Please help!!!

[timsgurlfurlife]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

I have a very complicated question, can anyone help me??? I am from maine and have three children. about 3 yrs ago I split up with him because of strong physical abuse. After about 1 week I let him have the kids for 1 weekend and to be picked up by me on Monday. Well he kept them abd because his name was on the birth Certificate I had to get a lawyer to get them back. After a few months and not being able to come up with the money to hire a lawyer I went to OKlahoma to visit and get help from family. Well after 1 1/2 yr. battle and me going back and forth to Maine the Court awarded me primary Residence. They have been living with me for about 9 mths. The father was ordered to pay child support and still refuses to do so.. He is supposed to call the kids according to an order everyother night. He babrely calls and he is supposed to have visitation for three weeks this summer. Only if he comes to get them. I am just wondering since he don't pay a dime of child support and has raealy no connection with the kids at all. Do I have to lat him see them even though it is ordered so for 3 weeks. Or can I not let him since they are in OKlahoma now. Please Help me, I am getting a whole bunch of advise and most are saying that I don't have to let him see them. (he negleted them while they were with him) Thank You.

 

[stealth2]

What most are saying is absolutely wrong. His time is his to use or not. You MUST make them available - by phone or in person - according to what the court has ordered. He gets to choose what of that he uses. If he wants to use his three weeks - you MUST allow him to do so. The kids now living in OK has no bearing on that.

Support and visitation are not related. If he's not paying support, you can file for contempt in the originating state.

 

[Ron1347]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

I have a very complicated question, can anyone help me??? I am from maine and have three children. about 3 yrs ago I split up with him because of strong physical abuse. After about 1 week I let him have the kids for 1 weekend and to be picked up by me on Monday. Well he kept them abd because his name was on the birth Certificate I had to get a lawyer to get them back. After a few months and not being able to come up with the money to hire a lawyer I went to OKlahoma to visit and get help from family. Well after 1 1/2 yr. battle and me going back and forth to Maine the Court awarded me primary Residence. They have been living with me for about 9 mths. The father was ordered to pay child support and still refuses to do so.. He is supposed to call the kids according to an order everyother night. He babrely calls and he is supposed to have visitation for three weeks this summer. Only if he comes to get them. I am just wondering since he don't pay a dime of child support and has raealy no connection with the kids at all. Do I have to lat him see them even though it is ordered so for 3 weeks. Or can I not let him since they are in OKlahoma now. Please Help me, I am getting a whole bunch of advise and most are saying that I don't have to let him see them. (he negleted them while they were with him) Thank You.

I don't know 'WHO' is giving you all 'that' advice, but you really need to 'stop' listening to them!!!

 

[amiegaines654]

Alot of people think that child support and visitation are connected. WRONG. This is the way it works--You go to court to file for child support, and while you are there, a visitation order is set. Both of you have responsibilities to follow the court order. If he doesn't follow his part, you can file for contempt in court, BUT you have to continue to follow your part of the order. Two wrongs do not make a right. If you choose to not allow visitation, he in turn can go to court and file contempt. If either one of you is found in contempt, you can go to jail. I would suggest that you make the children available to him for his court ordered visitation.

Now if he is neglecting the children, you can also go to court and file for a modification of visitation, BUT you still have to continue to follow your part of the court order until a ruling is made. You will also have to prove that he is negelecting the children--not easy to do.
GOOD LUCK

 

[timsgurlfurlife]

Good Grief!!!

So if a Court Order says that a parent must call every Other night and a Court Order states that a set amount of Child Support is Ordered and a couple of other things were ordered......Only some he has to abide by because that is what it seams to me. He is doing' nothing he is ordered to at all and the kids are suffering and if he wants the kids regardless of what he is capable of by golly he can have them for a small 3 weeks..... WOW is all I have to say. Just seems as long as he gets what he wants then heck with the kids. The courts systems are so incrediably messed up.

 

[justlilolme]

So if a Court Order says that a parent must call every Other night and a Court Order states that a set amount of Child Support is Ordered and a couple of other things were ordered......Only some he has to abide by because that is what it seams to me. He is doing' nothing he is ordered to at all and the kids are suffering and if he wants the kids regardless of what he is capable of by golly he can have them for a small 3 weeks..... WOW is all I have to say. Just seems as long as he gets what he wants then heck with the kids. The courts systems are so incrediably messed up.

