Please help, serious problem!

[hisdaddy]

Please be patient as you read this and please offer me any input possible!! Thanks!!

I am in VA. My son (4 yrs. old) and his mother live in Ohio. She is a single mother. I am remarried for 2 yrs. now and I am in the military currently on sea duty. I go on my last cruise in Jan. and then I am home for 3.5 yrs. When I went up north to visit my son I found some very disturbing things. He was diagnosed bipolar and is on antipsychotic meds. .5 ML in AM and .5 ML in PM. His mother spilled his MEds. My ex's brother is schizophrenic and takes the same meds. only 4 ML. pills. So she decided to take those pills and cut them into quarters and give them to my son day and night, therefore giving him a double dosage each day for 3 days. When I got into town I had my mother go pick up HIS meds. from the pharmacy and she had no prob. getting them. The next day I gave him his normal dosage along with Benadryl as she told us this will counteract any side effects from his meds. After that he was staring into space and I shook him several times and he didn't answer me. Then the fourth shake I got a response! Then he slept all day, anywhere that he could in deep, deep sleeps. I was furious so I took him to a psych. that said that he was way over medicated. Then we went to court the next day for visitation mediation and she wound up firing her lawyer and getting a continuance (this has been going on for over a year). So then my wife and I followed her to her home to get his videos and she handed me a stack of pictures. As I walked out to our car I looked at them and I saw my son holding his grandfathers pistol in his hand on her couch!!! And she wonders why my son told his pre-school teacher that he was going to kill her b/c his grandfather is a cop! And beats up little kids and kills his pet cat, etc! They got into an accident the other day and he bumped his head, but how could he bump it if he was in a car seat? He is in Daycare from 8 am to 6pm and she doesn't even work a full time job, much less keep a job! HE is with my family every weekend and sometimes on weedays. Not to mention she gave us the X-mas video that she was saying that she was going to send us all yr. long that had her in it with her underwear and a T-shirt on bending down spreading her legs in front of the camera! We are dealing with a very sick bio. mom! I do not feel that my son is safe anymore in her home and I would like to know if these are grounds to change custody. There are SEVERAL other things but I could go on and on! I have called child services but they have not even attempted to contact any witnesses to her neglegient, aggressive behavior nor my family who have many other things to tell them and it has been almost 2 wks. now! Please, can someone tell me what I am facing here? Thank you for any advice.

 

[missjasmine]

It sounds like you have good reason for concern and now that your son is still young is the time to take some action. So many people wait too long and by the time they want to do something the damage has been done. You need to get a good attorney and start fighting for sole custody. What kind of custody arrangement do you have now? Getting copies of son's medical records isn't a bad idea. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling and I really feel for you. Please, for your son's sake, try to get custody of him. Keep us posted.

 

[hisdaddy]

I do not have any custody agreement. I am trying to get visitation and this has been going on for over a year now. I didn't file earlier b/c she didn't give me any trouble until I got married. Now I get to see my son, but before she would freak out everytime I wanted to see him. I cannot get Dr.'s records. even when I tried to ask her for his pediatrician's phone number and name she won't give it to me. She has him on her father's insurance and refuses to use mine for some reason even though everything is free on mine. I don't know if I could get sole custody and that is why I am asking b/c I go to court in Jan. and I will ne leaving for cruise. His whole family and my family are in Ohio. Are these things grounds for a custody change even if I am in the military and out of state? My wife would be home with him, and I know it is not the same as having his real mom and family around, but he does love my wife to death and her family is here as well. Keep giving the input. Thanks.

 

[electra]

Maybe this can help in some small way. You say your mother picked up your sons perscription. Wouldnt the pediatricians name have been on the bottle? I feel that is important information to have for anyone caring for a child that is ill or on meds.

 

[mayberry]

I recently went through a similar situation and learned a few things on this subject. Maybe it can help.
Do not assume that because childrens services has not yet responded that they don't care, many offices are so understaffed it is almost scary. Due to the circumstances, though, I would definitely start looking at getting custody (possibly through a Temporary or emergency custody order). To do this, you will probably have to prove her an unfit mother. Remember, you must have evidence (check the police report from the accident to see if the officer recorded whether or not the child was restrained and how, get a signed statement from the preschool teacher,and bring the pictures and video). It is extremely hard to prove a parent unfit with just your word against hers. Also, do not try to prove her unfit without arranging to be able to take custody. You do not want your child ending up in a foster home.
Next, many states allow release of a childs medical records to a biological parent regardless of who has custody and regardless of whether or not the custodial parent wants them released. Check to see of your state does.

I hope some of this helps and Good Luck!

 

[Taz93]

another thing, when you took him to psych. is this a doctor or a psychologist? Regardless, you stated they said he was being overmedicated????? Get that doctor to write a statment on that fact and what his impressions were, the dosage Bio mom was giving him and for how long and what he SHOULD have been on etc...That will give you the biggest break I think, as she is being irresponsible and over medicating a child, it sounds like she is drugging him to keep him calm and out of her hair...JMO

 

[Me_Again]

It's a very sad story...

I read your original post, and I have to say although i do not know you i can imagine what your going through. I feel even more sad for the child. If i were you, i would hire a lawyer and report this to a DCF worker in your area & take it from there. Just make sure you have some proof to present. Show the picture with him holding a pistol, have his school teacher write you a letter explaining the child's abnormal behavior, and whatever evidence you have of your ex being a WACKO! I think it is very difficult to take custody away from a mother, unless she is willing to give it up. Im not sure if that's what you want, but i would try to take as much of her rights away if i were in your shoes-providing the story is as true as you stated. Please keep me posted on what's going on. I would love to give you more input if needed.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[hisdaddy]

The magistrate is already upset with her b/c she cussed her lawyer out in front of the entire court house and walked out on a scheduled mediation date. My sons preschool teachers will not give me any info. regarding my son w/out written permission from his mother. I don't think that people understand how hard it is on an NCP when NO ONE will help me out b/c they do not want to get involved something like this. I called my sons preschool one time to ask a question and they immediately called my ex to tell her that I had caled his preschool. This is how it is. Can I get the courts to supeona a letter from the pre school teacher? She filed false abuse charges on me last March saying that I "beat" my son and my wife after he left my home and her and I had gotten into an arguement over the telephone. It was unsubstantiated though but the point is that I think that she has anyone who interacts with my child pretty much snowed as far as my relationship with my child goes. Even his psychologist refused to hear anything that I had to tell her about his environment at home. And that really makes me mad b/c how can they diagnose a child with a disorder when all of this that he is doing is learned behavior. She pretends to be Mother Teresa but she is so irresponsible with my son! I think that he is truly on this medication so that she can "handle" him so to speak. I have a lawyer for visitation but he is through the state and he said that custody is a whole seperate issue in the eyes of the court. Do they switch custody when it comes to situations like this during a visitation case?? Please let me know some things. Thank you for your respoonses and God Bless.