question about deciding custody?

[krislild]

What is the name of your state? nm

I have question my childs father is not on bc and there is no child custody/support enforcement. I do not allow him to see her cause I am scared that she will end up across the border if he has visiation. My question is if he were to ever take me to court would the judge frown on me cause I refuse contact. I tried last year to get them to bond when she was under ayear old but finally threw the towel in cause he would not give up his drug life. Will me being lessing willing to let him see his child now weeken my case for sole custody? They never really bonded he though drugs and running the streets was top priority. He seems like he has changed some what but I am scared to relinguish her to him and never see her again. Advice please!!! Thanks

 

[splcstr2001]

Okay!

Not on the B/C/ i think you have no worries. If he takes her, it's kidnapping.
He would either have to acknowledge paternity and sign papers , or submit to a DNA test.
Once that is done, a visitation and C/S order would establish his rights. (visitation schedule and child support).
It sounds as If you are reluctant to do that. If his past has you worried and he is not interested, don't push it. (You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink).
Let him come around, your priority is her, not him.
Absent a court order though, I would allow visitation IN MY HOME ONLY, and I would have friends over, just in case. Kinda like supervised visits...............until you decide what you wish to do.
If your gut doesn't trust him, then don't.
Your case looks good for sole custody.
P.S. Sit in your local Family Law court for a few hours, yours is not the only case where a father chooses to party and not to parent.
As long as you are good to your child, and he is capable of contacting you, it looks as If he has had chances to participate in her life, but chooses not to.
Judges see that everyday.

 

[adesire2Bhappy]

question about deciding custody

i have been through the court system in NM and yes the judge will look down his or her nose at you for keeping the child from the father.In NM they offer centers where you can take the child to visit the missing parent and the visition is monitored and they will keep a log on how the visitions are going as far as how is the child dealing with it and how the parent is interacting with the child during the visit.In Albuquerque they have a place called the "nuetral corner" it is a wonderful place the staff there is great. my ex had a drinking problem really bad and the courts still awarded joint custody. then he went behind my back got a court date and unknowly to me about the hearing i didnt appear and the courts took my parenting rights away temp. till i could prove other wise...NM has to be the easiest state to lose your children to the father then any other state i know of. I am not an expert here i just know what i have been through with the NM courts....Good Luck to you

 

[krislild]

Thanks for all your advice. He is not just an acholic (sp) he is a meth user, maker, seller. He has never been busted for it but all his family knows about it. He has been in rehabs, they mentioned something about him having a medical condition because of all the drugs he would start to have tremble attacks or something like that. He also has temper issues, is violant and beat his ex gf up because she was saying she was preg. He also has a son that he lost custody of because of his issues. Would the judge consider the fact that I tried for over a year and put my daughter through more than she deserved to try and get them to bond. Its not like I just said hell no, i honestly tried. I finally gave up when he started to threaten me and would have put my daughter in a very real dangerous atmosphere. I have kinda heard of that place in alb. the thing is i live 1 hr 1/2 away from alb. Not to mention my ex has people in alb. that supposidly (sp) want him dead that would make me very uneasy. I do let his parents and his family see her its not like im isolating her from her other family.

 

[krislild]

One more peace of info. I was going to allow him to see her for fathers day but me and the baby got the stomach bug and was up all that night before. He doesnt have a phone or a car so I had his mom go to him and his gf house to tell them that we would reschedule. He lost it telling me that he was going to take me to court. That night when he called my daughter was crying at the top of her lungs, he did not ask me what was wrong or how she was feeling he just started yelling at me that i was ruining his new relaitonship. I finally had to hang up on him cause my daughter was crying so bad. What do you think is the real issue here? If he loved his child so much dont you think he would have been more concered with how she was and not his relationship with his gf is being affected.

 

[adesire2Bhappy]

i have to agree with splcstr2001 the more you talk to better your case looks for sole custody...By no means would i allow him to take her anywhere alone...And i would document everything he says to you either in person or on the phone....just keep a record of it and if need be use it for your own reference when you talk to a lawyer...and also you mentioned you heard he had family in ALBQ, and they wanted to kill him....dont rely soley much on second hand information because the judge is not interested in he said she said type of stuff....The judge wants proof in front of him if not in writing or pictures then have it in person.but do keep in mind for yours and your childs safety what you have been hearing this stuff may being told to you for good reason....Good Luck to you and your child....keep your head up.

 

[krislild]

thanks for your feedback i was a little concerned for a while about my case. I still am but I feel a little better. I have a police report on file, a restraining order that i filed against him, some text messages he sent me. I also have witnesses, my ex employeer, his sister, mom, step dad, grandma, and his uncle. I pray for my daughters sake that he never persuses anything. She is the perfect angel (of course cause im her mom). Should I allow visiation at my house with supervsion or just keep him as far away as possible. I hope he is just blowing smoke my way, he knows I have dirt on him and i know about him loosing his son and his domestic issues in the past. I hope thats enough to keep him away for good. He has family in Alb. yes, but its a cuban mafia group of people that want him dead for turing there names into police to save his butt from going to jail. His family like i said sees my daughter often once a week to be exact. He doesnt have any clue that she is down there he is kinda the outcast of the family. Which i think is sad but he has been that way since he was a teenager.

 

[splcstr2001]

Hey!

I am convinced your bases are covered! Most losers talk a good game but do not deliver.
Live your life, but be aware of his.
Continue to collect your evidence and try to be free.
Best Wishes!