Please Help! Father in distress!

[proudfatherof4]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

I really hope someone can give me some opinions because I am at my wits end! I will try and make this as brief as possible.

I live in PA and am the non custodial parent. I raised my daughter for 5 years and she has now been with her mother for 4. She is 13 now; what about the years in between, well she lived with her grandparents until she was 4, which is when I got custody. This is probably not important so let me get to the point.

Every since her mom has gained custody I have been forced further and further out of my daughter's life. I moved 130 miles away and that was shortly after she went to live with her mom. Her mom and I don't get along so therefore her mom has brainwashed her to have hate toward me. I have tried relentlessly to make our relationship work but to no avail. Six months ago I was at least getting "I love you's".

I have had partial custody since mom got custody. I pay my support. Mom has pushed me out and it got to a point that she even blocked my # from calling. I filed for a modification in court because the visitation schedule was too vague. I now have a new temporary one and am scheduled to go back to court on April 19th. I was informaed by my 13 year old daughter tonight that I need not waste my time because she isn't going. After exchanging a few words she told me that she would not be coming with me this weekend for our visit. She claims that her mom has filed some sort of appeal to the order.

Please help! I don't know what to do! Do I file her in contempt? Does our current order stand until the appeal goes in front of the court? My daughter has become so distant and disrespectful. She even called me a f*&$% face. I am scared that my relationship is too far gone.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[ecmst12]

You inform your child that you are the parent and she is the child and you tell HER where she will be going, not the other way around. And you tell her mother that the court order will be followed or you will file for contempt. And you go to pick her up as normal. She can sulk in her room the whole time or she can have a nice visit, but she will be spending the time with you regardless.

And try to remember that this is perfectly normal behavior for a 13 year old girl even in an intact family, and she is probably disrespectful and angry at her mother sometimes too. Being a 13 year old girl is hard, try to have a little sympathy, but don't let her use any teenage tricks on you.

 

[Banned_Princess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA
I was informaed by my 13 year old daughter tonight that I need not waste my time because she isn't going. After exchanging a few words she told me that she would not be coming with me this weekend for our visit. She claims that her mom has filed some sort of appeal to the order.

the teen does not get to decide.

Do I file her in contempt?

Yes. if you are there for your visit, and you are denied the visit, for any reason.. then yes do this.

Does our current order stand until the appeal goes in front of the court?

Yes. yes it does.

My daughter has become so distant and disrespectful. She even called me a f*&$% face. I am scared that my relationship is too far gone.

then you need to bring up the precieved alieanation up to the judge.. where's your lawyer?

 

[Ohiogal]

Did you act like a parent and show up to pick up your child for visitation? If not then you have not done what you should do. If you did show up and the child did not come, then you file contempt against mom.

 

[proudfatherof4]

Her mother is in agreeance to her not going with me. I made comment to my daughter that her that I hoped she was aware that if she does not come with me then her mother will be in contempt and may be put in jail. That is when she responded with the "my mom filed an appeal", and not to waste my time driving in.

Do I make the 2 hour drive to find out that no one is home and then file the contempt papers?

Also, I have a lot of concern with her mother discussing our adult conversations and issues with my daughter. This just doesn't seem healthy. Does the court ever place order where the parent is not permitted to discuss these things with the child? I feel like this plays a big part of the damage being done. Mom has something against me and would do anything to turn my daughter against me. Will the court fall for this?

 

[proudfatherof4]

then you need to bring up the precieved alieanation up to the judge.. where's your lawyer?

This all just happened this evening and I am really sick over it, so I just was hoping for some reassurance. Thanks for giving it to me!

 

[ecmst12]

If you don't show up to pick up the child, then you haven't been denied and there is no contempt.

DO NOT involve your child in discussions about the court case between you and mom. DO NOT make false threats about sending her mom to jail (which would never happen) for contempt. You just show up at the time and place to pick her up. If mom does not let her come with you, you contact the police and ask them to write a report to document mom's refusal to turn over the child for visitation, then you go home and wait for court. But your current tactics are not good for the child nor are they going to make you look good in court.

