Hi all. This is not really a problem, but I'd like to get some feedback on what you all think.
My friend was over yesterday having coffee and she mentioned that her ex was giving her a hard time regarding contacting her daughter while the daughter was with the non custodial parent.(Him).
The child is 4 (almost five and very bright) and has been with mom full time since birth. Dad came into the picture - on a limited, sporadic basis- two years ago. He had decided to not be her daddy because of his involvement with a woman who did not want children. He changed his mind, I guess and started coming around. Anyway, during the visiting time, it's been mom's routine to call the daughter for five minutes on the days that they are not together. The calls are kept short because Mom doesn't want to agitate the father or interfere with his time.. The mom's belief is that the calls (the child had a very difficult time adjusting to the presence of the dad and had severe anxiety) keep the child reassured that where she is okay and mom's not going anywhere. Beside that, both the child and the mother enjoy telling each other about their days. (As an aside,she stateted that Dad has never called the child at his mothers house, except on the childs birthday).
Mom told me that Dad has suddenly started complaining about the calls. He's taken to not answering the phone, giving mom fake phone numbers (saying he'll be at an alternate location) and suggesting that mom is harrassing him by calling. This behavior, has been a routine with the child, the pattern is established and has been continued over many years, with support from the other parent, why would the other parent suddenly protest?
I know my friend well and have, many times, been present during the phone calls to the child. Lately the dad doesn't even answer the phone, it's picked up its by the child, so mom doesn't actually speak to Dad, unless there is an issue to be discussed (and most of the time Dad refuses to talk to mom -thats new too) No reason is given, Dad just cuts off the call.
The question is this. We are wondering should she should taper off these phone calls? She doesn't want to leave the child hanging out there and cause the child anxiety but then again, she doesnt want the father accusing her of harrassing him. She doesn't want to stop calling, but she also thinks that Dad is making a big deal out of nothing. Dad doesn't bend and Mom is always giving concessions, she's frustrated with always giving in to him. I told her that since the calls have been routine and a pattern of behavior since the inception of fathers visitation, it shouldn't be an issue. If the calls aren't exessivly (sp.) long and the father knows that the child looks forward to these daily contacts, what is the view of the court? In my opinion, I think that the dad is delibiratly avoiding answering the phone so it looks like mom is calling over and over and over to harrass him. When is a child ready to be more independent, do you think it's a case by case basis? What can mom look for to know the child is ready?
I realize this seems like a petty issue, but it's leading to other issues that could get out of hand.
There must be another reason, I can't believe that this Father would want to cause his daughter any anxiety, maybe there is another reason (other than this "harrassment" idea). Dad remarried and I wonder if the new wife has something to do with it (trying to keep Mom and Dad from bonding over the child). I don't know the other woman but from the grapevine, I hear she is insecure and has no desire to ever have kids. I wonder if the reason for this sudden protesting is that new wife is afraid that mom and dad will become friendly again, if allowed to "bond" over the child.
At any rate, what should Mom do?
My friend was over yesterday having coffee and she mentioned that her ex was giving her a hard time regarding contacting her daughter while the daughter was with the non custodial parent.(Him).
The child is 4 (almost five and very bright) and has been with mom full time since birth. Dad came into the picture - on a limited, sporadic basis- two years ago. He had decided to not be her daddy because of his involvement with a woman who did not want children. He changed his mind, I guess and started coming around. Anyway, during the visiting time, it's been mom's routine to call the daughter for five minutes on the days that they are not together. The calls are kept short because Mom doesn't want to agitate the father or interfere with his time.. The mom's belief is that the calls (the child had a very difficult time adjusting to the presence of the dad and had severe anxiety) keep the child reassured that where she is okay and mom's not going anywhere. Beside that, both the child and the mother enjoy telling each other about their days. (As an aside,she stateted that Dad has never called the child at his mothers house, except on the childs birthday).
Mom told me that Dad has suddenly started complaining about the calls. He's taken to not answering the phone, giving mom fake phone numbers (saying he'll be at an alternate location) and suggesting that mom is harrassing him by calling. This behavior, has been a routine with the child, the pattern is established and has been continued over many years, with support from the other parent, why would the other parent suddenly protest?
I know my friend well and have, many times, been present during the phone calls to the child. Lately the dad doesn't even answer the phone, it's picked up its by the child, so mom doesn't actually speak to Dad, unless there is an issue to be discussed (and most of the time Dad refuses to talk to mom -thats new too) No reason is given, Dad just cuts off the call.
The question is this. We are wondering should she should taper off these phone calls? She doesn't want to leave the child hanging out there and cause the child anxiety but then again, she doesnt want the father accusing her of harrassing him. She doesn't want to stop calling, but she also thinks that Dad is making a big deal out of nothing. Dad doesn't bend and Mom is always giving concessions, she's frustrated with always giving in to him. I told her that since the calls have been routine and a pattern of behavior since the inception of fathers visitation, it shouldn't be an issue. If the calls aren't exessivly (sp.) long and the father knows that the child looks forward to these daily contacts, what is the view of the court? In my opinion, I think that the dad is delibiratly avoiding answering the phone so it looks like mom is calling over and over and over to harrass him. When is a child ready to be more independent, do you think it's a case by case basis? What can mom look for to know the child is ready?
I realize this seems like a petty issue, but it's leading to other issues that could get out of hand.
There must be another reason, I can't believe that this Father would want to cause his daughter any anxiety, maybe there is another reason (other than this "harrassment" idea). Dad remarried and I wonder if the new wife has something to do with it (trying to keep Mom and Dad from bonding over the child). I don't know the other woman but from the grapevine, I hear she is insecure and has no desire to ever have kids. I wonder if the reason for this sudden protesting is that new wife is afraid that mom and dad will become friendly again, if allowed to "bond" over the child.
At any rate, what should Mom do?
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