took care of most of that. We all stepped in when they saw that she was going to fail without our assistance.

My score was tied on the Albright list with hers but the judge denied my request for temporary custody.

She is being required to forward answers to an interrogatory (I'm not sure if I'm using this term correctly) and my attorney has advised another hearing and some depositions after he receives the interrogatory.

<b>Speaking with My Daughter</b>

Since the move she has not answered her phone when I called to speak with my daughter, the judge said that I should buy a cell phone for my daughter and that her mother is to allow me to have unlimited communication with her.

When he said this, my daughter's mom spun around to her attorney and said that she didn't want that! The reason that she doesn't want this is because every time I speak with my little girl she gets upset and wants to come home and she doesn't want to hear it.

Her lawyer hushed her and plainly said, "Don't worry about it".

After hearing that, I'm worried that her lawyer will give her some kind of tip/advice on how to keep me from speaking with my daughter even if she after I provide her with a phone!

That being said, how can I be sure that I won't be just providing the mother with a free cell phone?

We probably wouldn't talk (if I get to speak with her at all!) more than about 15 minutes a day so a plan with a limited minutes would probably work except that I'm afraid that her mom will use the minutes and leave us with none at all!

<b>Visitation Transportation</b>
Another question I have is that I understand that I am to be responsible for paying to fly my daughter back and forth from Alaska for visits! Shouldn't she at least have to split the tickets?


I'm asking for suggestions here to see how other parents have dealt with these issues.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

If you don't want to read the history or details, would you please skip to the bottom paragraphs to see the question that I want to ask?

The History
My 8 year old daughter's mother recently moved herself and my daughter to Alaska with only 24 hours notice to me and without allowing her to even say good-bye to her grandparents or myself.

She went there to marry a trucker or some kind of pipeline worker that she had known less than a year because he told her she wouldn't have to work.

I was never married to my daughter's mother and what little relationship we had dissolved long ago but I have stayed involved in my little girl's life. I supported her and lived nearby as did many other family members that were also active in her day to day life.

I first went to court to have her return to MS and her lawyer requested a continuance which the judge denied and ordered her back from Alaska for a hearing.

After the move, I petitioned for temporary custody until the judge could decide whether the move was in the best interest of the child.

For what it's worth, her mother has a poor record of getting her to school and making sure she's doing her schoolwork; both sets of grandparents and I took care of most of that. We all stepped in when they saw that she was going to fail without our assistance.

My score was tied on the Albright list with hers but the judge denied my request for temporary custody.

She is being required to forward answers to an interrogatory (I'm not sure if I'm using this term correctly) and my attorney has advised another hearing and some depositions after he receives the interrogatory.

<b>Speaking with My Daughter</b>

Since the move she has not answered her phone when I called to speak with my daughter, the judge said that I should buy a cell phone for my daughter and that her mother is to allow me to have unlimited communication with her.

When he said this, my daughter's mom spun around to her attorney and said that she didn't want that! The reason that she doesn't want this is because every time I speak with my little girl she gets upset and wants to come home and she doesn't want to hear it.

Her lawyer hushed her and plainly said, "Don't worry about it".

After hearing that, I'm worried that her lawyer will give her some kind of tip/advice on how to keep me from speaking with my daughter even if she after I provide her with a phone!

That being said, how can I be sure that I won't be just providing the mother with a free cell phone?

We probably wouldn't talk (if I get to speak with her at all!) more than about 15 minutes a day so a plan with a limited minutes would probably work except that I'm afraid that her mom will use the minutes and leave us with none at all!

<b>Visitation Transportation</b>
Another question I have is that I understand that I am to be responsible for paying to fly my daughter back and forth from Alaska for visits! Shouldn't she at least have to split the tickets?


I'm asking for suggestions here to see how other parents have dealt with these issues.

What do your court orders currently say?

