Poster needs accurate advice re: DV

[>Charlotte<]

It's frustrating to watch someone complain about being in an abusive relationship, but they won't help themselves and want somebody to just wave a magic wand and make it all go away. Well, here is a woman who seems to be trying to do all the right things:

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=390019

So far, the advice she's getting here includes: she has nothing to worry about because judges hand out RO's like peanuts, and the reason they rubber-stamp them is so they don't get newspaper articles written about them. Also, that her ex had better not violate the order unless he has a good reason (or the judge will be angry with both of them) , and lastly that she should tape record all of their conversations and then play the tape in court (she's in Florida).

Aside from that easy-to-rebut garbage someone is trying to feed her, she has some other specific questions that I can't answer, but she's not getting any other answers. I just didn't want it to end up at the bottom of the pile (and possibly overlooked) by the time people start logging on after work so I'm creating this thread for anyone who's on now, and will bump it later.

I'd just really like to see this person get some good advice, and will delete this thread after it's had a chance to get noticed.

Thanks

 

[Silverplum]

Sorry, but I know nothing of DV legal issues.

Those posters who do know are unavailable.

 

[brknhearted]

It's frustrating to watch someone complain about being in an abusive relationship, but they won't help themselves and want somebody to just wave a magic wand and make it all go away. Well, here is a woman who seems to be trying to do all the right things:

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=390019

So far, the advice she's getting here includes: she has nothing to worry about because judges hand out RO's like peanuts, and the reason they rubber-stamp them is so they don't get newspaper articles written about them. Also, that her ex had better not violate the order unless he has a good reason (or the judge will be angry with both of them) , and lastly that she should tape record all of their conversations and then play the tape in court (she's in Florida).

Aside from that easy-to-rebut garbage someone is trying to feed her, she has some other specific questions that I can't answer, but she's not getting any other answers. I just didn't want it to end up at the bottom of the pile (and possibly overlooked) by the time people start logging on after work so I'm creating this thread for anyone who's on now, and will bump it later.

I'd just really like to see this person get some good advice, and will delete this thread after it's had a chance to get noticed.

Thanks

Wow, way to skew my posts.

a) i said judges hand out OP's fairly consistantly because of the potential backlash not doing so creates. if the alleged victim feels threatened, doesn't want to be contacted by the respondant, then why shouldn't they get a OP? i've been on both sides of this matter.

b) i said nothing about the respondent having a good reason to contact her, i said that the alleged victim should have a good reason for taking the respondent to court for violating it (re: repeated attempts at contact, driving by house repeatedly, driving by workplace, etc). i'm in a really bad situation with my ex where she was contacting me repeatedly, i resumed a relationship with her, then when i broke up with her because of her abuse and emotional disorders she turned around and filed charges against me because of an OP she had in place on me and had lied to me about dropping it. my point was, if she's calling him a bunch then turns around and cried 'help me, help me' the judge isn't going to look too favorably in regards to that.

c) i said tape one of the conversations that ensues if he continues to try to contact her from restricted phone numbers, then take the to the court house to have the OP enforced. how else would she prove he's trying to contact her?

get a grip man, it's been two days since she's posted and no one else has responded. so if you know any better, why don't you address her concerns?

 

[>Charlotte<]

i said judges hand out OP's fairly consistantly because of the potential backlash not doing so creates.

Did the Florida judiciary recently publish a mission statement that I somehow missed? Do judges make it a habit to check in with you after rulings to clarify that they only did it to avoid bad press? Or, are you painting the picture with such broad strokes because that's what you think happened in your case? It's a ridiculous statement to make, and the last thing the OP in question needs to hear is that judges are more concerned with PR than they are with proper application of the law.

If the alleged victim feels threatened, doesn't want to be contacted by the respondant, then why shouldn't they get a OP?

Indeed they should. Who says they shouldn't?

i said nothing about the respondent having a good reason to contact her, i said that the alleged victim should have a good reason for taking the respondent to court for violating it

She only needs one reason: he violated it.

i resumed a relationship with her...(she) filed charges against me because of an OP she had in place on me and had lied to me about dropping it.

