please help! father will not cooperate with me in regards to custody of our daughter

[BelizeBreeze]

belize. i am not saying that you dont have any idea what you are talking about at all, but how do you know so much???

Well, maybe it's because I'm psychic
or maybe it's because I am just letting "Scruffy" type out my responses...
or maybe I have my professors at GWU in 1974 to thank....

 

[jslopez711]

GWU in 1974 to thank....

Oh!! GW, that explains a lot!!!!!!! 74???? Man, it explains even more

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Oh!! GW, that explains a lot!!!!!!! 74???? Man, it explains even more

Come closer to the monitor....closer...there. Now, can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?

 

[ntagaincolorado]

You have gotten alot of good advice in this thread, and Legal Aid does help with child custody and support issues if you do not have the money. As many of you know...and I am sure you...when children are involved in situations like this, it is natural as a parent to want the best for your child, like sacrificing your own personal happiness and success to cater to the "other" parent!! You make the choice that is best for you and your child will benefit!! I agree with "stop being his doormat!". There is a halfway point I am sure that you two can meet, you will have to make a certain amount of sacrifice for your child's relationship with her father. 100 miles away?!! Please...if he loves his daughter like you say he does...he needs to make some sacrifices himself!

 

[jslopez711]

Come closer to the monitor....closer...there. Now, can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?

Yes, I see the one.

 

[ntagaincolorado]

Yes, I see the one.

Maybe you two should have your little "spat" somewhere else!!

 

[djohnson]

Op has gotten good advice once everone realized that California is only one state

However something OP needs to keep in mind is that right now and almost since birth, father has been in her life atleast 50% of time. He makes more money, can afford better lawyers, and a fight. He isn't trying to take time away from mother by moving. He stands a good chance of actually getting custody when it goes to court. Then OP could move without the child and have to just visit every other weekend or what ever. Just because your the mom, doesn't mean it will be easy.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

You have gotten alot of good advice in this thread, and Legal Aid does help with child custody and support issues if you do not have the money. As many of you know...and I am sure you...when children are involved in situations like this, it is natural as a parent to want the best for your child, like sacrificing your own personal happiness and success to cater to the "other" parent!! You make the choice that is best for you and your child will benefit!! I agree with "stop being his doormat!". There is a halfway point I am sure that you two can meet, you will have to make a certain amount of sacrifice for your child's relationship with her father. 100 miles away?!! Please...if he loves his daughter like you say he does...he needs to make some sacrifices himself!

Sacrificing her own hapiness would be to NOT move. This father has the child 50% of the time and yeah that could continue for another 3 years until school if mom were to move with the child. But what about school? Dad has to give up his right to be with his child 50% of the time or move to where child is b/c mom got a new man? The child support thing may have made sense in the beginning but if he began making more then of course the child deserves to live in a similar lifestyle in both homes. But think long and hard if the boyfriend is worth it b/c with dad being so active for so long the judge may grant dad custody especially if he can afford the big guns.

Why should he have to sacrifice anything?????? HES not asking to move, HE'S not asking to uproot and change a routine that the child knows and is obviously comfortable with, OP said he is a good Dad and now she wants to systematically move the child away from dad and in with the replacement.

 

[stealth2]

Why should he have to sacrifice anything?????? HES not asking to move, HE'S not asking to uproot and change a routine that the child knows and is obviously comfortable with, OP said he is a good Dad and now she wants to systematically move the child away from dad and in with the replacement.

You mean...... DAD should be allowed to be an equal parent?!?!?!

 

[ntagaincolorado]

Op has gotten good advice once everone realized that California is only one state

However something OP needs to keep in mind is that right now and almost since birth, father has been in her life atleast 50% of time. He makes more money, can afford better lawyers, and a fight. He isn't trying to take time away from mother by moving. He stands a good chance of actually getting custody when it goes to court. Then OP could move without the child and have to just visit every other weekend or what ever. Just because your the mom, doesn't mean it will be easy.

Then maybe mediation would be best to begin with-with a legal advisor. Then with luck alot can be settled in an adult manner, what is best for the child.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

You mean...... DAD should be allowed to be an equal parent?!?!?!

I KNOW!!!! G-d forbid the Courts ever catch on that dads are more than $$$ machines..... What is this world coming to? Dads WANT rights to their children, Dads WANT to see their children, Dads WANT to raise their children------> THOSE GREEDY LITTLE *******S

Anyway, I hope the OP sees that Dad is a good dad (her words) and deserves to have the child with him as much as mom does.

 

[ntagaincolorado]

Why should he have to sacrifice anything?????? HES not asking to move, HE'S not asking to uproot and change a routine that the child knows and is obviously comfortable with, OP said he is a good Dad and now she wants to systematically move the child away from dad and in with the replacement.[/QUOTE]

Because he had a child with her...so he is going to have to make some sacrifices!!! Well, that is the ****y thing about separation with children. And whether or not HE is or isn't asking for any of this, it will probably happen, and HE isn't the one asking questions here, she is! My son's father lives over 500 miles away and because we both care enough for our son and his well being-he is able to spend almost 45% of his time with his dad. His father is completely secure in the fact that NO ONE can replace him! If two people can act as adults a mutual respectable agreement can usually be reached between the two-under the court of law! Even if it means moving 100 miles away!

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Why should he have to sacrifice anything?????? HES not asking to move, HE'S not asking to uproot and change a routine that the child knows and is obviously comfortable with, OP said he is a good Dad and now she wants to systematically move the child away from dad and in with the replacement.

