Police did not protect me

[FrustratedMom72]

I live in a small town in southwestern Pennsylvania. Over the last few months, my minor son (now 15) has become extremely incorrigible, ie: running away, punching holes in walls, drinking, etc. We've had to call the police in on numerous occasions. On New Year's Eve, my son came home 3 hours after his curfew, with a bb rifle in hand. When he entered my home, my husband began to reprimand him verbally for a) being late and b) entering our home with a gun. My son began to scream and swear at my husband in front of my 2 smaller children (boy 12, girl 22 months) my husband told him to leave the room, whereas my son continued to scream and yell. My husband slapped my son's mouth (open handed) and told him to go to bed, my son then lunged at my husband, which resulted in a "wrestling match" through my house as my husband attempted to restrain my son, to prevent him from hurting myself and my other 2 children, while I called 911. Officers arrived about 15 minutes later, in the meantime, my husband managed to get my son out the front door and away from the rest of the family. The officers took a brief report from myself and my husband. My son claimed my husband punched him, which is untrue. He ended up with a bruise on his eye, I assume because they were wrestling around my kitchen quite violently for 15 minutes, but my husband is covered in scrapes and cuts and bruises as well. The officers took my son to their station. My son admitted he had been drinking, yet the officers did not check his BAC! They contacted child services, who apparently did not call them back, and about an hour and a half later, the officers returned to my home with my son. They told me that they had very important calls to be out on and could not continue to hold my son, but could not leave him in my home with my husband here. So they forced my husband to leave, and left me and my two younger children ALONE with my son, still intoxicated, and very much against my wishes. My son is the one who assaulted my husband, yet my husband was the one who was punished for defending us! So they gave my son the impression that it's now okay to assault whatever one of us he wants to, and he will get away with it! In the meantime, child services contacted me and told me they could not take my son as they could not obtain administrative approval to do so. So, I was left alone in my home with my intoxicated son and 2 smaller children to protect, mind you I am also disabled and in the process of filing for SSDI, and am unable to protect myself. Granted, we made it through the night, with no major incident, thank goodness, but had some type of incident taken place, it would've taken police a minimum of 15 minutes to get to me, if they were even available, otherwise it would take state police over 1/2 hour to get to me! I'm extremely concerned with this as I feel as though they didn't take this incident seriously, and completely disregarded the safety of my other children, as well as myself. I had made it clear I did not feel safe with my son in the house, alone without my husband to protect me, yet the police just left! I'd like to know if there is some type of complaint I can file, or what steps I can take to protect myself, and so that this doesn't happen to someone else. It's a small police department (only 5 officers on staff, 2 at a time usually) so I am not comfortable marching in and filing a complaint, since this is a small town and I am sure I will be harassed by them and the complaint will "disappear". Not to mention if I ever need help again, I'm afraid no one will come! What can I do?

 

[swalsh411]

It sounds like a very unfortunate situation all around.

I will tell you though that legally the police have no duty to protect individual citizens. So if the basis of your complaint is "the police didn't protect me" you won't get far.

You husband should file a police report for the assault. Based on what you provided, he should be charged with a crime. If you are unwilling to report his crime and the possibility for criminal charges then the police and child services are limited in what they can do.

 

[Zigner]

No harm occurred because of the police actions. So, even if the police COULD be held liable...there's nothing to hold them liable for.

 

[FrustratedMom72]

Confused

Shouldn't we have been awarded the opportunity to file a police report when they came out here and took my son away? He stormed into my home with a gun and assaulted my husband! And they had no problem forcing my husband to leave, as though he were the one who assaulted my son, when he did absolutely nothing wrong! And they knew my son was underage drinking yet did nothing about it, I even told them where he was when drinking and they did nothing about that either. So basically, my son can beat me or my husband or any of my other children whenever he feels like it, and get away with it? I'm not understanding. Forgive me, my comprehension is slowed, due to my medical condition, I'm not stupid, just have a hard time comprehending things.

Part of the issue is that we come from a big city in NJ, any time we had a problem, it was dealt with immediately, ie police came and took a report right at my house. These guys came , then called me outside to talk to them, then left me alone outside with my son while they went inside to talk to my husband. It was like they thought I was lying, the cop even said to me "so you're telling me you're afraid of your own son?" I said " YES I AM, he's bigger than me, stronger than me and wouldn't think twice about hurting me".

 

[CdwJava]

If you are not willing to speak to someone in charge and ask about the matter, then there may be little that you can do.

You cannot sue the police for something that MIGHT have happened because your husband was asked to leave. Whether they had the authority to do this or not, I cannot say. It may well be that they were looking at the issue as a matter of parental abuse and not assault by a child. This is where a conversation with the Chief or someone else in charge might help to clarify the issue so that there are not future problems.

The problem you might have is that it is a small police department without a breadth of training or knowledge on juvenile related issues. This is not uncommon in smaller jurisdictions, but larger ones do not always have the time or inclination to deal with juvenile issues, either.

Juvenile issues tend to be difficult for law enforcement to deal with. The laws tend to place these matters in a big gray area. Out here we could have arrested him on a signed private person's arrest, but after a trip to juvenile (where you would be billed for about $200 by juvenile probation) they would call you and have you come retrieve him within about 24 hours. The merry-go-round would continue.