Well, let's just assume OP's harrasser won't believe he can violate a court order if the victim says it's okay.

my point was, if she's calling him a bunch then turns around and cried 'help me, help me' the judge isn't going to look too favorably

If that is your point, your point is correct.

i said tape one of the conversations that ensues if he continues to try to contact her from restricted phone numbers, then take the to the court house to have the OP enforced. how else would she prove he's trying to contact her?

We learn more when we have to put a little effort into it. So, you tell me why that's a bad idea. I'll give you a hint: T-- P---- S----.

get a grip man,

I'm not a man.

it's been two days since she's posted and no one else has responded. so if you know any better, why don't you address her concerns?

Can't argue with that. You're absolutely right. Look, I'm not a mod, I'm not a senior member, I'm not a hall monitor. Bad advice is posted on this site all the time, and usually I don't really care all that much. But I have a soft spot for victims of abuse who actually do what abuse victims are supposed to do instead of sitting around whining. I have no real personal experience with abuse from which I can impart any wisdom for the OP but I do know that you are pointing her in the wrong direction, and she deserves better than that. Which is why I sent out an SOS for someone who can give her useful, factual, advice. As opposed to you or me.

 

[Silverplum]

Look, I'm not a mod, I'm not a senior member, I'm not a hall monitor. Bad advice is posted on this site all the time, and usually I don't really care all that much. But I have a soft spot for victims of abuse who actually do what abuse victims are supposed to do instead of sitting around whining. I have no real personal experience with abuse from which I can impart any wisdom for the OP but I do know that you are pointing her in the wrong direction, and she deserves better than that. Which is why I sent out an SOS for someone who can give her useful, factual, advice. As opposed to you or me.

And you are RIGHT, Clt. This is NOT an area for anyone's amusement. (Not even mine, and I *am* kinda funny sometimes.)

NO ONE should point ANYONE in the wrong direction on purpose. That's just damned mean, and we won't stand for it. Get the point, little brknhearted man?

 

[brknhearted]

We learn more when we have to put a little effort into it. So, you tell me why that's a bad idea. I'll give you a hint: T-- P---- S----.


Can't argue with that. You're absolutely right. Look, I'm not a mod, I'm not a senior member, I'm not a hall monitor. Bad advice is posted on this site all the time, and usually I don't really care all that much. But I have a soft spot for victims of abuse who actually do what abuse victims are supposed to do instead of sitting around whining. I have no real personal experience with abuse from which I can impart any wisdom for the OP but I do know that you are pointing her in the wrong direction, and she deserves better than that. Which is why I sent out an SOS for someone who can give her useful, factual, advice. As opposed to you or me.

I'm still confused as to recording the conversation as a bad idea, TPS? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TPS I unfortunatly did not find any information relating to the said topic. Would you please elaborate on this, for my own knowledge?

If I'm mistaken in my advice, I understand your opinion, I too am human and I don't claim to be perfect, I'm actually far from it.

In regards to the rest of the advice, it was pretty straightforward -- don't contact the respondent and if he does make contact on his own volition report it immediatly. Also, in regards to judges handing out OP's that is a well-known fact for a myriad of reasons. In fact, they have to be given a fairly substantial reason why they shouldn't and given the allegations and history of this couple that's going to be fairly difficult for the respondent to dispute.

I also suggested she hire an attorney in regards to the DV case, which I don't think is a bad idea. Do you?

 

[fairisfair]

I'm still confused as to recording the conversation as a bad idea, TPS? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TPS I unfortunatly did not find any information relating to the said topic. Would you please elaborate on this, for my own knowledge?

If I'm mistaken in my advice, I understand your opinion, I too am human and I don't claim to be perfect, I'm actually far from it.

In regards to the rest of the advice, it was pretty straightforward -- don't contact the respondent and if he does make contact on his own volition report it immediatly. Also, in regards to judges handing out OP's that is a well-known fact for a myriad of reasons. In fact, they have to be given a fairly substantial reason why they shouldn't and given the allegations and history of this couple that's going to be fairly difficult for the respondent to dispute.

I also suggested she hire an attorney in regards to the DV case, which I don't think is a bad idea. Do you?

