Q on chances for primary custodial placement

[ginaschraven]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? wisconsin

My husband wants 50/50 placement, I want primary custody with him getting visitation.

I own my home, with plenty of bedrooms, have worked at the same job since 1998. Have custody of my oldest daughter from another relationship who is 14.

My husband lives with friends who have three children, the husband who is an ex felon, the kids of varying ages are 3 girls to one room, 2 boys in one room and my son was sleeping in a hallway in a playpen untill I found out my husband had a room, I told him it was horrible that he had a room and our son was in the hall way, he said he put him in the room, I have no idea because im not allowed in the house.
He hasnt had a job since March.

I dont think my son should be with out his father but I dont think it is in his best interests to be with his father for primary or half, I think visitation is better for this situation, I have the funds and normal home enviroment for him. Am I wrong in believeing this? How are my chances in getting primary placement?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? wisconsin

My husband wants 50/50 placement, I want primary custody with him getting visitation.

I own my home, with plenty of bedrooms, have worked at the same job since 1998. Have custody of my oldest daughter from another relationship who is 14.

My husband lives with friends who have three children, the husband who is an ex felon, the kids of varying ages are 3 girls to one room, 2 boys in one room and my son was sleeping in a hallway in a playpen untill I found out my husband had a room, I told him it was horrible that he had a room and our son was in the hall way, he said he put him in the room, I have no idea because im not allowed in the house.
He hasnt had a job since March.

I dont think my son should be with out his father but I dont think it is in his best interests to be with his father for primary or half, I think visitation is better for this situation, I have the funds and normal home enviroment for him. Am I wrong in believeing this? How are my chances in getting primary placement?

So since March, the baby was in daycare while you worked -- dad didn't watch junior? Visitation is better why? Because you have the uterus and are called mommy? How much alimony are you paying dad? How much child support are you looking at paying?

 

[ginaschraven]

No his father is watching him while im at work so he can see him, since he has no job, Im not paying him anything I told him I could get day care but he would rather watch him, and I dont care about support from him, he wants to have him go back and forth everyday, and it doesnt seem to be good for him he crys whenever he has to leave, and I can afford to feed and clothe him unlike his father, His Father has 5 other children, and I bought them what they have not him, So your say because I care what my child goes though Im in the wrong because I have a uterus?? Hello? thought this was advice help not bashing column.

 

[Ohiogal]

No his father is watching him while im at work so he can see him, since he has no job, Im not paying him anything I told him I could get day care but he would rather watch him

So dad is the primary caretaker and not a danger to be around junior and there is no good reason why dad shouldn't have joint custody.

and I dont care about support from him,

I never mentioned support FROM HIM. I asked how much alimony and child support are you going to pay dad. Reread:

How much alimony are you paying dad? How much child support are you looking at paying?

he wants to have him go back and forth everyday, and it doesnt seem to be good for him he crys whenever he has to leave,

Children do that. He could be crying due to the fact that mom and dad aren't getting along.

and I can afford to feed and clothe him unlike his father,

Child support TO DAD will help him feed and clothe him. As would alimony. How much do you earn a year?

His Father has 5 other children, and I bought them what they have not him,

That was nice of you. And yet you still had another child with dad.

So your say because I care what my child goes though Im in the wrong because I have a uterus?? Hello?

I asked:

Visitation is better why? Because you have the uterus and are called mommy?

Dad has joint custody now and is the primary caregiver. So why should he just get every other weekend? Enlighten me.

thought this was advice help not bashing column.

You didn't read one sentence I wrote properly. Your comprehension is off. REREAD and then answer.

 

[ginaschraven]

Quote:
No his father is watching him while im at work so he can see him, since he has no job, Im not paying him anything I told him I could get day care but he would rather watch him

So dad is the primary caretaker and not a danger to be around junior and there is no good reason why dad shouldn't have joint custody.

(I have him every aft and evening and fri thru-sun so I believe I am the primary? no?)

Quote:
and I dont care about support from him,

I never mentioned support FROM HIM. I asked how much alimony and child support are you going to pay dad. Reread:
(I am not going to pay him alimony, I make 27-28 thousand a year not much but way more than him, he doesnt want or even going to try for alimony. And why would it matter how much Id pay him for support the state decides that if I he gets custody.)

Quote:
How much alimony are you paying dad? How much child support are you looking at paying? ( the state will decide. and im not paying alimony we are not divorced yet.)

Quote:
he wants to have him go back and forth everyday, and it doesnt seem to be good for him he crys whenever he has to leave,

Children do that. He could be crying due to the fact that mom and dad aren't getting along.
(we are fine with eachother when dealing with kids, except he screamed at me last week when I couldnt find a title to a truck, in front of him, he is 14 months old. He is completely clingy to me I cannot do anything when he is there but stay close.)