 

[mommyofmany27]

Her mother is in agreeance to her not going with me. I made comment to my daughter that her that I hoped she was aware that if she does not come with me then her mother will be in contempt and may be put in jail. That is when she responded with the "my mom filed an appeal", and not to waste my time driving in.

Do I make the 2 hour drive to find out that no one is home and then file the contempt papers?

Also, I have a lot of concern with her mother discussing our adult conversations and issues with my daughter. This just doesn't seem healthy. Does the court ever place order where the parent is not permitted to discuss these things with the child? I feel like this plays a big part of the damage being done. Mom has something against me and would do anything to turn my daughter against me. Will the court fall for this?

I understand your feelings and I hope that you will follow through and exercise your rights and if need be have mom held in contempt.

Now look at the bolded. Didn't you do what you don't want mom doing?

 

[Isis1]

Her mother is in agreeance to her not going with me. I made comment to my daughter that her that I hoped she was aware that if she does not come with me then her mother will be in contempt and may be put in jail. That is when she responded with the "my mom filed an appeal", and not to waste my time driving in.

Do I make the 2 hour drive to find out that no one is home and then file the contempt papers?

Also, I have a lot of concern with her mother discussing our adult conversations and issues with my daughter. This just doesn't seem healthy. Does the court ever place order where the parent is not permitted to discuss these things with the child? I feel like this plays a big part of the damage being done. Mom has something against me and would do anything to turn my daughter against me. Will the court fall for this?

okay dad. hold up. you want mom to not speak of adult matters to the child but you want to do it?? you have NO BUSINESS telling this child such false information. knock it off. it doesn't matter that mom does it. YOU don't do it.

all you had to say, was "i'll see you on my visitation day, i love you." end of conversation.

you show up, if mom does not answer the door or produce the child, call your local police department for an escort. they will talk to mom, be a third party witness that mom is in comtempt. you then get a copy of the police report. use that as part of your exhibit for the contempt.

 

[proudfatherof4]

Now look at the bolded. Didn't you do what you don't want mom doing?

Yes, you are right. I probably should have left that out. The only reason I said it was because the master at the hearing advised my daughter's mother that she would not tolerate her encouraging my daughter to not go with me and that she would put her in jail.

I will certainly hold my tongue because I definitely do not want to do what she does.

I really appreciate all of the advice and I certainly will show up for my visit and then if need be I will file the contempt.

You have all given me hope that this is not over and just because mom doesn't like me doesn't mean I can't get what I deserve as a father!

 

[ecmst12]

I think every single teenager his/her parents that he/she hates them at least once. Doesn't mean that the kid doesn't still love the parents. Doesn't mean they don't feel bad about it later (even if it's not for YEARS later!) or that they don't still have a relationship with the parents. Teenagers with divorced parents have a few extra weapons they can use in their rebellion wars but it's really all the same stuff that all teenagers go through. If you stick around even through the hostile phases, she'll appreciate you for it later. If you disappear when things get a little hard for you.....well she'll judge you for that later too.

 

[mommyofmany27]

Just make sure you have your custody orders with you!!!

 

[CJane]

just because mom doesn't like me doesn't mean I can't get what I deserve as a father!

So, is this about YOU and YOUR feelings? Or is this about your CHILD?

 

[proudfatherof4]

So, is this about YOU and YOUR feelings? Or is this about your CHILD?

Of course it's about my child! I raised her for 5 years and in my opinion I should have never let her move in with her mom because now I am realizing that it was not in the best interest of my daughter.

I am sickened by the damage that has been caused mentally and I pray that there will be a divine intervention so that my daughter grows a loving, caring and respectable adult who is fully aware that all of her family loves and cares about her.

 

[stealth2]

Also, I have a lot of concern with her mother discussing our adult conversations and issues with my daughter. This just doesn't seem healthy. Does the court ever place order where the parent is not permitted to discuss these things with the child? I feel like this plays a big part of the damage being done. Mom has something against me and would do anything to turn my daughter against me. Will the court fall for this?

Yet you did the exact same thing yourself!

I made comment to my daughter that her that I hoped she was aware that if she does not come with me then her mother will be in contempt and may be put in jail.

Sorry - if you're going to do it, don't whine when the other parent does. IMO, you are BOTH in the wrong by involving the child this way. Knock it off!