 

[PQN]

As far as the phone, most plans allow you to set usage controls. We use Verizon and my son's phone is restricted to calling only his parents, siblings and grandparents. So mom could take her phone but she could only call you or whoever else you approve.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

If you don't want to read the history or details, would you please skip to the bottom paragraphs to see the question that I want to ask?

The History
My 8 year old daughter's mother recently moved herself and my daughter to Alaska with only 24 hours notice to me and without allowing her to even say good-bye to her grandparents or myself.

She went there to marry a trucker or some kind of pipeline worker that she had known less than a year because he told her she wouldn't have to work.

I was never married to my daughter's mother and what little relationship we had dissolved long ago but I have stayed involved in my little girl's life. I supported her and lived nearby as did many other family members that were also active in her day to day life.

I first went to court to have her return to MS and her lawyer requested a continuance which the judge denied and ordered her back from Alaska for a hearing.

After the move, I petitioned for temporary custody until the judge could decide whether the move was in the best interest of the child.

For what it's worth, her mother has a poor record of getting her to school and making sure she's doing her schoolwork; both sets of grandparents and I took care of most of that. We all stepped in when they saw that she was going to fail without our assistance.

My score was tied on the Albright list with hers but the judge denied my request for temporary custody.

She is being required to forward answers to an interrogatory (I'm not sure if I'm using this term correctly) and my attorney has advised another hearing and some depositions after he receives the interrogatory.

<b>Speaking with My Daughter</b>

Since the move she has not answered her phone when I called to speak with my daughter, the judge said that I should buy a cell phone for my daughter and that her mother is to allow me to have unlimited communication with her.

When he said this, my daughter's mom spun around to her attorney and said that she didn't want that! The reason that she doesn't want this is because every time I speak with my little girl she gets upset and wants to come home and she doesn't want to hear it.

Her lawyer hushed her and plainly said, "Don't worry about it".

After hearing that, I'm worried that her lawyer will give her some kind of tip/advice on how to keep me from speaking with my daughter even if she after I provide her with a phone!

That being said, how can I be sure that I won't be just providing the mother with a free cell phone?

We probably wouldn't talk (if I get to speak with her at all!) more than about 15 minutes a day so a plan with a limited minutes would probably work except that I'm afraid that her mom will use the minutes and leave us with none at all!

<b>Visitation Transportation</b>
Another question I have is that I understand that I am to be responsible for paying to fly my daughter back and forth from Alaska for visits! Shouldn't she at least have to split the tickets?


I'm asking for suggestions here to see how other parents have dealt with these issues.

Your attorney is really the person who should be guiding you.

I cannot see why you should be 100% responsible for the costs of transportation though; Mom created the distance so should pay at least 50% if not 100%.

You might want to consider asking your attorney if you can get "unlimited communication" - which is neither reasonable nor enforceable - changed to "Mom shall make child available for telephone contact between the hours of 6 and 7 each evening" or similar.

That becomes something definite, and she can be held in contempt if she doesn't do it.

 

[missbee2]

What do your court orders currently say?

I was actually in the middle of negotiations with her when she left town!

So, I currently have no orders as of yet and I changed attorneys.

My current attorney just got my tax records to calculate child support.

So this means that I can request that she share or pay the cost of transportation?

What chance do I have of getting this when she says she's not working? Would the guy she SAYS she's married to have to pay it?

 

[mistoffolees]

I was actually in the middle of negotiations with her when she left town!

So, I currently have no orders as of yet and I changed attorneys.

My current attorney just got my tax records to calculate child support.

So this means that I can request that she share or pay the cost of transportation?

What chance do I have of getting this when she says she's not working? Would the guy she SAYS she's married to have to pay it?

You can still get an order for her to pay the transportation. The court could not order her husband to pay, but they could still require her to pay or go to jail.

 

[Antigone*]

I was actually in the middle of negotiations with her when she left town!

So, I currently have no orders as of yet and I changed attorneys.

My current attorney just got my tax records to calculate child support.

