Porn, Emotional Abuse & Neglect? but i have PAS? HELP?

[heartbrokenmom2]

What is the name of your state?New York City, queens

Okay to make a long story short... my daughter who is 10 yrs old had been complaining that while living 4-5 days out of hte week with her father (we have joint custody) that she could not deal with the porno, the people sleeping over, the rages he would go into if he was angry etc. NOW THESE THINGS ARE MUCH WORSE IN DETAIL but i dont want to put the gruesome details online, but put it like this she is fully able to now describe what oral sex is at the age of 10 in full detail! Well, i went for emergency sole custody due to the specific claims, i GOT IT, now after 4 court sessions, and we have started forensic investigations, the forensic doctor is more concerned that my duaghter DESPISES AND HATES HER FATHER becuase she is feeding off my reactions to HER REACTIONS for her fathers hate, meaning i am intensifyingthe hate,,,, however made NO MENTION of the porn, the abuse etc.

My lawyer says something is fishy and she is scarred this is leading up to Parental Alienation on the forensic doctors part, my duaghter spoke to the judge personally, and told him that if it were up to her, that she would put a hammer thru his head, and kill him, i have her in therapy, the forensic doctor did order supervised visits in a clinical envirnoment for the father HOWEVER and a very big however, i too should see the SAME doctor to better my ability to react and enhance my parenting skills when it comes to reacting to my daughters situation toward her father....

NOW HOW SHOULD I TAKE THIS>... is he leading to Parental Alienation or is he just tellng me to better myself... and why arent they talking about hte porno?

Please help me i am scarred to death of losing her and putting her again in a dangerous situation!

 

[BrokenOne]

Calm down, it will all work out.

Your daughter has been through a lot of stress, and learning all this stuff is hard on a girl who probably has barely thought of kissing. Now, if someone ruined my innocence like that rapidly, I'd hate them, too.
You need to tell her that YOU do not hate the father, truth or not. We all don't like lies, but it IS what helps some situations.

You might want to check into if he did anything to her and she's not telling, that would REALLY make a girl hate their "Daddy".

Please, make sure that her therapy is nice to her, because boring, dispicable therapy can destroy a child.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?New York City, queens

Okay to make a long story short... my daughter who is 10 yrs old had been complaining that while living 4-5 days out of hte week with her father (we have joint custody) that she could not deal with the porno, the people sleeping over, the rages he would go into if he was angry etc. NOW THESE THINGS ARE MUCH WORSE IN DETAIL but i dont want to put the gruesome details online, but put it like this she is fully able to now describe what oral sex is at the age of 10 in full detail! Well, i went for emergency sole custody due to the specific claims, i GOT IT, now after 4 court sessions, and we have started forensic investigations, the forensic doctor is more concerned that my duaghter DESPISES AND HATES HER FATHER becuase she is feeding off my reactions to HER REACTIONS for her fathers hate, meaning i am intensifyingthe hate,,,, however made NO MENTION of the porn, the abuse etc.

My lawyer says something is fishy and she is scarred this is leading up to Parental Alienation on the forensic doctors part, my duaghter spoke to the judge personally, and told him that if it were up to her, that she would put a hammer thru his head, and kill him, i have her in therapy, the forensic doctor did order supervised visits in a clinical envirnoment for the father HOWEVER and a very big however, i too should see the SAME doctor to better my ability to react and enhance my parenting skills when it comes to reacting to my daughters situation toward her father....

NOW HOW SHOULD I TAKE THIS>... is he leading to Parental Alienation or is he just tellng me to better myself... and why arent they talking about hte porno?

Please help me i am scarred to death of losing her and putting her again in a dangerous situation!

What does the child's therapist say about all of this?

 

[heartbrokenmom2]

My childs state of mind etc

my childs therapist is severly worried, my daughter is articulate and detailed in her memories of what happened, but this judge seems to be biased, as if i deserve to be punished for being a good mom, the therapist comes to court every time and they wont hear her, lastly my duaghter out right told the judge she DOES NOT want to live or SEE the father, although i encourage her to at least see him, she refuses for her OWN PERSONAL reasons, how can i be blamed for my daughters choices? she is 10 but she is human? doesnt that count for any thing????

How do i make this judge understand that, and how do i make forensic doctor understand that I DID NOT influence my daughter in to hate her dad... and from what i originally posted, does it sound like we are heading in the direction of them charging me with parental alienatioN?

How do i prove i did no such thing???? HELP

 

[casa]

my childs therapist is severly worried, my daughter is articulate and detailed in her memories of what happened, but this judge seems to be biased, as if i deserve to be punished for being a good mom, the therapist comes to court every time and they wont hear her, lastly my duaghter out right told the judge she DOES NOT want to live or SEE the father, although i encourage her to at least see him, she refuses for her OWN PERSONAL reasons, how can i be blamed for my daughters choices? she is 10 but she is human? doesnt that count for any thing????

How do i make this judge understand that, and how do i make forensic doctor understand that I DID NOT influence my daughter in to hate her dad... and from what i originally posted, does it sound like we are heading in the direction of them charging me with parental alienatioN?

How do i prove i did no such thing???? HELP

Ask for a release of the therapy records to the court. Make sure they are in the case file.

The thing with PAS is on one hand, it's hard to prove- but on the other hand, one 'sign' is hatred towards one parent which is above & beyond the 'norm'...ie; wanting to kill the Dad in this case. Parents who induce PAS often have a therapist who they've 'sold' on their concept of how horrible the other parent is- so it may be the judge is suspecting this for some reason. Has anyone else observed or heard your daughter speaking about events during visitation with the father? ie; teachers etc.?

Therapy should continue regardless...I suspect there is either A.) Much Much More to the story behind why she hates her father, or B.) You are actually inducing PAS. The child's reaction is over the top- Hopefully therapy can determine why.

If it's recommended you also attend therapy sessions- Do it. If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about. And from an un-biased view it's reasonable to expect both parents to attend therapy anyway. You can work on what is the best way to handle your daughter's avoidance of her father, not to mention your own anxiety and concern re; what she has or hasn't been subjected to.

You do have to follow any visitation order that is in place, no Ifs, Ands or Butts. If you allowed your daughter to refuse her visitations prior to this case- that could be one aspect working against you at this point. (And another possible indicator of PAS).

Ask your daughter's therapist if they have any experience working with PAS cases. Consider augmenting your child's therapy with one who is.

Remember that Forensice Evaluations are stressful, parents on either side can become defensive. If you get frustrated then the evaluator is actually doing their job...Part of evaluation is seeing how you react to allegations, frustrations etc. and if you are able to behave in a logical and sane manner.