please share your wisdom!

[SBEASY]

What is the name of your state?INDIANA. I am looking for some pointers as I have never dealt w/child support/custody/visitation issues.My 19yo son is to become a father in April.The mother is 18yo,high school sweetheart of 5 years.After 5 years,as soon as she got pregnant she dumped him. My son is rather immature,but well meaning and wants to do the right thing.He is currently employed part time,and also a soldier in the Army Reserves.So far they are still on speaking terms,and I hope it stays that way,but I am not betting on it.I understand he doesnt really have any rights until the baby is born.She is telling him she may not even put his name on the birth certificate.This is important to me,as my husband is an only son and the last male in his family.His family name ends with our sons if they dont have sons to carry on the family name.If she wont put his name on the certificate,does he have any options after the baby is born? I believe that in my state,he may not be able to have the child for overnights often until around 18 months.However,he will be deployed to Iraq next fall,and wants to get all the time he possibly can to bond with his child.Would a judge consider that a reason to change the guidelines?Is it possible for him to get joint custody?The young lady will I'm sure be a good mother.We just want as much time as we can get to love the baby.I apologize in advance if my questions seem ignorant,however we have no experience in this area whatsoever.I would also appreciate any advice on support issues you may wish to share.(other than telling him to start saving $$ lol)This is not the way I planned on my first grandchild coming into the world,but what are ya gonna do?!oh,will he even needto go to court?If they can agree on money,visitation issues,is it necessary?

 

[hayleys mom]

I'm not an attorney but I am almost positive that your son has every right to have every privilege of a father, signing the birth certificate setting up visitation etc. a judge would most definitly look favorably toward your son willing to step up to the plate and share in the responsibility of raising his child, especially since he is a military man. I would first get an attorney 1st consults are usually free discuss the situation I would do this now while she is pregnant because he may want to go ahead and establish paternity as soon as the child is born, and maybe even start child support through an agency. I don't know if she has insurance or will she be recieving like a medical card? If it is through welfare the father still has to pay support and can be made to pay the hospital bills also if she has insurance for herself and decides later that she wants to file child support he may have to pay back child support arrearages, remember also anything given to the child that isn't through the support agency is looked on as a gift, better to protect his self now. I'm just curious...why after 5 years and now they are pregnant do they split? Also If the father gets joint parenting and is paying support etc. it can be established that she cannot take the child out of state without written permission from the father. If he wants to be a part of the childs life better to take care of these issues now lest she take the baby away somewhere meet someone new and let them raise the child, if he signs the birth cert. and the rest, he would have to relinquish his rights in order for another person to adopt his child. Like I said I'm not an attorney so best you consult one soon. i wish you luck and my prayers are with you and your son in Iraq!

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state?INDIANA. I am looking for some pointers as I have never dealt w/child support/custody/visitation issues.My 19yo son is to become a father in April.The mother is 18yo,high school sweetheart of 5 years.After 5 years,as soon as she got pregnant she dumped him. My son is rather immature,but well meaning and wants to do the right thing.

Then tell him to meet with a family attorney and have a complaint to establish paternity filed the day the girl gives birth.

He is currently employed part time,and also a soldier in the Army Reserves.So far they are still on speaking terms,and I hope it stays that way,but I am not betting on it.

And that is why, FOR NO REASON, does he give this girl one dime or purchase anything for the so-called baby until such time as ordered by a court.

I understand he doesnt really have any rights until the baby is born.She is telling him she may not even put his name on the birth certificate.

It doesn't matter. IF he is found to be the biological father the court will order the birth certificate to be altered to reflect this fact.

This is important to me,as my husband is an only son and the last male in his family.His family name ends with our sons if they dont have sons to carry on the family name.

And that has nothing to do with your son's RIGHTS. The mother is NOT required by any law to give the child the father's last name in an unmarried birth situation.

If she wont put his name on the certificate,does he have any options after the baby is born?

see above answers.

I believe that in my state,he may not be able to have the child for overnights often until around 18 months.

There is no law that requires the father wait to exercise overnight visitation. That is completely up to the judge.

However,he will be deployed to Iraq next fall,and wants to get all the time he possibly can to bond with his child.

See above.

Would a judge consider that a reason to change the guidelines?

This has nothing to do with the guidelines.

Is it possible for him to get joint custody?

Again, depends on the exact situation and the judge. VERY possible.

The young lady will I'm sure be a good mother.We just want as much time as we can get to love the baby.

WE don't get anything. you nor your husband have any rights in this situation. Your son does.

I apologize in advance if my questions seem ignorant,however we have no experience in this area whatsoever.I would also appreciate any advice on support issues you may wish to share.(other than telling him to start saving $$ lol)

And that is the ONLY relevant information at this time. Tell him to start saving his money because, although he should NOT pay her anything until so ordered by the court, they can return a decision for back support to the day of filing. So he needs to be prepared.

