please help

[newmommy20]

im a young new mom and i desperately need advice

What is the name of your state? florida


I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for 4 1/2 yrs. and we are 7mo. pregnant w/ our 1st child. he recently decided he was scared of fatherhood and left us. i moved back in w/ my mother and he w/ his. I try to do the right thing n invite him to dr. appointments and involve him in all decisions regarding our son. he has not gotten anything for the baby .His mother hates me and kepps putting things in his head she even said to me and him "im not watching it and i hope you miscarry", my mother does not care for him but as christians she loves him and he is welcome to our home whenever he pleases. I told him i would name our son wayne michael III because it means a lot to him. I have had people tell me to protect my son from his instability and in and out attitude i should do everything possible to keep him distant i.e. dont give him his last name, move out of state, hire a lawyer n fight till he quits. I grew up w/ my father running in and out and using my brothers and i and i dont want our son to become this toy that he pays for and plays w/ when he wants and leaves me w/ the hard work of raising him. I desperately want him to be an active part of our boys life but i dont want my son to get hurt. I feel like he is going to be able to pay some $ and take my son on the weekend and play n do all the fun parent things but none of the hard work. What do i do? am i wrong for involving him so much? is there anyhting i can do??

 

[stealth2]

Hon - if he establishes paternity, he's going to get visitation. If he gets visitation, he's pretty well going to be able to spend his time with the child as he ses fit - not as you dictate. Dat's da scoop!

 

[lisa2568]

I admire the fact that you are trying to involve your ex. I had a similar experience where an ex-boyfriend left me once I got pregnant and refused to have an abortion. I decided then that the guy wasn't stable enough to be a real father.

I think it's important that you file for child support immediately after the child is born and have set visitation... in other words, don't let it be "when both parties agree." It can be like every weekend, every other weekend, etc. That way there is stability and everyone knows exactly when the child will see his father and the father can't just call up one day and say "i want the kid tonight" and when u refuse, he tells everyone "i try to see my kid but she won't let me." Also, that puts some responsibility on the father - if he decides not to have the child on his set weekends, that's his fault, not yours.

I believe you should continue allowing the father to be a part of the child's life and if you want to give the child the father's last name, that's up to you. I chose not to (although my baby was stillborn - the birth and death certificate have my last name). However, I would probably refrain from giving the child his full name and making him a junior (or III in your case). I would leave that up to him to give to a child he actually "wants". If he ever gets married and has children, he may want to name his first son with his wife a "junior" name.

Chin up and remember that all babies are gifts even if one of the parties involved doesn't feel that way. Love the baby and focus on you and the baby's relationship. The relationship between the baby and his father is up to the father.