Proven father but can't see child....

[armydaddy]

In Kentucky but ex is in West Virginia. OK just a quick question.... My ex claims that even though I was proven to be the father through a paternity test that her husband (whom is NOT on the birth certificate) can just go and claim that the child is his and take his last name. *Note: Our child is 21 months old if this helps clarify things.

 

[George1620]

In Kentucky but ex is in West Virginia. OK just a quick question.... My ex claims that even though I was proven to be the father through a paternity test that her husband (whom is NOT on the birth certificate) can just go and claim that the child is his and take his last name. *Note: Our child is 21 months old if this helps clarify things.

No he cant he has no legal rights if you are the father. Did you petition for visitation or custody?

 

[titansfan]

es'x husband has no rights

if her husband puts his name on the bc when he knows he isnt the fahter, he has commited fraud, and can get into trouble. the only way the child can take on his last name is for him to adopt the child, and that would require your consent. the last poster is right, he has no legal rights to the child, nor does he have any say over the child. any visitation or custody arrangements are between you and the mother, and none of his business.he doesnt have any say over that at all.

 

[dallas702]

Were your parental rights ever terminated for "abandonment"?

 

[brisgirl825]

if her husband puts his name on the bc when he knows he isnt the fahter, he has commited fraud, and can get into trouble. the only way the child can take on his last name is for him to adopt the child, and that would require your consent. the last poster is right, he has no legal rights to the child, nor does he have any say over the child. any visitation or custody arrangements are between you and the mother, and none of his business.he doesnt have any say over that at all.

No, the child's name can be changed in court w/o terminating dad's rights. It's up to a judge.

If you don't see or support the child there can be a case for abdonment. If you have any desire to be in your child's life you had better get your butt in gear and file for visitation and pay support. Otherwise, her hubby will be able to adopt w/o your consent.

 

[armydaddy]

This has just now came to the courts attention. I have been asking to see the child from day one. She up and left me while she was pregnant for this man after only one month while I was stationed in Iraq. Since returning I have tried to schedule a time to go down there to see the baby but the mother claims I am now just a sperm donor because I am not there for her. I am now stationed back in Tennessee again where we started off. I can't just up and take vacation in this job and since we are getting ready for re-deployment free time is almost impossible. Besides this fact I also have 3 other children here to take care of.

I had planned on going down this weekend and I even reserved a room and now she claims because I am sharring the drive with my fiance that I will NOT get to see the baby unless she stays away. This is a 9 hour drive and I am taking my two daughter so they could see the baby also but now I am unsure what may happen. Put it this way I have already spent $150 on a room and I am looking at another $150 AT LEAST! I CANT AFFORD TO WASTE MONEY! Another thing is that I have sent and offered time and time again to send money but she started refusing the money because she found out that me and my fiance put our money together for our bills. I am lost at what to do next.

PLEASE ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!


** just to add: I just recieved the paperwork proving paternity about 3 weeks ago so this is just the start of this all.

 

[LdiJ]

This has just now came to the courts attention. I have been asking to see the child from day one. She up and left me while she was pregnant for this man after only one month while I was stationed in Iraq. Since returning I have tried to schedule a time to go down there to see the baby but the mother claims I am now just a sperm donor because I am not there for her. I am now stationed back in Tennessee again where we started off. I can't just up and take vacation in this job and since we are getting ready for re-deployment free time is almost impossible. Besides this fact I also have 3 other children here to take care of.

I had planned on going down this weekend and I even reserved a room and now she claims because I am sharring the drive with my fiance that I will NOT get to see the baby unless she stays away. This is a 9 hour drive and I am taking my two daughter so they could see the baby also but now I am unsure what may happen. Put it this way I have already spent $150 on a room and I am looking at another $150 AT LEAST! I CANT AFFORD TO WASTE MONEY! Another thing is that I have sent and offered time and time again to send money but she started refusing the money because she found out that me and my fiance put our money together for our bills. I am lost at what to do next.

PLEASE ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!


** just to add: I just recieved the paperwork proving paternity about 3 weeks ago so this is just the start of this all.

LEAVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND HOME AND GO AND SEE YOUR CHILD!

I don't know how many times we have given you this advice.

 

[armydaddy]

Look if anyone can just tell me of a site that may have these laws posted please let me know. I will not hear anything of my fiance on here. She is NOT the issue! Hell she is the one who paid for a place for us to stay and the reason why I am able to go down there. Now tell me why my ex has EVERY RIGHT to take our daughter to her husbands (which they are seperated) every weekend and claim that he is her father even after having proof that I am her dad but I can't even mention the fact that I have a fiance?

I want to know facts and laws not what your opinions may be.

 

[LdiJ]

Look if anyone can just tell me of a site that may have these laws posted please let me know. I will not hear anything of my fiance on here. She is NOT the issue! Hell she is the one who paid for a place for us to stay and the reason why I am able to go down there. Now tell me why my ex has EVERY RIGHT to take our daughter to her husbands (which they are seperated) every weekend and claim that he is her father even after having proof that I am her dad but I can't even mention the fact that I have a fiance?

I want to know facts and laws not what your opinions may be.

