Please give any input!

[Father-in-pain]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

I have been married for 9 years and have a 2 and a half year old princess with my wife. We are now going through a divorce. The only disagreement that we are having is that I think that it is better to keep my our daughter right here and my wife wants to move back to Florida and take our daughter with her. See we used to live in Florida for the first year of our daughters life. However, the last year and a half, we have lived right here in Ohio. We just had our settlement hearing and my wife said that even if the court orders that our daughter stays here in Ohio, she is leaving anyway. So, during the hearing, the magistrate said if a parent wants to move away, thats OK but the child stays right here. Also, everyone in court (including my wifes attorney) has stated that I am an excellant father. They offered my wife an "extended parenting plan" and told her that she could move and get our daughter for 2 months out of the summer and 1 or 2 small school breaks. She was also told that if she doesn't except the offer now and wants to wait untill the final hearing next month, she might not be offered this extended parenting plan. She stated that she wanted to think about it! How anyone can even think about leaving their child is beyond me. Anyway, my question is this............BEING THAT SHE IS ACTUALLY CONSIDERING LEAVING HER CHILD, DO YOU THINK THAT IF SHE CHANGES HER MIND AND STAYS HERE I WILL HAVE A GOOD CHANCE AT PRIMARY RESIDENCY? Important point- she is an accountant and will be working 5-6 days per week. I, on the other hand, work 12 hour shifts Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I'm then off Monday-Thursday to take care of our daughter.

 

[mywholeworld]

All I can offer is just my story. I was your wife. We had a 6 month old in NM. I wanted to move to CO, (hometown). I was isolated in NM, with no family, support, etc. He actually agreed. We each drive 8 hours round trip twice a month to pick up and drop off our son. He has a balanced life in both states, and our parenting styles are different, but I can see how outward and adventurous our son has become. He is 19 months and it is hard on him.

Maintaining consistency has kept it all manageable. I recommend if that the visitations with mom or you be on a schedule, outlined on a calendar, something princess can rely on. Yes it is better that you have a more flexible schedule, but it is not definite that you will keep that position, or that mom will not find something more suitable. A community will be raising her, it can't be just you two now. She and you will have to learn to rely on others....thats been my hardest part.

By the way, in NM it was granted as Joint Custody. They are steering away from primary residence. We both share decision making and responsibilities, although I have him 75% of the time.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

I have been married for 9 years and have a 2 and a half year old princess with my wife. We are now going through a divorce. The only disagreement that we are having is that I think that it is better to keep my our daughter right here and my wife wants to move back to Florida and take our daughter with her. See we used to live in Florida for the first year of our daughters life. However, the last year and a half, we have lived right here in Ohio. We just had our settlement hearing and my wife said that even if the court orders that our daughter stays here in Ohio, she is leaving anyway. So, during the hearing, the magistrate said if a parent wants to move away, thats OK but the child stays right here. Also, everyone in court (including my wifes attorney) has stated that I am an excellant father. They offered my wife an "extended parenting plan" and told her that she could move and get our daughter for 2 months out of the summer and 1 or 2 small school breaks. She was also told that if she doesn't except the offer now and wants to wait untill the final hearing next month, she might not be offered this extended parenting plan. She stated that she wanted to think about it! How anyone can even think about leaving their child is beyond me. Anyway, my question is this............BEING THAT SHE IS ACTUALLY CONSIDERING LEAVING HER CHILD, DO YOU THINK THAT IF SHE CHANGES HER MIND AND STAYS HERE I WILL HAVE A GOOD CHANCE AT PRIMARY RESIDENCY? Important point- she is an accountant and will be working 5-6 days per week. I, on the other hand, work 12 hour shifts Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I'm then off Monday-Thursday to take care of our daughter.

If mom decides not to go, then I think that your respective works schedules would be more likely to indicate a joint physical custody arrangement.

 

[Father-in-pain]

All I can offer is just my story. I was your wife. We had a 6 month old in NM. I wanted to move to CO, (hometown). I was isolated in NM, with no family, support, etc. He actually agreed. We each drive 8 hours round trip twice a month to pick up and drop off our son. He has a balanced life in both states, and our parenting styles are different, but I can see how outward and adventurous our son has become. He is 19 months and it is hard on him.

Maintaining consistency has kept it all manageable. I recommend if that the visitations with mom or you be on a schedule, outlined on a calendar, something princess can rely on. Yes it is better that you have a more flexible schedule, but it is not definite that you will keep that position, or that mom will not find something more suitable. A community will be raising her, it can't be just you two now. She and you will have to learn to rely on others....thats been my hardest part.

By the way, in NM it was granted as Joint Custody. They are steering away from primary residence. We both share decision making and responsibilities, although I have him 75% of the time.

First, I want to say that I appreciate your response and I hope the best for you and your family. However, I must fill you in on some things.

1. You could not of been my wife unless you repeatedly threatened to take your child so that your husband will never see him again.

2. I understand that you say you were isolated without no support, family, etc. Well, you are an adult. You are sounding selfish because it isn't about you anymore, its about your child. If you had no education or working skills or experience then I fully understand your point of view. My wife, on the other hand is a 4 year college graduate with a striking resume including excellant management experience. She IS able to support herself.

