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What is the name of your state? Abject Poverty


I do not know if this is the right place to put this so please bear with me.

I was going to run late for a very important appointment today and I could not get into the bathroom at my house this morning because the spouse’s girlfriend was already using it and would not get out even though she knew how important this appointment was. My turn did happen and I did make it in and I could not use any of the razors in the bathroom because this slob of a woman had used them to scrape some sort of a fungus off of her Pekinese dog. When I got into the shower, I noticed that the handle on the shower was broken like it had been placed back into position to make it look like nothing was wrong with it, but it broke off in my hand. I began to yell at the spouse’s girlfriend because I knew that she had done it and was just trying to cover it up. She would not bother to answer me. By that time I had finished taking the shower and when I went to cut the water off, the entire thing-a-ma-bob broke with it and water began spewing a spraying everywhere. I couldn’t stop the water from spraying, and I could not be late today, so I left the handle alone.


I was on the highway partway to my destination 20 miles away when out of nowhere there appeared a herd of elephants walking across the highway. Including the straggler, a baby elephant. Everybody began to slow down to look at this in both directions and very quickly the traffic became completely snarled, congested and not moving forward one single inch. I cannot truthfully say if it was the crying and moanful sounds the baby elephant was making, or the sounds of the television and Sheriff’s Department helicopters buzzing around low and slow that was making the herd nervous and having that look in their eyes like they were about to attack. All that I know is that the baby elephant would not cross the road and was just standing there blocking traffic. So, being in a hurry anyway, I get out of my car and go to this lonesome baby elephant, and with the help of a homeless man, began to push, shove, tug and pull this baby elephant towards the rest of the herd with the additional help of a little old lady that was tapping the baby elephant on the rear with her umbrella. That task, thankfully, did become accomplished.



Just as I had finished doing all of this, dusting myself off, I turned around while standing in the highway to see a gray-haired man getting into my car, starting the engine, and then hurriedly drive away. I went running and screaming after him and my car but could not catch them. I went berserk I suppose because I started ranting and raving in the street. Someone must have called the police from their cell phone because I could not call on mine. It was in the front seat of my car.



Eventually the policeman arrives and wants to know what is happening and I tell him, and this officer asks to see my I.D. I reach for my driver’s license when I remember it is in the jacket pocket of the coat that is lying in the front seat of my car. The officer does not believe me when I tell him that my car was stolen because after pushing and pulling on an elephant I did not look like or smell like I owned any car. The only witness remaining on the scene was the toothless homeless man that had all of his belongings contained in the wire basket on the front of his bicycle. Spare tire and all. The officer thought I was with the homeless man. The last time I had seen the old lady was while she was disappearing into the woods still tapping that baby elephant on the rump. Anyway. The officer would not write up a report on the incident and I guess I may have said some things that I shouldn’t have said, because when the officer asked me if I wanted him to call me a cab, I told that officer in no uncertain terms that NO I didn’t want him to call me a cab. I already had a name and “cab” was not it; and, if he would just go and find my car I would show it to him. I think it was just about then that the officer perceived that I was being disorderly and arrested me, and took me downtown to the police station.




When we first stepped-in to the police station, right there not more than twenty-five feet from me, was the gray-haired man that stole my car. I began yelling, “That’s him! That’s him! He’s the one who stole my car !” Everyone got nervous while I was doing this. Everybody came out of their offices. Stopped what they were doing and either got closer to me or leaned out their doorways to see and hear what was happening. You may not know this, but it is very hard to point to someone while screaming, while your hands are handcuffed behind you, so I turned around backwards to point at the gray-haired man and all of these officers thought that I was crazy facing and yelling at the wall. The gray-haired man had this surprised look on his face and he never moved or said anything so when nothing else was working I tried to get to him. This made the officers really nervous then. They all began to jump on me and tackle me right there in the police station. I did not know that our town had that many policemen. When the last one had piled on, and they had reached a hundred count in unison, they began to pile off of me slowly, like in a football game or something. Anyway. When I was finally able to get up. The officer questioning me wanted to know why I was accusing a City Counselman of stealing a car in the first place. He thought that I was ignoring him but I was only out of breath, so he took me to booking and had me placed in the cell. When they finally let me make my phone call, they had let me also know that if I could come up with the bond money, they would let me out until my court date and it hit me. The MONEY. I had the money to bail myself out right then and there but it was in the jacket pocket in my car. I was able to make a phone call home and after a pause on the other end I was told that I would be picked-up as fast as someone could get there. It seemed to me to be an eternity but it was actually only about 8 hours or so.



