Question about current decree

[jshort1606]

What is the name of your state? Arkansas

I am currently in a modification case against my ex. When she is mad at me she is always trying to use our current decree as a way of to get at me.

Our current decree states that I may pick our son up from the sitter and does not state a time which I do every day. On a Friday of my weekend with our son my mom was off and wanted to spend the afternoon with him. My ex was mad so she said no that me and her were going by the papers and has told the sitter that no one other than me or her is to pick him up. Our son instead sat at daycare until I got off and picked him up and had my weekend with him. Her mom has dropped off and picked up our son from the sitter without her contacting me to tell me but I never cared because both our parents have been a big part of our childs life so I don't have a problem with it.

My first question is do I have the right to allow my mom to pick our son up on my weekend with our son?

Secondly it does state that if I do pick him up on her days I am to return him to her residence no later than 5:30 unless otherwise authorized by her. Well I got a certified letter in the mail stating that I was to start dropping him off at another location from now on unless otherwise authorized by her and she signed it. My understanding of the definition of authorize is that she has the right to say yes or no to a change but it does not give her absolute power over determining the place.

So my second question is does she have the right to change locations?

 

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state? Arkansas

I am currently in a modification case against my ex. When she is mad at me she is always trying to use our current decree as a way of to get at me.

Our current decree states that I may pick our son up from the sitter and does not state a time which I do every day. On a Friday of my weekend with our son my mom was off and wanted to spend the afternoon with him. My ex was mad so she said no that me and her were going by the papers and has told the sitter that no one other than me or her is to pick him up. Our son instead sat at daycare until I got off and picked him up and had my weekend with him. Her mom has dropped off and picked up our son from the sitter without her contacting me to tell me but I never cared because both our parents have been a big part of our childs life so I don't have a problem with it.

My first question is do I have the right to allow my mom to pick our son up on my weekend with our son?

This is going to come down to the EXACT wording of the decree. Generally it would not be an issue and since you are in modification right now, discuss this with your attorney and/or a mediator if there is one. There could be wording that the parent or anyone they authorize may pick the child up for them on their time... etc..

Secondly it does state that if I do pick him up on her days I am to return him to her residence no later than 5:30 unless otherwise authorized by her. Well I got a certified letter in the mail stating that I was to start dropping him off at another location from now on unless otherwise authorized by her and she signed it. My understanding of the definition of authorize is that she has the right to say yes or no to a change but it does not give her absolute power over determining the place.

So my second question is does she have the right to change locations?

Again this is basically going to come down to the exact wording. Do you have First Rights of Refusal? Does the current order say 5:30 on the assumption that mom is home? Is she asking for a new drop off place because she is NOT going to be home or available? Will mom be at this new location or are you dropping the child off to someone else?

 

[jshort1606]

Ok this is where is gets a little tricky. We do have first right of refusal and I have my ex on tape threatening my moms job and saying I better never let my family have our son without me calling her first and giving her first right of refusal but she was seen on numerous occasions and even working a second job and never giving me first right of refusal. I believe our son was with her parents and I am fine with that because like I said during our marriage our parents were a huge part of our sons life.

The thing about First right of refusal is she filed a protective order against me because I went over to her apt and asked to see our son after she wouldn't let me talk to him on the phone and the judge (different one than our modification case) chewed me out thinking I was not wanting him to be with her parents saying that he is grandparent and told me he was going to give me 90 days to think about that. He never got to hear the tape of course with me trying to tell my ex how her being like this about first right of refusal only kept our son from family.

 

[tigger22472]

Ok this is where is gets a little tricky. We do have first right of refusal and I have my ex on tape threatening my moms job and saying I better never let my family have our son without me calling her first and giving her first right of refusal but she was seen on numerous occasions and even working a second job and never giving me first right of refusal. I believe our son was with her parents and I am fine with that because like I said during our marriage our parents were a huge part of our sons life.

How is the First Rights written? For example, in Indiana it is in their standard guidelines and it states (not using exact wording) that if it's not a family member watching the child then the other parent must be offered. Basically it means if you have to PAY for someone else to watch the child.

The thing about First right of refusal is she filed a protective order against me because I went over to her apt and asked to see our son after she wouldn't let me talk to him on the phone and the judge (different one than our modification case) chewed me out thinking I was not wanting him to be with her parents saying that he is grandparent and told me he was going to give me 90 days to think about that. He never got to hear the tape of course with me trying to tell my ex how her being like this about first right of refusal only kept our son from family.

Do you have an attorney? If not you need one. Your ex is obviously one of those that wants to go by the decree when it fits HER needs and screws you... You are in the middle of a modification, you need everything spelled out this time so there are NO questions and so she cannot turn things on you...

 

[jshort1606]

Yes I have an attorney. Our first right of refusal is written that it is in the best interests of the child that he is to be with one parent or the other at all times if possible for all child care needs. thats it. I like Indiana's version. My wife had hernia surgery and her mom was was picking him up from me and taking him to daycare and caring for him during the week that she had this. I never complained or asked. Our son loves his grandparents and I feel that the only time they get is during our times with him so I don't feel its good to interfere with their relationship with him.

My attorney knows this is how I feel and says that our current judge probably feels the same way and he has even told my ex during an emergency temporary hearing after she wouldn't let me see our son for over a week just after we seperated that she was to make sure that my family continued to be a big part of our sons life.

 

[tigger22472]

Yes I have an attorney. Our first right of refusal is written that it is in the best interests of the child that he is to be with one parent or the other at all times if possible for all child care needs. thats it. I like Indiana's version. My wife had hernia surgery and her mom was was picking him up from me and taking him to daycare and caring for him during the week that she had this. I never complained or asked. Our son loves his grandparents and I feel that the only time they get is during our times with him so I don't feel its good to interfere with their relationship with him.

My attorney knows this is how I feel and says that our current judge probably feels the same way and he has even told my ex during an emergency temporary hearing after she wouldn't let me see our son for over a week just after we seperated that she was to make sure that my family continued to be a big part of our sons life.

The best advice I can give you is to let your attorney know all these things and specify that the new decree is VERY specific and address all of these issues. This way, when your ex decides to get these hairs up her butt and pull the "GO JUST as the decree states" you don't get screwed in the process.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes I have an attorney. Our first right of refusal is written that it is in the best interests of the child that he is to be with one parent or the other at all times if possible for all child care needs. thats it. I like Indiana's version. My wife had hernia surgery and her mom was was picking him up from me and taking him to daycare and caring for him during the week that she had this. I never complained or asked. Our son loves his grandparents and I feel that the only time they get is during our times with him so I don't feel its good to interfere with their relationship with him.

My attorney knows this is how I feel and says that our current judge probably feels the same way and he has even told my ex during an emergency temporary hearing after she wouldn't let me see our son for over a week just after we seperated that she was to make sure that my family continued to be a big part of our sons life.

Just because you bent over backwards and have let her wife's parents watch the children doesn't mean she has to. Start going EXACTLy by the decree if that is what mom wants. If she doesnt' give you the children and leaves them with grandma or someone else, file a motion to show cause.

 

[jshort1606]

Oh he has heard it all from her including a letter she sent to me saying she was taking our son on vacation for a week and would be spending time with her parents and grandparents. WHO LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN AS US I might add. She seemed to think if she claimed it as a vacation she wouldn't have to give me my visitation that week. Didn't work.