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Picking up children ontime

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dadinpa

Guest
What is the name of your state? Pa

I have joint physical custody of my daughters. Order states pick up time is 7:00am. Parent who is to have children that day must pick them up. Order has baan in effect for 3 years.

Mother has been consistently late for weeks. She arrives somewhere between 7:15 am and 7:45am. I have tried to talk with her about it on the phone, have written her letters, and had my lawyer write a letter of my concerns to her lawyer to no avail. She did not get here this morning until 7:35am. This problem is making me late for work at least once or twice a week.

What should be my next step to solve this problem?
 


N

njmom

Guest
just my opinion dad....

I was thinking as a last resort, tell her that if you have to pay someone to be there with the child since you must leave for work that you are going to send her the bill. Since I dont think that is really going to work, I suppose you really dont have any other recourse than to take it to the courts for modification. I know you shouldn't always have to bend, but have you tried to talk with your boss and maybe change your starting time, or would you forsee a problem with that? My ex used to do the same thing with my two daughters, and since I didnt make a big stink about it, eventually it stopped because he wasnt getting a rise out of me. Good Luck Dad!!
 
D

dadinpa

Guest
njmom

I really am unable to change my schedule around. Our 7:00am order has been this way for 3 years and she use to alawys be her on time until her car was repossessed. Now she depends on a neighbor to get her here. She has also been told by the court at our last hearing (P.F.A. hearing for biting my 3 year old) that she needed to be ontime but she still has not complied. I know that getting someone to babysitt and paying them will only come out of my pocket. She does not work and depends of friends and welfare for money. It is a long, complicated situation but it affects the girls and me a great deal.
 
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njmom

Guest
me again.........

I was about to say that maybe it has been in effect for three years but you had mentioned before on your other post that she just started working double shifts at the nursing home and maybe that is the problem with the timing now. But, then you had just mentioned in this post that she is on welfare, so that would not be the problem. If the lateness is due to employment, you guys may have to try to work this thing out, so that both of you can be accomodated. Maybe you can suggest that the neighbor who brings her can pick the children up, and maybe both of you can pitch in for the accomodation. It does sound like you are in a bind, and believe me, I have been there and done that and if you act like it bothers you, it will only get worse. Good Luck!!...How old are the children?
 
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dadinpa

Guest
re:

nj mom,

I know it is a bit confusing but you are combining two different post and they are about two different mothers. The mother of my 10-year olg and I had her when we were 17 and were never married.
My 3 and 7yr olds are from my ex wife. Two differen problems all together. I had currently won primary custody of my 10 year old a few weeks ago and I have had joint physical custody of my 3 and 7 year olds for 3 years now, been divorced since then too.
My 10-yr old mother is from what i know recovering from perscription drug addiction which she fed having access to the meds in a nursing home job. Not exactly the right atmosphere from a recovering addict. She continues to work for a different nursing home and is currently facing several counts of felony perscription for using several identities at hospitals to get the drugs when she could not steal them from her job. She is facing jail time.
The mother of my 3 and 7 year old has had more children since our divorce, is on welface and unable to work. She has been under investigation from Children and Youth for neglecting my children when they are with her, biting my 3 year old, and allowing her b/f to physically scold my children.
ihopw this gives you some clarity on my situations and hopefully does not make itmore confusing for you.
I truly love my girls and have spent thousands in lawyers fees to give them all a better life.
 
N

njmom

Guest
I am sooooooo sorry!!

Yes, you did clarify, and I am sorry that you have this kind of turmoil......At least in my situation one of my EX's is not a problem. I always have that fear, having to deal with two and I don't know how you can deal with it!!....I also have two daughters from a previous long term relationship, and now a 3 year old boy from a second. It can get very confusing, and that is just what happened with your post. I had no idea about your other situation, and now you most certainly have clarified that!
Sounds like you picked some winners.....As, I think I have too...LOL...That is why I have been single for going on three years now, because of the fact that I am afraid of what I may get myself into this time!!....Good Luck, and I really feel bad about your situations......I know just what you are going through!! I wish I could help you more, but I just dont know what else to say....Hey, I do have lots of family in Philadelphia, Pa....I was born and raised out there.....maybe one of my family members could help ya.....LOL
 
L

lcollins

Guest
You may want to check with your attorney, but mine told me to keep a record of dates and times that my ex was late or a no show picking up our daughter. As long as I could show I put forth a good faith effort to give him time to be there, I was clear. My ex would show up hours late and not call. I finally wrote him and said that I would wait until 15 - 25 minutes after the stated time to pick the child up, otherwise we would have to make alternate arrangements. You are responsible for making the child availabe at the time your agreement states, not all day. In my case, my ex ticked off several times, but finally got the message that I would not hold up my life waiting on him. He made sure that he arrived a few minutes early, or he called. And he always had her back on time. Now he doesn't get her at all, but then he only lived 10 minutes maximum, away.
 
C

craftymom

Guest
trying to help, but probably rambling

Where do the girls go when they are on either of your time? The 7 year old must be going to school, does the 3 year old go to daycare on the mom's days?

Since you've already gone to the trouble of repeatedly notifying her, and she isn't cooperating, is it possible for you to just go ahead and drop the girls off at their destinations?

I'm just thinking that this wouldn't be a big enough issue to bring to court just yet, but that you all still have to go to where it is you have to be. By bringing them yourself, I would think that
1. There wouldn't be the added expense of someone watching
the girls until mom shows up
2. The girls aren't delayed in their schedules
3. You aren't late for work
4. If it goes back to court, you just have further "proof" of your
involvement in the best interest of the girls

Perhaps you could send another letter (crrr) stating something to the effect that since mom isn't showing up on time after repeated requests and understanding on your part, and that her lack of punctuality is infringing upon the well-being of your household, you feel you have no choice except to bring the girls to their destinations on your own if she has not arrived within 15 minutes of the previously appointed time.

I don't know if the above will work. Perhaps you could speak to your lawyer about this option?

I know it's a royal pain in the butt to always be the one that bends, but sometimes, the other parent simply doesn't do their job and you've got no choice but to work around it while still obeying court orders.
 
D

dadinpa

Guest
thanks for the advise!

to answer crafty mom, my 7 year old is starting first grade this year. She is behind but has autism and it was the advise of professional doctors to keep her back, she has attended an Intermediate Unit program since she was 5 and an intensive kindergarten program last year. I am so glad to see her starting reguar first grade this year on Sept. 4th. My 3 year old goes to daycare on the days i have her. When with their mom, she stays at home with her. Strangely, our court order state that mom is suppose to pick up 3 year old and watch her while I work but this has not happened at all, she has no desire to take care of her on "my days". I asked he is she would be willing to contribute to daycare expense since she is supose to be watching her while I work and she said definately not, so I pay $160.00 per week for 3 days of care for her, which is not too bad.

Mom lives about 25 minutes away and this is the 6th move this year, she was living in a motel not even 2 weeks ago. I am going to have to consider doing all the driving to eliminate this problem.
Our court order is so strict that parents are not even allowed to get out of the car at pick up, we are to have no contact due to problem i had last March. Went to pick up kids, mom started fighting with me because I questioned her as to why the 3 yr old, then 2, had access to pepper spray. Her b/f came out of the door and began beating me about the face and head with a salt shaker in his hand. Charges are still pending in this matter. At the time it was awefull, my girls witnessed it. It has been some time now and I can joke about it with my wife that I was as--salted!lol
Sorry for rambling..Thank you all for you help!
 

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