Finally someone comes to get me and they turn me loose. I get to breathe fresh air, free again. I get outside and there to my surprise is the spouse’s girlfriend with her dog, IN MY CAR !!!! She knows that I would never let a dog in my car in the first place, most especially hers, but all I wanted to know was, “How did you get my car?!?!”. She tells me that a very distinguished gray-haired gentleman had dropped it off at the house just a little while ago. My jacket is gone. The money is gone. The rest of my things are gone and I am stomping mad again. I want get to the house right this instant but I am afraid to drive without my driver's license and this woman picking me does not have one, yet she drove to get me. I insist that if anybody else is going to jail again today it was gonna be her this time and off we went. She had to stop and get some dog food too. Will this nightmare never end? I am fuming and fussing the entire ride home. You can believe that.



When we finally arrive back at the house, my spouse is furiously scurrying around the house placing things in boxes and bags. Water is running out the front door, overflowing out of the bath tub, still spraying wildly all over the place, and the water level is rising so much and so fast in the kitchen that the water is going to get into the refrigerator motor and short circuit soon, if the electricity running through the water on the floor does not kill us all first. So I have to immediately run outside and cut both the water off and the electricity off at the same time but I cannot be at both places at the same time. I feel the beginning signs of a panic attack coming on at this point and reach for my medicine and realize that it too is in the front seat of my car. Now I have a three-fold dilemma happening rather than the two-fold one already happening. Just when I thought all was lost, my eyes getting blurry, the grey-haired man shows-up out of the blue and hands me a tool to cut the water to the building off while he goes and shuts off the electricity. “Whew!” I said. “That was a close one!”. Now at this point, I don’t know whether to flail away at this man or thank him from the bottom of my heart. Not yet decided on what to do I turn around and see he is getting into my car again! So is my spouse. He cranks my car, and drives off just like he did the last time, and because I was already exhausted from the previous encounter and because he has my moves down pretty well by now, he drives off in just the right pace to keep me from being able to catch him. I am left standing there, in my front yard, by the highway, water tool still in my hand, with an expression on my face like that of a lawn statue.



So now, all I am left with is the spouse’s girlfriend that I simply cannot tolerate another minute. An impending panic attack with no medicine to take for it. A house filled with water soaked carpet. A refrigerator full of food that is going to spoil. A sopping wet scab-covered long-haired Pekinese dog jumping up on my newly ruined furniture. No money, no I.D., no driver’s license, no cell phone, and also now, no car.



I have four questions.

1. Can my landlord still charge me the $10 late fee for paying the rent late?

2. Because it was after all my car, could I have driven home from the police station without a driver’s license without getting in trouble with the law?

3. Can I sue the spouse’s girlfriend for breaking the shower knob?

4. Do I have to pay this extremely high water bill?



Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions.
 


I have four questions.

1. Can my landlord still charge me the $10 late fee for paying the rent late?

2. Because it was after all my car, could I have driven home from the police station without a driver’s license without getting in trouble with the law?

3. Can I sue the spouse’s girlfriend for breaking the shower knob?

4. Do I have to pay this extremely high water bill
Whatever happens, I'm pretty sure it's the elephants fault.
 
All of the 1-900 psychics, by not calling you toll-free in advance to warn you, are guilty of criminal negligence and attempted murder.
 

BL

Senior Member
Musta been a heck of a flash back , or something in your morning drink . :D

Bob Dylan < I see 10,000 peoples lips moving , and no one talking > A hard rain's A-gonna fall .
 
Last edited:

JETX

Senior Member
Sorry, but I stopped reading your long and rambling post after the first paragraph. Please edit it to a short, concise BRIEF dissertation in accordance with the rules of the forum. :D
 

ENASNI

Senior Member
I hope I can help

I have four questions.