T is for the way we spell the word TWO
P is for the PARTY you wish some one would give to you
S is for the STATE the poster lives in.

and M and F is for the crime you encouraged the OP to commit when you suggested illegally recording a conversation in a TWO PARTY STATE

ah hell, that part didn't rhyme, did it???

 

[brknhearted]

T is for the way we spell the word TWO
P is for the PARTY you wish some one would give to you
S is for the STATE the poster lives in.

and M and F is for the crime you encouraged the OP to commit when you suggested illegally recording a conversation in a TWO PARTY STATE

ah hell, that part didn't rhyme, did it???

So if she were to answer the phone and ask who it is, then inform the other party that she is recording the conversation it would be legal, correct?

Okay, so I did a bit of research, simply notifying wouldn't be enough, the other person has to consent...

So I guess the solution would be for her to put the respondent on speaker phone and have witnesses testify that he did in fact call her.

 

[fairisfair]

So if she were to answer the phone and ask who it is, then inform the other party that she is recording the conversation it would be legal, correct?

Okay, so I did a bit of research, simply notifying wouldn't be enough, the other person has to consent...

So I guess the solution would be for her to put the respondent on speaker phone and have witnesses testify that he did in fact call her.

yeah, and then the witnesses could prove that it was in fact him on the other end of the phone.

no, best bet. don't answer the phone, let a machine pick it up. if he leaves a voicemail then he has consented to the recording.

Now behave yourself and learn before instructing.

 

[fairisfair]

Can't argue with that. You're absolutely right. Look, I'm not a mod, I'm not a senior member, I'm not a hall monitor. Bad advice is posted on this site all the time, and usually I don't really care all that much. But I have a soft spot for victims of abuse who actually do what abuse victims are supposed to do instead of sitting around whining. I have no real personal experience with abuse from which I can impart any wisdom for the OP but I do know that you are pointing her in the wrong direction, and she deserves better than that. Which is why I sent out an SOS for someone who can give her useful, factual, advice. As opposed to you or me.

but ya should be.

 

[brknhearted]

yeah, and then the witnesses could prove that it was in fact him on the other end of the phone.

no, best bet. don't answer the phone, let a machine pick it up. if he leaves a voicemail then he has consented to the recording.

Now behave yourself and learn before instructing.

Thank you for being understanding. I'm doing my best to learn these things and I apologize for giving bad advice.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I also suggested she hire an attorney in regards to the DV case, which I don't think is a bad idea. Do you?

Well, my usual rule-of-thumb is that it's never a bad idea to have an attorney (I guess it depends on the attorney) but in this case I don't see what good it would do her. She's not being charged with anything (is she? did I miss something?). I guess a victim's advocate is a good idea, but that wouldn't necessarily have to be a lawyer. In Lauram's thread, Quincy suggested she call one of those advocate groups who accompany victims to court, which I thought was an outstanding idea.

So I guess the solution would be for her to put the respondent on speaker phone and have witnesses testify that he did in fact call her.

I thought that was a great idea until Fairisfair took all the fun out of it with

and then the witnesses could prove that it was in fact him on the other end of the phone

Dang, Fair, you're such a buzz-kill. But the song was really funny.

 

[fairisfair]

Well, my usual rule-of-thumb is that it's never a bad idea to have an attorney (I guess it depends on the attorney) but in this case I don't see what good it would do her. She's not being charged with anything (is she? did I miss something?). I guess a victim's advocate is a good idea, but that wouldn't necessarily have to be a lawyer. In Lauram's thread, Quincy suggested she call one of those advocate groups who accompany victims to court, which I thought was an outstanding idea.



I thought that was a great idea until Fairisfair took all the fun out of it with



Dang, Fair, you're such a buzz-kill. But the song was really funny.

Buzz kill huh? and up to now I was just rude, overbearing, negative and harsh.

oh and my ex S.O. called me a really poopy name, really early this morning.

This just ain't my day. . . . .

on the other hand
Glad you liked the song, sung to the tune of that "take my heart and please don't break it". . . thing, it is pretty darned catchy. ROTFLMAO