You should certainly look into counseling for your son, and t is time for some tough love. Take away phones, computers, music, TVs, amenities, and even clothing until he earns these back with good behavior. It can be tough, but I have seen it work time and time again.

 

[FrustratedMom72]

escalating

I don't really want to "sue" anyone, I'm not looking for any kind of financial thing here, I hope I didn't come across that way. My concern here is that it was my son who came into my home after curfew, gun in hand and assaulted my husband. Child services did come on Sunday morning, and drug tested him, and are supposed to contact me today, which has yet to happen. I've already called them 3 times today and gotten no return response. Tough love has begun, he has NOTHING, no phone, no games, no privileges, nothing. In the meantime though, it doesn't make me comfortable being alone in the house with him! I've been vomiting since Saturday night, haven't slept or eaten either. My husband was cleared to come home after child services contacted the local pd, or else I'd be out of my house, with my other 2 kids in tow, no way I was spending another day alone with this kid. I'm at the end of my rope, and to be honest, although I love him, I will not continue to live this way, it isn't fair to myself or my other 2 children to live in fear for our safety. These 2 officers have been to my home numerous times before, they know my son is out of control, but this is the first time he has attacked anyone here. It's escalating quickly, so I'm praying to God child services is gonna do something to help us, otherwise, I'm taking my other 2 kids and we're gonna have to stay somewhere else, I will not continue to subject them to this crap and live in fear.

 

[Zigner]

...and assaulted my husband.

I feel for you - I really do. But, to be clear, your husband physically assaulted the boy...

 

[FrustratedMom72]

add

And my husband wasn't "asked" to leave, he was "told" to leave. No other option was provided. I was told that I was staying and my husband was leaving, period. I even asked if my husband could take the other 2 children, so that God forbid something happened, it would only happen to me and not my children, but they said absolutely not, husband had to leave and everyone else had to stay. I protested profusely, to no avail, to the point of hysterics. And as soon as the cops walked out the door, he was in my face so I locked myself and the kids in my room for the night, afraid to even come out to use the bathroom! The cops even had the gall to tell me I was over reacting to a bb gun, which really upset me because I have a toddler in my house, my kids were not raised around guns, my son has no respect toward guns and I knew if he were allowed to keep it, my younger son would end up being shot with it, since my older son has shot him with a bb gun in the past. I really don't appreciate that they belittled my concern in front of my son. I'm so upset it's ridiculous.

 

[FrustratedMom72]

Thanks for your help

I know it's a complicated situation, and I know my husband slapping my son only made it worse, but we've reached the point where we don't know what else to do. I think my husband thought it would literally "smack some sense into him". It's not something that we've ever ever ever done before, we've never laid so much as a finger on any of our children, so I think my husband thought the shock factor would get my son, which it obviously didn't. I'm praying to God that child services gets him some help because I physically can't do this anymore, I'm at the end of the rope and if someone doesn't help us soon, I'm afraid one of us is really going to get hurt.

I think a call to the police captain (is that what the higher up is called?) may help to clarify things here. I'm just afraid that I'll be harassed or worse ignored the next time I need help.

 

[Zigner]

My spouse and I have lived through what you are going through...twice. Yes, keep heading up the chain at the police station. Also, do you have any mental health services available through insurance, or perhaps low-cost in the community?

 

[FrustratedMom72]

And also, according to child services, a slap is not considered assault or abuse, it was open handed and used as a form of discipline and came only after numerous verbal requests that he stop screaming obscenities in the presence of his brother and sister. The bruise on his eye is assumed to have been caused by the thrashing around throughout my house in my husband's failed attempt to restrain him to protect the rest of our family. It is evident that my husband did not punch my son as my son claims, because the bruising is not consistent with that of a fist. (according to child services)

 

[Zigner]

And also, according to child services, a slap is not considered assault or abuse, it was open handed and used as a form of discipline and came only after numerous verbal requests that he stop screaming obscenities in the presence of his brother and sister. The bruise on his eye is assumed to have been caused by the thrashing around throughout my house in my husband's failed attempt to restrain him to protect the rest of our family. It is evident that my husband did not punch my son as my son claims, because the bruising is not consistent with that of a fist. (according to child services)

When the discipline causes injury (bruising), it becomes abuse/assault.

 

[FrustratedMom72]

Zigner, I just spoke with child services, finally. They are opening a case on my son and will be providing services, starting with a mental health assessment. I've actually considered having him committed to a psychiatric facility for observation, because we have seen numerous mental health professionals, and everyone seems to think he's a respectful, normal teenager. They see him in a closed environment for an hour, in a place where he doesn't have any responsibilities or rules. He needs to be observed in an environment where things are expected of him, rules are to be obeyed, decisions are to be made, where impulses need to be controlled, then they will see him for who he really is! I've made numerous inquiries about this, but have been refused, thus far. It is something I am going to push for at this point, because there are definitely huge issues that need to be addressed!

 

[FrustratedMom72]

The slap didn't cause the bruise, it's believed he got the bruise from thrashing about through my house, because there is a scratch in the same area as the bruise. He actually punched my husband in the chest and there's a HUGE bruise in the center of my husband's chest, as well as scrapes and bruises all over his arms and a bruise on his side from my son kicking him. The officers took pictures of my son's face, but not of my husband's injuries.