Quote:
and I can afford to feed and clothe him unlike his father,

Child support TO DAD will help him feed and clothe him. As would alimony. How much do you earn a year? ( Why should I pay him when I can take care of him with no child support?)


Quote:
His Father has 5 other children, and I bought them what they have not him,

That was nice of you. And yet you still had another child with dad.

( Because he made me believe that he wanted me to be part of his childrens lives and his forever, he had the affair not me, and wont let me see the step children I practically raised for the last five years for no reason other than to hurt me, it has no bearing on any of this but I am not the cruel one here.And yes I have no rights to them because they didnt come from my uterus. But I loved them like they did.)
Quote:
So your say because I care what my child goes though Im in the wrong because I have a uterus?? Hello?

I asked:

Quote:
Visitation is better why? Because you have the uterus and are called mommy? Because I believe I can take better care of him, and give him a more stable home.

Dad has joint custody now and is the primary caregiver. So why should he just get every other weekend? Enlighten me.
(We have not been to court yet, we have an agreement that he helps during the week so he isnt in day care, i have him afternoons and evenings and every weekend, I have only been following this because his father will and has had a major fit when I ask for anything else, I am afraid he will keep my son from me if I dont agree til the court date. He doesnt get him any weekend he likes that so that his weekends are free.)

 

[Just Blue]

Please learn to quote. There is a little yellow box at the top of the response box...

Highlight

the statement you want to quote and click on the quote.

Thanks

 

[ginaschraven]

So dad is the primary caretaker and not a danger to be around junior and there is no good reason why dad shouldn't have joint custody.

I have him every afternoon and evening mon-thursday and have him friday afternoon through sunday evening, every week and weekend, It seems I have him more? He is not a danger to him bodily, the enviroment is not ideal. And he is very strict and stern, the people he is staying with yell and hit their kids how am i supposed to know they wont do it to him?


I never mentioned support FROM HIM. I asked how much alimony and child support are you going to pay dad. Reread:
We are not divorced yet we pay eachother nothing, Our court date is in December.




Children do that. He could be crying due to the fact that mom and dad aren't getting along.
I understand that, he is 14 mo old we do not argue or fight in front of him, except when his father screamed at me in front of him last week cause i couldnt find a title to a car.




Child support TO DAD will help him feed and clothe him. As would alimony. How much do you earn a year?
I only earn 27-28 thousand a year, and why should I pay him when im quite capable to care for my child also with no child support from him.



That was nice of you. And yet you still had another child with dad.

Yes he made me believe he wanted me to be his wife and their mother, I treated them as my own, their mother signed off on them, he wont let me see them I havent in months, they called me mom, I was there mom. But somehow it seems he is being made out to be the better care giver.

I asked:


Dad has joint custody now and is the primary caregiver. So why should he just get every other weekend? Enlighten me.
He doesnt get them any weekends I always do, I want him to get him every other weekend and every other weds and thursday, I just want primary care of my son during the week, I would like to share the weekends with him.


You didn't read one sentence I wrote properly. Your comprehension is off. REREAD and then answer.

I hope I answered better this time and did the quote thing right

 

[sometwo]

So dad is the primary caretaker and not a danger to be around junior and there is no good reason why dad shouldn't have joint custody.

I have him every afternoon and evening mon-thursday and have him friday afternoon through sunday evening, every week and weekend, It seems I have him more? He is not a danger to him bodily, the enviroment is not ideal. And he is very strict and stern, the people he is staying with yell and hit their kids how am i supposed to know they wont do it to him?

I never mentioned support FROM HIM. I asked how much alimony and child support are you going to pay dad. Reread:

We are not divorced yet we pay eachother nothing, Our court date is in December.

Children do that. He could be crying due to the fact that mom and dad aren't getting along.

I understand that, he is 14 mo old we do not argue or fight in front of him, except when his father screamed at me in front of him last week cause i couldnt find a title to a car.

Child support TO DAD will help him feed and clothe him. As would alimony. How much do you earn a year?

I only earn 27-28 thousand a year, and why should I pay him when im quite capable to care for my child also with no child support from him.

That was nice of you. And yet you still had another child with dad.

Yes he made me believe he wanted me to be his wife and their mother, I treated them as my own, their mother signed off on them, he wont let me see them I havent in months, they called me mom, I was there mom. But somehow it seems he is being made out to be the better care giver.

I asked:

Dad has joint custody now and is the primary caregiver. So why should he just get every other weekend? Enlighten me.

He doesnt get them any weekends I always do, I want him to get him every other weekend and every other weds and thursday, I just want primary care of my son during the week, I would like to share the weekends with him.