First of all, court ordered visitation (including phone) is a RIGHT that the NCP can choose to utilize or not to. It stinks when absent parents don't care enough to be there for their children but it is their mistake to make.

Second, if he is court ordered to pay child support and is not doing it then you apply for enforcement services from your local Division of Child Support Enforcement and he will face contempt charges and is still responsible for all arrears.

 

[amiegaines654]

So if a Court Order says that a parent must call every Other night and a Court Order states that a set amount of Child Support is Ordered and a couple of other things were ordered......Only some he has to abide by because that is what it seams to me. He is doing' nothing he is ordered to at all and the kids are suffering and if he wants the kids regardless of what he is capable of by golly he can have them for a small 3 weeks..... WOW is all I have to say. Just seems as long as he gets what he wants then heck with the kids. The courts systems are so incrediably messed up.

Yes, our court system is quite messed up, but so are alot of other things in this world.
Can you tell me EXACTLY what he is court ordered to do??? That will help alot.
I fully understand what you are going through, and your frustrations. I have been there. I am only trying to offer you advise.

 

[timsgurlfurlife]

frustrated...

Ok....can I ask you this...??? He is ordered to pick them up on July 1st at a certain time. If he does not show up don't he lose his chance. Now I know that if he doesn't have any contact with them for 6 mths then I can get him for abandonment but surely him not getting them shows he lack of responsibility...not including the child support. That alone should be grounds for his lose of visitation .....well unless he gives me good resaon for not being able to get them and believe me it better be something massive. Because he has shown no care towards them since I have had them! I don't mean to sound iggnorent or what not, I am just so frustrated with the whole thing.

 

[CJane]

Ok....can I ask you this...??? He is ordered to pick them up on July 1st at a certain time.

What you don't understand is that he is NOT ordered to pick the children up on July 1st. YOU are ordered to have the children ready to go with him on that date IF he shows up. The visitation order isn't an order telling the non-custodial parent when they can see the kids - it's an order telling the custodial parent when they HAVE to let the kids go with the other parent. Do you see the difference?

It's similar to the child support issue. He's ordered to pay it - you're not ordered to cash the checks. Whether he pays it is what the court cares about. And what the court cares about with regards to visitation is whether or not you allow him to see the kids when he makes an attempt to do so.

 

[timsgurlfurlife]

So IF he chooses to see the kids or NOT... that is his choice right???? And IF he chooses to not pay the child support then Oh well, and I lose right and so do the kids......hmm makes no sense to me. Sounds like he is just getting away with Highway Robbery and doesn't even need kids...mine or any other he might procreate LOL

 

[CJane]

So IF he chooses to see the kids or NOT... that is his choice right???? And IF he chooses to not pay the child support then Oh well, and I lose right and so do the kids......hmm makes no sense to me. Sounds like he is just getting away with Highway Robbery and doesn't even need kids...mine or any other he might procreate LOL

No, if he isn't paying child support, you need to do the same thing that we'd be telling him to do if you refused him access to the children. FILE FOR CONTEMPT. Get the local child support enforcement folks involved. File for welfare so that the state tracks him down. Do something besides wait for him to decide to pay it.

And get used to the idea that regardless of his arrears in child support, if he shows up on July 1, you have to let the kids go with him for 3 weeks.

 

[stealth2]

He is REQUIRED to pay the support that is ordered. If he does not, you can file against him for contempt. Visitation is totally separate - YOU are REQUIRED to have the children available at the specified times. He is NOT required to take them.

And be advised that, in many states, paying support is considered contact, therefor - no abandonment.

 

[abstract99]

OP, Part of the reason that the laws are the way they are is lets say that I get laid off because the company that I work for needs to downsize. I get laid off at a time that I miss my next CS payment. Is it then right that I do not get to see my kids because I got laid off? You can file for contempt for the CS but if you refuse visitation then he can countersue right back and it would hurt your case with the CS. Don't help feed the fire.