1. Can my landlord still charge me the $10 late fee for paying the rent late?

2. Because it was after all my car, could I have driven home from the police station without a driver’s license without getting in trouble with the law?

3. Can I sue the spouse’s girlfriend for breaking the shower knob?

4. Do I have to pay this extremely high water bill


--------------------------------------------------------
1. Yes

2. No... don't even think about it. They will be trailing you! you are on their radar now after the whole Police Station Fiasco, they might have implanted something on you to track you by now.(read my name backwards you'll understand where that came from :eek: )

3. Sure you can sue anyone, will you win? I say just go to Walmart and take a new shower knob... don't worry about a receipt or anything, just "borrow" a new coat from them too. with big pockets. (make sure Lousy Spouse's girlfriend is over 18... you don't want to be in the house with her alone...she might aledge something)

4. Nah. just turn off the water, say its been off all day...Get the elephant to siphon up the water and blame it on the neighbor. The meter must be WRONG!
 
ENASNI said:
I have four questions.

1. Can my landlord still charge me the $10 late fee for paying the rent late?

2. Because it was after all my car, could I have driven home from the police station without a driver’s license without getting in trouble with the law?

3. Can I sue the spouse’s girlfriend for breaking the shower knob?

4. Do I have to pay this extremely high water bill


--------------------------------------------------------
1. Yes

2. No... don't even think about it. They will be trailing you! you are on their radar now after the whole Police Station Fiasco, they might have implanted something on you to track you by now.(read my name backwards you'll understand where that came from :eek: )

3. Sure you can sue anyone, will you win? I say just go to Walmart and take a new shower knob... don't worry about a receipt or anything, just "borrow" a new coat from them too. with big pockets. (make sure Lousy Spouse's girlfriend is over 18... you don't want to be in the house with her alone...she might aledge something)

4. Nah. just turn off the water, say its been off all day...Get the elephant to siphon up the water and blame it on the neighbor. The meter must be WRONG!
Well I see that you picked-up on the meaning intended. :)
 
JETX said:
Sorry, but I stopped reading your long and rambling post after the first paragraph. Please edit it to a short, concise BRIEF dissertation in accordance with the rules of the forum. :D
Don't you feel that when I left the part out about the UFO's landing to get fuel and the unattended spaceship where the elephants got out in the first place, was showing signs of restraint? I thought that issue was not central to my questions.
:D
 

JETX

Senior Member
Florid-aise said:
Don't you feel that when I left the part out about the UFO's landing to get fuel and the unattended spaceship where the elephants got out in the first place, was showing signs of restraint? I thought that issue was not central to my questions.
:D
Sorry, I didn't realize that this WAS the abbreviated and concise version!! ;)
 

HomeGuru

Senior Member
Florid-aise said:
Don't you feel that when I left the part out about the UFO's landing to get fuel and the unattended spaceship where the elephants got out in the first place, was showing signs of restraint? I thought that issue was not central to my questions.
:D

**A: and I thought your brain was not central with the universe.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
Florid-aise said:
I have four questions.

1. Can my landlord still charge me the $10 late fee for paying the rent late?
Yes
2. Because it was after all my car, could I have driven home from the police station without a driver’s license without getting in trouble with the law?If you got caught you could get in trouble.

3. Can I sue the spouse’s girlfriend for breaking the shower knob? NO Your landlord is responsible for upkeep of the property.

4. Do I have to pay this extremely high water bill?
Yes, you should have turned it off before you left the house



Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions.
lol
:rolleyes:
 
rmet4nzkx said:
It is as I suspected. No breaks for the weary. I am left with trying to accomplish the extaordinary. The spouse comes home wearing a tee shirt which has printed upon it, this:

"I am Nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am Perfect"


There is little I can do to argue either point.

LOL - :)
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
Florid-aise said:
It is as I suspected. No breaks for the weary. I am left with trying to accomplish the extaordinary. The spouse comes home wearing a tee shirt which has printed upon it, this:

"I am Nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am Perfect"


There is little I can do to argue either point.

LOL - :)
I like the ones that state, "Behind every good woman is,
herself!"

or
"A woman has to work twice as hard to get half the credit,
Thank Goodness it's easy!" :)
 

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