question for dorenephilpot

[aggravated mom]

I saw where you mentioned in one of your replies to someone that dads in Indiana get custody very frequently when they ask for it. Out of the male clients that you have about 90% have won. Is there any particular reason that you know of why this is. A common reason is what I am wondering about. I found this statement interesting.

 

[dorenephilpot]

What I said was that most of the time the dads in my cases don't want custody (so then it goes to mom).

When the small percentage of dads I've had as clients DO want to fight for custody, they usually win.

Usually the facts speak for themselves. The mother is unfit and that's WHY dad wants custody. Probably a small part of it is that I fight passionately for my clients, too.

But I generally can't win a case where the dad is a loser, mom is not, and dad wants custody. And I'm not sure I'd really want to win those anyway. ;-)

 

[aggravated mom]

Thank you. I was just wondering if you had noticed a common link with your cases. For I found that statement interesting. I do not feel I was treated fairly in our custody battle we had 5 years ago. That is ok however because we have changed things that should now put us in the same position as my son's father. Actually one better. We are buying our house. We now also have a computer and their were some other issues that when I look back now I can understand why the judge felt the way she did. I guess you could say it was a learning experience the hard way. But now I am having a hard time getting my full visits with my son. I never denied my son's father visitation even when he was behind in support. I don't believe in that and I had people tell me I should do that. I am really glad I did not listen to them because now I know it is against the law to do that. (I was following the law and never even knew it) My son still wants to live with me and with the problems in visitation I am looking to modify. It will be different this time however. I will be asking for sole custody and have a visitation schedule worked up for my son's father. If my son's father wants him during times that are not scheduled that is fine but I want it written up and filed so he cannot turn around and try and claim I am dumping my son on him. He did this the last time we went to court so this time I will be protected from such accusations. I have no problem with my son visiting his father. He desearves to know both sides of his family. However when I am supposed to have my visits I expect to have them. When I call and my son is there I feel I should be allowed to talk to him. This year when I called my son on his birthday they told me he wasn't there and said he would be back around such and such a time. I called and then was told he was spending the night at a friends house. I called the next day and was told he went to a ballgame with his grandfather. I called later and was told he wasn't back yet. I called later and was told he was spending the night with his grandfather. I called the next day and was finally allowed to talk to him after his father told me my son had been there everytime that I had called before but they didn't want me to talk to him till after his party which they had the night before. His reason was he was afraid I would upset my son. My son's birthday card had not arrived to him yet and his dad gave me a hard time about not sending him anything. Well I had already sent a card. It got there the day after I finally spoke to my son. But I wasn't allowed to talk to him and his father didn't ask why nothing may not have arrived yet. When I did talk to my son I told him he did have a card on the way but I didn't tell him I had been trying to get ahold of him sience his birthday because I didn't want to get him upset with his father. Although I think he is upset with me for not calling on his birthday. The thing is though. I did call. His father wouldn't let me speak to him. Now I would never do a thing like that. In my opinion this is cruel. I may not care for my son's father much. But I love my son dearly. And his father is his father I cannot change that. He has the right to know his father. I do not want him growing up with questions that have no answers. I know what that is like. (My mother passed away when I was 4. Have a wonderful stepmother however) I worry about my son alot. But for so long I thought there was nothing I could do. Now I know there is. Now I am just trying to figure out how to get things done. I didn't grow up with divorced parents so I have no experience in what the laws are and what rights I do have and don't have. But I do believe my son desearves better and I am starting to learn a little bit. I really like this site. I have learned a lot from it.

 

[LegalBeagle]

I will be asking for sole custody and have a visitation schedule worked up for my son's father.

I think it would help (apart from using paragraphs ) to let us know why you lost custody and what has changed for you to believe you can now win it back. Be aware that to have a change in physical custody, you will need to show why the father should *not* have custody, as opposed to why you should.

 

[dorenephilpot]

Yes, Legal Beagle is correct.

At least in Indiana, in order to wrest back custody of your childd at this point, you would have to show his dad is unfit. That's a pretty hard thing to prove.

As far as the visit/phone call problems, you could ask the court to set a contempt hearing on those issues. If he is found in contempt, he could be jailed, fined or ordered to do community service. Plus, there's a certain satisfaction, I'm sure, in hearing the judge "spank" your ex for his actions.

 

[aggravated mom]

question for dornephilpot

I spoke with a lawyer in Texas yesterday. I am still going to file but we will mainly be focusing on my son's wishes. With using the "renting" of my child as a secondary issue. The way my son's father is going to make it difficult to use the way he is doing my visits as a primary issue. My son is old enough in Texas to voice his wishes. He just has to fill out an affadavid(sp) It will be a little while before I can file because she recomends I get my support caught up first. (Which I have already been working on) Then after that we have to come up with a $5000 retainer fee. (Better than I expected)
She too mentioned I can file in Indiana and get him for contempt of court. I am a little leary of doing something like this if it could cause him to go to jail. What would something like that reflect on my son? How can he continue to have contact with my son if he is in jail. It was because of this reason I did not file against my daughter's father for the support I was owed and he wasn't paying. The state finally stepped in and now my daughter's father's wages are being garnished and I am recieveing support once more. I had to wait 6 years but at least he did not have to go to jail and he did not have to lose his licence.
Yes it hurt to have my son's father give me a hard time about seeing my son and affecting my visits with him. However I just can't do that to him. I fear to do something like that would cause even more emotional harm to him. If I were to file and my son's father went to jail I would be no better than he is.
However I do appriciate the advice. I figure when we take this thing to court even if for some reason I do not get custody back at least we can have a more formal visitation worked out. If he still refuses to follow thru to where we decide to file again. He will already have it recorded in our files where he has done the things he has done. My son already knows that just because he puts his request in doesn't nessesaryly means he will get to live here. But he will be allowed to be heard this time.

 

[LegalBeagle]

Is Texas retaining jurisdiction in this matter? Otherwise I do not understand the reason behind the Texas Attorney if the child is in Indiana.

Yes, you need to be current with the CS. Many a good custody case has been lost because of CS arrears.

No, he will not go to jail on a first contempt charge, and even if he did, it would not be for long.

If you want custody then you can not play this game nicely. If you are unable to prove him unfit, then you must go after him for destroying your relationship with the child. That is your only avenue left for custody.

 

[aggravated mom]

My son does no longer live in Indiana. None of us do the court papers are still there however. I will be starting off by having a change of jurisdiction done. My son and his father have been living in Texas sience October 16th of 1998. I moved to Tennessee June 27th 1999.
How does going after him and sinking to his level make that good for my child? I can hear and understand where you are coming from but I also have to look out for my son. You said in most cases for a first attempt they may only order comunity (sp) service. If I filed the contempt charges now which are in Indiana and he is in Texas how will he be able to do this. I don't know this is a very difficult situation.

 

[dorenephilpot]

Almost no one gets put in jail on a contempt issue without being given an opportunity to explain/fix the problem.

So, usually it's used as a wakeup call. Many people get off their duffs and do the right thing. Some have to be put in jail.

Unless you, your ex and the courts agree, there won't be a change of jurisdiction....