Because he had a child with her...so he is going to have to make some sacrifices!!! Well, that is the ****y thing about separation with children. And whether or not HE is or isn't asking for any of this, it will probably happen, and HE isn't the one asking questions here, she is! My son's father lives over 500 miles away and because we both care enough for our son and his well being-he is able to spend almost 45% of his time with his dad. His father is completely secure in the fact that NO ONE can replace him! If two people can act as adults a mutual respectable agreement can usually be reached between the two-under the court of law! Even if it means moving 100 miles away![/QUOTE]

How old is your son? How will that work with school? Why not 50%? Yes you know what he is sacrificing? 50% of the time he has with the child b/c mom has a right and obviously HE recognizes that. He will also end up sacrificing part of his income to help mom even though he manages to work full time and have a relationship with the child 50% of the time. WHY in the h*** should he have to travel and possibly give up some if not a majority, when school starts later, of his visitation time. This is not HIS problem, mom wants to move not him SHE has to make more of the sacrafices in this situation b/c SHE is asking for the change. I would say the same if Dad were moving.

In a perfect world both parents ARE adults and can see and do what needs to be done for the best interest of the child. I commend you and your ex for your efforts I'm sure it has not always been easy. But this is not the case dad has the $$ and does not want mom to move, which is his right and he stands on pretty strong ground so I'm not sure you are right that it is "probably" going to happen.

 

[ntagaincolorado]

My son is

How old is your son? How will that work with school? Why not 50%? Yes you know what he is sacrificing? 50% of the time he has with the child b/c mom has a right and obviously HE recognizes that. He will also end up sacrificing part of his income to help mom even though he manages to work full time and have a relationship with the child 50% of the time. WHY in the h*** should he have to travel and possibly give up some if not a majority, when school starts later, of his visitation time. This is not HIS problem, mom wants to move not him SHE has to make more of the sacrafices in this situation b/c SHE is asking for the change. I would say the same if Dad were moving.

In a perfect world both parents ARE adults and can see and do what needs to be done for the best interest of the child. I commend you and your ex for your efforts I'm sure it has not always been easy. But this is not the case dad has the $$ and does not want mom to move, which is his right and he stands on pretty strong ground so I'm not sure you are right that it is "probably" going to happen.[/QUOTE]



My son is nine and a half, we have been in colo for 8 years now, and the father I have to say is sorry that he is missing out on alot of things involving school, he is actually considering moving which I support fully. It isn't 50% because the summer visit is cut off two weeks before the 50 mark. I have opted not to ask child support from my ex (which we agreed), he participates in helping out 50/50 with sports, extracurricular activities if he so chooses. We pay for our own travel costs, and medical bills fortunately nothing serious has come up where it cost thousands of dollars so I have been able to take care of it. I guess I am fortunate, and in the end of all of this, I hope that OP is able to find some feasible resolution.

Tough crap to go through-tough choices. I still have to recommend mediation at this point, it is at least a start to see where you both stand.

 

[GLASSJAWGURL20]

i have lacked showing the bigger picture here. this is exactly how it is and how it goes, from both points of view. her father and i were together for dix months before i became pregnant. He was in a band at the time, we both being 19 years of age. he asked me very nonchalantoly in the beginning of our relationship, that if i ever became pregnant, would i have an abortion. i stated , i doubt i'll get pregnant, yeah sure, whatever. well what comes along six month later, being on birth control and using condoms? me being pregnant. i called to tell him and the first thing he said was, " you are going to have an abortion, right? my heart dropped. from then on, we stayed together and he supported me, but he acted and in the back of his mind like he didn't want her. he cried because she wasnt a boy at the ultrasound, and then things just started going downhill. he had a bad custody battle as a child with his parents. we broke up a month after my daughter was born, because we just were not meant to be together. i believe that he loves his daughter, but he is also a very fake person and i think in my heart that he sees her as a "trophy".. he cares about money and talks to me in regards to our daughter, not as a person, but as a colleague (when i can actually get him to talk about her) and HE is being selfish because i wanted to have ber biweekly, and he said no. i believe that would benefit her besides this every two day stuff that we have worked out right now. she needs consistency, and the best would be that the two of us were together, but unfortunately we are not. i am an adult and can look past his feelings of hatred for me for having our daughter, because he says i broke a promise to him TO THIS DAY for not having an abortion. i am sorry, but he treats it as though i promised to pick up his dry cleaning. we have been apart the past two years, and i am picky about my relationships, and i now have a fiance. i dont date just anyone, i take into consideration my daughter, and she comes first. my fiance is from southern california, and yes i understand in the best interest of my child is to live by her father, but when we are married do i need to just live up here and have my fiance stay in southern california for the rest of our lives? i understand that your child comes first, but i know that if her father could go back and change her actually being here, he would. it's sad, i just wish people could see how he really is. i am not saying that i want to rip him away from her at all, because a child needs both parents. but his hatred and his feelings for me that he hates me are overshadowing the fact that we have a child and that we need to talk about HER. i dont really even care about child support, but he is very stingy and money grubbing and im sure he would laugh if i was poor and our daughter was eating macaroni and cheese with me (that wouldn't happen) he doesnt see the big picture that even though he has her half time, maybe he could help me out a little bit. i am naturally a pretty good person and wouldnt do something out of spite. all i need is a little help.