So this means that I can request that she share or pay the cost of transportation?

What chance do I have of getting this when she says she's not working? Would the guy she SAYS she's married to have to pay it?

You should ask that she pay the full amount of transportation.

 

[TheGeekess]

OP, have you posted here before and deleted? Your situation sounds very familiar to me....

 

[mistoffolees]

OP, have you posted here before and deleted? Your situation sounds very familiar to me....

In addition, who are you? There aren't very many fathers who call themselves "miss bee".

 

[missbee2]

No, I've never posted here before. Just registered. I looked for a situation similar to mine before I registered but didn't find one. If you know of a similar thread, could you please direct me to it?

I'm in Mississippi and my last initial is "B". My first user name choice was taken and I just threw one in there.

The suggestion about definite hours for telephone contact makes sense to me. Plus, mom would probably throw the phone in the garbage and then say my daughter lost it.

Also, I'm contacting the attorney this morning to tell him that I want 100% of my daughter's airfare paid for by mom.

Another hearing is in the works for next spring and there are two holiday visits coming up that she can pay for. If (most likely WHEN) she doesn't do what she's supposed to that can be brought up in the hearings next year.

But does anyone have any advice on how to proceed here? Say I ask for transportation costs and the judge grants them to me and then she doesn't schedule a flight and pay as ordered. Is there any way to get my daughter here without hurting my case next year?

How likely is it that the judge will make her pay 100%? I've been in business for myself for 10 years but with the economy so bad, I'm just barely hanging on. She just quit a decent paying job voluntarily and is making an already difficult financial situation harder on me. I don't see why I should have to pay because she wanted to move but I know the legal system doesn't always see things like I might.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Why not a temporary hearing before next Spring? You've got two big holidays coming up.

Worse case, can you fly up to visit?

 

[missbee2]

Not sure why the attorney said next hearing should happen next spring. We just had one; how often can I request one?


As far as my flying up to visit there are several issues that would make that not such a great idea.

The first is that I would have to add motel and rent-a-car fees to airfare and my money is very tight right now. Not that I wouldn't spend what I have to see my daughter, I would IF that's that only option.

The second and third reasons would be that my folks want to see her and I would not want her to have to spend her holidays in a motel room.

How sad would that be for her to be at a motel while all of her other family members are having a nice holiday?

 

[cry4me]

Not sure why the attorney said next hearing should happen next spring. We just had one; how often can I request one?


As far as my flying up to visit there are several issues that would make that not such a great idea.

The first is that I would have to add motel and rent-a-car fees to airfare and my money is very tight right now. Not that I wouldn't spend what I have to see my daughter, I would IF that's that only option.

The second and third reasons would be that my folks want to see her and I would not want her to have to spend her holidays in a motel room.

How sad would that be for her to be at a motel while all of her other family members are having a nice holiday?

Blah blah blah, its called Skype.... you cant be picky when it comes to seeing your child. Sounds like alot of excusses to me.

 

[missbee2]

Since the move she has not answered her phone when I called to speak with my daughter, the judge said that I should buy a cell phone for my daughter and that her mother is to allow me to have unlimited communication with her.

Skype would be great! Did you miss the part where she won't answer the phone? What would the odds be of mom buying my little girl a computer with a webcam so we could actually see each other when we talk when she won't answer the phone which would cost her nothing?

I'm not making any excuses for anything. I just want to maintain a relationship with my daughter and not be dumped on when I didn't create the problems I'm dealing with.

 

[mistoffolees]

Skype would be great! Did you miss the part where she won't answer the phone? What would the odds be of mom buying my little girl a computer with a webcam so we could actually see each other when we talk when she won't answer the phone which would cost her nothing?

I'm not making any excuses for anything. I just want to maintain a relationship with my daughter and not be dumped on when I didn't create the problems I'm dealing with.

Then you get a court order mandating that she make the child available at certain times - and file for contempt if she doesn't do so.