Proving infidelity

[dur4family]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia I have compelling information that indicates my husband of 29 years was unfaithful 15 years ago. Can I petition the courts for a DNA test on a minor to prove the infidelity? Is there any benefit to me in the divorce process in Virginia if I can prove infidelity? I was a full time mother for 15 years and basically have no retirement savings because my husband made three times my income (after I re-entered the work force) and we planned on his 401K to be our retirement nest egg. What portion of that can I depend on? Our martial home is debt free and in both our names - can I depend on 50%? Thank you for any information you can provide.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia I have compelling information that indicates my husband of 29 years was unfaithful 15 years ago. Can I petition the courts for a DNA test on a minor to prove the infidelity? Is there any benefit to me in the divorce process in Virginia if I can prove infidelity? I was a full time mother for 15 years and basically have no retirement savings because my husband made three times my income (after I re-entered the work force) and we planned on his 401K to be our retirement nest egg. What portion of that can I depend on? Our martial home is debt free and in both our names - can I depend on 50%? Thank you for any information you can provide.

No, you can't force a stranger (or their offspring) to be part of a DNA test. Dad might have had a chance at some point, but not now.

You might want to read this: http://www.valegalaid.org/files/E095B726-FCD8-81C1-17DC-A16C7ED73FFF/attachments/615B3DB7-1DAD-46B6-B2C1-9BC687824D9F/divorce-complex.pdf

You'll need some form of proof, yes. But the court won't entertain the idea of you petitioning to establish paternity.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Apparently you have been content with 15 years of forgiveness.

 

[LdiJ]

Apparently you have been content with 15 years of forgiveness.

I think she just found out.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia I have compelling information that indicates my husband of 29 years was unfaithful 15 years ago. Can I petition the courts for a DNA test on a minor to prove the infidelity? Is there any benefit to me in the divorce process in Virginia if I can prove infidelity? I was a full time mother for 15 years and basically have no retirement savings because my husband made three times my income (after I re-entered the work force) and we planned on his 401K to be our retirement nest egg. What portion of that can I depend on? Our martial home is debt free and in both our names - can I depend on 50%? Thank you for any information you can provide.

You can count on 50% of the marital assets (home, cars, bank or brokerage accounts, 401ks or other retirement accounts, etc.)...even with a no fault divorce.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia I have compelling information that indicates my husband of 29 years was unfaithful 15 years ago. Can I petition the courts for a DNA test on a minor to prove the infidelity? Is there any benefit to me in the divorce process in Virginia if I can prove infidelity? I was a full time mother for 15 years and basically have no retirement savings because my husband made three times my income (after I re-entered the work force) and we planned on his 401K to be our retirement nest egg. What portion of that can I depend on? Our martial home is debt free and in both our names - can I depend on 50%? Thank you for any information you can provide.

You have the right to half of the marital assets and half the marital debt. You do not have the right to compel a DNA test on a random child.

 

[Proserpina]

Virginia is actually an equitable distribution state ; there's no guarantee who will get what.

http://www.valegalaid.org/files/E095B726-FCD8-81C1-17DC-A16C7ED73FFF/attachments/615B3DB7-1DAD-46B6-B2C1-9BC687824D9F/divorce-complex.pdf

Nobody can count on anything.

 

[LdiJ]

Virginia is actually an equitable distribution state ; there's no guarantee who will get what.

http://www.valegalaid.org/files/E095B726-FCD8-81C1-17DC-A16C7ED73FFF/attachments/615B3DB7-1DAD-46B6-B2C1-9BC687824D9F/divorce-complex.pdf

Nobody can count on anything.

Even in an equitable distribution state its fairly rare for a division of assets to be anything other than 50/50, unless of course one person agrees to keep more of the debts in exchange for more of the assets. With an almost 30 year marriage I cannot see it going anything other than 50/50.

 

[Proserpina]

Even in an equitable distribution state its fairly rare for a division of assets to be anything other than 50/50, unless of course one person agrees to keep more of the debts in exchange for more of the assets. With an almost 30 year marriage I cannot see it going anything other than 50/50.

Rare, perhaps.

But not an absolute, and we need to reflect that.

 

[LdiJ]

Rare, perhaps.

But not an absolute, and we need to reflect that.

Ok...however then we also need to reflect that unusual circumstances would have to apply. One spouse being the main breadwinner in a 29 year marriage would not be unusual circumstances.

One spouse seriously dissipating marital assets shortly before the divorce was filed might be unusual circumstances. Or a spouse significantly comingling a significant inheritance with marital assets might be another. Or one spouse having a judgment against them due to a serious accident might also be an unusual circumstance.

 

[Just Blue]

Ok...however then we also need to reflect that unusual circumstances would have to apply. One spouse being the main breadwinner in a 29 year marriage would not be unusual circumstances.

One spouse seriously dissipating marital assets shortly before the divorce was filed might be unusual circumstances. Or a spouse significantly comingling a significant inheritance with marital assets might be another. Or one spouse having a judgment against them due to a serious accident might also be an unusual circumstance.

Where in OP thread does she state any of what you posted?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia I have compelling information that indicates my husband of 29 years was unfaithful 15 years ago. Can I petition the courts for a DNA test on a minor to prove the infidelity? Is there any benefit to me in the divorce process in Virginia if I can prove infidelity? I was a full time mother for 15 years and basically have no retirement savings because my husband made three times my income (after I re-entered the work force) and we planned on his 401K to be our retirement nest egg. What portion of that can I depend on? Our martial home is debt free and in both our names - can I depend on 50%? Thank you for any information you can provide. .

 

[stealth2]

Where in OP thread does she state any of what you posted?

That OP was a long term SAHM. The rest were examples of other circumstances which could be considered unusual circumstances in general, not necessarily in this particular instance. This is not difficult to figure out with basic reading comprehension. You yourself posted that what LDi posted could be considered unusual circumstances.

 

[Just Blue]

That OP was a long term SAHM. The rest were examples of other circumstances which could be considered unusual circumstances in general, not necessarily in this particular instance. This is not difficult to figure out with basic reading comprehension. You yourself posted that what LDi posted could be considered unusual circumstances.

Okay. If you think so.

 

[dur4family]

Even in an equitable distribution state its fairly rare for a division of assets to be anything other than 50/50, unless of course one person agrees to keep more of the debts in exchange for more of the assets. With an almost 30 year marriage I cannot see it going anything other than 50/50.

In answer to an earlier comment, I just came upon this information yesterday.

My husband will argue that since he earned the money and it is his 401K, that the money is solely his. He will also argue that since I have been working for 8 years, that I should have created my own retirement fund. But at this point, it is the only retirement fund we have (and it's a significant savings - 300K+, much more than I would have been able to accrue at my income).

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I guess I am confused. If they were married for 29 years and truly are married to the right person, the one they cannot live without, one act of infidelity 15 years ago would be meaningless except for a discussion. What happened at year 29? Why divorce him? I am staying out of this thread purposely and suggest you discuss your feelings with clergy.