Please help!

[5peppe5]

Hello - I live in Indiana. Here's the situation: My son is 5 months old, unfortunately, his "father" has not seen him since he was 2 days old. We were never married and the child has my last name. Now, he has been calling, wanting to talk. Paternity has not been established and the father's name is not on the birth certificate. My wish is that he continue to leave us alone and not try to make contact. My question is: can he make me go to court to establish paternity, if he has now decided that he wants to be involved? Thank you for any help!

 

[tigger46616]

Did your babies father sign the punitive fathers list? With your babies father not signing a birth certificate, as of now there is no legal father for this child. My own advice would be to go have a paternity test done. FYI...if you file for this test, if it proves that he is the father then he pays the fee. If however it proves that he is not the father, then you pay. You stated something that caught my attention however and I hope I do not offend you by offering my own personal opinion. I have seen many clients in your circumstance, unfortunatly. For anger, abuse, fear or what ever reason there may be, mothers are afraid to have the potential father involved in the babies life. A child will grow and prosper with the abundance of love that surrounds him/her. Without making excuses for this man, maybe he has finally come to the realization that he wants to co-parent. Since he has not formed a bond, one thing you could do if paternity is established and if it proves he is the father, start out with an hour or two of visitation at a place that the both of you feel comfortable. That way you know your child is safe and he has the fall back so to speak of someone who knows this childs needs. Please give this man a chance, the only loser in the long run is the child. Please put your feelings aside. If he was troubled before, there is a small chance he has turned things around. And besides, your child is owed child support.....not you, but the child. I hope my opinion did not offend you.

 

[dorenephilpot]

If paternity was never established, then he has no more rights to visit the child than I do.

If he wants to visit the child, he has to file a petition with the court to establish paternity. If he does this, yes, you have to show up and do what the court says. And this could include allowing visits.

If you say he's not the dad, a paternity test can be done.

If it turns out that he IS the dad, then he would have a right to visit with the child, and he also would have a duty to pay support.

But first things first: If he hasn't established paternity, then he's a nonparty at this point and he cannot force you to let him see the child.

P.S. Tigger16646: A couple of corrections:
1. It's PUTATIVE Father Registry. Not Punitive....
2. The COURT determines who pays, and factors that come into play are who initiates the proceeding and whether paternity is found or not.

 

[5peppe5]

Thank you to both of you for your replies......opinions do not offend me, everyone has a right to their opinion. Dorene, I do not know what the PUTATIVE Father Registry is, would you be able to shed a little more light on that for me? I know that if I am not aware of it, then the father is not as well. So, if the father goes to court to establish paternity, I have to show up for court, I am assuming that I will be served papers???? Is this something that he can do until the child is 18? Actually, paternity is not the issue. He's the father and we both know that. My issue is that I have decided that we will be better (including my son) without this person in our lives. Yes, he is the father on the biological side. He provides no emotional support. Actually, it would make the situation much more difficult if he was around, because he is not around for the baby's sake.....At this point, I am the only one responsible for the child, that's the way that it has been for the last 5 months, 14 if you count the pregnancy, and that is the way that I would like it to continue. I don't feel that he should have the right to come back 5 months down the road because he has now decided that he wants to be involved. This is not a game where you should be able to be counted in at anytime you want. By the way, I am not afraid of having him involved. I think it would be a detriment to my child, not an advantage. Just because he fathered the child, does not mean he knows how to be a positve male role model, which is what my child, and any child for that matter, needs. Thanks again.

 

[missjasmine]

I know exactly what you mean when you say that you and your son would be better off without this person in your lives. I feel the same way about my ex. We have a 7 year old daughter and he is beginning to disappoint her more and more often. He lies to her and promises her things and doesn't deliver. I know that he's gonna let her down. Unfortunately, he is her father and has rights too. He has liberal visitation and pays child support (although lately he's become delinquent on that). I know that my daughter is entitled to know her father and the only thing I can do is pick up the pieces and be there to comfort her. It seems really unfair, but that's the way it is. Hang in there. Be the best parent you can possibley be and take comfort in knowing that your son can count on you.

 

[5peppe5]

miss jasmine -
This is exactly the situation I am trying to avoid, unfortunately, I'm sure that is right there where I will be. I would love for my son to know his father, but it's just not in his best interests. There are people that will disagree with that, but it's based on the individual, the fact that I don't feel that his "father" is going to be a good role model for him.
I am kind of getting off the subject here. If Dorene would please respond back with some info about PUTATIVE Father Registry, and the other questions I had in my earlier post, I would really appreciate it. Good luck to you miss jasmine, I hope that things will work out for you. It's hard, but you sound like you are doing the right thing. Thanks for responding.