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Pregnant & Father wants to sign over his rights

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Kel_Mom_of_2

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#1
What is the name of your state? Minnesota

Hi, I'm new here and this is my situation - I am about 15 weeks pregnant and my relationship with the father was basically a 2 week fling. Please don't judge me for this, it was a mistake. He has, from the beginning, wanted me to have an abortion. Now that it has sunk in that I am going to keep this baby, he has decided that he wants to sign over his parental rights. I believe that he would make for a horrific father and has already shown signs of that with my first born (not his biological child). I wouldn't object to him signing his rights over but where does that leave me with child support? I don't think that he should be allowed to run from the situation ENTIRELY. It's going to be hard enough raising this child by myself, let alone no financial support. Anyone have any experience with this? Any advice?
 


snostar

Senior Member
#2
He has NO parental rights until or unless paternity is establised - which can't happen until after you give birth. If in fact you wish to file for support, first paternity must be established. Do not expect court ordered support from a father with no parental rights.
 

haiku

Senior Member
#3
we are confusing some things here...giving up 'parental rights" in most states and cases does not mean you get out of child support, what it does mean for sure is giving up your rights to all decision making and visitation in the childs life.

to the OP, your ex has no rights to give up right now, there is nothing he can petition for until there is a child.

unless he or YOU files for paternity AFTER the birth of the child he will have no rights or obligations to pay child support.

if you are planning on using any sort of state aid to asisst you with the birth of this baby, you and he will have no choice in whether or not paternity is established for him, the state will do it for him.

once paternity is established, he will have a right to file for visitation/custody rights, just as you will fo rsupport/custody/visitation.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
#4
Kel_Mom_of_2 said:
What is the name of your state? Minnesota

Hi, I'm new here and this is my situation - I am about 15 weeks pregnant and my relationship with the father was basically a 2 week fling. Please don't judge me for this, it was a mistake. He has, from the beginning, wanted me to have an abortion. Now that it has sunk in that I am going to keep this baby, he has decided that he wants to sign over his parental rights. I believe that he would make for a horrific father and has already shown signs of that with my first born (not his biological child). I wouldn't object to him signing his rights over but where does that leave me with child support? I don't think that he should be allowed to run from the situation ENTIRELY. It's going to be hard enough raising this child by myself, let alone no financial support. Anyone have any experience with this? Any advice?
I will add something to what the others have said, because I think you might get somewhat confused by their answers. (although they are all correct).

If a parent is actually allowed to terminate their parental rights (once those rights are established) that means that they no longer have rights OR responsibilities, so that would mean no child support.

A parent can choose not to exercise rights (visitation/custody) but they can't choose to terminate responsibilities (child support, medical needs etc.) without the approval of a judge. Judges almost never give their approval for that unless there is a stepparent in the wings that is willing to adopt the child and take over those responsibilities. The state wants TWO parents legally responsible for children.

If you are on any kind of state aid, his responsibilities are going to get established by the state no matter what either of you want, which will also give him the option to file for visitation/custody rights.

You can leave him off the birth certificate, never establish paternity, and never file for child support. (as long as you are not on state aid) and he won't legally be the father. However, should he change his mind in the future, he would still be able to petition to establish paternity and the corresponding rights/responsibilities.
 
0

0000

Guest
#5
Read my first posts for some less-friendly versions to these same answers.
I asked the same question, except I was that father wanting to sign over my so-called rights in exchange for "getting out of" child $upport.
The difference in our situations is that the mother of my child likes to call in false DV charges everytime she gets mad at me, and at this point I'd sooner not be involved in the child's life than have to go to prison for things I didn't/wouldn't do.
Since I have been all of forced out of this family by both the mother (and the courts who believed her), I firmly believe that I shouldn't have to pay $upport. By court decree I have no visitation, custody - nothing, yet I pay $300/month for a child I HAVE NEVER SEEN!
It was entirely HER decision to turn this into the legal hell it has become, and since she got on welfare (that she doesn't need), the State got involved and now my relationship is with them, not my child. It all works out for the CP, and the NCP gets left out in the cold lashing rain.
When I asked the members of this forum if I could permanently/legally swap $upport in exchange for custody/visitation, I was met with complete hostility (I'm all for healthy dialogue, and I'm even open to pursuasion, but the phrase "Deadbeat Dad" is thrown around so liberally here it's stupid). It seems that everyone on this site, like the State, thinks that a father is good only for his money.
I just wanted you to see the other angle in a ugly situation like mine and your's. One way of looking at it is HE got you pregnant and so HE should pay $upport, whether he wants to be involved or not. The OTHER way to look at it, which I know isn't popular in these here parts, is that YOU got knocked up by this guy; if you don't want him around your children, then his money shouldn't be any good either.
You shouldn't have your cake (with baby-blue frosting) and get to eat it all by yourself too.
 