The facts are that you haven't be to court to get enforceable visitation orders. The facts are that the longer you go without spending time with your child the harder its going to be to get reasonable orders. The facts are that mom is basically in control until you have enforceable orders. The facts are that mom isn't going to let you visit the child if you don't leave your girlfriend home.

That is the bottom line. If you don't visit your child now and you get deployed again without having spent any time at all with the child its just going to make things worse.

 

[dallas702]

Ldij has a point. If you want to see your child now, you'll have to bend to your ex's petty whims. No one could guesss why she would even care if you brought your GF and kids, and it's probably a good thing to do for the long run, but for this moment in time (and since you don't have any orders to force visitation) you need to play her stupid games. See your daughter and work out the rest later. It's gonna be a long ride with this "woman" whether you like it or not if you want to stay connected to your daughter. Otherwise, let them all go and move on with what you have.

 

[armydaddy]

I see and understand there point but no one seems to see mine. This woman has already ruined what relationship I could have already had with OUR daughter. She has taken over $10,000 while I was getting shot in a war that I had no choice of being in and now she is the one to run my life now. This is pathetic. I can go get shot at for our country and now someone is going to say that I abandoned our daughter because she could not even hold out one month for sex. Now a year later I am still supposed to go running back to her and say the hell to the woman who was there for me! I WANT MY CHILD BUT I THINK I ALSO DESERVE A LIFE.


PLEASE GIVE ME A SITE OR SOMETHING TO SHOW THAT HER HUSBAND CAN NOT JUST PUT OUR CHILDS NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
THANKS

 

[brisgirl825]

I see and understand there point but no one seems to see mine. This woman has already ruined what relationship I could have already had with OUR daughter. She has taken over $10,000 while I was getting shot in a war that I had no choice of being in and now she is the one to run my life now. This is pathetic. I can go get shot at for our country and now someone is going to say that I abandoned our daughter because she could not even hold out one month for sex. Now a year later I am still supposed to go running back to her and say the hell to the woman who was there for me! I WANT MY CHILD BUT I THINK I ALSO DESERVE A LIFE.


PLEASE GIVE ME A SITE OR SOMETHING TO SHOW THAT HER HUSBAND CAN NOT JUST PUT OUR CHILDS NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
THANKS

Are you serious? Unless there's a draft, you had a choice about getting involved in the military.

How long have you been putting off going to court for visitation? The child is 21 mths old but you have been around since day one...so you say. Do you pay support? Is that why you haven't taken her to court b/c you don't want to pay? And you have a g/f, not a wife, but you have 3 other kids? Are they yours? If not, they're not yours to take care of, therefore it shouldn't impeed on you seeing your child.
Right now your ex is the only one with the right to say where and who goes around the child. That's why her husband can be around and not your g/f.
And frankly, bringing the g/f along to try and cause problems with ex, is stupid. You had better get orders for visitation, pay support, otherwise your ex's husband WILL be daddy after your rights are terminated.
You are the only one ruining your life and your relationship with your daughter by not taking action. Do you expect your ex to take you by the hand to the court house and file this stuff for you?

 

[LdiJ]

I see and understand there point but no one seems to see mine. This woman has already ruined what relationship I could have already had with OUR daughter. She has taken over $10,000 while I was getting shot in a war that I had no choice of being in and now she is the one to run my life now. This is pathetic. I can go get shot at for our country and now someone is going to say that I abandoned our daughter because she could not even hold out one month for sex. Now a year later I am still supposed to go running back to her and say the hell to the woman who was there for me! I WANT MY CHILD BUT I THINK I ALSO DESERVE A LIFE.


PLEASE GIVE ME A SITE OR SOMETHING TO SHOW THAT HER HUSBAND CAN NOT JUST PUT OUR CHILDS NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
THANKS

First...Thank you for your service to our country.

Of course you deserve a life...but what does that have to do with the current situation? You HAVE a life with your girlfriend. You having to visit your child without your girlfriend in no way precludes you "having a life"...it simply means that until you are in a position to file for enforceable visitation/custody rights that mom has control.

I can't give you a site that shows that her husband cannot sign the birth certificate. In some states if mom is married when she gives birth her husband MUST be put on the birth certificate. I don't know whether or not that's the case for the state where your child was born.

 

[dallas702]

If you have not willingly given up your parental rights by signing them off or ignoring court documents telling you that she had filed "abandonment" papers, then you are still the legal father. I know there are federal laws to protect military parents from such action while they are assigned out of the country. I can't cite the law, but your JAG certainly can.

Get an appointment with your JAG asap. He can't represent you in a state court, but he will know the regs and he can usually refer you to a competent family law attorney. The JAG office deals with situations like this every day...believe me.

And, Brisgirl825; your comment about his choice of military service is insulting and ignorant. Further, his parental rights can't be terminated without proper procedure and notice. If the procedure has not been done, the new hubby cannot give the child his name. He just needs to get the papers filed (time stops at that point until a decision is made).

So, Armydaddy....get your rear down to the JAG office, get the federal regs that affirm your rights, and get your papers filed to protect them. Again, asap!

 

[dallas702]

There is one more way to get help, but it depends on your rep. Contact your congressperson. Many of these elected officials will bend over backwards to protect the rights of a soldier right now. They can do amazing things if they want to....especially if it helps them get re-elected. Chances are you'll end up a news story.

Time for phone calls and action!