This is not the way I planned on my first grandchild coming into the world,but what are ya gonna do?!oh,will he even needto go to court?If they can agree on money,visitation issues,is it necessary?

Why do you keep saying I and WE. The ONLY person who has rights in this situation is your son. If you walk into court with that "I" and "WE" then you jepordize your SON'S chances of getting what HE wants.

And one more thing you'd better be ready for. The child may NOT be his. Until there is a DNA test performed and accepted by the court, your son has no rights whatsoever.

 

[lisagr33]

SBEASY- Your son will need to establish paternity once the baby is born. Then if he is proven to be the father, he will need to go to court and request visitation. Many of the senior members will tell you this.

BB- I was typing while you were. Sorry.

 

[tigger22472]

In Indiana at the hospital they can sign an affidavit of paternity and it establishes paternity there and is accepted by the courts. This means other than for visitation and the like the hard part (establishing paternity) is done.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

In Indiana at the hospital they can sign an affidavit of paternity and it establishes paternity there and is accepted by the courts. This means other than for visitation and the like the hard part (establishing paternity) is done.

and the downside to that is, if the child is later found NOT to be his, he has no right to disestablish paternity by statute.

 

[tigger22472]

and the downside to that is, if the child is later found NOT to be his, he has no right to disestablish paternity by statute.

I agree, however, that's how it works here and it answered her question

 

[Buddabrother]

An affidavit of paternity might be accepted by the courts, but getting the bloodwork done eliminates the possibility that the child was fathered by another man and that your son, despite sounding like a stand-up guy, is going to be held responsible for someone else's child.

While a last name is important, imo, actual shared DNA trumps that.

 

[LdiJ]

Here is a link to the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines. That will give your son a good idea of what to expect in terms of visitation. Indiana judges tend to follow the guidelines quite strictly.

http://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/#index

Also, in Indiana an unwed mother has sole legal and physical custody until a court orders otherwise. Therefore, even if she allows your son to sign the affidavit of paternity at the hospital (and she doesn't have to allow him to do that) he will have no real rights until he takes it to court.

He needs to be prepared to file for paternity (if necessary) visitation and joint legal custody (since he is going to be deployed, joint physical wouldn't be realistic...at least at this point) as soon as the child is born. If he gets a lawyer now, to start the paperwork...he could be in a position to file within a couple of days of the child's birth.

 

[SBEASY]

Thanks for all that insight.I guess it's not too realistic then,to think that he could avoid court all together and just come to their own mutual agreement. I understand I don't have any rights.I guess I say we and me for the simple fact that I'M GOING TO HAVE A GRANDCHILD and despite the circumstances I'm still pretty excited about it.(even though I think I'm WAY too young to be agranny )Paternity isn't in question really,but better safe than sorry. So thanks for pointing me in the right direction.I appreciate it.

 

[tigger22472]

It's never good to have 'mutual agreements.' The main reason is that they aren't 'legal.' Mom could tell him he can see the child say every other weekend but without a court order granting that visitation then she can refuse that and there would be nothing he could do. The same would go for CS... he could agree (and don't get me wrong, it would be appreciated and nice) to give her money but 'legally' he wouldn't be required. Do give him the advice that if he does provide money or things like diapers and formula to save receipts until it goes to court for CS. It will show that he's had a vested interest in the child.

 

[CJane]

Paternity isn't in question really

Don't kid yourself. Paternity is ALWAYS a question until it's proven via DNA.

 

[SBEASY]

Don't kid yourself. Paternity is ALWAYS a question until it's proven via DNA.

Of course you're right. I need to develop a more suspicious,skeptical attitude! Maybe reading some of these threads will help!!They make our family problems seem pretty minor!Thanks again,you folks provide a pretty valuable service here,imo.

 

[simpleguy05]

Heres food for thought. If they can establish paternity beforehand, I'm not quite sure how. But if he could get away with signing an aff. of Pat. before then she wouldnt need medicaid or whatever to pay for the expenses of the baby, (i.e. pediatrician costs and discharching from the hosp.) at the time of birth. They do add up and they "could" be completely covered by tricare if they can label him the father without a hassle.

 

[simpleguy05]

Heres food for thought. If they can establish paternity beforehand, I'm not quite sure how. But if he could get away with signing an aff. of Pat. before then she wouldnt need medicaid or whatever to pay for the expenses of the baby, (i.e. pediatrician costs and discharching from the hosp.) at the time of birth. They do add up and they "could" be completely covered by tricare if they can label him the father without a hassle.

PS All he would have to do is run down and have the child entered into deers AND Tricare RIGHT after the baby was born. They only give you a few days to do it before they will "not" cover the child due to your not doing it in a timely manner. He may also have to contact Tricare before the baby is born to set up who the childs primary pediatrician will be, so that THAT designated doc can be there at the hosp. I hope I'm not making this too confusing.