3. This isn't an 8 hour round trip. It's 18-20 ONEWAY.

4. As far as you saying that I may not keep my current position with the company that I am with, I believe that is a weak argument. The fact is that I am currently holding this position. I hardly think that the court system is going to waste all of their valuable hours picking through all of the "hypathetical possibilities" that may take place in the future. That would be endless and everything within our cases would mean nothing.

5. You was't extremely clear on what you meant by us learning to let a community raise her and us relying on others. Well, we have relied on others more than you know. My daughter has had 2 brain surgeries and 1 heart surgery and countless doctor and therapy appointments. However, if you mean having her in daycare or with babysitters, etc. NO CHANCE; SORRY.

 

[mywholeworld]

wow! Talk about feeling attacked! Next time, don't ask for opinions, just simply state your story!

 

[VeronicaGia]

Our poster is thinking only of the child. The child has had surgeries that require her regular doctors to help take care of her. New doctors at this point is not a good idea.

Our posters wife is thinking only of herself. It sounds like the court already knows this, and going for primary residency no matter what sounds like a good idea for our poster.

The court won't waste their time on "what if's."

Another excellent website: www.deltabravo.net. Go to the fathers issues board.

 

[Father-in-pain]

wow! Talk about feeling attacked! Next time, don't ask for opinions, just simply state your story!

"Talk about feeling attacked". Save the drama. As I said, I value your opinion, however dont feel as if I'm not going to respond. This, my dear, is called a 2-way conversation. My ears are still open. Thank you.

 

[Father-in-pain]

Our poster is thinking only of the child. The child has had surgeries that require her regular doctors to help take care of her. New doctors at this point is not a good idea.

Our posters wife is thinking only of herself. It sounds like the court already knows this, and going for primary residency no matter what sounds like a good idea for our poster.

The court won't waste their time on "what if's."

Another excellent website: www.deltabravo.net. Go to the fathers issues board.

VeronicaGia, you could not of said it better! I thank you for helping me to explain my view. I dont always do well at that. I just want you to know that it touches my heart to know that someone else can feel my love and best interest for my daughter. THANK YOU!

 

[nextwife]

VG is correct. When one chooses to become a parent, it is THEY, not their own parents, not their own siblings, who are responsible to raise that child. A PARENT should not have to give up being able to be in their child's everyday life, dropping in to attend their school plays, sports events, brownie scout meetings and what all that being a PARENT involves because MOM finds it easier to have her own mommy and daddy or sister nearby. Mom's families location should NOT determine taking a child AWAY from their other parent. Parents should be primary, and parents should try to make their split the LEAST disruptive option.

A Grandma's location should NOT be MORE important than DAD's location. Nor should a Mom's boyfriend's location.

 

[Father-in-pain]

VG is correct. When one chooses to become a parent, it is THEY, not their own parents, not their own siblings, who are responsible to raise that child. A PARENT should not have to give up being able to be in their child's everyday life, dropping in to attend their school plays, sports events, brownie scout meetings and what all that being a PARENT involves because MOM finds it easier to have her own mommy and daddy or sister nearby. Mom's families location should NOT determine taking a child AWAY from their other parent. Parents should be primary, and parents should try to make their split the LEAST disruptive option.

A Grandma's location should NOT be MORE important than DAD's location. Nor should a Mom's boyfriend's location.

Nextwife,
I hope you dont mind but I printed out what you said because it is worded so perfectly. I sincerely thank you for responding and taking the time to understand my point. THANKS AGAIN AND GOD BLESS!

 

[panzertanker]

Here is OP's other post, FYI.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=258960

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

I have been married for 9 years and have a 2 and a half year old princess with my wife. We are now going through a divorce. The only disagreement that we are having is that I think that it is better to keep my our daughter right here and my wife wants to move back to Florida and take our daughter with her. See we used to live in Florida for the first year of our daughters life. However, the last year and a half, we have lived right here in Ohio. We just had our settlement hearing and my wife said that even if the court orders that our daughter stays here in Ohio, she is leaving anyway. So, during the hearing, the magistrate said if a parent wants to move away, thats OK but the child stays right here. Also, everyone in court (including my wifes attorney) has stated that I am an excellant father. They offered my wife an "extended parenting plan" and told her that she could move and get our daughter for 2 months out of the summer and 1 or 2 small school breaks. She was also told that if she doesn't except the offer now and wants to wait untill the final hearing next month, she might not be offered this extended parenting plan. She stated that she wanted to think about it! How anyone can even think about leaving their child is beyond me. Anyway, my question is this............BEING THAT SHE IS ACTUALLY CONSIDERING LEAVING HER CHILD, DO YOU THINK THAT IF SHE CHANGES HER MIND AND STAYS HERE I WILL HAVE A GOOD CHANCE AT PRIMARY RESIDENCY? Important point- she is an accountant and will be working 5-6 days per week. I, on the other hand, work 12 hour shifts Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I'm then off Monday-Thursday to take care of our daughter.

If the X moves, you have an excellent chance at retaining custody since the court's already weighed in on the matter of mom moving as long as the child stays.

If the X doesn't move, you have a chance at joint physical custody, especially since your work hours are opposite and you are opposed to childcare. Joint legal custody is pretty much a given.