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Question regarding change of circumstances

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Calimom3

Member
What is the name of your state? California

I am new here, and I have a question that I hope I can get some direction with. As background... I have been separtated from my ex husband and living with my mom for over 3 1/2 years. My ex and I have always had joint physical custody of our 2 daughters from alternating weeks on and off ending up with 2 days during the week and then alternating weekends. In June of last year, I was planning on moving about 45 minutes north of where we resided as a married couple to a house with my fiancee and wanted to bring our 2 daughters with me, and so I wrote him a letter to request permission to move and to see if we could come up with a new parenting plan. Prior to our first court appearance in August of last year, my ex moved out of the 2 bedroom apartment that was the marital home into a 3 bedroom house with his girlfriend and her son. The house was about a quarter mile from the apartment we shared when married and about 1/2 mile from where I resided with my Mom. At our first court apperance, the judge ordered a custody evaluation since we could not come to an agreement on where the girls would primarily live. The evaluation would look at not only his current residence with his girlfriend, but look at my current residence at my Mom's house and where I was requesting to move with the girls to my fiancee's house. My fiancee's house is bigger and would afford the girls thier own rooms, plus plenty of space to play with thier friends and be kids.

The evaluation came back in May and as you might have guessed, the evaluator didn't see any over riding issues on moving the girls to my fiancee's house. She recommended that we still share joint physical custody, with the girls primary residence being at my ex's house during the school year, and at my house during the summer. She did however take away the overnight visits during the week, sighting the lack of the girls own room/beds to sleep in at my Mom's house. (We were sharing rooms and beds at my mom's house, because there were 5 of us in a 3 bedroom house, my oldest daughter who is 17, my Mom, me and my 2 youngest daughters) She indicated that it would be better to do a dinner visit in the middle of the week so that the girls could sleep in thier own beds in thier own rooms at thier dad's house during the school year. (he also has a dinner visit during the summer months when they are primarily with me).

I have now found out that the ex has moved out of the house and is now sharing a 2 bedroom apartment with our daughters and his girlfriend and her son, and our judgement hasnt even been entered in the courts. The girls are now sharing a bed and a room with their Dad and his girlfriend, while her son has his own room. This has happened less than 3 months after our final court date. While I understand that the evaluator's recommendations were not soley based on the living arrangements, is this new information good enough to get my overnight visits back during the week? I mean, the new arrangements are now exactly the same as the arrangments at my Mom's house where I would have the overnight visits. Also, is there enough here to have the original evaluation thrown out because it was based on false information, or could I go back and have another evaluation completed based on the new living arrangments?What is the name of your state?
 


casa

Senior Member
Calimom3 said:
What is the name of your state? California

I am new here, and I have a question that I hope I can get some direction with. As background... I have been separtated from my ex husband and living with my mom for over 3 1/2 years. My ex and I have always had joint physical custody of our 2 daughters from alternating weeks on and off ending up with 2 days during the week and then alternating weekends. In June of last year, I was planning on moving about 45 minutes north of where we resided as a married couple to a house with my fiancee and wanted to bring our 2 daughters with me, and so I wrote him a letter to request permission to move and to see if we could come up with a new parenting plan. Prior to our first court appearance in August of last year, my ex moved out of the 2 bedroom apartment that was the marital home into a 3 bedroom house with his girlfriend and her son. The house was about a quarter mile from the apartment we shared when married and about 1/2 mile from where I resided with my Mom. At our first court apperance, the judge ordered a custody evaluation since we could not come to an agreement on where the girls would primarily live. The evaluation would look at not only his current residence with his girlfriend, but look at my current residence at my Mom's house and where I was requesting to move with the girls to my fiancee's house. My fiancee's house is bigger and would afford the girls thier own rooms, plus plenty of space to play with thier friends and be kids.