You didn't read one sentence I wrote properly. Your comprehension is off. REREAD and then answer

 

[ecmst12]

Custody is NOT determined by who makes more money or has a bigger house.

 

[gr8rn]

I hope you come back OP to read this. Although you may feel you were pounded here, some good points were made and you need to understand what may happen.
I was married to someone similar to your H with no ambition and no desire to work so I did all the working and paying the bills, He watched our son while I worked until the day my son told me his father pushed his head in the toilet for getting pee on the seat.
The important thing I want you to know is that spousal support is determined by crunching numbers. they don't listen to how terrible your ex is. It matters not. I had no chance to bring up the 19 police reports and 3 PFAs from the 5 years of marriage. All he needs is one person smarter than him to put that bug in his ear that there is money to be had from you..And the court does not care who the child lives with. I have always had primary custody and still I had to pay for a year before I finally got my divorce. Just letting you know, be prepared, he may file and he will get something.

 

[Proserpina]

they don't listen to how terrible your ex is. It matters not. .

Actually it can matter a great deal - in more than a few instances and in more than a few states adultery (for example) can greatly increase the likelihood of paying or receiving alimony (depending on which party you are).

I realize that you're not in WI (you're in PA, right?), and that WI does not generally consider fault but wanted to clarify that yes, in some cases, marital misconduct can indeed play a large part in both alimony and custodial matters.

Ain't always so cut and dried.

 

[Ohiogal]

The problem is she refuses to understand that she may end up paying alimony and child support -- she acts as though that just won't happen. She also refuses to understand that it is NOT reasonable for her to expect dad to go to standard visitation from having his child 5 days a week. I don't see that happening. She has yet to give ONE good reason WHY that would happen except she seems to think that because she is MOMMY, she will get custody.

 

[Proserpina]

The problem is she refuses to understand that she may end up paying alimony and child support -- she acts as though that just won't happen. She also refuses to understand that it is NOT reasonable for her to expect dad to go to standard visitation from having his child 5 days a week. I don't see that happening. She has yet to give ONE good reason WHY that would happen except she seems to think that because she is MOMMY, she will get custody.

Ah. Golden Uterus Syndrome.

 

[ginaschraven]

I guess me and my golden uterus will have to go crawl in a hole because my husband will ruin this child like his,His are all screwed up, they have gotten worse since he left, nothing like stealing, lieing, fighting, shoving things where they dont belong and i mean in the body, peeing on the carpet, kicking fece's on the bathroom floor, yeah oh and I forgot that the woman of the house sells sex toys from their home. yup im just a special mom who just wants to keep her son for the heck of it.

Thank you for the info but jeesh could we be any more harsh not everyone asking questions is a horrible person.

I live in wisconsin, luckily they are pretty one sided usually with mothers, not that I expect to get him, im very worried. He has said the only reason hes going for half is to hurt me, he has done everything he can do to hurt me and he was the one who cheated, I was the one watching the kids while he was gone.

Thank you for a dose of reality though, I will try to do everything I can now at the court date to win my son.

 

[Ohiogal]

I guess me and my golden uterus will have to go crawl in a hole because my husband will ruin this child like his,His are all screwed up, they have gotten worse since he left, nothing like stealing, lieing, fighting, shoving things where they dont belong and i mean in the body, peeing on the carpet, kicking fece's on the bathroom floor,

And yet you chose to have a baby with this man. And he has done perfectly well watching this child while you work and the child has had no issues.

yeah oh and I forgot that the woman of the house sells sex toys from their home.

That is not illegal. In fact there is NOTHING wrong with her being in that line of work.

yup im just a special mom who just wants to keep her son for the heck of it.

Actually you are living in la la land. But your delusions will be dispelled.

Thank you for the info but jeesh could we be any more harsh not everyone asking questions is a horrible person.

I asked you questions. You refuse to comprehend the answers to those questions and what I stated is realistic.

I live in wisconsin, luckily they are pretty one sided usually with mothers,

Really? You are in for a HARSH awakening. You have given NO REASON why dad doesn't deserve partial custody. Maybe I will send Zephyr to talk to you.

not that I expect to get him, im very worried. He has said the only reason hes going for half is to hurt me, he has done everything he can do to hurt me and he was the one who cheated, I was the one watching the kids while he was gone.

Yet he is the one watching the child now. Seriously. You are not dealing with the LEGAL realities. You could end up paying him alimony and child support. He could end up with custody. He could end up with primary. He could up with joint. Those are realities. Wrap your mind around it.

Thank you for a dose of reality though, I will try to do everything I can now at the court date to win my son.

Your son is NOT a trophy. He is not a prize. He is NOT a bauble or trinket for you to show off. he has two parents who stand EQUAL before the court. Try realizing that it is NOT about YOU.