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K

Kel_Mom_of_2

Guest
#6
I'm sorry for whatever you're going through. Yes I got knocked up by this guy. BUT, I sure the he!! am not the virgin Mary. He's the one that wants out of this so bad. No, he wouldn't make a good dad, but his money would do good when it came to NEEDS. Children NEED a good dad and they NEED diapers, formula, blah blah blah. So if he can't meet this childs first need then yes, all he is good for is the financial need. I wasn't about to have an abortion based on HIS belief when I knew I wouldn't be with him, but then I'd have to face the concequence of the abortion. I'm getting mixed answers wherever I turn so I'm just gonna talk to an attorney near me. Personally, as long as my child is healthy, happy, safe, and has it's NEEDS met, I don't give a crap what the father does. No matter what happens, I I I I am held responsible for this child. If that means getting money from the dad to help fulfill NEEDS then that is what I need to do.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
#7
Abortion is NOT the ONLY option-FYI.

Honest to gosh, if you had no real relationship with the guy, why the heck weren't you more proactive about protection? From your monicker, it seems you already have at least one child, maybe two?
 

nextwife

Senior Member
#9
stealth2 said:
If he's such a horrible guy, why on earth did you have unprotected sex with him?
Why have sex with him at all if he's such a horrible guy? And, agreed, Stealth, why have unprotected sex at all with someone with whom you don't have a long term relationship? Especially in this day and age, considering what the risks are. Especially of one has a responsibilty to any already born kid to do everything possible to stay around and stay healthy.

Whatever happened to Family Planning? Even married couples use protection. Virtually all the couples I know waited at least 3 years AFTER marriage before starting a family.
 
K

Kel_Mom_of_2

Guest
#10
It happens, it is what it is... I'm sick of answering questions like why! I'm not on here to debate why I slept with so and so and why I didn't use protection and why why why why why why why!!!!! The only people I need to explain myself to is: Myself, my child, and God. If I would have known everyone on here was going to judge me and act like there whole world is crashing on them so why not take it out on people on a damn website, I never woulda posted. Forget it, I can get better advice from my abusive father!!!!
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
#11
On brother. :rolleyes:

The problem is, this guy IS the baby's father. And once you go after the money, he's got every right in the world to go for visitation and/or custody. The former he will DEFINITELY get. So get used to the idea.

As for everyone asking why this, why that, etc - because you're quite obviously not aware that any of this is really an issue. You seem to think that you can spread your legs for some guy, stick your hand in his wallet and keep him out of the kid's life. Well, babe - it don't work that way. You and Dad are now joined together for 18 years - hope the roll in the hay was worth it.
 
#12
stealth2 said:
On brother. :rolleyes:

The problem is, this guy IS the baby's father. And once you go after the money, he's got every right in the world to go for visitation and/or custody. The former he will DEFINITELY get. So get used to the idea.

As for everyone asking why this, why that, etc - because you're quite obviously not aware that any of this is really an issue. You seem to think that you can spread your legs for some guy, stick your hand in his wallet and keep him out of the kid's life. Well, babe - it don't work that way. You and Dad are now joined together for 18 years - hope the roll in the hay was worth it.
Will the real stealth please stand up :D:D:D
 

snostar

Senior Member
#13
Kel_Mom_of_2 said:
I am about 15 weeks pregnant and my relationship with the father was basically a 2 week fling.
NOTHING is going to happen until after the child is born, and I wouldn't be surprised if the OP was unsure if this man is definitely the father.
:rolleyes:
 
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