The evaluation came back in May and as you might have guessed, the evaluator didn't see any over riding issues on moving the girls to my fiancee's house. She recommended that we still share joint physical custody, with the girls primary residence being at my ex's house during the school year, and at my house during the summer. She did however take away the overnight visits during the week, sighting the lack of the girls own room/beds to sleep in at my Mom's house. (We were sharing rooms and beds at my mom's house, because there were 5 of us in a 3 bedroom house, my oldest daughter who is 17, my Mom, me and my 2 youngest daughters) She indicated that it would be better to do a dinner visit in the middle of the week so that the girls could sleep in thier own beds in thier own rooms at thier dad's house during the school year. (he also has a dinner visit during the summer months when they are primarily with me).

I have now found out that the ex has moved out of the house and is now sharing a 2 bedroom apartment with our daughters and his girlfriend and her son, and our judgement hasnt even been entered in the courts. The girls are now sharing a bed and a room with their Dad and his girlfriend, while her son has his own room. This has happened less than 3 months after our final court date. While I understand that the evaluator's recommendations were not soley based on the living arrangements, is this new information good enough to get my overnight visits back during the week? I mean, the new arrangements are now exactly the same as the arrangments at my Mom's house where I would have the overnight visits. Also, is there enough here to have the original evaluation thrown out because it was based on false information, or could I go back and have another evaluation completed based on the new living arrangments?What is the name of your state?
Did you go through a custody evaluation or just mediation?

If any pertinent fact in the decision has changed (ie; 2 young girls sharing a room with Dad & g/f) then you need to make the court aware of the circumstances. Have you had your final hearing date??
 

Calimom3

Member
Did you go through a custody evaluation or just mediation?

If any pertinent fact in the decision has changed (ie; 2 young girls sharing a room with Dad & g/f) then you need to make the court aware of the circumstances. Have you had your final hearing date??
We went through a custody evaluation... she came to my mom's house, my ex's house AND my fiancee's house. It was ordered by the judge.

Our final hearing is scheduled for October 25th.
 

casa

Senior Member
Calimom3 said:
Did you go through a custody evaluation or just mediation?

If any pertinent fact in the decision has changed (ie; 2 young girls sharing a room with Dad & g/f) then you need to make the court aware of the circumstances. Have you had your final hearing date??
We went through a custody evaluation... she came to my mom's house, my ex's house AND my fiancee's house. It was ordered by the judge.

Our final hearing is scheduled for October 25th.
OK, contact the evaluator ASAP and advise her of the change in the girl's living situation... Tell her of your concerns re; the girls sharing a room with Dad & g/f...and let her know you are open to switching the Parenting Plan &/or amending it to suit whatever is best for them.

Did you get a report of their recommendations? I am curious to know what other determining factors were used for her recommendation.
 

Calimom3

Member
Did you get a report of their recommendations? I am curious to know what other determining factors were used for her recommendation.
I dont have a copy of the report, but what I do remember from it was that she concentrated on the relationship with my family, that lives in the area and my youngest daughters, their relationship with their older sister, their current school situation (my middle daughter 7 is now in 2nd grade,my youngest 5 was transfering schools for kindergarten) and she really focused on the living arrangments and the beds. When she came to my fiancee's house, we really made the mistake of not having 2 seperate bedrooms, each of my 2 daughters in their own room, or at a minimum, having beds for each of the girls in the one room they shared. We had talked about getting beds, but we didnt get to it before the evaluation. We also were very focused on my oldest daughter who is 17, having her own room at my fiancee's house. We wanted to show that she could come up and be at home anytime which was more than my ex had at his house, however, at the time of the evaluation she had not visited his home, and she barely knew my fiancee. (She's a teenager) Again, these were our oversights and most of them have been corrected, my oldest now has a relationship with my fiancee, my 2 youngest each have thier own rooms at my fiancee's house and they each have thier own beds at my Mom's house. When the evaluator came to my Mom's house she saw that my oldest had her own room, my middle and youngest would either share a bed or one would sleep with me and one would sleep with my Mom. Again, a miscalculation on mine and my fiancee's part, because we thought the whole point of the evaluation was to show a better living environment and how we would be better able to provide stability at my fiancee's house.

Since our court date in June, my ex has not taken our youngest daughters to see my family at all during his time, as he claimed he always does, he had barely contacted my oldest daughter and has now moved (without telling me mind you, I found out through my oldest daughter, who's boyfriend's family lives in the same building) into a odd living situation. I am cocnerned about the disruption to thier lives, again, I am concerned that the evaluator did not get an HONEST look at the true living environment he has them in, especially since this has all happend within months of our final court date.


OK, contact the evaluator ASAP and advise her of the change in the girl's living situation... Tell her of your concerns re; the girls sharing a room with Dad & g/f...and let her know you are open to switching the Parenting Plan &/or amending it to suit whatever is best for them.
Is it OK for me to contact the evaluator directly? I have always that it was not a good idea?

LIke I said before, I am not sure if I want to put my girls through another round of court battles and custody evaluations... it was hard on all of us... but I would like at the minimum to get back my overnight visits during the week. I understood it was going to be an uphill battle to convince the court to allow them to move, even if it was 45 minutes away, but I cant help but feel that I didnt get a fair shake at the evaluation if my ex presented nothing but what is turning out to be a pack of lies...

Thanks for the help!
 
Last edited:

casa

Senior Member
Calimom3 said:
I dont have a copy of the report, but what I do remember from it was that she concentrated on the relationship with my family, that lives in the area and my youngest daughters, their relationship with their older sister, their current school situation (my middle daughter 7 is now in 2nd grade,my youngest 5 was transfering schools for kindergarten) and she really focused on the living arrangments and the beds. When she came to my fiancee's house, we really made the mistake of not having 2 seperate bedrooms, each of my 2 daughters in their own room, or at a minimum, having beds for each of the girls in the one room they shared. We had talked about getting beds, but we didnt get to it before the evaluation. We also were very focused on my oldest daughter who is 17, having her own room at my fiancee's house. We wanted to show that she could come up and be at home anytime which was more than my ex had at his house, however, at the time of the evaluation she had not visited his home, and she barely knew my fiancee. (She's a teenager) Again, these were our oversights and most of them have been corrected, my oldest now has a relationship with my fiancee, my 2 youngest each have thier own rooms at my fiancee's house and they each have thier own beds at my Mom's house. When the evaluator came to my Mom's house she saw that my oldest had her own room, my middle and youngest would either share a bed or one would sleep with me and one would sleep with my Mom. Again, a miscalculation on mine and my fiancee's part, because we thought the whole point of the evaluation was to show a better living environment and how we would be better able to provide stability at my fiancee's house.

Since our court date in June, my ex has not taken our youngest daughters to see my family at all during his time, as he claimed he always does, he had barely contacted my oldest daughter and has now moved (without telling me mind you, I found out through my oldest daughter, who's boyfriend's family lives in the same building) into a odd living situation. I am cocnerned about the disruption to thier lives, again, I am concerned that the evaluator did not get an HONEST look at the true living environment he has them in, especially since this has all happend within months of our final court date.




Is it OK for me to contact the evaluator directly? I have always that it was not a good idea?

LIke I said before, I am not sure if I want to put my girls through another round of court battles and custody evaluations... it was hard on all of us... but I would like at the minimum to get back my overnight visits during the week. I understood it was going to be an uphill battle to convince the court to allow them to move, even if it was 45 minutes away, but I cant help but feel that I didnt get a fair shake at the evaluation if my ex presented nothing but what is turning out to be a pack of lies...

Thanks for the help!
Why wouldn't you be able to contact the evaluator?? A change in living arrangements (when that is a focus of their determination) is a relevant fact that they should be aware of.
 

Calimom3

Member
Why wouldn't you be able to contact the evaluator?? A change in living arrangements (when that is a focus of their determination) is a relevant fact that they should be aware of.
I have always heard that contact the evaluator wasnt a good idea, but I think I was equating that to when they were doing the evaluation.
 

casa

Senior Member
Calimom3 said:
I have always heard that contact the evaluator wasnt a good idea, but I think I was equating that to when they were doing the evaluation.
What kind of evaluator did you have? (ie; what were her credentials?) Did you &/or your X have an attorney?
 

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